With Venus retrograde in full swing and the Omicron variant bringing threats of lockdown, January will be a month of solitude and reflection for the vast majority of us. 2022 kicks off with a New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd. New Moons in astrology symbolize new beginnings. Expect fresh starts as they relate to major systems, institutions, and the way society operates. This is a time of re-evaluation and re-starts.
If you have any pending contracts, discussions, or major negotiations coming up or any trips to book, make sure you tie up any loose ends mid-month before Mercury goes retrograde on January 14th. Otherwise, expect communication slowdowns, transportation difficulties, technical glitches, and setbacks. Nail everything down and be prepared to receive a lot of mixed messages as it relates to COVID-safety guidelines. Mercury rules communication and Aquarius represents community, society at large, and our individual and collective human rights. Mercury will muddle communications and create murky messaging as it relates to these things so keep your critical thinking hat on. Things will begin to clear up once Mercury heads direct again on February 3rd.
The Full Moon in Cancer taking place on January 17th will bring moments of truth as they relate to the things we feel and experience deeply. This will be a highly emotional time for everyone. Things that we have been buried in will arise for confrontation and release, especially as it relates to home, family, mother figures, childbearing, and the people, places, things, and experiences that we hold close to our hearts.
The Sun enters Aquarius on January 19th, focusing our collective energy and experiences on activism, individual rights, and social responsibility. Again, this will spotlight the way we’ve been handling the pandemic as a society and the way we approach individual rights in regard to our responsibilities as a society.
When Mars enters Capricorn on January 24th, expect increased energy and time devoted to earning money, business, tradition and maintaining social status.
Here’s what you can expect for your sign in January 2022:
1.Aries
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January brings a fresh new cycle as it relates to your career, Aries! Fresh opportunities and chances for growth are featured for you in January. If you have a promotion or job offer on the table, try as best as you can to tie those negotiations up before Mercury goes retrograde on January 14th. I don’t anticipate that it will affect your career options drastically, but it can slow down and potentially reverse any progress made until Mercury goes direct again in early February. Mercury retrograde will more than likely affect the way you interact with your friends and those in your social circle, so be mindful about the way you communicate with those close to you!
On or around January 17th, expect to reach a turning point when it comes to your home and family life. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, your time, energy, and attention will be more focused on your social life but again, make sure you follow the typical retrograde rules: Use tact and avoid being confrontational with your friends because misunderstandings can and will occur. Exercise patience! Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th to remain there for several weeks.
Any career slowdowns that occur mid-month due to the retrograde will be straightened out beginning in early February. February 4th through March 6th will be the strongest period for you career-wise this year. Go get 'em, Aries!
2.Taurus
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January breathes fresh air into the stagnancy and feelings of isolation or of being limited that you’ve been experiencing lately Taurus! The New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd represents a new cycle for you that will bring brand new experiences, bold energy, a sense of optimism, and good luck. Lean into anything that expands your horizons now. This is an excellent time to pick up a new skill, sign up for a course, or join a virtual class. Whatever new endeavors you undertake during this time will bring positive vibes and blessings. When Mercury heads retrograde on January 14th, you are likely to experience career-related miscommunication and slowdowns among coworkers and higher-ups. Don’t shoot off that angry email and take your time when communicating with your colleagues.
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will bring a significant culmination, or realization, as it relates to your neighbors, siblings, acquiring technology, and general communication with others. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, you will experience renewed and focused energy and experiences in your career. Promotions, new job or professional development opportunities, and increased visibility at work are highlighted for you during this time. When Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, you will begin to experience a burst of energy and will want to devote more time to things that expand your knowledge.
You are likely to enjoy increased boldness, optimism, and innovation in your approach to life and new experiences that will last through March 6th!
3.Gemini
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The beginning of January will be particularly smoldering for you, Gemini. The New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd will bring fresh starts, new beginnings, and transformations related to sex and other people’s money. When Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th, you are likely to experience mishaps and miscommunication relating to higher knowledge, so stay alert in order to avoid miscommunication with college professors and be careful about any courses you attempt to sign up for during this time - you may run into issues or may end up having to drop them.
This is not a time for overconfidence or indulgence - make sure you are not taking on more than you can chew, otherwise you’ll quickly realize that you’re unable to handle all that you thought you could.
The Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th will bring a eureka moment as it relates to the way you earn money or in regard to something that increases your value and sense of self-worth. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, your energy will be focused on experiences and things that expand your horizons and mind in bold and innovative new ways. When Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, you will work harder and exert more energy sexually and on things that boost your bottom line, i.e. investments or getting back money that you are owed. This is going to be a sexy, transformative energy that you will enjoy all the way through early March.
4.Cancer
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Expect new beginnings in love in early January, Cancer! If you’re already in a relationship, the New Moon in Capricorn taking place on January 2nd will breathe new life into it. Romantic experiences that strengthen your bond and connection with each other are highlighted in the days leading up to and following this New Moon. Have a business partner? You can expect an experience that strengthens that connection as well.
Spend the first half of the month doing all that you can to establish your connection with your significant other or business partner, because when Mercury turns retrograde on January 14th you will experience mishaps, miscommunication, and slowdowns related to your sexual and financial life. Business will not be a strong point during this time and you may find that you are simply not intuitively vibing with your lover during this time as you normally would, either during sex itself or due to schedule disturbances interfering with your ability to connect physically.
Be patient, things will pick back up when Mercury heads direct again in early February. The Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th will bring a major realization as it relates to how you portray yourself to the outside world. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, your energy will be focused on experiences that transform you deeply, sexually, and financially. Mars enters Capricorn at the end of the month on the 24th. You will likely be spending increased time and energy with your significant other, spouse or business partner. Trust that it will pay off. The period between February 4th and March 6th will be strongest for you romantically and financially.
5.Leo
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New year, new you, Leo! You’re ringing in the new year with a gift bestowed upon you by the New Moon in Capricorn blessing up your sixth house of health routines, daily responsibilities, and work responsibilities. Any New Year’s resolutions that you’ve committed to in regard to improving your health and diet are likely to succeed, so allow yourself to aim for the stars when it comes to the habits that boost your well-being. Mercury will turn retrograde on January 14th: Be mindful of the way you communicate with your significant other, spouse or business partner. Your messages are likely to be misinterpreted now or to otherwise get lost in translation.
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will enhance your intuition. Expect hunches and powerful gut instincts during this time. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th and all the way through to Pisces season the following month, you’ll find that increased focus and energy will lead to significant experiences with your spouse, potential marriage mate, or business partner. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, increasing your energy and time devoted to your daily routines, work responsibilities, and health regimens.
You will receive a powerful boost to your health commitments that will last all the way through to March 6th. Make the most of this energy to revamp your diet, workout routine, and self-care regimen.
6.Virgo
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Been in a dating rut lately, Virgo? I have good news for you: You’re going to love the first half of this month. Dust off that Bumble profile because you’re likely to swipe right on a potential new boo during the first two weeks of 2022. This is specifically connected to the New Moon in Capricorn on the 2nd. This energy will be most powerful for you in the three days leading up to and following this New Moon so make the most of it! Because Venus is in retrograde, you may find that the person you connect with during this time is someone you have a level of familiarity with. Perhaps it’s an ex or a friend from the past who you now start to look at in a different light.
Enjoy the fun and flirty times that the beginning of January will bring because when Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th, you will begin to experience inconveniences and scheduling slowdowns. A tendency to run late to work, to miscommunicate with coworkers, or to slack up on your fitness routine is indicated. You might be infatuated with a new boo, but make sure you’re still tightening up on your responsibilities! January 17th features the Full Moon in Cancer which will bring an epiphany as it relates to a friend or your social circle.
Pay close attention to any messages or hunches you receive now. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th, you will find yourself, focusing again on your time on your health, work responsibilities, and daily habits. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, increasing the amount of energy and time devoted to dating, flirting, creative expression, authenticity, and fun. You will enjoy fun and flirty times now all the way through March 6th!
7.Libra
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Happy new year, Libra! The beginning of 2022 and the New Moon in Capricorn on the 2nd will usher in new beginnings and fresh starts related to your home and family life. When Mercury goes retrograde on the 14th, expect miscommunications and slowdowns with people you date. Take your time with communicating and interpreting messages from bae, otherwise, you may accidentally offend or be offended while flirting due to words getting lost in translation. Venus retrograde will amplify this for you so take heed!
Things will begin to return to normal around February 4th when both Venus and Mercury head in direct motion again. The Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th will bring a culmination or major turning point as it relates to your career. Aquarius season will increase your time spent on your dating life, self-expression, and creativity. One of the strongest periods of love for you this year will be between February 4th and February 19th. Make the most of it! Take the time before then to properly vet and scout anyone you’ve taken an interest in.
When Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, you will find yourself spending increased energy and time devoted to your home and family for several weeks.
8.Scorpio
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It's time to scratch up on your communication and the way you connect with kindred spirits, Scorpio! January 2nd brings a New Moon in Capricorn that will usher in fresh energy in the way you communicate with others, especially with neighbors, siblings, and those you relate to on an instinctual level. The opportunity for a fun and fulfilling short-distance trip is also featured for you during this time. When Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th, make sure you read over any pending leases or real estate contracts twice over. Better yet, tie up those loose ends before Mercury retrograde begins on the 14th or after February 3rd when Mercury heads in direct motion again. Otherwise, expect missteps and slowdowns related to housing-related contracts, moving, and communication among family members.
January 17th’s Full Moon in Cancer will bring you culminations, epiphanies, and realizations as it relates to the ways you expand your mind and horizons. A stroke of good luck is likely to occur during this time for you. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th, you are going to experience more focused energy and experiences related to your home and family life. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th and it will find you spending increased energy and time devoted to your siblings, kindred spirits, neighbors, technology, short-distance travel, and online communication.
January 24th through March 6th is an excellent period for you to take a short trip with a literal or figurative sibling.
9.Sagittarius
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This month is all about nourishing your self-value and self-esteem, Sagittarius! Whatever doesn’t serve those things will be evaluated and transformed. It all begins with the New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd. For you, this moon phase will usher in new beginnings and fresh starts related to your work, your sense of self-worth, your finances, and the things that you value. Mid-month on January 14th, Mercury will go retrograde: Expect travel slowdowns and miscommunication with siblings and neighbors during this phase that will last until February 3rd.
On the 17th, the Full Moon in Cancer will bring a major epiphany relating to the ways in which you’ve been holding yourself back and where you need to grow or transform. This is especially true as it relates to your investments and sex life. Finally "doing the do" with that special someone you’ve been eyeing, or receiving a surprise bonus, a cash award, or inheritance, or getting money paid to you in some form is featured during this time. Aquarius season begins on the 19th, increasing the amount of focused energy and experiences you have related to short-distance travel, kindred spirits, siblings, technology, communication, especially online, and neighbors. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th and will remain there until March 6th.
You are likely to experience increased energy and time devoted to things that boost your financial and sense of self-worth. Make the most out of this time, Sag - it will be especially rewarding and transformative for you.
10.Capricorn
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2022 will be a ground-shaking year for you, Capricorn! It all starts with the New Moon in your sign taking place on January 2nd. Get ready for new beginnings and fresh starts related to the way you present yourself to the world and your public persona. You are likely to be received extremely well by higher-ups and potential love interests in the days preceding and following this moon phase. Mercury retrograde takes place this month, beginning on the 14th, and will last until February 3rd. Be prepared for potential setbacks and slowdowns in your finances and interactions with coworkers. If you have any significant work or business projects in the works, try to tie up those loose ends ahead of the 14th.
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will bring a major turning point as it relates to your spouse, potential marriage mate, or business partner. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th, you will experience focused energy and experiences related to things that increase your self-esteem, sense of value and self-worth, and the people, places, and things that boost your financial security. Mars enters your sign on the 24th, promising increased energy and time devoted to the way you present yourself to the public. February 4th through March 6th will be a particularly strong period for you when it comes to making powerful first impressions!
Use the period between now and February 4th to tie up loose ends and to reflect on how to strengthen your appearance and public image so that you can hit the ground running when both Venus and Mercury are moving in direct motion beginning on the 4th of next month.
11.Aquarius
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January will be a very reflective and thought-provoking month for you, Aquarius. This all begins as early as the 2nd of the month when the New Moon in Capricorn amplifies your empathic abilities. Your gut instincts and intuition will be strengthened and more active than usual. Mercury retrograde begins on the 14th: Look out for miscommunication and mishaps in the way you present yourself or are perceived by others. People will easily misunderstand you or misinterpret your behaviors. For several reasons, this is NOT the time to try out a new hairstyle, cosmetic surgery, botox, ombre brows, or any other permanent or semi-permanent procedures. They probably won’t work out as you expected.
January 17th features a Full Moon in Cancer which will bring a significant realization for you as it relates to your work responsibilities, daily habits, and health regimens. When the Sun enters Aquarius on January 19th, you will experience focused energy and experiences relating to public image and how the world experiences you. Prepare to be in the spotlight and to spend increased time and energy refining your appearance and persona - whatever you do to strengthen the impression you give off to others will work in your favor!
Mars enters your 12th house on the 24th, deepening your need for solitude and quiet reflection. Meditate or take a spiritual bath during this time, Aquarius!
12.Pisces
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Have you been remaining true to yourself, Pisces? Do your friendships accurately reflect the person you are inside? Does your life, as it currently is, nurture your need for fun and self-expression? The beginning of 2022 will increase your focus on these themes. It all begins on the 2nd when the New Moon in Capricorn revitalizes your friendships and participation in activism and social groups. Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th and the typical Mercury retrograde rules apply - exercise patience in your communication with others, expect delays, and don’t enter into any binding agreements!
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will bring a eureka moment about the way you approach dating, the way you express yourself, or the kinds of fun that you allow yourself to have.
Aquarius season begins on the 19th and it will strengthen your gut instincts and intuition. The period between February 4th will be extremely strong for you socially with Mars powering through your 11th house of friendships and Venus and Mercury moving in strong, direct motion. Use January to dig deep into yourself so that you can go out and (safely) mingle next month, Pisces!
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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