With Venus retrograde in full swing and the Omicron variant bringing threats of lockdown, January will be a month of solitude and reflection for the vast majority of us. 2022 kicks off with a New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd. New Moons in astrology symbolize new beginnings. Expect fresh starts as they relate to major systems, institutions, and the way society operates. This is a time of re-evaluation and re-starts.
If you have any pending contracts, discussions, or major negotiations coming up or any trips to book, make sure you tie up any loose ends mid-month before Mercury goes retrograde on January 14th. Otherwise, expect communication slowdowns, transportation difficulties, technical glitches, and setbacks. Nail everything down and be prepared to receive a lot of mixed messages as it relates to COVID-safety guidelines. Mercury rules communication and Aquarius represents community, society at large, and our individual and collective human rights. Mercury will muddle communications and create murky messaging as it relates to these things so keep your critical thinking hat on. Things will begin to clear up once Mercury heads direct again on February 3rd.
The Full Moon in Cancer taking place on January 17th will bring moments of truth as they relate to the things we feel and experience deeply. This will be a highly emotional time for everyone. Things that we have been buried in will arise for confrontation and release, especially as it relates to home, family, mother figures, childbearing, and the people, places, things, and experiences that we hold close to our hearts.
The Sun enters Aquarius on January 19th, focusing our collective energy and experiences on activism, individual rights, and social responsibility. Again, this will spotlight the way we’ve been handling the pandemic as a society and the way we approach individual rights in regard to our responsibilities as a society.
When Mars enters Capricorn on January 24th, expect increased energy and time devoted to earning money, business, tradition and maintaining social status.
Here’s what you can expect for your sign in January 2022:
1.Aries
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January brings a fresh new cycle as it relates to your career, Aries! Fresh opportunities and chances for growth are featured for you in January. If you have a promotion or job offer on the table, try as best as you can to tie those negotiations up before Mercury goes retrograde on January 14th. I don’t anticipate that it will affect your career options drastically, but it can slow down and potentially reverse any progress made until Mercury goes direct again in early February. Mercury retrograde will more than likely affect the way you interact with your friends and those in your social circle, so be mindful about the way you communicate with those close to you!
On or around January 17th, expect to reach a turning point when it comes to your home and family life. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, your time, energy, and attention will be more focused on your social life but again, make sure you follow the typical retrograde rules: Use tact and avoid being confrontational with your friends because misunderstandings can and will occur. Exercise patience! Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th to remain there for several weeks.
Any career slowdowns that occur mid-month due to the retrograde will be straightened out beginning in early February. February 4th through March 6th will be the strongest period for you career-wise this year. Go get 'em, Aries!
2.Taurus
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January breathes fresh air into the stagnancy and feelings of isolation or of being limited that you’ve been experiencing lately Taurus! The New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd represents a new cycle for you that will bring brand new experiences, bold energy, a sense of optimism, and good luck. Lean into anything that expands your horizons now. This is an excellent time to pick up a new skill, sign up for a course, or join a virtual class. Whatever new endeavors you undertake during this time will bring positive vibes and blessings. When Mercury heads retrograde on January 14th, you are likely to experience career-related miscommunication and slowdowns among coworkers and higher-ups. Don’t shoot off that angry email and take your time when communicating with your colleagues.
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will bring a significant culmination, or realization, as it relates to your neighbors, siblings, acquiring technology, and general communication with others. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, you will experience renewed and focused energy and experiences in your career. Promotions, new job or professional development opportunities, and increased visibility at work are highlighted for you during this time. When Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, you will begin to experience a burst of energy and will want to devote more time to things that expand your knowledge.
You are likely to enjoy increased boldness, optimism, and innovation in your approach to life and new experiences that will last through March 6th!
3.Gemini
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The beginning of January will be particularly smoldering for you, Gemini. The New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd will bring fresh starts, new beginnings, and transformations related to sex and other people’s money. When Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th, you are likely to experience mishaps and miscommunication relating to higher knowledge, so stay alert in order to avoid miscommunication with college professors and be careful about any courses you attempt to sign up for during this time - you may run into issues or may end up having to drop them.
This is not a time for overconfidence or indulgence - make sure you are not taking on more than you can chew, otherwise you’ll quickly realize that you’re unable to handle all that you thought you could.
The Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th will bring a eureka moment as it relates to the way you earn money or in regard to something that increases your value and sense of self-worth. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, your energy will be focused on experiences and things that expand your horizons and mind in bold and innovative new ways. When Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, you will work harder and exert more energy sexually and on things that boost your bottom line, i.e. investments or getting back money that you are owed. This is going to be a sexy, transformative energy that you will enjoy all the way through early March.
4.Cancer
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Expect new beginnings in love in early January, Cancer! If you’re already in a relationship, the New Moon in Capricorn taking place on January 2nd will breathe new life into it. Romantic experiences that strengthen your bond and connection with each other are highlighted in the days leading up to and following this New Moon. Have a business partner? You can expect an experience that strengthens that connection as well.
Spend the first half of the month doing all that you can to establish your connection with your significant other or business partner, because when Mercury turns retrograde on January 14th you will experience mishaps, miscommunication, and slowdowns related to your sexual and financial life. Business will not be a strong point during this time and you may find that you are simply not intuitively vibing with your lover during this time as you normally would, either during sex itself or due to schedule disturbances interfering with your ability to connect physically.
Be patient, things will pick back up when Mercury heads direct again in early February. The Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th will bring a major realization as it relates to how you portray yourself to the outside world. When the Sun enters Aquarius on the 19th, your energy will be focused on experiences that transform you deeply, sexually, and financially. Mars enters Capricorn at the end of the month on the 24th. You will likely be spending increased time and energy with your significant other, spouse or business partner. Trust that it will pay off. The period between February 4th and March 6th will be strongest for you romantically and financially.
5.Leo
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New year, new you, Leo! You’re ringing in the new year with a gift bestowed upon you by the New Moon in Capricorn blessing up your sixth house of health routines, daily responsibilities, and work responsibilities. Any New Year’s resolutions that you’ve committed to in regard to improving your health and diet are likely to succeed, so allow yourself to aim for the stars when it comes to the habits that boost your well-being. Mercury will turn retrograde on January 14th: Be mindful of the way you communicate with your significant other, spouse or business partner. Your messages are likely to be misinterpreted now or to otherwise get lost in translation.
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will enhance your intuition. Expect hunches and powerful gut instincts during this time. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th and all the way through to Pisces season the following month, you’ll find that increased focus and energy will lead to significant experiences with your spouse, potential marriage mate, or business partner. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, increasing your energy and time devoted to your daily routines, work responsibilities, and health regimens.
You will receive a powerful boost to your health commitments that will last all the way through to March 6th. Make the most of this energy to revamp your diet, workout routine, and self-care regimen.
6.Virgo
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Been in a dating rut lately, Virgo? I have good news for you: You’re going to love the first half of this month. Dust off that Bumble profile because you’re likely to swipe right on a potential new boo during the first two weeks of 2022. This is specifically connected to the New Moon in Capricorn on the 2nd. This energy will be most powerful for you in the three days leading up to and following this New Moon so make the most of it! Because Venus is in retrograde, you may find that the person you connect with during this time is someone you have a level of familiarity with. Perhaps it’s an ex or a friend from the past who you now start to look at in a different light.
Enjoy the fun and flirty times that the beginning of January will bring because when Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th, you will begin to experience inconveniences and scheduling slowdowns. A tendency to run late to work, to miscommunicate with coworkers, or to slack up on your fitness routine is indicated. You might be infatuated with a new boo, but make sure you’re still tightening up on your responsibilities! January 17th features the Full Moon in Cancer which will bring an epiphany as it relates to a friend or your social circle.
Pay close attention to any messages or hunches you receive now. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th, you will find yourself, focusing again on your time on your health, work responsibilities, and daily habits. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, increasing the amount of energy and time devoted to dating, flirting, creative expression, authenticity, and fun. You will enjoy fun and flirty times now all the way through March 6th!
7.Libra
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Happy new year, Libra! The beginning of 2022 and the New Moon in Capricorn on the 2nd will usher in new beginnings and fresh starts related to your home and family life. When Mercury goes retrograde on the 14th, expect miscommunications and slowdowns with people you date. Take your time with communicating and interpreting messages from bae, otherwise, you may accidentally offend or be offended while flirting due to words getting lost in translation. Venus retrograde will amplify this for you so take heed!
Things will begin to return to normal around February 4th when both Venus and Mercury head in direct motion again. The Full Moon in Cancer on January 17th will bring a culmination or major turning point as it relates to your career. Aquarius season will increase your time spent on your dating life, self-expression, and creativity. One of the strongest periods of love for you this year will be between February 4th and February 19th. Make the most of it! Take the time before then to properly vet and scout anyone you’ve taken an interest in.
When Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th, you will find yourself spending increased energy and time devoted to your home and family for several weeks.
8.Scorpio
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It's time to scratch up on your communication and the way you connect with kindred spirits, Scorpio! January 2nd brings a New Moon in Capricorn that will usher in fresh energy in the way you communicate with others, especially with neighbors, siblings, and those you relate to on an instinctual level. The opportunity for a fun and fulfilling short-distance trip is also featured for you during this time. When Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th, make sure you read over any pending leases or real estate contracts twice over. Better yet, tie up those loose ends before Mercury retrograde begins on the 14th or after February 3rd when Mercury heads in direct motion again. Otherwise, expect missteps and slowdowns related to housing-related contracts, moving, and communication among family members.
January 17th’s Full Moon in Cancer will bring you culminations, epiphanies, and realizations as it relates to the ways you expand your mind and horizons. A stroke of good luck is likely to occur during this time for you. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th, you are going to experience more focused energy and experiences related to your home and family life. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th and it will find you spending increased energy and time devoted to your siblings, kindred spirits, neighbors, technology, short-distance travel, and online communication.
January 24th through March 6th is an excellent period for you to take a short trip with a literal or figurative sibling.
9.Sagittarius
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This month is all about nourishing your self-value and self-esteem, Sagittarius! Whatever doesn’t serve those things will be evaluated and transformed. It all begins with the New Moon in Capricorn on January 2nd. For you, this moon phase will usher in new beginnings and fresh starts related to your work, your sense of self-worth, your finances, and the things that you value. Mid-month on January 14th, Mercury will go retrograde: Expect travel slowdowns and miscommunication with siblings and neighbors during this phase that will last until February 3rd.
On the 17th, the Full Moon in Cancer will bring a major epiphany relating to the ways in which you’ve been holding yourself back and where you need to grow or transform. This is especially true as it relates to your investments and sex life. Finally "doing the do" with that special someone you’ve been eyeing, or receiving a surprise bonus, a cash award, or inheritance, or getting money paid to you in some form is featured during this time. Aquarius season begins on the 19th, increasing the amount of focused energy and experiences you have related to short-distance travel, kindred spirits, siblings, technology, communication, especially online, and neighbors. Mars enters Capricorn on the 24th and will remain there until March 6th.
You are likely to experience increased energy and time devoted to things that boost your financial and sense of self-worth. Make the most out of this time, Sag - it will be especially rewarding and transformative for you.
10.Capricorn
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2022 will be a ground-shaking year for you, Capricorn! It all starts with the New Moon in your sign taking place on January 2nd. Get ready for new beginnings and fresh starts related to the way you present yourself to the world and your public persona. You are likely to be received extremely well by higher-ups and potential love interests in the days preceding and following this moon phase. Mercury retrograde takes place this month, beginning on the 14th, and will last until February 3rd. Be prepared for potential setbacks and slowdowns in your finances and interactions with coworkers. If you have any significant work or business projects in the works, try to tie up those loose ends ahead of the 14th.
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will bring a major turning point as it relates to your spouse, potential marriage mate, or business partner. When Aquarius season begins on the 19th, you will experience focused energy and experiences related to things that increase your self-esteem, sense of value and self-worth, and the people, places, and things that boost your financial security. Mars enters your sign on the 24th, promising increased energy and time devoted to the way you present yourself to the public. February 4th through March 6th will be a particularly strong period for you when it comes to making powerful first impressions!
Use the period between now and February 4th to tie up loose ends and to reflect on how to strengthen your appearance and public image so that you can hit the ground running when both Venus and Mercury are moving in direct motion beginning on the 4th of next month.
11.Aquarius
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January will be a very reflective and thought-provoking month for you, Aquarius. This all begins as early as the 2nd of the month when the New Moon in Capricorn amplifies your empathic abilities. Your gut instincts and intuition will be strengthened and more active than usual. Mercury retrograde begins on the 14th: Look out for miscommunication and mishaps in the way you present yourself or are perceived by others. People will easily misunderstand you or misinterpret your behaviors. For several reasons, this is NOT the time to try out a new hairstyle, cosmetic surgery, botox, ombre brows, or any other permanent or semi-permanent procedures. They probably won’t work out as you expected.
January 17th features a Full Moon in Cancer which will bring a significant realization for you as it relates to your work responsibilities, daily habits, and health regimens. When the Sun enters Aquarius on January 19th, you will experience focused energy and experiences relating to public image and how the world experiences you. Prepare to be in the spotlight and to spend increased time and energy refining your appearance and persona - whatever you do to strengthen the impression you give off to others will work in your favor!
Mars enters your 12th house on the 24th, deepening your need for solitude and quiet reflection. Meditate or take a spiritual bath during this time, Aquarius!
12.Pisces
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Have you been remaining true to yourself, Pisces? Do your friendships accurately reflect the person you are inside? Does your life, as it currently is, nurture your need for fun and self-expression? The beginning of 2022 will increase your focus on these themes. It all begins on the 2nd when the New Moon in Capricorn revitalizes your friendships and participation in activism and social groups. Mercury heads retrograde on the 14th and the typical Mercury retrograde rules apply - exercise patience in your communication with others, expect delays, and don’t enter into any binding agreements!
The Full Moon in Cancer on the 17th will bring a eureka moment about the way you approach dating, the way you express yourself, or the kinds of fun that you allow yourself to have.
Aquarius season begins on the 19th and it will strengthen your gut instincts and intuition. The period between February 4th will be extremely strong for you socially with Mars powering through your 11th house of friendships and Venus and Mercury moving in strong, direct motion. Use January to dig deep into yourself so that you can go out and (safely) mingle next month, Pisces!
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
- November 2021 Monthly Horoscopes Every Sign - xoNecole ... ›
- Your December 2021 Monthly Horoscopes Are Here! - xoNecole ... ›
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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