So I Went On A FaceTime Date & It Wasn't As Weird As I Thought
As someone who considers themselves to be more of a transitional dater, I always imagined the first pages of my love story to start off as, "I was picking up a bundle of bananas when our eyes met across the aisle at Trader Joe's, and the rest was history." But "traditional" and "normal" feel more like a fogged and distant dream since the start of 2020. As a pandemic has forced us inside, it's taken the course of our day-to-day human interactions from in-person to an in-app experience. But thanks to technology, just because we've been forced into domestication, doesn't mean our love life has to lie dormant.
Begrudgingly, I've begun online dating. To speak candidly, this is a space I've had my fair share of run-ins with in the past; there's definitely been a swipe-initiated date or two in my pre-Rona life, but at least that felt like my choice. Now, this dystopian-esque dating style just feels like a means to an uncertain end in hopes to communicate with other humans in my area. But before we ever agree to a socially-distanced date, there's one qualifying call that must take place: a FaceTime Date.
I know, just the thought of having your first conversation with your online pen pal over FaceTime may seem awkward at best, but I assure you that it's not as intimidating as you might think. FaceTime dates have become more of an essential process to the initial courting process in this new normal we're in, but there's a way to approach this process that will make a seamless transition from matching over the net to mingling in front of your phone screen: here's how.
First, let’s make the introduction.
phone scrolling GIF by WaleGiphyAs women, we're intuitively inclined to know when the vibe is just right between us and a potential prospect. Thank the gift of divine femine energy, because with little to no in-person connects, that's all you have to go off of, babe. When you feel like you've hit a sweet spot in the flow of your conversation, ease the exchange in a direction that will take things off the app. Let him know how much you've been enjoying your conversation and that you'd like to continue things "face to face". Slide him your digits and introduce the FaceTime date to him. If he's down, allow him to set up the time, and then the real fun begins.
It’s all about the glow.
Since you'll only be focusing your attention on the top half of your body, this is your chance to highlight the details and accentuate your assets. For starters, lighting is key. I had a date compliment me on my lighting set-up days after our chat simply because I utilized all the light in my room and knew how to work my angles. If you have an overhead light, turn it on. A ring light? Illuminate it! You want to make sure he sees that inward light and outward glow of yours in full HD!
What to wear.
changing yara shahidi GIF by grown-ishGiphySince you're at home, there's no need to go full cocktail dress attire, unless that's just your flair of choice. Your FaceTime date is a great opportunity to wear an item of clothing that makes you feel most comfortable, most confident, and the most like you! My items of choice: a linen button down with a bold print, a cool graphic tee, and with gold accessories to set it off. For the face, this all depends on if you're into a natural look or love a full-beat. In either case, you want to accentuate the attributes that you're most proud of. For me, I love throwing on some playful lashes, a glossy lip, and a bit of highlighter to set my face off. (Oh, and don't forget to lay those edges!)
Break the ice.
The best way to break the ice is by picking things up where you left off on the app. From there, the conversation should naturally flow into what you would ask on a normal first date, but without the candle light dinner. Keep things chatty and casual by diving into each other's personal interests, how they've been spending their time during quarantine, and even exchanging binge-worthy shows and new music that's been getting you through these extended days indoors. You want to keep it light as you test out the compatibility between you two.
Remember, no pressure.
At the end of the day, remember that dating at its core is just as much about learning about the person on the other end of the screen as it is about learning about what yourself in the process. Pay attention to how you feel when you're on the phone with this person, do you feel like you can easily be yourself? Did the conversation flow easily? Since this is your first chance at seeing them in-person, pay attention to their mannerism and tone of voice; what quirks do you notice?
Learning about new people is a fun experience, but there's no pressure to force anything to work out of fear that you'll never meet another nice human again until 2022. If the vibe is there, continue to get to know one another and maybe even set up a park or hike date in the days to come. But if not, let it fly; at least you tried something that your 2019-self would be proud of.
Happy Quartinine Dating!
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy