October is bringing the gifts of the harvest Full Moon right out of the gate. It's time to reap the rewards for all of the hard work you've put in since the spring. After a six-month retrograde, Pluto finally goes direct, helping you feel more empowered after undergoing some deep, soul work. Of course, when one planet goes direct another goes retrograde and this month it's Mercury transiting between Scorpio and Libra. The New Moon on the 16th encourages us to restore balance to our lives while a second Full Moon on Halloween invites us to indulge in the sensual pleasure of life.
Check out your sign to see what's in store for you in the month ahead:
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober requires a little more patience than you'd prefer but a subtle shift in your perspective can transform some challenging energies into personal testimonies. The Full Moon on the 1st sets the tone for your winner's mindset, helping you burn through any illusions that keep you stuck in victim mode. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo inviting you to fall in love with the details. You're a visionary at heart but sometimes you need help grounding your brilliant ideas into reality. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to approach any career challenges with more tenacity than ever before.
Mercury goes retrograde on the 13th, encouraging you to dive deep into your personal healing by stocking up on self-help books or checking in with your therapist. The New Moon on the 16th could find you taking a commitment to the next level or partnering up with someone new in business. When the Sun enters Scorpio, the allure of nurturing more intimacy can lead you to a deeply transformative connection. Towards the end of the month, Mercury shifts your attention towards renegotiating contracts and boundaries within personal relationships. The month wraps up with a rare occurrence of a second Full Moon clarifying what changes need to be made to increase your earning potential and create the life of luxury that you deserve.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon enhancing your intuitive abilities and connection with the spirit world. Pour some libations for your warrior ancestors or guides to assist you in overcoming any obstacles. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo making it a perfect time to plan the perfect romantic outing for you and bae. Get creative and try not to take things too seriously if they don't go exactly as planned. Remember—it's the thought that counts. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, opportunities to share your wisdom and spiritual ideologies may present themselves. This is also a favorable time for traveling abroad to a place that your soul is longing to return.
Mercury retrograde begins on the 13th, giving you a chance to renegotiate contracts or the expectations within a relationship. The New Moon could suggest that it's time for a new routine or work environment. Setting intentions for improving your physical and mental health is also supported. When the Sun enters Scorpio, communication can be murky, thanks to Mercury retro doing his thing. If possible, avoid signing contracts during this transit or pay close attention to the fine print! On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift your focus to reorganizing your workspace or getting into a better flow with your schedule. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon in your sign helping you see yourself and your potential for greatness even more clearly.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe Full Moon on the 1st illuminates your social network (and possibly your presence online), making this a supportive time to launch your new product, service, or merchandise. When Venus enters Virgo, it's time to get your home in order for hibernation season. Stock up on your fave fall-scented candles and whip out your Halloween decor. We may be socially distancing this year but you can still enjoy a party at home with you and the myriad of other personalities you embody. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making it a good time to schedule that doctor's appointment for any recurring health concerns.
The New Moon on the 16th is supportive for starting a new creative project or meeting a new boo that you could potentially be cuddling up with during cuffing season. When the Sun enters Scorpio, you have the potential to cut out some bad habits that are affecting your mental and physical health. Sometimes a simple shift in your daily routine—like going to sleep earlier—could make all the difference. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears helping you tie up loose ends on a creative project. Just try not to get too distracted by any old fling(s) popping up during this transit. The Full Moon at the end of the month will provide you with the clarity you need on whether you should give someone a second chance or leave their text message on read.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon in Aries motivating you to overcome any obstacles that stand in the way of you and your success. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, encouraging you to organize that million-dollar idea you have into a business pitch with a detailed strategy intact. Your relationships take your healing process even deeper when Pluto goes direct. Remember that anything you don't like about someone else is likely a suppressed behavior within you. On the 13th, Mercury begins its retrograde, making this a perfect time to revisit a creative project or childhood hobby. Don't be surprised if an old fling pops up just in time for cuffing season.
The New Moon on the 16th has you looking to plant your roots somewhere, making this a good time to start looking for a new property to invest into. Just wait until next month to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication weird between you and a romantic interest. There's a thin line between privacy and secrecy. Lead with honesty. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears bringing your focus to family and home matters. Beautify your space for the fall to create a cozy environment for entertaining your loved ones. On the 31st, the Full Moon brings a long-term goal of yours to fruition, giving you reason to celebrate your hard work. Call up your friends for a small gathering to revel in your victory.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAn opportunity to share your expertise on a larger platform could present itself around the Full Moon on the 1st. It's time to let your individuality shine forth boldly as you inspire those around you to do the same. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to get your retail therapy habit under control. When Pluto goes direct, you'll have even more willpower to make better decisions when it comes to your money. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit any recent decisions you've made about your home environment. This isn't the best time to sign any contracts for that new home or apartment but if you must pay special attention to the fine print and ask someone else to look over the contract with you.
The New Moon on the 16th is a good time to sharpen your negotiating skills before you decide to sign your name on the dotted line. On the 22nd, the Sun links up with Mercury, bringing your focus to healing generational trauma. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift your attention, communicating more effectively to assure that everyone involved in the relationship is satisfied. If you're into social media marketing, this is the perfect time to amp up your charm to attract new clientele or customers. October comes to a close with a rare second Full Moon on the 31st reminding you that persistent effort is always rewarded.
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon in Aries helping you burn through the facade to allow your individuality to shine forth. Past experiences that made you feel like an outcast or weirdo no longer sting as much as they once did. On the 2nd, Venus enters your sign, opening up the floodgate of blessings that come when you're living in your authentic truth. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to express this deep appreciation for the journey that molded you into who you are through a creative project or artistic expression. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to dive deeper into your esoteric studies. Exploring astrology, divination, and metaphysics can help you unlock doors you've only dreamt of walking through.
Around the middle of the month, the New Moon is a supportive time to plant seeds for that new stream of income you want to grow. This is also a favorable time for solidifying a business partnership. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury, helping you dive into more meaningful conversations that lead you and others through a transformative, healing process. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus invite you to revisit your budget and make some adjustments where necessary. This is also a time to assess whether the energy you're investing into an endeavor is paying out a good return. The month closes out with a bang with a rare-occurring second Full Moon encouraging you to share your spiritual gems with others through writing or teaching. Traveling abroad could be just the experience you need to level up spiritually, making this a perfect time to book a vacation to that special place your soul has been longing to return.
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month takes off with a fiery Full Moon helping you get clear about what your boundaries are and who actually respects them. People that don't make the cut will likely be removed from your life. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo which has you inclined to lay low and cuddle up with your fave person. Love matters take on a more private approach during this transit which can help you cultivate more intimacy with someone you'd like to grow closer to. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more confident in your leadership abilities and ready to face any career challenges head-on.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, inviting you to reassess your budget and make changes where necessary. Avoid making major purchases during this transit. The New Moon in your sign is the perfect time for a fall makeover. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, discussions about shared resources may arise within a partnership. Ask yourself if this person is more of a liability than an asset. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making you the center of the conversation. Everybody and they mama wants to be all up in your business. You may even be revisited by an ex. Assert those boundaries when necessary. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon freeing you up from a financial responsibility, or debt, that has been looming over your head.
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober kicks off with a Full Moon giving you the courage to finally ditch that bad habit that's been affecting your health. This is also a time to make some adjustments to your daily routine to support your overall well-being. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo helping you gain some traction on social media. Ask yourself how you can better serve your online community to reap the rewards of more followers and engagement. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're ready to share more about your personal healing process through your blog or an IG live session. On the 13th, Mercury goes retro, making you the go-to person for everyone to share their secrets.
The New Moon on the 16th helps you get to the root of any unbalanced relationship patterns that need to be cleared out of your subconscious. On the 22nd, the Sun meets up with Mercury which could make communication a little murky. If someone is trying to sell you something, take their recommendation with a grain of salt. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus team up to help you reestablish balance in your life by inviting you to connect with your Higher Power and the deeper meaning of your life. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon on Halloween making it clear where you and a significant other stand. Be prepared for some changes within an existing relationship or business partnership as they're ultimately aligning you with more compatible options.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a passionate Full Moon making it the perfect date night for you and that cutie you've been eyeing on that dating app. Fortune favors the bold, sis. Don't be afraid to shoot your shot. If you've been working on anything creative, this is the perfect time to reveal your artwork to the world. On the 2nd, Venus moves into Virgo which helps you attract some blessings when it comes to your career. You're finally receiving the recognition for all of your hard work. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you're feeling more fiscally responsible to make some major boss moves to secure your financial security.
On the 13th, Mercury goes retro which has your excessively talkative self tight-lipped about something you're working on behind the scenes. The New Moon on the 16th has you moving and shaking amongst a new crowd that can help you accomplish your dreams. When the Sun and Mercury meet up on the 22nd, you may find it difficult to contain your excitement but some of your recent moves are better kept private for the time being. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus link up making you a magnet on social media, meaning this a supportive time to revamp your online image or your brand. October comes to a close with a sensual Full Moon inviting you to enjoy yourself but be mindful of overdoing it.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleOctober begins with an intense Full Moon that could result in you calling it quits and moving residence—especially if you and a family member aren't seeing eye-to-eye. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo and your wanderlust has your sights set on an international excursion that will give you just the kind of reset that you need. When Pluto goes direct, you're feeling way more confident (and less emo) after going through a Dark Night of the Soul. The lessons may have been grueling but you've come out on the other side more self-aware and empowered than ever before.
Around the middle of the month, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends that you haven't seen since the beginning of the pandemic. On the 16th, the New Moon invites you to plant seeds for the next career milestone that you want to accomplish. The Sun and Mercury link up on the 22nd, which has you craving more deep conversations with your social circle that carry on late into the midnight hours. If you've got something personal to share, call up a friend instead of telling Twitter all of your business. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears to help you attract just the right people with information that can help you get ahead in your chosen career field. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon encouraging you to reveal that creative project or ditch the non-committal loser that's wasting your time.
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe feisty Full Moon on the 1st has you ready to talk yo' shit regardless of how others may receive your truth. When Venus enters Virgo, you could be attracting some unexpected financial support through a credit lender, grant, or that sugar daddy you used to entertain. On the 4th, Pluto goes direct, giving you the power to push past the limitations of your subconscious. You are more than capable of achieving success in whatever way you define it for yourself. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to revisit some key conversations related to your career development. An opportunity that you thought passed you by may be circling back around because you're actually ready for it now.
The New Moon on the 16th encourages you to expand your knowledge through self-study or formal education to position yourself as a guide or teacher for others. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 22nd and links up with Mercury, making this a good time to step into a leadership role. You don't need a ton of experience to influence others. You just need to share your testimony to inspire them instead. On the 27th, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to start planning that holiday getaway. The month wraps up with a Full Moon that could have you uprooting from your current home to establish yourself elsewhere.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleMoney matters take center stage with the Full Moon on the 1st. You may have some revelations about the way you're making money. If you're interested in striking out on your own as an entrepreneur, this energy supports you in doing so. On the 2nd, Venus enters Virgo, inviting you to make some plans within an established relationship. When Pluto goes direct on the 4th, you'll begin to notice the effects of the transformation you've undergone over the past several months—especially within your friendships. On the 13th, Mercury goes retrograde, making this a good time to dive deeper into your studies about spirituality and esoteric topics.
The New Moon on the 16th supports you in receiving the financial support that you need to start up that business or get that home loan. On the 22nd, the Sun and Mercury meet up and you're in the mood to travel. Hold off on doing so during the retrograde but feel free to start making plans for a holiday getaway. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and Venus shift gears, making this a good time to review shared resources that you have with bae or your business partner. If you've got outstanding debts, it's time to get serious about paying it off (or you can always opt for deferring your student loan for the 3rd time). October closes with a Full Moon placing the spotlight on your social media presence. If you've got a product or service to launch, here's your chance to really make an impression.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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The reason why I thought they were a great way to start off this piece is because, although they’ve been together (including living together) for about five years (I believe) and Cey has mentioned getting a lot of social media pressure to propose to Jai, he said that he would move forward when he was ready which happened to be on Jai’s 25th birthday this year — and then, four months later, they eloped. Hmph. What seemed to take forever (to viewers, anyway), it ended up moving swiftly…when Cey was ready to move. And in the meantime, they both resolved to live in the moment and prepare in the meantime. Hmph. In January, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. By December, they became husband and wife. Good stuff.
The tie-in? You know, if there is one thing that I oftentimes encourage my coupled-up clients to do right around this time of the year, it's to have a conversation with their partner about whether or not they think their relationship is stagnant in some way. Synonyms for stagnant include idle, inactive, dormant, sluggish, and stale. The reason why it’s important to ponder over this is because, oftentimes, when relationships end, it’s not because people don’t care for one another anymore; hell, it’s not even that something “big” or “drastic” happened.
Oftentimes, it’s because they allowed their relationship to not develop, advance, progress — and when things aren’t moving forward, things tend to slip backwards or remain stuck…and nothing healthy can come from either of those outcomes.
A musician by the name of Matt Bellamy once said, “You have to evolve. Stagnation breeds boredom,” — and y’all, believe it or not, boredom is another big cause of break-ups. Keeping all of this in mind, I would hate for your relationship to “fade to black” in the upcoming year, simply because stagnation took over.
And so, in the few moments that are left in 2025, ask your partner the following questions. They may provide the clarity you need to know how to keep your relationship strong (or to get it back on track) over the next several months.
Are We in a Different Place than Where We Were Last Year?
GiphyBack to Cey and Jai for a second. Again, even though commenters were pretty close to being relentless when it came to wondering when Cey was going to pop the question, if you kept up with their content, even though Cey hadn’t proposed yet, one thing that you couldn’t say is that they were in the same place, relationally, year after year. For one thing, they stayed moving about (literally), and they oftentimes expressed goals that they wanted to reach, both as individuals and as a couple.
My point? If the ultimate goal between you and your partner is marriage, and that hasn’t happened yet, there is no way that 365 days have passed, and you shouldn’t be able to say that you’ve seen some relational growth, change, and progress over that period of time.
Are the two of you better at communicating? Has the intimacy between the two of you gotten stronger? Are you both better forgivers? Are you closer friends? Do you know more about one another’s wants and needs?
A stagnant relationship is one that, by definition, lacks development. If you can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you and your partner are better and stronger now than you were this time last year, pat yourself on the back — that is a really good sign that you two are in a really great place.
Do We Both Still Want the Same Things?
GiphyOne of the best things about a healthy relationship is that it helps you to tame your ego. I say that because if you are serious about making your relationship work and last, it’s going to require compromise, sacrifice, and humility. That’s why it irks me to no end when a relationship ends, and if a person in it is asked why, they will say something along the lines of the other individual didn’t love them simply because they didn’t want what they did.
This is a great example of someone’s ego showing up because the reality is that a person can absolutely love you and even want to be with you, and still not be on the same page about what you want. This is actually a part of the reason why it’s a good idea to do some thorough vetting during the beginning stages of dating (check out “The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have” and “The 'Pre-Sex Interview' To See If You're Both In Sync.”).
Anyway, the only way to know if someone wants what you do is to ask. And if you think that is silly after being with someone for a while, well, I’ll share with you a marriage quote that I oftentimes reference in sessions: “You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being.” (Richard J. Needham)
People change all of the time, so if you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you absolutely owe it to yourself, your partner, and the relationship overall to “check in” to make sure that you both ultimately want the same things from your dynamic. Never assume. Assumptions typically backfire — one way or another.
Is There Any Area Where You Think We Are Wasting Time?
I have always liked this particular definition of waste: “to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return,” and when it comes to this particular article, please remember that if you are pouring into something and not getting much of a return…that is the textbook definition of wasting time, effort, and energy.
So yes, it definitely works in your and your partner’s favor to ponder if the two of you are wasting time in an area. One way to figure this out is to look through the lens of INVESTING vs. SPENDING. Whatever you all are doing, is it an investment where you are seeing a payoff, or are you just spending and not really getting much in return?
I’ll say this — if there is more fighting than peace; if you don’t have the same values; if one or both of you are acting like you are satisfied as far as intimacy goes when you really aren’t; if when you hang out, there feels like a disconnection is there; if one or both of you are walking on eggshells in order to get along, and/or spending time with each other isn’t one of your all-time favorite things to do…all of this are indications of wasting time because, again, you’re giving but…what are you really getting?
Do We Complement Where We Are Heading As Individuals?
GiphyWhen God decided (because it was him; not Adam) that it was time for Adam to have a companion, the Classic Amplified Version of Scripture states that the Lord said this: “Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.” (Genesis 2:18 — AMPC) Hmph, don’t get me started on how much nonsense I see on social media that causes me to wonder if people actually believe this. For now, I’ll just say that it’s important to peep what this verse says a good helpmate looks like: she is suitable, adaptable (that’s a good one), and complementary to her man.
Complementary is a great word. So much, in fact, that several years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life.” When you complement someone, you help to complete them. This is why I wish people would really embrace how masculinity and femininity are designed to BALANCE (i.e., complement) one another. And even beyond that, when it comes to your relationship specifically, where do you and your partner complete each other? Not in the rom-com way so much as where do they “balance you out”?
A married couple who I work with, one of the things that I’m trying to get them to chill out about is embracing that their differences actually can work in their favor if they simply stopped trying to turn each other into carbon copies of themselves (another way that ego manifests, by the way). An example of what I mean is the husband is very chill and cautious in how he moves while the wife is spontaneous and likes to take all kinds of risks. If they embraced the way this could COMPLEMENT both of them as individuals, she wouldn’t be so emotionally high-strung and unnecessarily stressed, and he wouldn’t overthink his way out of potentially great opportunities.
Another favorite quote of mine is “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (Larry Dixon) Although you and your partner shouldn’t be so different that you’re constantly clashing and butting heads, it’s okay to bring different things out of each other by how you complement one another. Spend some time talking about if/how you do. It can reveal quite a bit.
What Would You Like to Accomplish, Relationally, Next Year?
GiphyRemember how I touched on the fact that boredom can lead to the demise of a relationship? As I close this out, another way to avoid stagnation in your relationship is to create plans for it.
In 2026, where do you want to travel? What new things do you want to try/attempt together? What are the strengths that you want to celebrate and the weaknesses that you want to work on? How do you want to progress spiritually? What needs still need to be met? What wants do you wish to prioritize? What habits do you want to break? What boundaries need to be set? What do you both want to get better at as far as communication goes? What can you do to become better friends, confidants, and lovers?
It’s kind of wild that, although most of us know the quote, “Fail to plan, plan to fail,” many of us literally FAIL at applying it to our relationship. Yet there is data all over the place that supports that if you want to succeed at something, planning is one of the most effective ways to do it.
Just ask Cey and Jai. #wink
Salute to them and Happy New Year to you and your man.
Here’s to plenty of progress…with barely any stagnation, chile.
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