Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
The month of love is here, and that’s exactly what energy February is bringing. February 2024 is an emotionally fulfilling month, as there is less chaos in the stars and more room to stabilize and get grounded. Matters of the heart come into perspective, and there are new beginnings taking place in love this month. With all planets direct and no retrogrades, this is the time of the year to set intentions, manifest, and go after your dreams. This is a month to get moving on the things you want and to consider where your heart stands right now. February is bringing in some new energy in love and when it comes to your hopes and dreams in life overall.
February 2024 Monthly Horoscopes: General Overview
The month begins in Aquarius Season, and with a New Moon in Aquarius on February 9. This New Moon is a potent time to manifest, as Aquarius rules your vision, your goals, and everything possible for you in life. The hope is high, and this is not the time to shy away from your interests or what makes you uniquely you. February is teaching us how to shine authentically and to accept love while doing so.
Mars enters Aquarius on Feb. 13, bringing in even more air sign energy, and this is facilitating some room for growth. Mars in Aquarius is insightful, revolutionary, open-minded, and inspiring, and with Mars here until the end of March, changes and shake-ups are happening over the next month.
What February 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Venus enters Aquarius on Feb. 16, and love needs more space to breathe for the time being. Venus in Aquarius seeks freedom, acceptance, and friendship in love, and relationships take on a more progressive tone in this energy. While Venus is in Aquarius until Mar. 11, it is a time to connect with new people, expand your mind and your heart, and learn something new about love. Pisces Season officially begins on Feb. 18, and this water energy is much needed to help us feel into the next steps ahead.
Pisces Season is a time of emotional clarity, romance, dreaming the dream, and getting creative with life. Mercury moves into Pisces on Feb. 23 as well, and creativity is heightened for the time being. Mercury in Pisces is also good energy to manifest in, and February overall is a time when a lot of positive change is possible.
The Full Moon of the month occurs on Feb. 24, and this is a Full Snow Moon in Virgo. Virgo Moons are always a time to get things together, regroup, heal, get organized, and take care of yourself or another. There is something therapeutic about this Full Moon, and it’s a good time to declutter, clean your space, let go of the excess, and get back to you. February overall is a month of getting grounded, and moving closer to love.
Read ahead for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what February 2024 has in store for you.
ARIES
ARIESKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary for you is about walking away from the past, Aries. You are doing some healing this month as you take a look at where the emotional baggage in your life has been weighing you down and where you want to feel more freedom in your life. The New Moon in Aquarius on Feb. 9 is opening your eyes to what is possible for you in life and love, and you are making some important decisions and changes as the month begins.
Mars moves into your 11th house of hopes and dreams on Feb. 13, and you are moving through February passionate about your vision and what you are manifesting for yourself right now. There is a lot of hope in the air for you this month, and this energy is helping you let go of the things that weren’t resonating with you but that you were holding onto out of fear or regret. You are creating a new path for yourself this month and are letting go of what no longer serves you.
TAURUS
TAURUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is bringing things to fruition for you, Taurus. This is an exciting and fulfilling month as you see some past goals and intentions manifest for you, and you are finally able to feel grounded in your accomplishments. This is a month when you are feeling the success in your life, and you are showing yourself just how powerful you and your mind are. You are ready to experience life to the fullest, and you are accepting new opportunities wholeheartedly right now.
Mars moves into your 9th house of adventure on Feb. 13, and you could be traveling this month or finding yourself in some exciting new places. The Full Moon of the month is happening in fellow earth sign, Virgo, and is occurring in your 5th house of romance on Feb. 24. This is a good time to gain clarity of the heart and to seek gratitude for the love that has come full circle for you. Ask yourself, at the end of the month, where do you feel happy and cherished in life, and how can you be around that energy more?
GEMINI
GEMINIKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are aligning with the divine feminine, remaining open, and listening to your heart this month, Gemini. With the Sun in a fellow air sign for most of the month, you are flowing well with the energy of February, and it’s highlighting the love in your life. Vesta goes direct in your sign on Feb. 8, after being in retrograde since November of last year. Vesta will be in your sign until the end of March, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning more about yourself, gaining some renewed inspiration, and experiencing greater self-acceptance and love.
The New Moon on Feb. 9 is a good time to express yourself and what is inspiring you right now, embark on a new journey, travel, and connect with new people. You are feeling the love in your life and within your interactions with others, and there is a lot of relationship growth taking place for you in February. Overall, this is a month of opening your mind, honoring your spirit, and coming together in love.
CANCER
CANCERKyra Jay for xoNecoleThings are heating up for you in February, and you are feeling the passion and rebirth in your life, Cancer. Everything is moving forward for you in new ways right now, and you are the one leading this progression and positive energy. You are ready to fulfill some of your dreams and to be confident and courageous in doing so, and you are putting your past fears aside this month.
The New Moon on Feb. 9 is helping you see a new beginning within your commitments, shared finances, and intimacy in life, and this is a good time to set intentions for where you want to be able to spend more of your time and energy. What transformation is inspiring you right now, and how can you open a new door emotionally? At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and the clarity you have been seeking is coming into clear view. The end of February is a good time to meditate, gain peace of mind, and communicate how you have been feeling with a trusted soul.
LEO
LEOKyra Jay for xoNecoleThings are turning around for you in February, and they are turning around for the better, Leo. This is a month of reflection, romance, and clarity as you turn a new page and accept the growth that has come from it. With the Sun in your opposite sign for most of this month, your focus is more so on relationship matters in February, and this is one of the best times of the year for you for love. The New Moon on the 9th is creating a new beginning in your love life, and this is a good time to focus on what you want to manifest for yourself romantically over the next year.
On Feb. 13, Mars enters your 7th house of love as well, and there is a good balance between what you are putting out there and what you are receiving in return in love. You are craving more connection and romance in your life right now, and this is a month when you want to be around others more than being alone. On Feb. 18, the Sun moves into an area of your chart having to do with rebirth, and you leave the month on a transformative, yet hopeful tone.
VIRGO
VIRGOKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about honoring your time and energy, deciding wisely, and allowing yourself to just be, Virgo. Overworking is something that is always more likely for you than most, but this month, you are being guided to prioritize and find new ways to bring in more self-care and rest into your life so that you feel balanced and grounded no matter what. The Sun is in your 6th house of health for most of the month, and you are focused on creating a good daily routine for the year and taking care of your well-being.
The Sun moves into your opposite sign, Pisces, on Feb. 18, and relationship matters are heightened for you now. During Pisces Season, you experience the benefits and growth in love, and this is a good time for you romantically. The Virgo Full Moon of the year is happening this month on Feb. 24, and you are closing a major chapter in your life at the end of February. The spotlight is on you as the month ends, and you are fueling your desire to reach your goals with patience and integrity and aligning more with what you want out of life.
LIBRA
LIBRAKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is about trusting yourself and what your intuition is telling you right now, Libra. Follow your gut instincts and listen to your heart, so that you are never misguided. The Sun is in your house of happiness for most of the month, and you are focused here. You are looking for some more freedom, joy, and excitement in your life and are seeing where that may have been taken away from you recently. This is your month to change directions and move forward toward your happiness.
The New Moon on Feb. 9 will be in this romantic area of your chart as well, and you are getting an opportunity at a fresh start in February. The beginning of the month is a good time to set intentions from the heart for what you want to spend more time doing over the next month, and where you want to express and share more of yourself. Remember that you are loved just by being you, and you don’t have to change who you are for anyone to love you.
SCORPIO
SCORPIOKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is about connection, collaboration, strength, and dedication, Scorpio. This is the month to work on passion projects or the things you want to see thrive right now and to give yourself the encouragement to do so. You have been working hard on bringing your dreams to fruition, and people are coming in to help you reach your success. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family this month, you are also taking more time out for family and loved ones, and feeling a sense of renewal in the home.
The Sun moves into fellow water sign Pisces on Feb. 18 and enters an area of your chart having to do with your personal happiness. Pisces Season brings joy into your life and is a time when you come out of your shell more and have some more fun. The Full Moon of the month is happening on Feb. 24 in your house of friendships, and this is another more relationship-focused area of your chart that is seeing growth take place this month. In February, you are connecting, creating, and loving.
SAGITTARIUS
SAGITTARIUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is about taking a look at the options that are presenting themselves and moving towards where you feel the most inspired, Sagittarius. New opportunities in love and life are coming to fruition for you, but it may be hard to decide what and who to choose from. Pallas enters your sign on Feb. 6 until May 16, and you are being guided to use the wisdom you have gained to expand your life for the better, to remain optimistic, and to focus on the bigger picture.
The New Moon of the month is happening on Feb. 9, and this is a mentally fulfilling and transformative Full Moon for you. You are gaining clarity, having important conversations, and being truly heard. Speak from the heart this month and expect to be met halfway. At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in your 10th house of career, and you are seeing some goals, and past projects come full circle. At the end of February, you are claiming your success.
CAPRICORN
CAPRICORNKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is about speaking your mind, letting go of what doesn’t serve, investing wisely, and seeking clarity, Capricorn. Mercury is in your sign the first week of the month, and you enter February focused on the details. You are looking to execute your vision this month- and are being brave in doing so. Mercury moves into Aquarius on Feb. 5 and moves into your 2nd house, and the focus turns to your finances. Mercury in this area of your chart this month can help you create a long-term plan, organize your finances, make investments, and expand your income.
On Feb. 24, there is a Full Moon in your fellow earth sign, Virgo, and you are flowing well with the energy and culminations of this Full Moon. Clarity is heightened, and you are fueling your more adventurous spirit right now. Revelations are coming to the surface for you this month, but these are surprises and insights that are making you happy and creating new possibilities for yourself and your future.
AQUARIUS
AQUARIUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here, and the light and healing are shining on you this month, Aquarius. A lot of the energy of the month is in your sign, and with this added pressure, you may need more time to rest, reflect, and rejuvenate in February. The month begins with the Sun and Pluto in your sign and with Mercury entering on the 5th. Mercury in Aquarius communicates well, and this is your opportunity to communicate your needs and to give yourself a fresh start mentally.
The New Moon of the month is happening in your sign on Feb. 9, and this is a time to create a personal new beginning for yourself. When you choose yourself and choose your peace, you make it harder for anyone to disrupt that. On Feb. 13, Mars enters your sign as well, and you have a lot of energy at your disposal mid-month and until the end of March. On Feb. 16, Venus enters Aquarius, where she will be until Mar. 11, and you get to experience the fruition and acceptance of love moving forward. Relationship matters are highlighted, and this is one of the best months for your love life.
PISCES
PISCES
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a time of connection, romance, growth in relationships, and harmony. You are balanced and in tune with the energy of the month and are experiencing some positive fruitions and positive new beginnings. The month begins with the Sun in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving through the month, letting go and getting inspired for what is to come. Your dream life is especially heightened in February, so make sure you are thinking over the guidance you receive from them.
Pisces Season begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine! This Pisces Season is a time of love for you, and also a time when you are feeling the support and nourishment in your life. You give so much to others that it’s time for you to receive that same energy as well. On Feb. 24, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of love and partnership, and you are ending the month with the same romantic, hopeful, and courageous energy you started it with.
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Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
CancerCoveteur
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
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LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
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CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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I have never been someone who is interested in transactional friendships, nor do I entertain them. The Sagittarius in me can really give a fuck. But at the same time and as contradicting as this is going to sound, I do understand that everyday life very much can get in the way of friendships. What can I say? It’s the empath and healer in me, too.
I think true friendships survive and thrive on people’s levels of emotional intelligence (EI), empathy, emotional maturity, shared boundaries, and mutual desire for growth.
With that said it's also emotionally difficult to be the friend who is completely invested in her growth, peace, and sense of self-worth or the friend who is dedicated to becoming the best version of herself regardless of the associated cost.
My willingness to grow and to be a whole person is not just for myself, but for the people in my life who equally show up and fill my cup. It’s for my future self, future life partner, and the life that is waiting for me. Let me just say it is painful to be the friend who has to watch people you love cycle through unhealthy behaviors or patterns because of their lack of self-awareness—behaviors that possibly may or may not harm you yet make you cringe.
Your love for them is loud, transparent, unconditional, honest, and genuine. You secretly hope that they push through their season because you wholeheartedly want the best for them. And I guess as I get older and the more self-aware I become, I know I am not alone in feeling this way. As my therapist has told me, “The choices and decisions that feel safe to you may be different to someone else based on what feels safe for them.” And ultimately, I have to accept it, as frustrating as it can be.
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But what happens when it's your bestie or a close friend who is emotionally unavailable? Regardless of circumstances, friendships are one of the most important human connections in our lives. We, as humans, desire to belong, to be seen and heard. We desire community and understanding. But what if your friend just simply can’t due to their mental and emotional capacity? At what point does the friendship become harmful and you are forced to make the decision to let go temporarily and/or indefinitely?
We often talk about emotional availability only in romantic relationships. We specifically explore this notion when it comes to men as potential romantic partners. But what we learned earlier this year in my article about my own emotional intimacy, is that women often struggle with emotional availability, too.
This is especially true when you have an insecure attachment style. An insecure attachment style can be described as anxious or avoidant. It’s our responsibility to become self-aware enough to meet our own emotional needs and regulate our own emotions first and foremost. With mental health and self-care at the center of our lives and social media feeds, we are all not okay. Life is life-ing. We are all going through it somehow or in some way.
Let’s explore how to recognize and navigate emotional unavailability in friendships because I am sure we all have that one friend that we don’t know how to repair with or move on from:
What Is Emotional Unavailability In Friendships?
We often misuse the term "emotionally unavailable" or mistake it for other behaviors related to mental health or emotions. If you are confused about what it means to be emotionally unavailable in terms of platonic connections, it is defined as the inability to sustain emotional connections and/or bonds, according to Healthline.
With seven years of therapy (and counting), I have come to understand that emotional unavailability can be situational or a defense mechanism. In my opinion, emotional unavailability can also involve someone who is in survival mode for too long. This can be someone who is experiencing an unexpected or difficult life transition. It also can show up as a trauma response. However, I feel as though the majority of the time, people’s level of emotional availability is simply due to a lack of self-awareness.
How Emotional Unavailability Show Up In Friendships
According to HerCampus.com, someone who is emotionally unavailable self-sabotages by having walls so deep they don’t allow themselves to get close to other people. People like this shy away from intimate relationships or conversations, too. They struggle to be vulnerable with others and have a legitimate fear of intimacy. An article by Uncover Counseling states that friendships also suffer when one or more parties are emotionally detached.
This means an emotionally unavailable person is often perceived as distant, unresponsive, or uninterested in maintaining a close relationship.
This may not be the intention of friends who exhibit this type of behavior, but let me reiterate that a level of self-awareness is required to undo the behavior. Over time, the bond between an emotionally available friend and a friend who is emotionally unavailable weakens. The friendship grows apart and results in what we know today as a friendship break up.
Coping With An Emotionally Unavailable Friend
It took me a long time to realize that what a friend chooses to say or do to me is never really about me. I used to internalize that I did something wrong or I was the blame for their emotional distance, but as an anxious attachment girlie, I learned that people were projecting their insecurities and unhealed wounds onto me.
More importantly, this is not for me to carry. An affirmation I say daily is, “What is mine is mine. What is theirs is theirs. I release what is not mine." It is just a simple reminder to myself that whatever that person is going through mentally or emotionally it is not my responsibility to fix.
So, how do you accept and deal with an emotionally unavailable friend? My response is with lots of grace, space, and clear boundaries. It's easy to say most people who lack self-awareness and the ability to hold space for others emotionally are toxic, but toxic is a word many of us overuse to describe anyone with unfavorable behavior. A HerCampus article advises acknowledging that friends who struggle with emotional availability can’t control it. It’s a defense mechanism related to mental health issues.
What we can do is be patient with our friends who struggle with expressing themselves emotionally. (Exhibit A: Me. And your girl has worked to correct her emotional detachment all year and is now emotionally stronger.)
Don’t stay too long in a friendship that does not equally fill your cup. Make sure your friend knows that you are a safe person or space for him or her to come to. This is done by ensuring that you are able to show up emotionally in conversations with your friends.
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Aisha Beau wrote, via The Shine App, that we must first acknowledge the emotionally unavailable friend’s behavior has to do with something outside the relationship. Once we have recognized said friend is unavailable, it’s our responsibility to decide how to engage. Please keep in mind not all circumstances are the same. Clinical psychologist Dr. Melissa Robinson-Brown told the mental health platform that coping with an emotionally unavailable person entails the following:
- Self-Check: Evaluate if you're also emotionally unavailable and if you're ready to be emotionally vulnerable.
- Have The Conversation: Address the other person’s ability to share emotions and hold emotional space for you.
- Create Space For Change: Give your friend the opportunity to show up differently without expecting perfection.
- Re-evaluate: If you’ve checked in with yourself and had a conversation with said friend - determine if that person’s action or inaction towards your need for closeness is worth your energy.
Signs That A Friend’s Emotional Unavailability Is Harmful
The signs of someone being emotionally unavailable are consistent and easily noticeable in any relationship. A major sign is inconsistency — and cold behavior. Defensiveness, insecurity, avoidance, or commitment to friendship. HerCampus further describes a person such as this, as someone who is unable to give their full attention and is neglectful to the friendship most of the time. They are uncomfortable talking about feelings about themselves or about their friendships as well.
I do not do well with inconsistency at all. Again, as an anxious-attachment-style girlie, inconsistency does not make me feel good. It does not make me safe, either. But I have also come to believe and understand it is solely my responsibility to self-regulate my thoughts and emotions when it comes to that particular friend. As much as I give my friends grace and space – I also have a bad habit of being excessively accommodating to people who exhibit emotionally unavailable behavior, too.
I subconsciously hoped that by being overly understanding and supportive, the person would stay in my life, knowing damn well whether that person stays or goes is not in my control. However, this is where strong boundaries come into play. And let me tell you, I am learning this right now with a certain friend. I do not want to have to question my place in someone's life.
It's painful to feel forced to intentionally create a physical and emotional distance that you never wanted to create, to begin with. The push and pull feels like a game, and I am not here for it. But the uncertainty? The absence of clarity? The anxiety? That feels far worse.
What I have to accept is that the current dynamics are unhealthy and not conducive to what I want and need in the type of friendships I would like to have in my 40s. I intuitively know if I don’t do what is right in my heart – whatever the future holds for our friendship will be completely destructive. Sometimes, temporary disengagement is necessary to cultivate a healthier dynamic. Like I said, healthy connectionsonly.
When To Walk Away From The Friendship
To walk away from any connection is difficult and very much a last resort. You have to evaluate what is important to you in a friendship, and those values must also hold true for the other person. When it comes to letting go of someone you valued as a friend, you have to decide what is best for you based on where you are now and where you are going.
Remember, it is not your job to fix your friend, nor are you their therapist, but it is your responsibility to identify and understand the purpose and type of friendship you have with that person.
There are levels to friendship. Ask yourself questions like, “Is this person just my running partner?” “Do we just have a good time together?” “Is she or he just someone I can laugh with and nothing more?” You have to decide what is best for you and your life. As with anything in life, you are required to protect your peace and energy at all costs.
My goal for 2024 was to emotionally reattach to myself, and I can happily say I am. I am not 100 percent there, but I feel the difference. What I have learned this year, when it comes to my own emotional unavailability and others, is that you have to want yourself first and foremost (and fortunately for me, I wholeheartedly do). Don’t be scared to communicate how a friend’s behavior affects you.
Don’t be scared to lose that friend if he or she is not aligned with where you are in your life. Sometimes, you have to let go for better to come in.
This can look like giving that friend an honest chance to reconcile with themselves first before he or she comes back to you. It can also look like making space for better friendships to come in, too.
If you know anything about me by now or my writing thus far – I will always choose myself first. It's non-negotiable. I love myself way too much now to repeat my past, patterns, and/or mistakes.
Be the friend who knows how to show up, but knows how to say, “In this moment we’re unaligned.” Be the friend that knows you absolutely deserve more in friendship. The friend who knows the light you give to others is an undeniable gift.
Be the good friend that got away.
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