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How To Shoot Your Professional Shot
I've witnessed some of the most elaborate schemes both men and women have undergone in order to shoot their shot at a potential love interest. Detailed research, consistent DMs, songs dedicated in their honor, and even cut-to-the-chase declarations of love. With so many outlets encouraging us to shoot our shots in order to find the "one", why can't we shoot shots in order to secure the bag?
According to a 2003 psychology study by Joyce Ehrlinger and Justin Kruger measuring perceived competence and assertiveness, women on average rated themselves a 6.5 out of 10, whereas men gave themselves a 7.6. In all areas tested in the study, men overestimated their abilities and performance, whereas women underestimated themselves despite similar rates of accuracy. Due to institutional and historic inequalities further impacting women of color in comparison to their white counterparts, it would not be surprising if research showed lower rates of perceived competence for WOC.
Lack of confidence in ourselves can manifest in lower recognition, compensation, and promotion rates, which is completely unacceptable when we put in the same amount of work – if not more.
Doom and gloom aside: Don't be your biggest obstacle. As said by Wayne Gretzky: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." In other words, you are guaranteed failure unless you try. Stick your hand out, introduce yourself, go after that promotion, be ass(HER)tive.
Here are 5 tips to help you shoot your professional shot.
Work Backwards
Have you ever looked up to a particular person and thought they were the ultimate definition of your #goals? A great tip is to research their profile from start to finish and see what steps are attainable within your own life.
Say your professional idol is Michelle Obama. From researching her profile, you will learn that she majored in Sociology, was involved in a number of multicultural organizations during college, received amazing grades, attended a top law school, worked at a law top firm, had local organizing experience, worked with non-profits, etc. From the top looking down, we see "Michelle: the BOSS First Lady" but not "Michelle: the local organizer and non-profit executive director". She too was once a hustling 20- and 30-something.
Find bits and pieces that are possible for you at this stage and build from the ground up. Cast a wide net and pursue people and apply for opportunities that will help you build a strong profile over time.
Attend Conferences & Speaking Engagements
The same way a bar or social event might bring together people you might click with on a romantic level, conferences and speaking engagements bring together a wide group of potential career matches. Go to conferences not only with the intent to learn something new from the outlined agenda but with the intent to network with attendees and presenters. You never know what opportunities may be of interest to you at a later time in your life or who might be able to connect you with your dream job. Take notes, bring business cards, send LinkedIn requests, and view every contact as a potential opportunity. Your network = Your net worth.
Related: Why Investing In Conferences Is Important For Women Leveling Up
Reach Out to Mutual Friends Within Your Professional Network
Even 2-5 years out of your first job, you have former friends and colleagues who have spread out across the country and onto schools and opportunities that you may now be interested in. If you are about to apply for a position that your former classmate is now the head of, shoot her a quick email. If your neighbor's cousin works for the university you are about to apply to for graduate school, simply ask if she knows anyone that can advise you about the application process. Your former boss moved on to a create a business venture you're interested in, ask if she can take 10 mins one evening to review your business plan. Don't leave the low hanging fruit unpicked – secure every small win you have within your grasp.
Related: The Introverted Girl's Guide to Office Networking
Send Coffee Chat Invites & Thank You Emails
I'll never forget the one time I sent a coffee chat invite to the global head of my department... and he responded in seconds. Upon meeting with him, he went on to tell me how few meeting requests he receives from interns and how he loves learning from junior employees. I was shook. Little did he know that the 15 minutes before I sent the email, I deleted and rewrote it 10 times, fearful that I was being "too forward" and overstepping my role. I could have missed out on a major opportunity. After our coffee chat, I sent him a short, genuine thank you note and he went on to greet me by name for the rest of the summer. Long story short: closed mouths don't get fed. The worst that can happen is your desired contact doesn't respond, and even then, you can send a follow-up note. Put your best foot forward and hope for the best.
Related: 'Pick Your Brain Over Coffee' -- Is It The Best Approach?
Have Your Elevator Pitch Ready
Even CEOs have to take the elevator or grab a quick bite to eat. Don't corner them or be too forward, but definitely introduce yourself and directly articulate your request and add value if you run into someone you want to connect with professionally. A strong elevator pitch has the following components: captures attention, is clear and concise, provides value or proof of results, has a call to action, and comes across as natural. It takes practice, but at the right moment, it can be a game-changer.
Remember:Rejection is not a dead end – persistence and self-confidence are key. Don't stop until you get that "yes" that makes everything worth it.
Featured image by AllGo - An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash
Lydia is a recent Ivy League graduate who is passionate about using her voice to enact change in minority and female communities. Dubbed the "Intern Queen," she has worked 8+ internships in diverse industries, including Wall Street firms and the Obama White House, and is now bringing her career and lifestyle tips to you! Meet Lydia on Instagram @queen_of_anglin and Twitter @its_lit_dia.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."