A Quick Guide To Your Self-Love Love Language
The first time I really learned about the five love languages was a year after a big heartbreak in my early twenties, and since then I've found myself exploring the love languages of each of my subsequent partners in an effort to be a better lover to them. At the click of a simple quiz, you'll know whether words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, or physical touch is the primary way you prefer to experience love.
When most people hear the phrase 'love languages', their first thought centers around how these five so-called languages fit into our romantic relationships. We can all think of a situation where misalignment of love languages, or inattention to them, lead to problems romantically and oftentimes failed partnerships.
What most people don't realize is that understanding your own love language is also important in understanding how you can love yourself. We get so caught up in considering someone else's love language in order to be a better partner to them, that we don't always use our own love language to practice self-love for ourselves. But how can you love someone else right if you aren't loving yourself?
Check out some practical ways to practice self-love and self-care based on your own specific love language.
1.Words of Affirmation
The premise of loving someone who enjoys words of affirmation is using language to affirm, encourage, and appreciate your partner, so this translates well into self-love. One way is to write yourself a love letter. That's right, a love letter! When's the last time you sat down and thought about all the things you love about yourself? Try putting that in the format of a list or a literal love letter, an ode to you featuring all the reasons you love being you. Another way to affirm yourself for all you do daily is by creating a gratitude jar. Get a mason jar or a sturdy container and some index cards, and then each day write down something you're currently grateful for. Then, at the end of each month go back, read each card, and experience the feels all over again.
2.Acts of Service
If your love language is acts of service, you want to focus on ways to alleviate responsibility and burden. But how is that possible when you're doing it for yourself? How about paying for a cleaning service to tidy up your home, so you can kick up your feet and relax, or just focus on another errand you have. Typically do your laundry on your own? This time, take your laundry to be cleaned and folded professionally so that it's one less chore on your to-do list. This category is all about help and so figuring out how to best help yourself is the key. Something as simple as giving yourself a break and finishing work early to enjoy a glass of wine is an act of service to your well-being that you will for sure be grateful for.
3.Quality Time
Introverts rejoice! This version of quality time finally involves spending time with just yourself. While with partners, we stress the value of uninterrupted time together, we don't always keep the same energy when it comes to "me-time." If QT is your thing, carve out time during the week to take yourself on a date. Go to your favorite restaurant, catch a movie (post-COVID), or pack some snacks and a blanket, and treat yourself to a picnic. And make sure you get cute and dressed up in the same way you would if you were headed out with a boo; you deserve to see you at your best as well.
And remember, this doesn't have to require spending money or even leaving the house. Just close your laptop, put down your cell phone, and spend intentional time doing something that makes you happy. Bake something tasty, drink a glass of wine and journal, or just lay on the couch and read a good book. All that matters is you are taking a moment to enjoy quality time with the best person you know, you!
4.Receiving Gifts
Treat yourself, and then treat yourself some more. There is nothing wrong with enjoying getting thoughtful gifts from people who care about you, and that includes receiving gifts from you. This type of self-care can be buying yourself those shoes you've been eyeing, ordering some flowers for yourself to brighten up your workspace, or getting that new dining set you have been contemplating for months. The kind of gift doesn't matter, as long as it has meaning and importance to you. But also, if you have the means to take yourself on a mini shopping spree and splurge on a few things, I support that as well.
5.Physical Touch
It's time to love up on yourself a little bit here. Stop what you're doing right now and give yourself a nice long hug, because you deserve it. Squeeze tight and let go only when you've had enough. One way to get your daily dose of self-love in this category is by purchasing a massage gun and giving yourself a body massage. You can focus in on all those areas that have been giving you trouble, and if your co-love language is acts of service or receiving gifts, go on ahead and buy yourself a massage package to get even more physical touch. For my sensual ladies, what better way to love up on yourself than some self-pleasure? Grab one of your favorite toys and make a night of making yourself feel good.
Nobody can touch you like you can.
For more inspiration, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
Featured image by Shutterstock.
Originally published September 6, 2020
- 15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- What's Your Love Language Based On Zodiac Signs - xoNecole ... ›
- Date Ideas For 5 Love Languages - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Your Love Language Based On Zodiac Signs - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Knowing Your Support Language, What Is - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Love Yourself More, Better Me Time - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Use Your Love Language Self-Care - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 5 Self-Love Languages: How To Love Yourself - Cydney Marlene ›
- Applying the 5 Love Languages to Self-Love: How to Love Yourself ›
- Therapeutic Use of Self: A Guide to Integrate the 5 Love Languages ... ›
- Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages® ›
- Practicing SELF LOVE based on my love languages - YouTube ›
- Your Guide to Your Self-Love Love Language | The Everygirl ›
Robin D. Thomas is a brunch loving, Brooklyn born and raised Licensed Social Worker currently working in the Bronx. When she's not writing about all things wellness, entertainment and love, you can find her eating her way through different cities and tending to her plants. Connect with her on IG and Twitter at @_MissRobin or on her Instagram wellness page @thisnoirethat.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Feel Seasonal Depression Creeping In? Here's How To Bounce Back And Thrive At Work
Things have been a bit on the stressful and crazy side of the world lately. Between the storms, political turmoil, economic challenges, and usual everyday life life-ing, it can be really easy to slip into seasonal depression, especially when having to thrive at work this fall. And if you've had an amazing summer---traveling, brunching, and enjoying the outdoors--- the transition into a different work routine of enduring colder temperatures and being indoors more often can be tough.
Even if fall is your least favorite time of year, this is a great opportunity to shift your perspective and think about ways you can make the last quarter of the year count. Try these tips:
martin-dm/Getty Images
1. Continue to get outside and travel during the fall season.
Who said you need to stay indoors just because the days are shorter and the nights are colder? Throw on those thermals, light that outdoor fire pit, and gather around with friends and family regardless. If you can, make your space more accommodating to enjoy the fall weather and outdoor activities, such as adding an electric fireplace in your home for cozy vibes, setting up a tea or coffee station on your kitchen island, or adding a few ambient string lights and some fall decor to your patio space (whether small or large). Many people also play sports, walk, or jog outdoors during the fall and into the winter, which can have health benefits.
I wouldn't dare hang out anywhere outdoors when it's less than 60 degrees, but I found that when I'm fashionably prepared (i.e., wearing my favorite faux fur, puffer vest, and/or boots) and I'm in good company, I can embrace what I thought was cheesy fall-themed cocktails or the cold breeze. I'd even venture out and go for walks in the fall. It actually became enjoyable and therapeutic.
And if you love taking trips, fall (especially in October and November) is an off-peak travel season, which means prices often drop. You can find great fares for a fall trip to your favorite international destinations that often have warm weather year-round, and you can even plan shorter trips to U.S. cities where the weather is a bit warmer.
2. Focus on a specific short-term goal and write a plan to accomplish by December.
Any time you can focus on something you want to do that will advance your career (or your overall life), it can offer a sense of purpose and accomplishment to get out of the mental rut that can come with a change in seasons.
Whether it's to close a deal, save up a certain amount of your paycheck to treat yourself or re-brand what you offer via social or a new website, find a project to focus on that will enhance your professional experience or quality of life.
If you want to commit to advanced education or courses to upgrade your skills, now's the time to do that. Get locked in, mentally, to a goal that you can feel proud of accomplishing and that will distract you from the dreariness that can be the fall season. Write down goals, create a vision board, or work with a mentor who can keep you accountable and focused.
Westend61/Getty Images
3. Change your environment or work remote a few days per week.
If possible, get out of the office and take more breaks. Enjoy fresh air, music, or a sweet treat during these times. It sounds corny and typical, but it's worked for me. As much as we take this for granted, being indoors in a cubicle or home office while it's cloudy, rainy, or cold out can become boring and draining. Talk to your manager to see if you can work outside your office a few days a week or a month. Take baby steps and consider their deliverables and obligations when pitching for this.
And, this might sound extreme to some (so if it doesn't apply, scroll on by), but relocate if you have to. Years ago, after a season of working in New York full-time, I went to work remote in southeastern Virginia. I didn't really want to be in warm weather all year, but I couldn't stomach the extreme weather conditions of the fall and into winter any longer.
If your job isn't accommodating and you have the flexibility, look for other jobs at companies where you can shift environments when the seasons change. You don't necessarily have to say, "Hey, in the fall, I want to be out of the office and work from home," but present your case in a way that's professional, considers the impact of your working elsewhere, and offers tangible benefits like better productivity, a focus on mental wellness, or continuing your track record of success.
4. Seek professional help via a counselor or licensed therapist and feel the feels.
I know, I know. We hear a lot about getting therapy, and sometimes it can seem like a headache within itself to actually find someone who's a good fit, is affordable, and won't waste your time. However, seasonal depression can be a seriously debilitating thing, and it's a good idea to talk to a professional to brainstorm ways to overcome or cope. It's also super-empowering to be seen and heard and not feel like you're overwhelmed with demotivation and sluggishness.
Through therapy, I learned how to spot seasonal depression at the onset when I felt demotivated or couldn't really get my creative juices flowing at work. We'd troubleshoot what I could do to pivot and how to know when to sit in the feels and go through the motions or when to do the total opposite, get out of my head, and take action for a solution. I only found healthy ways to cope through therapy because there were certain strategies my therapist knew about that I'd been unaware of.
I've never been a huge fan of fall or winter, but I've found that breathing techniques, visualization, exercise, and embracing doing new things in those seasons have truly been helpful. I've also given in to romanticizing fall by decorating my home and shopping the trends (even if it's just one very subtle touch of decor or incorporation of a fashion trend). I now enjoy all that season brings while getting my rest and unapologetically prepping for creative and mental hibernation in the winter.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images