
'The Bachelorette' Alum Mike Johnson Is Doing The Inner Work For A Better Love

What does it take to find the love you want? To attract the love you want, to make the love you truly want to experience in this lifetime? Well, former Bachelorette star Mike Johnson says it starts with doing the inner work FIRST. And by inner work, he means rewriting and reflecting on the internal stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and using them as a springboard to attract the life and love that we deserve. And if you need help tapping into that side of yourself, look no further than his debut book, aptly entitled Making the Love You Want.
In it, the Texas native provides a toolbox for all those looking to genuinely level up their lives from the inside out through the practice of self-love. "I just want it to be a vessel that can help people with the issues that they're going through and the things that they're facing in life," he tells xoNecole in our midday chat. "By reading it, you'll be able to obliterate, and I mean, completely destroy those self-limiting beliefs. You will be able to have the courage and the strength to propel yourself to the next level of your life."
We recently sat down the 32-year-old self-love sage to talk about personal growth, romantic love, and why it's important for Black men to be vulnerable.
*Some answers have been edited and condensed for clarity.
xoNecole: In your book, you really harp on doing the inner work, particularly in the areas of self-love and self-worth. Personally, I tend to think self-worth is an inside job.
Mike Johnson: It absolutely is, it's in the name.
For Black men in particular, how can they continue to cultivate that sense of self-awareness?
[I think it's in] the strength that we have, the strength that we are blessed with and the strength that society makes us have. I think that we can take some of that strength and be vulnerable as well, because it does absolutely take strength to be vulnerable. And I feel that once we can see the strength, meaning vulnerability, there's nothing that we can't do. It's more of a mindset--it's funny because when I think of this topic, I think of Eminem and 8 Mile. If you remember when he did the rap battle, he said everything negative against himself, he put it all out there. And once you put everything out there, no one could combat you. It's already out there. So, I think that's something that we have to utilize to our advantage.
"I think that we can take some of that strength and be vulnerable as well, because it does absolutely take strength to be vulnerable. And I feel that once we can see the strength, meaning vulnerability, there's nothing that we can't do."
Why do you think it’s so hard for Black men to have conversations around self-love and personal growth?
I wouldn't say that it's hard. It's just maybe something that isn't as seen in mainstream media. And I can speak to why I think that is. I feel that in our community, we put on a tough face at times but I do want to say that the color of our skin doesn't dictate our emotional levels. I feel that our environments do. And we adapt to the environment to make sure that we survive out of it. I think people like Charlamagne are doing a wonderful job of spearheading how to get out of those environments, Derrick Jaxn on Instagram, someone like myself--since I'm trying to be in that realm as well. And if something is popular, more people want to be able to do it as well.
When men start to realize that, you know, it's OK for us to be vulnerable, it's OK to talk about real issues and you're not considered a victim--I think that people relate to that more. I mean, the reason some of our biggest musical artists are so big is because they have a creative way of getting out their emotions and they speak on what they're going through, through songs.
You seem to be a very optimistic guy. Every time I come across you on Instagram, you always seem to have a smile on your face. So I wanna know, is a positive outlook a deal-breaker for you when it comes to relationships?
Not having a positive outlook, yeah. If she doesn't have a positive outlook--I don't care how fine she is. I don't care how much money. I don't really care, if you [are] a Negative Nancy, I'm not with you. I am extremely strong with that. If you're just a negative-thinking individual, I'm not going to let your negativity interrupt my energy. It's too precious.
"If you're just a negative-thinking individual, I'm not going to let your negativity interrupt my energy. It's too precious."
Courtesy of Mike Johnson
How has your time on ‘The Bachelorette’ or ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ influenced what traits you now look for in a potential partner?
No, it hasn't changed whatsoever. I still know the type of woman that I love and adore, and quite honestly with me on TV-- it doesn't change my outlook because I was able to attract the woman that I like already. The TV doesn't do anything when it comes to dating, except for if you want to be superficial and get a certain type of chick, then you can do that. But my homies still know back in the day, when I was a teenager, we would call Walmart, Club Walmart. And if I go to Walmart to this day and I see somebody that I'm into, she could be the cashier. I don't care.
So, no TV doesn't do anything. All the TV does when it comes to dating is people feel as if they know exactly what you like. I know you didn't ask the question, but when I talked to my homies about when Black women say that I don't like Black women--I'm like, 'Why is it that way?' That's hard for me to hear because that's a damn lie. My ex was Black. And if the Bachelorette was a Black woman, no Black woman would say that. Right? So that's the only thing that actually hurts me, if I can honestly be transparent about that. That hurts my heart because I'm like, 'Hey, I love y'all period.'
Who is Mike Johnson as a romantic partner?
Mike Johnson is a loving partner. I'm the guy that your girlfriends hate because you are going to be saying all of these positive things and they don't have a good man like that (laughs). I would say that I'm pretty damn good at relationships. I definitely have no problem with someone putting me in the check but if they do something crazy too, I'm going to let them know. I don't like that either. I'm definitely someone that will motivate you just by you just watching how I act and how I move in life. I have goals all the time and so that will rub off on my partner. And I am definitely a sexual being.
Speaking of, kind of. Do you know your love languages and if so, what are they?
Yeah. So at first, before I read the book by Gary Chapman--amazing book-- I thought my love language was physical touch. But after reading the book, doing the quizzes, I ended up going deeper and it turns out my love language is actually quality time. But my dialect is quality communication. So when you speak to me, tell me what your heart is telling you, tell me your thoughts, be transparent with me, be loyal to me, that brings that trust like nothing else.
Are you single? How would you like for a woman to approach you now?
Oh wow. Well, I will say I am dating someone right now. I'm making a love that I want.
Shameless plug. Lastly, what's one thing you know now to be true about love?
One thing I know to be true about love. If you're loyal to a person, that person is loyal to you, if you do everything to make that individual happy, and if you have an open communication, open dialogue--there's nothing that you guys can't get through.
Making the Love You Want is available now, wherever books are sold. And to keep up with Mike, be sure to connect with him on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Mike Johnson
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Okay, so let's start here. Did you know that approximately 75 percent of Americans suffer from dehydration? And, while you might think that this article is running during the summertime because that is when we tend to be outside and perspiring the most, the reality is this could actually be published any time of the year. Why?
Because there is no time on the calendar when our bodies don't need a good amount of fluids running through them—you know, being that we're made up of around 65 percent water ourselves.
When your body has the right amount of fluids running through it, not only can that help to keep you nice and cool, but it can also keep your muscles and joints working at their optimal levels (you know, like while you're swimming or taking long walks along the beach 'n stuff). Plus, spending a lot of time out in the sun can definitely put you on the road to being dehydrated—quick, fast, and in a hurry.
If you're wondering if you already are dehydrated, but you're not sure what signs to look for to confirm it, here are 10 that tend to get overlooked, far more than they ever should.
1. Thirst
If you've ever heard the saying, "If you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated," there is actually a significant amount of truth to that. When there is a lack of fluid in our system (or too much sodium in our body), the amount of water volume that we need in order for our body to work correctly drops, which makes us want to drink more.
You can stay on top of this by drinking 2-3 cups of water per hour (when you're awake, of course). If you do that, you should avoid feeling thirsty or parched. And, when it comes to your body "flowing" smoothly, that's a good thing.
2. Fatigue
Word on the street is that when you're at the point of dehydration, you've already lost somewhere between 2-3 percent of your own body fluid. If that happens, it makes total sense that you would start to feel tired, drained, lethargic, and fatigued. When there isn't enough fluid in your system, your blood volume drops, and that keeps your brain from getting all of the blood (and oxygen) that it needs.
Plus, dehydration makes your heart pump faster than it needs to as well. So yeah, if you want an energy pick-me-up, drinking more fluids is a surefire way to go.
3. A “Pop Off” Spirit
If you feel like you're about to snap on somebody, drink something first. A couple of glasses of water, if you can. While it might sound crazy on the surface, another bona fide indication of dehydration is that you're in a bad mood. How do the two dots connect?
When your fluid levels are low, the neurons in your brain are able to easily detect that. As a result, they will signal to other parts of your brain what's up, including the area that regulates your moods. Hmph. Considering 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated, it makes you wonder how many are irritable, short-tempered, and just plain mean, simply because they don't have as much fluid in their body as they should, huh?
4. Blurred Vision
Have you ever had moments when, while scrolling through your Instagram or trying to watch television, your eyes suddenly became blurry? Before you freak out, drink more. Our eyes need fluids in order to remain moist and comfortable. This means that when we are dehydrated and our body fluid levels drop, that can result in dry and irritated eyes. This is just one more reason why drinking more water is such a good idea.
5. Sugar Cravings
If you want to get a grasp of just how serious sugar addiction in this country is, check out Healthline's "America's Deadly Sugar Addiction Has Reached Epidemic Levels." But if you're typically not someone who is big on sugar, and yet, you find yourself having moments when you can't seem to get enough of it, this could be another sign that you're dehydrated.
Something that our organs need is a healthy amount of glucose. Well, when we don't have enough liquid in our body, that can make it difficult for organs like our liver to release glucose and provide our bodies with an energy boost. As a result, we might think that we need a sugar rush when really, all we need is to drink more. How crazy is that?
6. Unexplainable Breakouts
Whenever I get pimples that have nothing to do with my period, it's usually a heads-up for me that I need to drink more water. Something else that drinking more does is flush toxins out of our system and help to keep sebum from clogging up our pores. A lot of us are out here thinking that if we put everything under the sun on top of our zits that they'll go away. But the reality is, if we drank more good ole' H20, we probably wouldn't have so many pimples to deal with in the first place.
7. Bad Breath
There is someone I went to high school with who had the worst breath ever. Well, she and a guy I went to college with actually ran neck and neck with this particular "award." In hindsight, something that I realize they had in common is that I rarely, if ever, saw them drinking water. It was juice, soda—anything but. Here's the thing about that—when we don't get enough fluid into our system, that keeps us from producing the amount of saliva that we need in order to flush out oral bacteria.
When bacteria linger, not only does that create a breeding ground for tooth decay, but it can make our breath smell pretty damn tart as well. Just one more reason to drink more; more specifically, drink more water. For your sake and the sake of those around you.
8. Constipation
Quiet as it's kept, one of the leading causes of constipation is dehydration. We eat our food, it goes into our colon, and, if we don't have enough fluids in our body, our colon takes in the water from the food waste, making it harder for the waste to pass through us.
Constipation can ultimately lead to everything from hemorrhoids (from straining to having a bowel movement) and stomach aches to a lack of appetite and bad breakouts. All of it sucks. Avoid this by getting at least 6-8 glasses of water in on a daily basis.
9. Muscle Cramps
Do you ever get random Charley horses in your leg? Aren't they the absolute worst, especially if they happen in the middle of the night? That used to happen to me until I got more water into my system. What I discovered is that whenever I'm dehydrated, the lack of water (and sodium) that my muscles need can result in them tightening up in a way that oftentimes feels just like cramps.
This is really important to keep in mind, especially if you work out (and sweat) a lot or you plan on spending a lot of time outdoors where you'll lose a fair amount of body fluid.
10. Dry Skin
As we age, something that we definitely need to do is get more fluids into our system. When we don't, our skin starts to lose elasticity, which can lead to sagginess and wrinkles. Not to mention the fact that if our skin's pores don't get enough fluid, the natural sebum that we produce can decrease, resulting in our skin becoming mad parched and looking super dry.
So, if you want your skin to be soft, supple, and moist, you already know what I'm gonna say, right? Water will help to prevent your skin from looking and feeling parched, which can keep you looking younger than ever for longer than expected. Drink up, sis.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images
Originally published on July 8, 2020