

Work friends are arguably much harder to make than regular friends. There is a sense of control and discipline needed that you don't have normally. What many of us might not realize is that the same standards for your intimate tribe apply to your work tribe. An empowering work tribe can keep your career thriving, keep you sane, and above the fray. A negative work tribe can infiltrate your mind and potentially ruin your career trajectory. Many of us don't even like our jobs but having a negative tribe doesn't make that any easier.
Your life is meant to be enjoyed, and if you can't enjoy this part, at least enjoy those around you.
My journey to finding solid work relationships have been fraught with laughs, betrayals, and terrifying moments. I've found a few close friends and danced with a few enemies. In creative circles, it can be even harder and everything can be taken as an insult. I wasn't lucky enough to live by my friends post-graduate, so I felt very alone in my first few working years. Even though I wasn't going to tell my deep dark secrets to the people at work, I still wanted someone to kick it and have a few drinks with every once in a while. A person who understood a bit of my life and who I could connect with, platonically. I could never really connect with anyone until I took a step back and perfected my approach.
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There's a balance to be had when building your tribe.
While you can luck up and find work friends that turn into soulmates, that story is not fit for all. Befriending and building a relationship with people at work isn't as difficult as it seems. It's not always about networking. The need for personality, humor, and empathy are there as well. On a personal level, your work tribe can keep you motivated and focused in a chaotic environment. On a professional level, they can have an impact on your performance or reputation within the company. This squad influences 40 hours of your life a week. They influence how you feel about what you do, and how you feel about where you work. There's a reason culture company is such a high priority for the current workforce.
Related: Getting the Job Will Be Easier If You Learn These 5 Things Before the Interview
It can be extremely difficult to navigate the workforce, especially if you're just starting out. Everyone seems a bit more experienced or put together, it's all quite intimidating. Here are three things you should strive for when seeking to build your work tribe.
Be Cautious About Conversations With Coworkers
Simply put, nobody has time for failed friendships. Keep that in mind but lead with an open heart. You see these people more than you see your family and friends, however, it doesn't mean they need to know your every vulnerable moment. Finding common areas of struggle is one thing, but don't overdo it. The last thing you want is for a simple rant to circle the gossip mill as the thoughts of a contentious coworker. You've worked hard to be a respected co-worker, and you don't need to blow it on a lunch conversation gone wrong.
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Don't Fake It Til You Make It
People can sense when you're putting on airs. Just because you're at work doesn't mean you can't be the real you. Be authentic. Move slow if you have to. There's no rush. The right sort of people will gravitate to you as you start to make your way. Pay attention to those in your immediate area and what they discuss. Social media can be your best friend, and a great conversation starter. Be genuine with how you feel. Discuss non-work topics, but only if you're 1000 percent comfortable with it.
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Activities Are Key In Work Relationships
If someone invites you into a group event, accept it. When you get an all-staff email about a local weekend festival, ask some co-workers to go with. Don't be afraid to ask. You'd be surprised at how many people are afraid to ask. That initial ask is the risk, it's the step you need out of your comfort zone. Choose activities that align with your interests and passions, that way you'll find out who connects with you on those levels. Once you put the interest out there, the invites will stroll in.
Whereas your personal tribe is there in times of need, this tribe should be there in times of stress.
Your work tribe should represent the different aspirations you have for your career, and help you to push for each of them. They should be your Yoda on a long day, your cheerleader before a big meeting, your after-work drinking buddy on a Friday. And who knows, you might look up one day and see them standing next to you at your wedding.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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