She Got Game: ESPN’s Maria Taylor Is Changing The Face Of Sports Broadcasting
Growing up, Maria Taylor never imagined that she'd be a host for college and professional sports shows. Not because she lacked the desire to, but because with the exception of ESPN sports journalist Lisa Salters, brown-skinned girls weren't the faces flashed on television screens during game days. They were analysts or players, not hosts or commentators, so when the former University of Georgia basketball and All-SEC volleyball player picked her path, she primed herself for a long career climbing the ladder in women's athletics.
"I just figured that I didn't fit the aesthetic and I never even thought that that was an option," she says. "It never crossed my mind until I got my first job in college football."
Call it fate or call it divine purpose, Taylor soon found herself going from a reporter and host for IMG College at the University of Georgia to a host of traveling pregame show SEC Nation and ESPN's first African-American woman host on pregame show College GameDay. In addition, she's served as a reporter for college football and basketball, a host for the NCAA Women's Final Four, and more recently added the co-host of NBA Countdown to her roster. But while she's collecting her trophies, she's still facing challenges along the way as she breaks down barriers of the boys' club and paves the way for black girls aspiring to follow in her footsteps. She's the representation that matters, and a voice that's needed.
Proof that the unimaginable is possible, we chatted with the sports broadcasting pioneer about her journey from student-athlete to being watched by millions of sports fanatics every week, overcoming feelings of not belonging in a male-dominated industry, and why she's motivated to stay on top of her game as a black woman in sports.
*Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
xoNecole: What did your parents teach you about being a black woman, and how did that shape how you moved throughout the rest of your career?
Maria Taylor: My dad faced a lot of adversity at work and he understood what it was like to go through feeling like there was a job you should have received, but there might've been some unrelated circumstances holding him back. But as far as my mom was concerned, she always held down a full-time job and took care of all of us. They're still married to this day. She worked full-time as the CFO for the Paper Institute of Technology, which was affiliated with Georgia Tech. So I knew and watched what a strong black woman looks like.
My grandmother, too, played a big role in raising us because she lived in Atlanta and owned a dump truck business. Although she couldn't go to the University of Georgia because at the time they weren't accepting black students, she still found a way to get her associate's degree; she still found a way to own her own business. I've always been taught that what's not going to be an excuse is your gender or your race because I come from this strong lineage of black women that have always done it by themselves. So, it's never been an excuse for me.
Joe Faraoni/ ESPN Images
"I've always been taught that what's not going to be an excuse is your gender or your race because I come from this strong lineage of black women that have always done it by themselves. So, it's never been an excuse for me."
xoNecole: At what point did you realize that you could take your sports broadcasting career to the next level?
Maria Taylor: I worked at Comcast Sports South, and the very first game I did was a Vanderbilt game. They had a black coach at the time— his name was James Franklin. I think there was a reason why that was the very first game that I worked on. One, because it's Vanderbilt football and so we always got the game that not as many people cared about. But he just made me feel so welcomed and my crew was great that first year. And I was like, "Oh, I can totally do this."
I also realized that I had this unique advantage of being around a team where most of the majority of the team are African-Americans. They look at me as a sister or a cousin or an auntie, so there's a different kinship and bond that I can have with them when I'm asking them questions and trying to make them feel comfortable. And I do feel like it's a bit of my responsibility to be a "strong black woman" that shows up in their space, because if you go to division one or FBS schools, there's just not a lot of that around period. No one's really hired in those roles. Obviously their coaches aren't going to be black women. It's cool that I get to pop in every now and then and be a representation of them when I can.
xoNecole: When you're walking into these [male-dominated] rooms, are there things that you have to keep in mind being both a woman and a black woman?
Maria Taylor: I don't voice concerns in the same way that maybe one of my counterparts could because, and this might be women in general, but it would be seen as negative or derogatory or having an attitude. So, I have come at it from a different respect, you know what I mean? I have to come up with, "OK, this is why I would like to be treated this way or this is why I would like to work on this or have you thought about that?" These are conversations I've had time and time again.
And I always tell people, sometimes it's just about being recognized because I always think that being a black woman in this world is like you have an invisible struggle; like you're barely seen. Yeah, you're a woman, but you're black, that's different. So race doesn't recognize it. Gender doesn't fully recognize it because you're a black woman. So, who's really fighting your fight? And it's just us, you know. But sometimes it's just the recognition of someone coming up to you and being like, "Hey, I recognize this can't always be easy for you or that this could possibly be draining for you. And I see that and I recognize it and just keep going."
Allen Kee / ESPN Images
"Being a black woman in this world is like you have an invisible struggle; like you're barely seen. Yeah, you're a woman, but you're black, that's different. So race doesn't recognize it. Gender doesn't fully recognize it because you're a black woman. So, who's really fighting your fight? And it's just us."
xoNecole: Do you have a sister circle that you kind of keep around you, whether they're other black women in your industry or friends from different backgrounds?
Maria Taylor: Oh, absolutely. I mean, Taylor Rooks, she is an amazing talent. I feel like Carrie Champion is someone who I've always loved and adored. Amina Hussein, she actually is my coordinating producer on NBA Countdown. I've worked with one other black female producer and this is the first coordinating producer I've ever worked with, so it means a lot to be working one-on-one with someone on a project that has power. Every now and then, when you find that person, you just latch onto them. And I will say that at every step of the way I've had someone that I've been able to work with or just have a common bond with.
And then Robin Roberts has been kind of like my go-to person. Every single time I have to make a big decision, "Let me call her and see if she thinks this is right," or "Should I make a big deal about this?" Or, "What direction do you think would be the best direction?" You know, that type of thing.
xoNecole: Speaking of Robin Roberts, you've mentioned that she's one of your role models. Was there any specific advice that she gave you that inspired your journey?
Maria Taylor: One of the things that really stuck with me is that she said no matter what job or direction you decide to go, every day that you show up for work, you need to act as though there's no place in the world you'd rather be and that this is the only job you could see yourself having. When people walk in the room, they should feel better after having spoken to you. And she just reminded me that our world is so small, that if you upset one person, it could come back to bite you in 10 years and you won't even know it happened.
She also said you're going to see some things that won't sit well with you and you're going to see that it takes you a little bit longer to run your race, but you can't get frustrated or get down about it because it will pay off in the long run. And I think part of that is just speaking to the struggle that women have, the struggle a Black woman might have, that there's going to be more hurdles in your race and it's going to be longer, but do you have the diligence or do you have the persistence and the endurance to make it through?
Joe Faraoni / ESPN Images
"Every day that you show up for work, you need to act as though there's no place in the world you'd rather be and that this is the only job you could see yourself having. When people walk in the room, they should feel better after having spoken to you."
xoNecole: Recently Gabrielle Union was in the news for her hair being “too Black” for ‘America's Got Talent’. Being in the industry you're in, do you feel a pressure to conform or wear your hair a certain way?
Maria Taylor: The question for me always is, do I want to be that change or am I being enough of a change? No one else has to ask themselves this question, you know what I mean? No one else's hair is a statement on all of society, but my hair is. If I choose to change my hair, it's going to be a story on E!. That's something that I have to internally battle. It's something where maybe if I have a daughter and I see her hair and I want her to know that she's beautiful just the way she is, then I may just start wearing my hair out. And so those are all the things that I'm constantly thinking of.
But I do think financially that would have some implications, and I don't know that every single sponsor or every single show that I've been put on will see the same cause. I used to always say that at the end of the day I'm a product of my target market. In college football, it might be a 50-year-old white man. Keeping that in mind, if I'm a product being sold to that target market, then I have to go with what their tastes would align with. It's small decisions we make all the time.
xoNecole: What are some lessons you've learned from sports that translate into other areas of your life?
Maria Taylor: Shoot, everything. I've learned the whole practice makes perfect thing. Not only that, but attention to detail could change everything for you. Because there are people that have all of the natural talent in the world and they never turned it into anything. And there's a reason for that. Also the fact that your talent can only take you so far, height can only take you so far, beauty can only take you so far. People who have sustained success are the ones who are students of any game. So, whether that's researching every day how to make your shot better or rehabbing or staying ahead of the curve on what helps your body.
And then just juggling a bunch of different things. As an athlete, when I played volleyball and basketball at [University of] Georgia, there was never time. Being productive was a big part of being successful, so it taught me how to be productive under stressful situations. It teaches you how to lower your heart rate, know how to handle stress, and to know how to channel it into something different.
Phil Ellsworth / ESPN Images
"Height can only take you so far, beauty can only take you so far. People who have sustained success are the ones who are students of any game. So, whether that's researching every day how to make your shot better or rehabbing or staying ahead of the curve on what helps your body. And then just juggling a bunch of different things."
xoNecole: So for young women coming into the sports broadcasting industry, where would you say they should start? And what attributes should they start working on now?
Maria Taylor: The biggest thing is being comfortable on camera. How can you be yourself on camera? Are you comfortable enough in your own skin that you can just show up and talk and no one thinks, "They're trying to be somebody else," or 'They don't know what they're talking about"? Because at the end of the day, the audience has to kind of like you. So, are you likable on camera? And then just being knowledgeable. I'm constantly listening to podcasts and reading articles, and it's the only way that you could bounce from college football to the NBA. You have to be genuinely interested in your subject matter.
So those are kind of the two biggest things. I get a lot of resume tapes and I love to watch them, but it's someone who just seems so natural on camera. It's almost like, oh they belong there versus someone who's almost forcing it. I don't know if it's a natural thing or it's something that can be worked on, but you can see the difference.
xoNecole: Were you always comfortable in your own skin or was that something you had to grow into?
Maria Taylor: It took time to grow into, but I think sports is the reason why I am. Being a 6'2'' black girl in the suburbs, there's nothing comfortable about your skin in that you know there's nothing in common but your hair. But I found my comfort. And at the end of the day, they can call me the Jolly Green Giant, but this is who I am. So I think sports is what made me comfortable in my own skin, and then it started to translate on camera. Without that I'm probably still like a nervous 13-year-old in high water pants and big boots. [The Netflix movie Tall Girl] was me in real life. Literally, my friends came up to my elbows and I was huge.
xoNecole: One thing I love is that you keep your style more feminine. Is that a purposeful decision?
Maria Taylor: Sometimes I wake up and I'm like, 'I want to be a super biker chick.' And so usually when I'm doing football, I want a leather jacket and leather pants, and I want boots and no one [to] talk to me. You know what I mean? I just want to [have] that kind of strong persona. And then sometimes I'm like, 'You know what, I'm in the studio today and I want a bright yellow dress and I just want to look like sunshine.' And I do think that's the power of being a woman. We get to choose which costume we want to put on and which persona we want to fill up a room with. So if one day I want to be really, you know, a turtleneck and a jacket, then I'll be that. The next day if I want to wear a dress with sneakers, then I'll do that. And if the next day I want to put on heels, then I'll do that too.
Allen Kee / ESPN Images
"I do think that's the power of being a woman. We get to choose which costume we want to put on and which persona we want to fill up a room with."
xoNecole: So what's like your go-to Bible verse when you're like encountering life's challenges?
Maria Taylor: Oh, there's so many. What I tend to do is pray to God that He gives me some kind of strength. Like at the end of the day I want wisdom and I need strength because there are so many times when I'm confused about how I should react to someone or what I should say at this moment. But every single time that I pray for strength or wisdom, I get exactly what I need from it.
xoNecole: Between ‘NBA Countdown’, ‘College GameDay’, and more, you’ve got a lot on your plate! What do you do to get yourself back in the right mental and emotional space?
Maria Taylor: It's hard because the job is so time-consuming. Just the other day I was close to breakdown mode where I'm just like, 'I can't do anything. I don't want to get on a plane, blah, blah, blah.' And then my husband was just like, "Just go home." And so that's what I did. I just stopped for 24 hours and waited until the next event, trying not to over-pack myself. Sometimes you think about these 19 things you've got to get crossed off the list, but realize that you don't; it doesn't have to be done in that order.
xoNecole: At one point when you were engaged you realized that while your fiancé was a good guy, he wasn't the one God had for you. In our society there's this whole push for being married by a certain age, and people sometimes settle in their relationships for that reason. How did you get the courage to walk away from a situation that wasn’t serving you?
Maria Taylor: I knew probably when we got engaged that neither of us was ready to be engaged and that he definitely wasn't ready to be a husband. And it was almost a come-to-Jesus moment where I called the pastor that we were doing our couples therapy with and I was like, "I just can't do it. I don't think I want to do it." And he literally told me, "I've actually been praying that you would come to this decision because I knew, but God had to tell you." And so I had all the peace in the world having that conversation with him about it. But I think it's just recognizing that it's OK to be alone. Like that's just totally fine.
Courtesy of The Knot
And the greatest twist to that story is now we are married. We separated for two years, didn't talk at all, and then started talking again February of last year right around Super Bowl. All the changes and whatever growth that was supposed to happen happened, and we got married in May.
Congrats to the happy couple!
You can catch Maria Taylor on this season of NBA Countdown.
Featured image by Joe Faraoni/ ESPN Images
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
These 12 Things Will Breathe New Life Into Your Bedroom This Year
If I’ve said it once, I promise that I’ve said it a billion times over at this point. After (officially) working with couples for almost 20 years, although I’ve just about heard it all, if one thing is steadily rising as the reason for why people are seriously dissatisfied in their relationship, BOREDOM is screaming loud and clear.
When you stop to really think about it, that makes sense since boring means things like “tedious repetition” and “weary sameness” — and when you apply that to sex? Eww…who wants that? Not one damn person on planet earth, chile.
So, since we’re right at the beginning of another new year, in the hopes that you can avoid that seven-letter word that can cause so many yawns and, if you’re not careful, also a lot of potential harm, here are 12 relatively simple ways that you and your partner can keep things fresh instead of boring in 2024.
1. Change Up Your Decor Themes Twice a Year
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I know it’s not just me who feels like hotel sex is automatically hotter than sex at home, more times than not. Aside from the fact that hotel beds are top-tier, another reason is that a change of scenery can do wonders when it comes to adding some spice to your relationship — especially if you’ve been with the same person for a while now.
It’s not just in our heads either. There’s actual research to support that being in new(er) environments activates the part of our brain that puts us in a better mood. That’s why, whenever married couples tell me that their sex life is in a bit of a rut, one of the first things that I’ll recommend is they switch up the décor of their bedroom. If you do this twice a year (a spring and summer theme followed by a fall and winter one), it can help you to feel more excited about going into your bedroom every night — and who knows what that could “trigger” in the best way possible?
2. Plan a Sexcation Twice a Year Too
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It really is kind of wild that, almost five years ago, I wrote “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” for the site. I try to bring sexcations up as much as possible, yet if you’ve never heard of one before, it’s a vacation that only has sex in mind. See it as a honeymoon 2.0, if you will. That said, one of my favorite things about sexcations is you don’t need a ton of money to make them happen because this isn’t about embracing a new country or city — the only sightseeing you will be doing is when it comes to your partner’s body which means you can go to a hotel up the street and your goal will still be reached.
And just what makes a sexcation special? A lot of couples say that they’re not able to have a lot of “wall climbing sex” because life, well, LIFES, and that makes it super challenging. So, planning some time when nothing but sex is on the menu… helps them reignite the spark that may have died down a bit. Try and have one no less than twice a year. Four times? Even better.
3. Prioritize Morning Sex (at Least) Once a Week
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If you’re married and you wonder how much sex is “normal” for your kind of relationship, reportedly, 25 percent of people in your demographic copulate once a week and 16 percent 2-3 times a week. Interestingly enough, the happiest couples also have sex no less than once a week. That’s why, what I recommend to my clients is to prioritize no less than once a week, although two is ideal — because listen, if you can spend almost three hours a day on social media, you can figure out how to devote 30 minutes to intimacy with your partner (we make time for what matters to us; full stop). And one of those times? Make it morning sex.
Morning sex reduces stress. Morning sex improves your mood. There are even studies that say morning sex will give you better orgasms because certain sex hormones are at their peak during the a.m. hours. Not to mention that any kind of sex helps to bond you (further) to your partner.
So, if you’re not much of a morning person or you tend to get up on the wrong side of the bed more than you’d like, forget the coffee and get your partner to spend a few more moments with you. It’ll do your mind, body, and spirit far better than any java ever could!
4. Put "Sex Fish Bowls" on Your Nightstands
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What in the world is a “sex fish bowl”? It’s simply an empty fish bowl where you put your sexual wants, needs, and fantasies into. It’s also something that I incorporate with a lot of my clients when they want to take their sex life up a notch. I recommend that they each put a fish bowl on their nightstand and that they immediately fill the other person's with no more than 10 sexual requests.
Once a week, at some random time, they each get to say “Go fish” and pull something out. Then, they discuss what’s on the piece of paper and why it’s important to them to have it fulfilled. It opens up the lines of sexual communication, helps them to learn more about each other sexually, and it also helps to bring more “new energy” into their sexual space. I also suggest they throw in new pieces of paper as different ideas come to mind. Not one client has regretted “going fishing,” so try it. It might just be the “sex hack” you’ve been looking for all this time.
5. Keep Fresh Flowers in Your Space
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Sure, flowers are pretty to look at, but there are also studies to support the fact that their scent is good for your overall health and well-being; especially your emotional health. Lavender is calming. Rose is an aphrodisiac. Lilies can make you feel happier. Peonies reduce head tension. Jasmine is a sexy scent that can also put you into a meditative state. Not only that, but there’s even a Rutgers University study that says that men receiving flowers actually makes them feel happier and more open to interacting with women socially.
So, how can you not take all of this in and not see why it would be a wise move to put some fresh flowers somewhere in your bedroom on a weekly basis? It’s a simple thing that can make a pretty significant impact, if you ask me, chile.
6. Install Some Blackout Curtains
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Even though science says that the best time of day to have sex is within the first 45 minutes that you wake up (another “win” for morning sex), there are plenty of surveys out here that say, women, especially, prefer to have sex in the dark. Your first thought might be that it has something to do with body image issues — and for some, that would be correct. Others find that it’s easier to let their imagination run wild if they are not relying on their sense of sight. If you can relate to any of this, don’t rely on the moon to determine when you can get in it.
Because I work from home, I am good for taking a nap (if not a couple of ‘em based on how my client sessions went…SMDH) in the middle of the day. And it’s easy to do because I have blackout curtains in my bedroom. Invest in the right ones, and I promise you won’t know if it’s 7 a.m. or 7 p.m. Cop some and thank me later.
7. Buy Each Other Something Sexy Once a Month
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If you’ve been considering going into 2024 with a subscription box or some other type of service, I recently read it’s something that 33 percent of shoppers actually rely on. This means that they won’t be going away any time soon. So, if you want to add some extra…extra-ness to your bedroom, why not sign up for a sex-themed subscription service? Vice published an article this past September (here) that featured some popular sex toy subscriptions. Adore Me (here) has a lingerie subscription service that I can personally vouch for (as far as how cute a lot of their stuff is).
You can also put “lingerie subscription services” in the search field of your favorite search engine to see what other companies have to offer. Or, you can make it a point to buy or order something on the sex-related tip for your partner once a month on your own. It’ll get you all hot ‘n bothered to find something. It’ll get him all hot ‘n bothered to know something sexy is on the way (and vice versa).
8. Hold “Sex Meetings” OUTSIDE of the Bedroom
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Some of y’all love to treat your bedroom like an office or conference room. What in the world? Like, I don’t get why you would find the same space where you argue, talk about money, and debate about your in-laws to be very sexy. That’s why I am a firm believer that you should only use that space for sex and sleep. I’m actually gonna expound on that more at the end of this.
For now, let me just say that a lot of people are sexually dissatisfied (one report said that as much as 50 percent of young women are), and while there are several layers as to why that is probably the case, at the risk of y’all taking this the nasty way…closed mouths don’t get fed. In other words, if you’re not speaking up and articulating your needs (or that your needs have changed — check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom”), how do you expect them to get met? Contrary to whatever rom-coms may tell you, no one is a mind-reader.
My suggestion? Hold sex meetings once a month. Not in your bedroom either. Send a text to your man that you want to have a sex talk, have a sexy dinner (takeout with candles is fine) with him, and discuss what you thoroughly enjoy about sex with him, what you currently need more of, and then give him the floor to do the same. It’s important to always remember that sex is the ultimate form of communication — however, if you think that you and your partner can figure out how to master physical pleasure without any form of verbal discussion? Like Vanessa Williams’s character said in that Tyler Perry movie that she was in, “Good luck with your struggle.” Real talk.
9. Commit to Some Sexual Reflexology
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If you’re not a “foot person,” this might be one that you’ll pass on. On the other hand, if you’re like me and feet don’t phase you one way or another, or if you’re like a guy I knew in college who had a bona fide foot fetish, this might especially pique your interest. Sexual reflexology is the practice of touching specific pressure points (mostly feet, hands, and ears) that will help to arouse you and your partner’s genital regions. On the surface, it might sound like a regular erotic massage (check out “You And Your Partner Should Definitely Be Giving Each Other 'Sex Massages'”); however, it’s not because it’s the specific areas — again, feet, hands, and ears — that need to be the focal point as far as applying pressure goes.
Anyway, if this interests you, MindBodyGreen has some tips that can get you started via their article, “How Foot Reflexology Can Help You Have Great Sex (Yes, Really).” As a bonus, reflexology is very soothing and relaxing. It’s a form of “sex pamper play,” if you will.
10. Try a New Sex Position a Month
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If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. While I get the overall point, anything in excess can backfire. And when it comes to that particular frame of mind, doing the same ole’, same ole’ just because it “works”? That can cause you to become pretty lazy if you’re not careful. And when it comes to sex, specifically, a lazy partner and/or experience can get pretty old after a while.
One thing that can get you a leg up from this ever happening is if you and your partner are intentional about learning/trying (at least) one new sex position a month. He can bring six to the table, and you can do the same. You might be surprised by how a simple turn of a leg or a different angle of your pelvis can introduce you to a level of intensity that “what ain’t broke” never would’ve gotten you to. To get you started off, a site called Royal Intimacy has 100 positions (including illustrations) that you can check out here. Enjoy!
11. Have “Naked Dates”
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Something that just might be your “something new” for today is the word gymnophobia. It’s a person who has a phobia when it comes to nudity. And while this may not be an issue in your home, if you or your partner barely ever see each other naked (hell, even during sex because it’s always in the dark), I’m gonna strongly encourage you to have more naked dates in the new year. Have an at-home movie night — naked. Share a pint of ice cream together — naked. Play a board game together — naked.
Even though you’ve probably heard how you and your vagina can benefit from sleeping without any clothes on, there’s also research that says being naked, period, can improve your body image, make you happier and, yes, build more intimacy and trust with your partner. A naked date is inexpensive and hella sexy. How can you not be sold on that?
12. Finally Use Your Bedroom for What It’s for: Sex and Sleep ONLY
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This is gonna be a full circle moment because you know how I said at the top of this that hotels are great for sex? Another reason is because who goes on a vacation with the agenda of doing work? You know you want to relax, and so you take that frame of mind into the room. Your bedroom needs to be treated in a similar fashion because, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a trillion times that interior designers say that bedrooms should ONLY be for sex and sleep. This means no laptops to finish up projects. This means no scrolling IG and TikTok for hours on end. If you can get that television up outta there, do that too. There really needs to be a place in your world that looks and feels like it is an oasis, a sanctuary and den of intimacy for you, your partner, and no one or nothing else.
So, as we close out one year and prepare to enter into another, breathe new life into your bedroom by not turning it into a multipurpose room. SEX AND SLEEP ONLY. Watch how it changes intimacy for the better. I can almost promise you that. #wink
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