November is going to be a month that sheds light on the things lurking underneath the surface of all of our lives. With Scorpio Season remaining in effect for much of the month until the 21st, trust that your inner investigative nature is likely to make an appearance!
This will be an introspective and transformational period where many of us will be focused on growing and healing. The period surrounding the New Moon in Scorpio taking place on November 4th in particular is ideal for shadow work or to engage in reflective and meditative practices like crystal healing, reiki, yoga or taking spiritual baths.
A Full Moon partial lunar eclipse will take place on November 19th in the sign of Taurus. Look out for urgent revelations and sudden conclusions relating to the balancing of your needs and the desires of those close to you.
Here's what you can expect for your sign in November:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleSince Scorpio season began on October 23rd, you may have found yourself paying increased attention to matters related to sex, death, inheritance, or investments. Experiences and people related to this, or to all things taboo and hidden under the surface, have been highlighted for your awareness and reflection for the majority of this month. Adding to the intensity that this month will bring for you is the New Moon in Scorpio taking place on November 4th, illuminating a transformational area of your chart. Expect positive new experiences and beginnings with a lover, or financially. They are likely to positively transform your perspective and approach to life.
The following day, Venus will light up the area in your chart ruling your profession. Your money-making abilities are likely to be boosted for a full four months until this cycle ends in early March 2022. Secure that bag, Aries! Use this opportunity to ask for a raise, or to otherwise make upward moves in your career! Later in the month on November 19th, someone, something, or a situation that has been getting in the way of you feeling like your best self is likely to eclipse out of your life. Or you may decide to take steps toward ending a toxic relationship or leaving an unhealthy environment in the three days preceding and following the 19th.
It is likely to be an emotional time for you so take a moment to reflect and recharge. Whoever or whatever exits your life at this time wasn't meant to remain for the long haul. After the heavy energy and experiences during the week of the 19th, you may feel like getting away when the Sun enters your house of travel, expansion, and exploration on the 21st. Embrace the bolder and more daring energy that's entering your life now while you have a chance! When the Sun leaves Sagittarius and enters Capricorn at the end of December, it will be time to put your career hat back on.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe sun has been illuminating the area in your chart ruling partnerships and marriage since late October. Are you thinking about taking things to the next level with your significant other? Or are you reflecting on whether or not you should call it quits? New relationships (or a fresh start in an existing relationship) are likely to occur on or around November 4th, when the New Moon in Scorpio breathes new life into your serious partnerships. The following day, on November 5th, Venus enters your 9th house adding a sense of beauty, good fortune, and enhancement to the area of your chart ruling travel, expansion, bold moves, and new experiences. You are going to enjoy this period, which will last for four months until early March. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone Taurus!
Whatever bold moves you make now are likely to work in your favor. Use this period to expand your horizons.
Learn something new or explore a new locale. The full moon taking place on November 19th will feature a partial lunar eclipse. This period will be one of self-awareness and self-actualization for you. You may have been in the dark when it comes to an aspect of yourself that hasn't been serving your relationships or higher self. You are likely to have a slight epiphany about something you have been in denial about or that was kept hidden from you. When the sun enters Sagittarius and your 8th house on the 21st, you will notice an energy shift on a focus towards sex and investments.
Sex will take on a healing and deeply transformational slant during this period, a perfect phase for exploring sexual healing modalities like tantric sex, tantric self-pleasure, or something more intense like BDSM. That would be an excellent phase to work on balancing your root chakra.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe Sun has been illuminating your 6th house since late October, emphasizing your focus on health, work, and daily habits. Your focus on these areas will likely continue until the Sun enters Sagittarius and your 7th house on the 21st when your attention will shift to how you can contribute your newly revitalized self to the improvement of your close relationships. Strengthening your focus on this area will be the New Moon in Scorpio taking place on November 4th. The period surrounding the 5th of the month is an ideal time to begin a new daily habit that will benefit your health or your work. Can you squeeze in a quick HIIT workout between Zoom meetings? What about a walking meditation during your lunch break? Have you been curious about starting a Keto diet? Now is a great opportunity to embark on a new beginning as it relates to your health and exercise habits.
You may even find yourself making a new connection with a coworker as your mind shifts to adding more structure to your work, your diet, and your health. The highlight of November for you will take place on or around November 5th when Venus shines beams onto your 8th house of sex, investments, and other people's money for a full FOUR months. Don't be surprised if you receive a sudden unexpected windfall, or if you embark on a journey of sexual healing that transforms you on a mental, emotional, and physical level.
At the end of the month on November 19th, a partial lunar eclipse will take place in the area of your chart that rules hidden enemies and your subconscious mind. Pay attention to any insights you receive from your intuition or gut feelings during this period of time, especially as they relate to frenemies. When Sagittarius season begins on the 21st, carve out some time to strengthen your bond with your significant other or business partner.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe Sun has been lighting up your 5th house of fun, flirtation, creativity, and recreation since Scorpio season started on October 23rd. Enjoy three more weeks of good times, enhanced artistic abilities, and increased opportunities for flirting! Lean into this by tapping into your inner child. You know how the saying about all work and no play goes! Take this time to have fun before the Sun enters your house of well-being and work on the 21st, at which time you'll find yourself having to take on more of a structured approach to life. The New Moon taking place on November 5th will further illuminate this area of your chart; you may pick up a new hobby, create something, or lock down a cutie for cuffing season!
This is an ideal time for working on your sacral chakra or carrying orange and yellow crystals.
The most exciting news for you this month is an extended visit from Venus to your seventh house of long-term relationships, marriage, and business partnerships - and she's bringing blessings and positive vibes with her! Expect a boost of good fortune when it comes to your relationships. What starts out as a fun flirtation early this month may end up standing the test of time over the next several months. Are you already in a serious relationship? Don't be surprised if things reach a higher level of intimacy over the next four months.
At the end of the month on November 19th, a partial lunar eclipse takes place in the area of your chart ruling your social circle. Take it that there's something you didn't previously know about someone in your friend group. You may receive an epiphany and this may be an emotional time for you. Whatever realizations you make now are unlikely to be fully revealed or resolved until the Taurus solar eclipse in April 2022. Tread cautiously and take time for yourself!
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleIt's time to get your house in order Leo! Prepare for a month that focuses on foundations of all kinds, especially as they pertain to your home, your job, your health, and your family. The New Moon taking place on the 5th will emphasize your focus on family and living arrangements. Are you moving to a new place in the three days immediately preceding and following this new moon? Do you plan on taking on a caregiving role soon for a friend or loved one? Getting a new roommate? Welcoming a new member to the family?
Rest assured that you have blessings on your side. Now is an ideal time to rearrange your home or to invest in some decor that will breathe fresh life into your crib. Your new living or family arrangements are likely to be beneficial or to otherwise work out in your favor. Venus will shine lucky beams into all endeavors relating to your health, daily habits, and work for the next four months, beginning on November 5th! Have you been thinking about picking up a new workout routine or diet? Now is the time to start - you are likely to receive impressive results from it that will be evident by the time this cycle ends in March 2022.
Despite all of the positive vibes from the Sun and Venus, keep an eye out for a partial lunar eclipse taking place in the area ruling your career. Take it that you may be in the dark as it relates to something going on at work or in your professional field. Whatever it is is unlikely to be revealed until April 2022.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleExpect to spend more time with your siblings this month, Virgo. Whether it's in person or virtually, this month's focus will be on your communication with siblings, neighbors, your use of (and purchasing of) technology, and short local trips. This is a favorable time for short road trips or purchasing new gadgets. The great news for the month is when Venus lights up the area in your chart ruling friendships, fun, and creative endeavors.
Use this period of time to focus on picking up new hobbies, tapping into your creative side, or embracing your fun, flirtatious side.
Better yet, combine the two! Sign up for a few art or dance classes. Online dating will also be especially fruitful during this phase. On the 19th, a full moon partial lunar eclipse will take place in your house of expansion. Are you itching to make bold new moves, or to set up travel plans? Take your time, and make sure you cross your t's and dot your i's before booking that flight. Lunar eclipses conceal. Take it that you may be in the dark about something you were looking forward to boldly embarking on.
When the Sun enters Sagittarius and your 4th house on the 21st, your focus will naturally shift to matters relating to your family, your foundation, and your home. Use that time to take care of any loose cracks in your house or in your family relationships before they get out of hand!
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleNovember will shed new light on your sense of self-worth and more tangibly, your financial worth. You are likely to find yourself re-evaluating the yardsticks and other people to which you compare yourself and your successes. This is the perfect time to embark on new activities and experiences geared toward boosting your self-esteem, finances, and sense of worth. This is especially true with the New Moon in Scorpio illuminating this area of your chart on the 5th of the month. Any new jobs, side hustles, or self-esteem boosting endeavors are favored during the three days preceding and three days following this phase.
The highlight of the month for you will be when Venus lights up your 4th house of family, home, and real estate. Expect good fortune and blessings as it relates to those areas and for the entire four months that Venus will remain in that area of your chart. Keep your eye on a partial lunar eclipse taking place in your 8th house of sex, transformation, death, and other people's money. Lunar eclipses conceal, and with this partial lunar eclipse occurring in your area of things lurking underneath the surface, take it that you are in the dark about something related to your investments and sex life. Whatever it is won't be revealed until April 2022, so be sure to vet any potential sexual partners or investment opportunities with a fine-tooth comb.
Sagittarius season arrives on the 21st, shining beams on the area of your chart ruling siblings, technology, short-distance travel, and neighbors. You are likely to purchase and/or receive gadgets for Christmas and to spend increased quality time with your siblings and neighbors. These experiences will be especially meaningful and beneficial for you during this time. Short distance travel is emphasized this month through to December 21st for you specifically.
Of all the signs, you are among those most likely to be embarking on an above-average amount of short-distance travel for the holidays so buckle up!
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleNow's your time to shine, Scorpio! You are likely to receive increased attention now through to the end of the month when the Sun enters your second house of value and self-worth. This is particularly true on the 4th when the New Moon in Scorpio lights up your first house of self - you are likely to receive a level of recognition for something you've been diligently working behind the scenes on. Take credit where it's due Scorpio - you deserve it!
A special treat for you will begin on the 5th of the month when Venus enters the area of your chart ruling your relationship with siblings, neighbors, technology, and short-distance travel. Venus will remain here for four months during which you are likely to see a boost in these areas of your life. Whether you plan on speaking at a conference, starting a blog, establishing a social media presence, or diving into online dating, expect increased communication during this phase - it will work to your benefit financially and/or romantically!
Be wary, however, of a partial lunar eclipse occurring in your house of partnerships and marriage. You may be in the dark about an issue as it relates to your spouse or business partner. Whatever it is will come to light during April 2022's solar eclipse, so hold tight!
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleWhat has your intuition been trying to tell you for the past week or so, Sagittarius? Whatever gut feelings you have been experiencing since the 23rd of October are likely to continue through to the end of this month. Pay close attention to them, because whatever messages you receive during this period of time are likely to be extremely valuable for you. This is particularly true during the period surrounding the New Moon on the 4th and the partial lunar eclipse on the 19th.
New Moons are a period of new revelations and experiences whereas Full Moons are a period of culmination and conclusions.
Don't be surprised if a hunch you have around the 4th is confirmed during the period surrounding the Full Moon in Scorpio taking place on the 19th. But don't boldly act on your hunches yet, Sag! Lunar eclipses conceal - whatever hunches you receive may only be partially true, with the rest to be revealed on or around late April 2022. The best news of the month for you? Venus enters your house of finances, self-esteem, self-worth, and beauty.
The period between now and March 2022 will be a literal glow-up for you! Tap into this energy by investing in your finances, your appearance, and in building any skills that will boost how valuable you are in the workspace and from a romantic perspective. All the introspective work that you do now will feed the highlight of the year for you which will be your birthday phase beginning on the 21st.
Do the inner work now, during the first three weeks of the month, so that your outer self can begin to shine when Sag season begins at the end of the month!
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleSure, you're the boss chick of the zodiac. But you don't need to keep your work hat on all the time, Capricorn! As the hardest working sign in the zodiac, I am personally giving you permission to shift your focus from your career into your social life. Believe it or not, investing in yourself socially will not only boost your friendships but can also have beneficial effects on your career and overall health. Don't neglect that opportunity this month, Cap!
This is especially true during the period surrounding the New Moon in Scorpio taking place on November 4th. You may embark on a new friendship that will prove extremely valuable to you. This will become especially apparent six months from now during the Full Moon in Scorpio taking place in April 2022. The highlight of the month for you will take place on the 5th when November enters your first house of self and appearance. Venus will remain there for the next four months.
You are likely to find yourself focused on your physical appearance and the way in which you present yourself to others. Both will be enhanced and will become more refined and attractive! Expect increased attention during this period; people will take notice of you and are likely to respond to you favorably. Invest in a new wardrobe, schedule cosmetic treatments, or take a public speaking course to ensure you are presenting yourself in a way that accurately reflects who you are.
A partial lunar eclipse is taking place in your house of children, creativity, fun, and recreational sex. Lunar eclipses conceal. If you're a parent, pay close attention to your children. If you're single and mingling, make sure you thoroughly vet a potential lover before meeting up in person or having sex. If something is hidden now, it is not likely to be fully revealed until April 2022.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleYou've been on a journey of expansion and knowledge-building, Aquarius! Now's the time to apply all that you've learned and experienced to your profession. The New Moon in Scorpio taking place on the 4th is likely to provide an opportunity to enhance your career. If you are interviewing, applying for, or starting a new gig in the days preceding and following this new moon, your endeavors are likely to go well. Venus enters your house of introspection and intuition on the 19th and will remain here for the next four months. Looking for love? It will come, as long as you do the inner work first! Take moon ritual baths, get reiki, focus on your yoga practice, and/or meditate regularly.
When you shift your focus to the love of self, you will attract love from others without even realizing it.
The period between now and March 2022 is ideal for engaging in shadow work. Dig deep into who you are - flaws and all. Acknowledge and accept all aspects of yourself, even the parts you may be ashamed of or in denial about. You are not perfect, but you are worthy of love. And you can't love another until you love yourself first. This period is intended to remind you of that.
Keep an eye on a partial lunar eclipse taking place in the area ruling your family and home. You may be partially in the dark about something relating to your family, home, or real estate. Hold off on making any major decisions, like purchasing a home or selecting a new roommate, during the week of the 19th.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleGo big or go home this month Pisces! November offers a rare opportunity to live boldly as the Sun and the New Moon in Scorpio lights up the area of your chart ruling travel, expansion, knowledge, and enlightenment. You may find that the travel bug bites you really hard this month with you biting the bullet and booking that vacay you've been putting off all year. Not in a position to travel? You are likely to find opportunities to expand your horizons within the confines of your neighborhood, whether it's through visits to museums or signing up for some courses.
If you choose to expand your awareness in some way this month Pisces, don't be surprised if you find your social circle expanding as a result! Venus is entering your house of friendships on the 19th where it will remain for a full four months. Enjoy a larger social circle and newfound popularity through to March 2022! Have you been experiencing any issues with your neighbors, siblings, or with technology? Don't aim to make any major or permanent decisions relating to those during the three days leading up to and following the lunar eclipse taking place on the 19th. Take time and watch how you communicate with your siblings and neighbors during this time.
Lunar eclipses conceal. Whatever is hidden relating to those things is unlikely to be fully resolved until April 2022. Overall, this will be an expansive month for you, Pisces! The knowledge and connections that you make from your new experiences over the next several weeks are likely to create a confident new you that could potentially aid your career growth during Sagittarius season and beyond.
For more about zodiac signs, horoscopes, and astrology, check out xoNecole's Horoscopes section here.
Featured image by Laci Jordan/xoNecole
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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