Can you believe we've made it to the last month of the year already?! Well, December has a few gifts in store for us before we start the new year.
On the 2nd, Jupiter begins its transit through Capricorn, teaching us the value of hard work and discipline. Mercury moves into optimistic Sagittarius on the 9th, getting us in the holiday spirit with a chatty Full Moon in Gemini following shortly behind on the 12th. Luck favors the bold around the 15th as Jupiter trines Uranus. The planet of love moves into Aquarius on the 20th, placing an emphasis on connecting with like-minded folks that strive to make an impact on the world. The Sun moves into Capricorn on the 21st, followed by the onset of eclipse season with a New Moon on the 26th. It's out with the old and in with the new just in time for the new year.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign below:
The month begins with expansive Jupiter moving into Capricorn where it will be transiting through your career sector for the next year. This time frame requires you to match your big faith with practical efforts that will ultimately have you reaping some major benefits around this time next year. On the 9th, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, putting you in a position to inspire others with the wisdom you have to share. This transit encourages you to go back to school or attend those seminars to flex your brainpower. Now that we're out of the retrograde, this is a perfect time to plan that international getaway as well.
The Full Moon on the 12th is supportive for finalizing and releasing any projects you've been working on behind the scenes. Use this time to also reassess your personal narrative. Around the 15th, good luck may be knocking on your door with a raise or career move that will put you on the map. On the 20th, Venus moves into Aquarius to help you attract the right people to meet your goals. The month winds down with a New Moon solar eclipse on the 26th, inviting you to release your fears about stepping into your personal power. You're a born leader, babe. It's time to show it to the world.
After transiting through Sagittarius for the past year, Jupiter moves into your sister sign on the 2nd, requiring you to get more serious when it comes to your spiritual development. Going back to school, attending seminars, or doing some in-depth research will benefit your quest for greater spiritual awareness. Opportunities to share your wisdom as a teacher will likely present themselves along the way. On the 9th, Mercury moves into truth-seeking (and telling) Sagittarius, making this a good time to book that therapy session or call up that person you consider as your soft place to land.
The Full Moon on the 12th encourages you to take a look at your finances which will require you to reassess your money mindset. Be mindful of the ways you sabotage your earning potential due to scarcity complex. Around the middle of the month, you're invited to embrace your inner genius and act upon the brilliant ideas that are flooding your beautiful mind. On the 20th, Venus moves into Aquarius, helping you attract the right people to help you advance professionally. If the seasonal depression is taking a toll on you, plan that getaway to somewhere warm and sunny. The month ends with a New Moon Solar eclipse on the 26th, inviting you to check in with your higher self to make sure you're still walking your path of purpose.
The month begins with Jupiter moving into Capricorn where it will be for the next year, inviting you to take the hero's journey through your psyche. It may not be the easiest energy to deal with but it will teach you the value of showing up to face some of your deepest fears pertaining to matters of intimacy and sexuality. On the 9th, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, stimulating your relationships with more passion, making it a great time to share that vibrant energy of yours with your loved ones. Your Full Moon takes place on the 12th and you're the center of attention (and the drama if you're more worried about being right than simply sharing your thoughts at the holiday gathering).
Around the 15th, a sudden revelation is the catalyst you need to transform your money mindset. Your dreams, along with guidance from your ancestors, are granting you with some amazing ideas to increase your abundance. You may even receive some financial support from an unexpected source. On the 20th, Venus moves into your sister sign and you could be meeting someone in an educational setting or while traveling. An opportunity to share your work could provide some extra holiday cash so don't be afraid to share your unconventional ideas. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 26th encourages you to celebrate the transformation you're in the midst of—regardless of how tough it is. Remember, dahling, it takes pressure to make diamonds.
Over the next year, your close relationships will help you experience the most growth with Jupiter moving into Capricorn on the 2nd. During this transit, you and bae may be tying the knot (or you'll meet that special someone you can do life with). Favorable business connections are also likely under this influence. When Mercury moves into Sagittarius on the 9th, be mindful of what you discuss amongst your coworkers. Err on the side of caution when it comes to expressing your political or religious views. On the 12th, the Full Moon in Gemini helps you get clear on what (and who) needs to be let go before stepping into 2020.
Around the middle of the month, luck favors you thanks to all of your networking efforts. As the saying goes, "It's not what you know. It's who you know." On the 20th, Venus moves into Aquarius, making you a magnet for financial support; thus it's the perfect time to apply for that loan or line of credit. Towards the end of the month, most of the action takes place in Capricorn—your relationship house. They don't call this time of year engagement season for no reason. If romance isn't your top priority, expect for your clientele to expand or to start that new job just in time for the new year. On the 26th, the New Moon Solar eclipse encourages you to seek more balance within new and existing partnerships that will be a part of the legacy you're building together.
After Jupiter spent the last year expanding your creativity, its transit through Capricorn requires you to get more disciplined regarding your daily routines. Practice makes perfect, whether your aim is to transform your physical body, improve your health, or to simply tap into a better rhythm in your day-to-day activities. On the 9th, Mercury moves into Sagittarius to boost your confidence even more while also bringing opportunities for romance into your life. The Full Moon on the 12th makes you the center of attention amongst your friends but what's new to the most popular sign of the zodiac? If you're big into social media, you could go viral around this time.
Around the middle of the month, luck is on your side professionally. The long hours and hard work haven't gone unnoticed. Your inner genius will be activated at this time so make sure to jot down your ideas. On the 20th, Venus moves into Aquarius and partnerships (romantic and business) prosper when there's a like-minded vision that can be accomplished in unison. The Sun moves into Capricorn on the 21st, shortly followed by the New Moon eclipse on the 26th. It's time to examine any bad habits that affect your mental and physical health. Make sure to compartmentalize your inner critic, which has a sneaky way of distracting you from your purpose.
December begins with Jupiter moving into Capricorn where it'll transit through for the next year, inspiring you to reach new heights in your creativity and self-expression. If you're open to romance, this can also be a good time to start dating again. On the 9th, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, getting you in the spirit to spend time with your family. The Full Moon on the 12th calls for celebration of a long-awaited professional goal. On the same day, Chiron goes direct and you're feeling more empowered to march to the beat of your own drum. There are followers and there are leaders. Trust your abilities, and the temporary discomfort, that comes with paving a new lane.
Around the 15th, a sudden opportunity to share your creation or expertise may present itself. On the 20th, Venus moves into Aquarius and a fellow co-worker could finally shoot their shot (or vice versa). During this transit, you'll be more attracted to people that can keep up with your Mercurial mind. Volunteering at a local organization can also be a great way to meet someone. On the 21st, Capricorn season begins with a New Moon Solar eclipse following behind on the 26th. It's time to wrap up one project to make room for the new creations you're incubating this winter. Make sure to let your inner child out to play these last few days of the year before it's back to business in 2020!
The month kicks off with Jupiter moving into Capricorn, bringing your focus to family and home over the next year. You may be adding a new addition to your family, buying a home, or investing in real estate during this transit. On the 9th, Mercury spices up your communication, making you a joy to be around given the extra enthusiasm you're experiencing. Be a voice of encouragement to those around you! The Full Moon on the 12th helps you straighten out any immigration or travel affairs. If you're in school, it's finally time to wrap up the semester for a much-needed break (and vacation). A much-needed "aha" moment occurs around the 15th, regarding intimacy blocks that were developed in your childhood.
On the 20th, Venus invites you to do more of what you love whether that's getting back to that creative hobby or allowing yourself to indulge in your fav rom-coms. Capricorn season officially begins on the 21st, encouraging you to connect with your roots. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 26th helps you break free from generational patterns that strip you of your personal autonomy. Once Mercury moves into Capricorn on the 28th, you're ready to move past the mental barriers that inhibit you from living life by your design.
Over the next year, Jupiter is helping you expand through learning and communication. Some of you may be going back to school or embracing the power of your voice through writing or vlogging. On the 9th, Mercury has you focused on your hustle, making this a good time to profit off of your area of expertise. The Full Moon on the 12th invites you to see some of your most traumatic experiences through a clearer lens. You have the power to transform your pain into something beautiful. Around the 15th, good news from a significant other or business partner has you feeling motivated to keep striving towards your goals.
On the 20th, Venus moves into Aquarius which has you in homebody mode, preferring to spend time with your loved ones in the comfort of your own space discussing the latest trending topics. The Sun officially moves into Capricorn on the 21st with a New Moon Solar eclipse taking place on the 26th. You're encouraged to be mindful of the voice you're projecting out into the world. Your words have more power than you know. Mercury moving into this same part of your chart on the 28th emphasizes the importance of how you communicate which has the potential to place you in a position of greater influence.
After spending the past year in your sign, Jupiter moves into Capricorn to expand your finances and enhance your self-esteem. On the 9th, Mercury moves into your sign, making this a busy time for you. Stay on top of your text messages, emails, and DMs so you don't miss out on those important invitations. The Full Moon on the 12th finalizes a chapter within a key relationship or business agreement so you can make space for something better. Around the 15th, unexpected money may be gifted to you from some work you completed a while ago.
Venus moves into Aquarius on the 20th, making you a magnet for attention on your social media platforms. Online dating is also favorable during this transit as well. If you're not interested in romance, this could be a great time to feel a sense of community amongst your followers or subscribers. Towards the end of the month, most of the action takes place in Capricorn with a New Moon Solar eclipse on the 26th encouraging you to sift through your scarcity complex so you can finally reap the abundance that has your name on it. On the 28th, Mercury helps you get focused on building more long-term security for yourself and your loved ones.
The month begins with Jupiter moving into your sign for the next year, which should be a bit of a reprieve with the pressure of Saturn in your sign. You'll still be required to bust your ass but the rewards will be that much sweeter over the months to come as this transit stretches you in ways your favorite lover could never. On the 9th, Mercury intensifies your dreams while also helping you burn through karmic baggage that needs to be laid to rest before 2020. The Full Moon on the 12th may reveal a hidden enemy in the workspace. Don't fret though. Clearly, you've got something worth hating on.
A sweet, romantic surprise may await you around the 15th. Either that or your creative genius will inspire the next R&B sensation within yourself. On the 20th, Venus helps you attract financial opportunities and connections that are in alignment with your purpose. During this time, a mental connection is top priority for you when it comes to love. The month winds down with the Sun entering your sign (happy birthday!) and a New Moon Solar eclipse inviting you to shed the layers of the old you to embrace the new form that is to come in the new year.
December kicks off with Jupiter moving into Capricorn, helping you to expand spiritually over the next year through a more disciplined approach than you may be used to. On the 9th, Mercury has you excited to connect with new and old friends alike during the holiday season. There could even be discussions about how you all can collaborate towards a joint effort or cause. The Full Moon on the 12th invites your inner child out to play. It's time to reveal that creative project or indulge in some wining and dining. Embrace pleasure and allow yourself to get whisked away in adventure, whether it's a short vacay or trying out that wine bar that's been on your list for a while.
Your ancestors may be trying to get through to you around the 15th. Pay attention to your dreams and any synchronicities that remind you of their presence. On the 20th, Venus moves into your sign and all eyes are on you. This is one of the most favorable times of the year for you to receive all of the blessings and abundance you so rightfully deserve. The Sun moves into Capricorn on the 21st and is shortly followed by the New Moon Solar eclipse on the 26th. What are you being called to release? What lessons have you mastered at this point? Karmic closure is available to you as long as you're willing to surrender to the process and embrace the void that will soon be filled with new life.
After spending the last year in Sagittarius, Jupiter moves into Capricorn on the 2nd, helping you expand your social network and online presence. This transit won't be easy but it will provide you with long-lasting results as long as you stay committed to the vision. On the 9th, Mercury lights the fire beneath your ass, motivating you to boss up professionally. Your superiors are loving your optimistic, go-getter attitude, which makes you a prime candidate for a raise or promotion. The Full Moon on the 12th brings some family drama to the surface for resolution. This could also indicate a time in which you change residence as well.
Around the 15th, you could receive some good news that allows you to share your work on a larger scale. Venus, planet of love and money, draws in some assistance from an unexpected source. Pay close attention to your dreams as they provide insight into beliefs that are blocking your flow of abundance. On the 21st, the Sun moves into Capricorn followed by a New Moon Solar eclipse on the 26th. It's time to ditch the self-sabotaging agenda that keeps you stuck in unfulfilling friendships. Moving into 2020, you'll be connecting with your real tribe that's down to support you and your dreams 100%.
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Me? I will be the first person to say, at least once a day, that I don’t live by the motto “follow your heart.” For one thing, Scripture advises that we do the exact opposite (Jeremiah 17:9-10). Secondly, I’ve shared before that one definition of heart is “the center of our emotions.” Anyone who thinks that it’s wise to always and/or automatically follow their feelings? Lawd, they are in for a pretty shaky life ride. Why? Because feelings change, so if you’re relying on them to show you the way…bless your (pardon the pun) heart.
That’s not to say that our emotions don’t play a very valid role in, well, almost everything; it’s just that they need to be balanced out with truth, facts, logic, common sense, timing, and some level of mental and emotional stability. When this happens, you’re in the “sweet spot” of being able to take your feelings more seriously and literally — because you’re able to see them more like the thermometer in your home (something that monitors your environment) rather than your house’s entire foundation (something to solely base everything on).
And boy, does keeping all of this in mind come in mighty handy when you’re in a relationship that looks like it’s headed towards somebody’s altar, backyard, or courthouse, and yet — something just doesn’t “feel” quite right. Yes, you love him. You know that he loves you too. Still, there are some not-so-ecstatic, yes, feelings that you have about actually marrying him that you’re not exactly able to shake.
If this is you, I’m going to share eight different scenarios with you where the sweet spot that I just talked about comes into play — and if it does, the last thing that you need to do is say “yes” to an engagement. Instead, pump the brakes a bit until you can get to the root of why, again, something doesn’t feel…quite…right.
1. FEELING LIKE You’re Convincing YourselfGiphy
Several years ago, I wrote an article, in part, about the last boyfriend that I will ever have in this lifetime (check out “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again”). As I oftentimes say, “I’m too old for a ‘boy’ anything,” plus, it really is time out for acting married before I actually am (that’s why many people don’t respect marriage once they actually are a husband or a wife; they’ve been doing pseudo “test runs” for years now). Then there’s the fact that I basically wasted six years of my life because I literally convinced myself to be with him. He didn’t deserve that. I didn’t either. Unfortunately, many people roll in their relationships this exact same way.
Why? Well, I’ll speak for my own situation. For the most part, he was a really good person. Still, I wasn’t attracted to him, he had a mountain of issues to work through, and I didn’t really feel anything profound for him beyond friendship (we were very close friends first). Plus, there were members of his family who were controlling and messy. Yet because he was smart, funny, and so interested in me, I convinced myself that I should give it a shot. *le sigh*
Personally, I’m not a fan of writer Maureen Dowd, although there is something she once said that fits this particular point exquisitely: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” Right now, I’m working with a married couple who are basically on life support, and it’s because, when the wife was dating her now-husband, she was so into how much he was into her that she — yep, you guessed it — convinced herself that her love for him would grow. And although she deeply cares for him, over a decade later, she can’t stop wondering what she’s missing out on anymore, and she’s basically ready to leave. *le sigh again*
Convincing yourself to do something is basically talking yourself into it. And when it comes to something as serious as marriage, you shouldn’t have to push yourself into it. Sure, you need to do some bona fide contemplating, yet if you’re out here on some, “I mean, I could grow to love him more” or “Maybe I’m being ‘extra’ about the issues that concern me” — you shouldn’t ignore those thoughts. See a reputable marriage counselor or life coach to talk it through. Marriage is gonna already test you enough with someone you’re all in with — let alone someone you had to damn near persuade yourself to say “I do” to.
2. FEELING LIKE “Orange Flags” Are Oftentimes Red OnesGiphy
Kind of on the heels of what I was just talking about, there is someone I know who said that a regret that they had when it came to marrying their second husband is, while they didn’t seem to see any immediate red flags (although I’ll be honest, once I heard the entire story, I saw TONS of ‘em, including the fact that they left their first husband and married the second man within the same year), something that felt more unsettling than comforting was when they claimed to have told their fiancé the week of the wedding that they were unsure and he said, “I have enough love for the both of us.”
Listen, a man doesn’t have enough love to compensate for the lack of love you may have for him, and you don’t have enough love to compensate for the lack of love that he might have for you, either. Although, on the surface, that might sound like a beautiful sentiment to put into a blank greeting card, it’s actually dysfunctional as all get out. In fact, it’s part of the reason why I definitely rock with the saying, “You will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready.” (Someone really needed to hear that right now.) No one can be responsible for how someone else feels; that is an inside job. So yeah, hearing something that sounds beautiful, yet you know, deep down, you don’t feel the same way? Although that might not be a red flag, it is definitely a yellow one…quite possibly even an orange one.
Another example: no one in your world is thrilled about either him or the two of you being together. Y’all, I have a friend right now who is going through this. While word is spreading that she and her husband are separated and heading towards divorce, she keeps hearing responses like, “I never really liked him anyway” and/or “We only tolerated him out of respect for you.” She wasn’t tricked. Some “Girl, you might want to slow down” conversations were had with her before their wedding. She says that she moved forward with the nuptials, in spite of, because she didn’t think the potential issues were serious enough to turn into huge problems. Boy, was she wrong. BIG TIME.
No relationship is perfect; that’s because no two people are without flaws. At the same time, marriage is too much of a life investment to see yellow or orange flags and not at least do some real pondering about why they exist. Yeah, red flags are blatant; don’t ignore them. Orange and yellow flags are “iffy;” don’t ignore them either.
3. FEELING LIKE Family Issues Are Quite ValidGiphy
Definitely, one of the most ridiculous things that someone can think before going into a marriage is, “I’m not marrying your family. I’m marrying you.” Whew, chile. First of all, that depends on the kind of boundaries that your partner has with their relatives, and, unfortunately, many individuals have extremely poor ones. Secondly, some people are way into their families, which means they may not mind folks calling all of the time, popping up unannounced, or them knowing all of y’all’s personal business. Oh, and don’t get me started on the people who have totally dysfunctional relationships with their family members.
Case in point. I know a wife right now who is about to file for divorce, and a big part of the reason is her mother-in-law. Words cannot express how unhealthy her husband’s attachment to his mother is — let’s just say that the one who is actually his “queen” ain’t his wife. Even though his mother is still fairly young (certainly old enough to work), she has never held down a job their entire marriage (of over 12 years), he has bought her a large house and luxury car, and he doesn’t give his mom consequences for when she says slick ish about his wife. Here's the thing, though — his wife wasn’t blindsided by any of this. His mom was living with him while she dated him, and he was constantly justifying the complete and utter dysfunction during that time.
Another example is a wife I know whose husband’s family was not a fan of hers, really from day one. Although her marriage has gone the distance, she spends a lot of time emotionally drained because they are constantly coming up with manipulative tactics to get her to do what they want or gaslighting ways to pressure their son into seeing things their way, even if it’s over his wife’s better judgment. Yeah, don’t even get me started on how you really need to look into your potential spouse’s childhood stuff before marrying them because if they have some wounded or codependent areas that require personal therapy — it’s probably best that they go through some before you decide to marry them too.
Family boundaries within a marriage deserve their own article. I’ll just say that the Good Book was wise and brilliant to advise that husbands and wives should leave the family they were born into and cleave to their spouse (Genesis 2:24-25) if they want to keep the DNA drama down to a minimum in their marital union. That said, if who you’re with is already struggling with this concept…don’t ignore that quiet voice that tells you that you are about to take on more than you might be able to handle if you don’t clearly address those issues beforehand. Many people have divorced due to family drama alone. Trust me.
4. FEELING LIKE You Shouldn't Wait to Work Complex Stuff Out Later OnGiphy
Some stuff, you’re not gonna (fully) find out to figure out until after marriage; that’s just how life is. Oh, but you are doing yourself a super disservice of monumental proportions if you are aware of the fact that there are some complexities that you and your partner have going on while thinking that you should wait until after the honeymoon to figure out what to do about them. Real soon, I’ll be writing an article about how love is grand yet, it’s not enough, on its own, to go the distance.
Indeed, there are certain things that either you and your partner need to be on the same page about — or that you both are fully willing to compromise on and accept that it’s gonna be…what it’s going to be.
Things like what?
- Family dynamics (especially if there is some serious dysfunction going on)
- Whether or not you BOTH want children and how you want to raise them, if so
- Household chores
- Conflict resolution
- Purpose-related and professional aspirations
- Relational expectations
- Boundaries with family and friends
- Gender roles
- Sexual wants and needs
- Social media practices
- Views on finances
- Thoughts on prenups and postnups
- Marital deal-breakers
- Feelings about separation and divorce
And really, these 15 things are merely the tip of the iceberg! The main thing to keep in mind here is if you think that figuring out how to do life with someone as smoothly as possible, in a variety of different areas, can be put on the back burner because love will keep it all together — I’ve got at least 20 clients who will scream at you to go on a rom-com fast so that you can learn how to better live in reality.
Love can make you want to work through complexities with another person. Love does not absolve the issues, though. They MUST be addressed — as candidly and thoroughly as possible.
5. FEELING LIKE Sexual Incompatibility Is a Very Real IssueGiphy
One day, soon, I’m going to also pen a piece about the whole “you need to test the car before you drive it” mindset when it comes to having sex before marriage. A part of the reason why I roll my eyes whenever I hear that is because I have been working with couples for well over 17 years at this point and — call it a random coincidence if you want to, but — by far, the couples who’ve had the most issues are the ones who had sex before saying “I do” NOT the ones who waited.
I personally think a big part of that is because, when you remove the haze — and deflection and sometimes deception, especially if it’s good — of sex, you can look at things from a more practical and realistic perspective. In other words, you’re not committing to someone based on how they make you feel; instead, it’s about who they truly are at their core. Also, going without sex can help you to improve your communication skills because, instead of relying on make-up sex to seemingly fix things, you can get to the root of matters, for real, for real. (Speaking of communication, the reason why I penned articles for the site like “7 Questions You Should Ask A Man Before Giving Him Some” is because, quite frankly, there is a lot of stuff that you can — and should — discuss with someone, even about sex, BEFORE actually having it.)
With all of that out of the way, if you have talked certain things over and what they expect is very different from what you do (for instance, I know a couple who had sex about 3-4 times a week while dating, and the husband thought that even that was a compromise yet, after marriage, the wife barely wanted to even a couple of times a month…girl, what?) or you’re already sexually involved and there seems to be some sort of “disconnect” (whether it’s physically, emotionally or otherwise) that you just can’t seem to put your finger on or you’re out here faking orgasms, fantasizing about other people or feeling like something is missing — PLEASE DO NOT WRITE THESE FEELINGS OFF.
Contrary to how a lot of our culture presents it, marriage is actually designed to last for a really long time…and it can feel especially grueling, if not flat-out torturous, to be with someone whom you are basically sexually incompatible with.
By the way, whoever tries to tell you otherwise? Absolutely DO NOT listen to them. If a part of your marital plans includes monogamy and long-term sexual fidelity, sexual compatibility is essential. Full stop.
6. FEELING LIKE Financial Concerns Are Potentially ProblematicGiphy
I have a few friends who also work with couples, and something that we all agree is pretty baffling is when an engaged couple is in premarital counseling (more on that in just a sec) and one or both of them get triggered when the topic of presenting their credit score and financial history comes up. Umm, did you think that your partner wasn’t going to find out eventually anyway — or is that your end game: to spring it onto them after you jump the broom?
A lot of people don’t want to talk about the fact that a person’s financial habits and lifestyle typically reveal a lot about them: do they keep their word by paying their bills on time; are they mature enough to wait to make certain purchases instead of being an impulsive shopper; is getting and/or staying out of debt a priority to them; what is their credit because, if it’s bad, do they get that it will directly affect you on some level?
You know, I know someone who’s now ex-wife’s father said to him at their wedding, “Good luck. She’s a handful.” Her father was right. She was reckless with money. She ran up debt by getting credit cards that her husband knew nothing about. She spent thousands of dollars on basically inconsequential things. SMDH. With financial issues remaining in the top five of reasons why divorces transpire, you are absolutely doing yourself a grave disservice by not getting to know your partner intimately on a financial level. You can do this by asking questions like:
- What were you taught about money as a kid?
- What are your spending habits like?
- Do you have a financial plan for your future?
- How much is currently in your savings account?
- What is your tax situation like (lawd!)?
- How do you prioritize your bills?
- How much debt do you currently have?
- How do you feel about prenups?
- Do you think we should have joint accounts?
- Have you considered retirement yet?
If this seems like “a lot” or invasive, that’s already a problem because this doesn’t even really scratch the service of the type of inquiries that you should make. For instance, I know a wife who has two jobs right now because her husband, although he made pretty good money when they first got married, he is more interested in pursuing dreams than covering the bills. She didn’t know that about him before marriage, and so now…here she is — financially frustrated, which ultimately takes its toll on the relationship at one point or another. Consider yourself warned.
7. FEELING LIKE Premarital Counseling Should Be Highly PrioritizedGiphy
One of the best ways to describe the benefits of any type of therapy is to say that, while clients tend to see things from the “inside out,” therapists/counselors/life coaches choose to look at matters from the “outside in.” In fact, they are trained to do so. This can be highly beneficial when it comes to participating in premarital counseling because you need someone who is not emotionally invested in the way that you and your partner are to raise some questions, issues, or concerns that you may not have thought about or considered otherwise.
Hey, just because I am a marriage life coach, you don’t have to take my word for it. Various studies reveal that not only can premarital counseling help to decrease a couple’s chances of divorce by as much as 50 percent (others say that the percentile is more like 30, which is still pretty good odds), other research cites that marriages are 80 percent better off when premarital counseling transpired.
I’ll say this: There’s a guy I know who is what I call a “nice guy narcissist.” I’ve known him for years, and to say that he has A LOT of issues is a major understatement. When I mentioned to him that he should definitely get into premarital counseling right after he announced that he was engaged, he first said that it was on his to-do list. Then he said that he and his fiancée had spoken with a few people, yet no one was a good fit. Then he said that they resorted to reading books instead.
Uh-huh. Red flags all over the place because if you can come up with thousands of dollars for an engagement ring and wedding, you can come up with 1-2 percent of that total cost (literally) to invest in some premarital counseling. My discernment says that he didn’t want a counselor to pick up on some stuff that could either delay the nuptials or make his soon-to-be bride want to call off the wedding altogether — and that’s pretty much my point: it is so much better to end an engagement than to end a marriage.
On the flip side, if you want to move forward with your partner, you will feel so much better if you get some objective insights and tips to make your relationship last than if you try and wing something as multi-layered as marriage all by yourself.
8. FEELING LIKE You Should Wait a Little Bit LongerGiphy
At one point or another, most of us have heard the saying, “When in doubt, don’t” — and you know what? There is a lot of truth in that, especially when it comes to making relationship-related decisions. One of the reasons why I say that is, it’s almost countless at this point, the amount of people who told me that the week (sometimes even the night) before their wedding, they wanted to call things off yet they didn’t because they already spent a lot of money, they didn’t want to disappoint other people, or they told themselves that it was “cold feet.”
I’ve already taken up a lot of your time, and this could honestly be its own article. I’ll just try and simplify this point by saying: If you feel like you need to rush into anything, that’s typically rooted in pressure or fear — and it’s honestly never a good idea to make any serious decision in those types of headspaces.
To be ready to do something means that you are “completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use” and “duly equipped, completed, adjusted, or arranged, as for an occasion or purpose.” If you don’t think that you are, he is, and/or the relationship is ready for marriage, you are actually loving yourself and your partner by slowing things down rather than speeding things up. So, if you feel like you should wait to get married, you absolutely should.
This was a lot. MARRIAGE IS A LOT. Yet I hope that this either gives you the confidence that you need to move forward or the support that you need to speak up. Because again, if something doesn’t feel quite right, there’s usually a solid reason (or set of reasons) why. Love you and him enough to not ignore what it may be. You both deserve, at least, that much, sis. Straight up.
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