How Pursuing God Taught Me Self-Love
In 2010, I first felt His presence. It was a few months after my first real heartbreak, and right after my college best friend (and roommate) packed up her things and dropped out. I was alone. Sad. Hopeless. Everything I had known, left. And there He was, simply there to comfort me. I had no idea what the feeling was at the time, but it was irrefutable – He was among me.
In 2012, I finally decided to pursue Him.
I just completed my first semester of graduate school and was settled back into my hometown. Having been isolated during all of undergrad and battling depression, I figured now was the perfect time to find a church home and consequently, God. So, I did. I sought Him diligently. I joined women's groups and went to church every week – sometimes twice a week. I started learning praise and worship songs and began strengthening my prayer life. I did all I could to get an ounce of the goodness I heard God was handing out. I needed some changes in my life, and I was determined to get them.
The first lesson I learned was about purpose. It came via The Purpose Driven Life, a 40-day devotional style reading written by Rick Warren. The book dissected divine purpose and what it means for our creation here on Earth. I hadn't ever considered what my existence meant, but this book forced me to think critically about it. It helped me identify how my passions and my work can collide to improve the kingdom of God and manifest a life of wholeness and it empowered me to identify the ways in which my journey can be of service to others. It encouraged me to find the silver lining in all that I've gone – and will go – through.
It was the first time I ever realized that God had a use for me.
Prior to this revelation, I questioned my value. I was single, alone, sometimes depressed, and had no idea how or what I would do to leave a legacy. With everyone around me prospering in their relationships, at work, or in their everyday lives, I felt like nothing. Yet, despite being a hot wretched mess, God still had plans for me. Despite being at my lowest of lows, God still loved me unconditionally. And if He could do that, I questioned why I couldn't do it myself.
It was then that I began a different journey. One that wasn't just about experiencing and loving God, but about learning to love myself.
In doing so, there were a few things I considered:
- God doesn't ask me to be anyone else, He simply asks me to be me.
- God will use all my mistakes to my benefit/for good.
- Nothing I do can pull me away from God's love.
These were fundamental truths that I wanted to exercise in my own life, from my own self. So, I did. I began operating in a way that manifested these truths. If God doesn't ask me to be anyone else, why should I try to be anyone else? If my mistakes can be used for good, why must I beat myself up about them? If God is willing to love me through all my mess, why shouldn't I love myself through it?
I set out on a journey to live in a way that aligned with God's love for me.
I turned away from seeking validation from others, and stopped relying on others to determine or defend my worth. Instead, I relied on my Source. The transformation was incredible.
I began reciting God's word of fearlessness and abundance and purpose and majesty and greatness over my life because He believed it for me, so I felt compelled to believe it for myself. The more I learned about God, the more I wanted to love myself the way He loves me. This meant extending more grace and kindness to myself during my most difficult moments, learning to forgive myself for my mistakes, and being more patient with my journey toward self-discovery and growth. It meant being more compassionate and loving and nurturing with myself. Learning how to be intentional about the care I give myself, the decisions I make for myself, and the boundaries (and expectations) I set for myself.
This turned into a consistent act of self-care. Treating myself like God treats me time and time again – with love, adoration, and grace. It certainly wasn't easy at first; I spent many nights wondering if I deserved the love I was attempting to give myself. Wondering if I was crazy for even trying to love myself this hard and unceasingly. But then I thought about God's faithfulness and knew that if He thought I was worthy of His love, then I know I was worthy of self-love.
In 2018, I fell fully in love with me.
It took a lot of shedding layers. A lot of self-discovery. But also, a lot of God.
By learning about God's character, I've been able to exude that character to myself. God has plans for me and loves me unconditionally – and if He could do that, I could too. I learned to love me (and see me) as He does — valuable, lovable, and purposeful – and extend the same grace, compassion, forgiveness, and love He offers me every day.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy