Your December 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Fresh Starts And Pushing Boundaries

The end of the year is usually about closure, but with the dance of the stars happening, there is a sense of a fresh start happening now as well. On December 1, Mercury enters the earth sign Capricorn, and it’s about grounding yourself in the growth and perspective that has been gained this year. Mercury in Capricorn is practical, but it also believes in the best of the best, signifying a time of standing your ground in the things you want and believe in right now.
Venus moves into Scorpio on December 4, and Venus in Scorpio makes love more intimate, passionate, and intense. Venus will be in Scorpio until December 29, and it’s about overcoming fears in love, allowing more intimacy and connection with one another, and not being afraid to take some risks if it means following your heart and giving your emotions a voice. Neptune goes direct in Pisces on December 6, after being retrograde since June, and this will allow emotions, creative ventures, and spirituality to become clearer and easier to grasp for the collective.
Neptune in Pisces brings emotions to the surface, and it also brings things into perspective, especially how important having faith in yourself is.
What December 2023 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
On December 12, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius aligning with the sun, and this New Moon is an expansive, fortunate, and inspiring one. This is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your future, to think big, and to go big. The following day, on December 13, Mercury officially goes retrograde in Capricorn, and this is the last Mercury retrograde of the year. This Mercury retrograde is about taking things slow, not rushing your process, and focusing on where you want to build for yourself financially. Mercury will be Retrograde in Capricorn until December 23, when it finishes its retrograde motion in Sagittarius until January 1, 2024. Mercury retrograde in Sag for a week is allowing you to see the full picture.
Capricorn season begins on December 21, and this is the type of stable and grounding energy we need as the year comes to a close. On December 26, there is a Full Moon in Cancer, and finding your balance between love and practicality is needed.
This Full Moon is the Cold Moon of the year, and emotions are high as renewal and reflection come into play as the year ends. Before the end of the month, both Chiron and Jupiter go direct, allowing spontaneity, abundance, healing, and opportunity to take place. This year has been heavy, and by the end of December, there is a chance to take a deep breath of relief.

ARIES
This month is all about your healing journey, Aries. You have been through significant ups and downs this year, and it’s all coming together to create a fresh start for you. Your wisdom has grown, your mind has seen what it needed to see, and you are ready to use what you now know to move forward. The New Moon happening this month will be in your 9th house of the mind, and mid-December is a good time to plant the seeds for where you want to illuminate your mind.
Mercury goes retrograde this month, and for you, this retrograde will be occurring in an area of your chart having to do with your career. With Mercury retro here, it’s best to use the rest of the year to rest, gain clarity, and take your wins with the losses. The most significant transit for you happening this month is Chrion going direct in your sign on December 26, after being retrograde since July of this year. Now that Chiron is direct in Aries, your healing, your wounds, and your growth are finally getting the recognition and support they need.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is a month of tapping into your inner abundance, Taurus. This is a fortuitous month for you, and some pleasant surprises and developments are in store for you. Financially, you are seeing previous plans and efforts come to fruition, and your financial status is developing. With Venus entering Scorpio at the beginning of the month and entering your 7th house of love, you are not only benefiting financially this month, but your relationships and love life are also experiencing a boost of positive energy thanks to Venus.
With Mercury going retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with travel, the higher mind, and adventure, December is not the best month for travel plans, and it’s best to stick to your safe places as the year comes to a close. The good news, however, is that Jupiter goes direct in your sign on Dec. 30, after being in retrograde for the past three months. With Jupiter, the planet of blessings, now direct and in your sign until May 2024, you are moving into some of the luckiest months in your life in over a decade.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about balance and living in harmony, Gemini. You are flowing well with the energy of the month, and there is a lot to be grateful for and a lot of people who are grateful for you. This is a powerful month for manifesting your dreams, and you are exactly where you need to be right now. Although Mercury, your ruling planet, will be going retrograde this month, it’s happening in an area of your chart that is allowing you to heal and move on for good on things that have been feeling restrictive and limiting for you. You are finding your power.
The New Moon of the month is happening on Dec. 12, and it’s occurring in your sister sign, Sagittarius. With a New Moon in your opposite sign, it’s hitting close to home when it comes to your love life, and you are seeing new beginnings romantically this month. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon comes to fruition, and this Full Moon is closing a chapter when it comes to your financial world, and you are getting a return on the investments you have been making this year.
Overall, December is a month of giving and receiving freely, and finding your synergy through the life changes you are moving through.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is all about your vision, Cancer. You are feeling inspired this month, and are meeting the universe halfway. You have been putting the pieces of the puzzle together in your life, and are finding that one good thing is leading into another. With Venus moving into your 5th house of happiness and romance at the beginning of the month, you have this good energy with you throughout December. This is free-spirit energy that you are tapping into this month, and you are taking some brave steps forward.
On Dec. 13, Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign, Capricorn, and your relationships are the focus right now. This isn’t the best time to start a new relationship, but it is a good time to go over your strengths and weaknesses in love, and where you can tap into more of your inner power here. The Full Moon of the month will be in your sign on Dec. 26, and this is the Cold Moon of the year. The end of December for you is about letting go and releasing the weight that has been on your shoulders so that you can move forward into the abundance that awaits next year with more freedom.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This is a passionate and exciting month for you, Leo. Although you are starting anew in many ways this month, you still need some time to think things through and come up with the best plan for yourself. With Mercury going retrograde in your 6th house this month, taking care of your mind, body, and soul is key to getting through the rest of this year, and health matters should be taken more seriously right now. Overall, however, your creativity is inspiring, and you are focused on where your passions are right now.
The Full Moon happening at the end of the month is occurring in your 12th house of closure and healing, and you are leaving the year in quiet contemplation. Endings are presenting themselves, but don’t get so caught up in what’s leaving your life that you miss what is entering. As December ends, Chiron goes direct in Aries, and this is good news for your travel plans, for checking off things on your bucket list, and for pursuing interests of the mind.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Happy outcomes are in store for you as the year comes to a close, Virgo. This year has been a full circle moment for you, and through the growth and change that has taken place, you find yourself now in a better position than when you began the year. December is all about claiming your peace and your power, and about living in your happiness. The month begins with Venus moving into your 3rd house of communication, and this is a good month to get the recognition and reinforcements that you have been looking for, and for having life-changing conversations with others.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, after being retrograde here since June of this year, and your relationships become clearer to you now. Neptune in the 7th house makes love dreamy and allows you to explore the magic in your love life altogether. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde on the 13th and will be retrograde in another love area of your chart. For you, this means defining and redefining your sense of happiness and love until it fits into who you are and where you see yourself.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is all about trusting your instincts, Libra. If something feels off - it probably is. Remember that this month, as you open new doors and close old ones, and focus on your intentions right now. This month may feel longer to you than it is, as you are moving through a long journey of clarity that has been much needed. With Venus moving into your 2nd house of income and values at the beginning of the month, you are thinking about your priorities right now, what is worth your time and energy, and what is more draining than fulfilling both financially and emotionally.
Confidence is everything as you move through December, and you are being guided to tap into yours, as well as into your divine intuition. The New Moon on the 12th of the month is helping you clear the air, and you are getting the answers you have been looking for. With Mercury going retrograde on Dec. 13 in an area of your chart having to do with stability and the home, you could be moving through some changes with family and home life as the year ends, and foundations are shifting so that stronger ones can be built.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is about perspective, Scorpio, and you are getting the chance to see yours in a new light. There is an opening coming into your life this month, but it may take some effort on your part to notice these new doors that are opening and the support that is there for you. You could be traveling this month, and this energy is helping you open your eyes to the gifts that are surrounding you. Venus enters your sign on Dec. 4 where she will be until Dec. 29, and love is moving into your life in a new and powerful way.
The New Moon of the month is happening in your 2nd house of income, and this is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your finances, investments, and self-confidence. It’s not just about wanting right now, it’s about believing that what you want is already yours and that you are worthy of it. Before the month ends, Jupiter goes direct in your 7th house of love, and any challenges you have been moving through romantically or financially over the past couple of months are that of the past as you enter 2024 with more space within to love and experience blessings here.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
December begins in Sagittarius Season, and you are taking in all that has occurred for you, not just this season but this year in general. This year has been a little heavier for you, and by the time December hits, you are ready to take it slow, ease into the new year, and give yourself time to accept and learn from what’s happened this year. With Venus in your 12th house for most of this month, before it enters your sign, you are truly moving through a time of healing the heart, closing the door on the past, and experiencing enlightenment in your life.
Mercury goes retrograde in Capricorn this month on the 13th and moves into your sign on the 23rd. With Mercury retrograde in your sign, you need some time to develop your plans and to see them through, and you are the only one who can give yourself that time right now. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign, and you get to move into 2024 with love on your side and with more positive energy flowing through your life and your heart.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Dreams are coming true for you in December, and this month is all about believing in a miracle because you deserve one Capricorn. Support is in your life in all areas, and you get to experience how good life can get when you get out of your own way and allow the blessings to enter. Mercury moves into your sign on Dec. 1, right as the month begins, and then goes retrograde here for ten days starting Dec. 13. Mercury retrograde in your sign isn’t necessarily what you want to see as the year ends, yet you will find that this one is more so empowering rather than hindering.
Capricorn season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine, beautiful. Capricorn season for you this year is a chance at a fresh start, and it’s here to remind you just how worthy you are of all that you have been seeking. There is true beauty in your life this month, and it’s coming from within you. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon occurs in your opposite sign, and you get to see love come full circle, and as the hope that you have had here, leads you to victory.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is a month of growth, Aquarius. You are financially experiencing significant gains this month, and you are also being seen as the valuable, intelligent, and talented being that you are. Although responsibilities seem to be piling up as opportunities do, you have the energy and skills to see them through. On Dec. 12, there is a New Moon in your 11th house of hopes and dreams, and this is a good time for seeing your manifestations appear and for feeling closer to your community and friendships along the way.
Mercury goes retrograde in your house of closure this month, and you are ridding yourself of any negative belief systems that have been keeping you away from experiencing personal abundance. Remember that healing can take you places that regret can’t, and give yourself more grace during this time. The Full Moon of the month happens on Dec. 26, and this Full Moon is giving you clarity on your work life, health, and daily routine and allowing you to see the outcomes of what has been working for you.

Kyra Jay for xoNecole
PISCES
This month is moving fast for you, Pisces. There is so much to do, to be, and to learn, and you are doing it all happily. This is a month of opportunity for you, and a month where one thing falls into place beautifully after the other. The most significant transit that is happening for you in December, is Neptune moving direct in your sign after being retrograde for the past six months. Now that Neptune is direct, you can see yourself, your gifts, and your inner power more clearly.
Mercury goes retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with manifestation, and patience is needed as you allow your intentions to come into full bloom. The key this month is to not rush things, and rather to enjoy the pace that life is taking you on right now, trusting that it’s all happening exactly how it is supposed to. Jupiter goes direct on the 30th before the year ends, and for you, this means less confusion and misunderstandings in your life, and more support and open communication.
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- Here's What Saturn In Pisces Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign ›
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- January 2024 Horoscopes, Predictions Every Zodiac Sign - xoNecole ›
Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Earlier this year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “10 Women Share What Gets Them In (And Out) Of The Mood The Fastest.” If you check it out, you’ll see some of the specific things that cause certain women to want to get it on vs. some very clear things that make them want to low-key hard pass on engaging in sexual activities.
Today, though, we’re going to get into why you might not be super interested in sex even though you just can’t seem to put your finger on the cause.
This is important to consider because, sometimes, it has to do with things that are transpiring outside of the bedroom — things that you would never even consider before reading this. That way, you can alter certain lifestyle habits and get your libido back to where it used to be (or you want it to be).
So, here we go — 10 things that could cause your sex drive to struggle a bit.
1. Too Much Sugar Consumption
GiphyI doubt that it will come as a surprise to you that, reportedly, 75 percent of people eat more sugar than they should on a pretty consistent basis. And when there is too much sugar in your system, this can lead to everything from high blood pressure and heart disease to diabetes and sleep issues.
Know what else a lot of sugar can do? Tank your libido. Sugar can make you more stress-filled. Sugar can lower testosterone levels (especially in men). Sugar can zap your energy levels. In women, sugar has a way of throwing sex hormones out of whack and it can even lead to vaginal dryness.
So, if deep down, you know that you’ve got a bit of a sugar addiction going on and you haven’t been up to having sex lately…it might be time to consider connecting those dots, sis.
2. Not Enough Vitamin D
GiphyThere’s no telling how many times I’ve said that we as Black people tend to have less vitamin D in our systems than we should. That’s mostly because our melanin makes it more challenging to absorb natural vitamin D from the sun. That’s why it’s important to spend time outside when you can, to take a vitamin D supplement and/or to consume foods that are rich in vitamin D like salmon, yogurt and mushrooms.
One way that your world will benefit if you do is your sex life will be better. Why do I say that? Well, believe it or not, when your vitamin D levels are low, that can weaken your estrogen levels — and estrogen plays a significant role in you having a healthy libido. Something else that vitamin D does is help your body to produce more dopamine and serotonin; these are neurotransmitters that help you to feel good, including while you are having sex.
I’m telling you — the more that we get into this article, the more you might realize that not being in the mood isn’t simply “in your head.” There could be some real health-related issues going on — ones that can pretty easily be corrected. Straight up.
3. Lots of Social Media Consumption
GiphyClose to two years ago, Psychology Today published an article entitled, “Do Sex Problems Rise With Increasing Social Media Use?” The paragraph that stood out to me this most was this one:
“The women who reported the most social media use were at increased risk of arousal problems, poor vaginal self-lubrication, orgasm difficulties, sexual pain, sexual dissatisfaction, and general sexual distress. The men who said they were addicted to social media faced a greater risk of low desire, erectile dysfunction, difficulties with orgasm, and overall sexual dissatisfaction.”
I mean, when you stop to think about the fact that social media has a way of triggering anxiety, impacting your self-esteem (and not always or necessarily for the better), pressuring you to compare your life to other people, putting your moods on an emotional roller coaster ride — not to mention all of this misinformation that it gives, even about sex…although most people spend a whopping 2.5 hours a day on social media, the advised amount is actually no more than 30 minutes every 24-hour cycle.
Listen, that might be hard to conceptualize doing but — do you want better sex or to be obsessed with scrolling through content that will be there tomorrow? Good lord. I hope you are going to choose the former.
4. Poor Communication in Your Relationship
GiphyYou don’t listen to each other. You’re hypercritical of one another. Your body language with each other conveys flippancy and dismissiveness. You hold grudges for days at a time. You’re both defensive and/or deflecting. You’re masters at giving each other the silent treatment. The two of you make lots of assumptions that oftentimes lead to baseless accusations.
These are just some examples of what it means to have poor communication in your relationship — and when you’re not mentally and emotionally connecting with your partner, that definitely can lead to less-than-satisfying intimacy. So, if any of this is currently transpiring in your relationship, the sooner you and your bae address your issues head on, the better things in your bedroom will be. I can just about guarantee it.
5. Certain Medications
GiphySome sources report that 50 percent of men and 40 percent of women say that they have some sort of challenges when it comes to their sex life. One of the things that causes those issues is the medications that some of them are on. Certain antidepressants can spike your serotonin to the point where it is hard to be in the mood for sex. Some blood pressure meds make it challenging for men to maintain an erection and women to have an orgasm. There are histamine blockers that can get people (especially men) out of the mood and mental health-related drugs that can make it hard to feel fully satisfied during sex. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you are on any of these types of meds and you do sense that they could be why you just ain’t feelin’ it, your doctor should be able to switch your meds or lower your dosage. That way, you can receive their benefits without them costing you sexual pleasure in the process.
6. Too Little AND Too Much Exercise
GiphyLife is all about balance — and something that truly emphasizes this point is exercise. Although a sedentary lifestyle is bad for your libido because it imbalances your sex hormones and keeps you from having the energy that you need to even engage in sexual activity, at the same time, too much exercise has a way of causing things that don’t exactly cultivate an environment for fulfilling sex: muscle soreness, sleep issues, irritability, elevated stress and less endurance (hmm…).
So, how much exercise should you get to keep this from happening? 150 minutes per week should just about get the job done.
7. Drinking Lots of Alcohol
GiphyWe’ve all heard it (somewhere) before that if you want to have a really (eh hem) good night, take a shot or two of tequila first. And although alcohol does have a way of lowering inhibitions (at least initially), in the grand scheme of things, it’s not the great sex elixir that you might think. Actually, research says that alcohol has a way of decreasing blood flow to the genital region, causing vaginal dryness and making it harder to orgasm once it really settles into your system.
Your better bet? Edibles or weed. I mean, if that is your thing anyway. Check out “Want More Frequent And Intensified Orgasms? Puff, Puff, Pass.” to gain a better understanding of why I say so.
8. Inconsistent Sleep Patterns
GiphyWhen you get a chance, check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand” and “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.;” both of them will encourage you to take sleep hella seriously if you want to have a consistent and fulfilling sex life. Sleep is essential because it helps to restore your system throughout the night, so that you are mentally interested in sex and physically capable to have the energy to engage in it.
9. Faking Orgasms
GiphyLife is too short to be fake — and I mean that in every way possible. And when it comes to sex, specifically, orgasms are too magnificent to be out here missing out, all because you are acting like you had one when you absolutely didn’t. And (pun intended) honestly, if that is what you are doing, I get why you wouldn’t be up for some action that often because who wants to be pretending like they are totally fulfilled sexually when that isn’t even close to being the case?
I am never going to be Team Fake Orgasm — ever. That said, if this is what has you ho-humming at sex, please check out reads like “15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall),” “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.” and “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.”
10. Stress
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that although sex is proven to lower stress levels, if you are completely stressed out, you might not be in the mood to have it in the first place. There are a few reasons why. Stress can raise your cortisol (stress hormone) levels which can, in turn, lower your sex drive. Stress can trigger you to rely on certain coping mechanisms like too much alcohol and/or caffeine consumption, staying up late at night (and not getting any sleep), not putting down your phone (or turning off your television) — and all of this can make you tired which can ultimately decrease your libido.
Stress can also have you so mentally and emotionally taxed that it’s hard to even get into the mindset to engage in sexual activities.
I’m telling you — a quote that I am gelling with more and more these days is a popular Bruce Lee one: “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
It reminds me to do what I can and not stress out about what I can’t. Besides, why let something get you so bothered that you can’t have sex because of it?
What in the world, chile? Absolutely not. LOL.
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