Quantcast
RELATED

Despite the length of time that I have been single, it has been a very interesting journey that has been filled with many lessons learned. To be quite honest, I experienced the same toxic scenarios repeatedly because I was too stubborn to implement wisdom in my situations. I was the type of woman that easily fell for the lame lines, unfulfilled promises, sketchy characters and "obvious" lies from men. Nonetheless, I would not change my past because it cultivated me into the woman that I am today.

Throughout my singleness, I have gone on dates with men who were worth getting to know and others where our interaction should have just remained as only a phone conversation. Regardless of which category the man fell in, they all had something in common; it did not last.

There have been many moments that I contemplated why my interest or excitement for those guys drastically faded. Especially with the men who many would deem as decent and this year was the year that I discovered why.

Being in quarantine has been a difficult transition that forced many of us to stop, reflect and sit in our emotions and thoughts. It has even brought out the dust that many of us have swept under the rug for years. That is what the quarantine did to me as it relates to my previous dating experiences. More specifically, it revealed what was really missing in my dating life.

For the past several months, I have taken an inventory of what I really needed and desired when it came down to finding a partner through listening to a variety of podcasts, reading books, meditating on the Bible, prayer, processing my thoughts and emotions through in-depth girl talks and journaling. All of which has led me to a revelation that intimacy was the very thing I was lacking in my dating life.

Shutterstock

No, I am not talking about sexual intimacy but an emotional, spiritual and mental one. When you are locked away from fancy dinners, concerts, events and anything that involves a large population, you tend to overlook the value and importance of one's emotional, mental and spiritual status.

This new norm of going on picnics, taking more walks, being at less crowded outdoor dining restaurants has forced many to not just share fun facts about themselves; but to actually talk and attentively listen.

Think about it, the last thing you need during the climate of our world is to let your mind rot during this pandemic. Many of us have realized the true importance of what it means and looks like to be emotionally, spiritually and mentally healthy and available.

With that newfound realization, I realized that my time spent with men had to be more than just entertainment and photo ops, I needed sanity and peace.

Shutterstock

I craved to be grounded in the Word of God by a man who had the unapologetic attitude to pray for me or send me an encouraging Bible verse after having an exhausted day as a Black woman. I did not need to go to a concert nor did I need a glass of red wine; I needed to feel such a deep connection that made me feel like the guy could possibly be a safe place for me.

That was an area in which I lacked. I was overly distracted by the glamour of dates that I overlooked the emotional, mental and spiritual capacity of my date.

However, being in quarantine revealed how invaluable emotional, spiritual, and mental intimacy really is for me. I discovered that it is the very thing that keeps me intrigued and engaged. All of this may sound "obvious" to many but to some, it is a newfound understanding that will shape our minds to fully grasp that this level of intimacy is what really makes two people genuinely like each other and not just tolerate one another.

Featured image by Shutterstock

 

RELATED

 
ALSO ON XONECOLE
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40

What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.

KEEP READINGShow less
Candid waist up portrait of happy black woman as young bride embracing bridesmaids during wedding ceremony

I don’t know what it is about me when it comes to television (or web) series. Usually, I won’t watch them when they’re airing in “real time;” it’ll be a couple of years later, and then I’ll binge-watch and become a fan. Such was the case withChef Julian (the real ones know). And while watching it, someone who I found to be so pretty was the main character’s forever-on-again-off-again girlfriend Mo’. Real name? Javicia Leslie. If you’re not familiar with her, on one of the episodes, Julian jokes about her resembling Tatiana Ali — and he would be correct.

Anyway, it’s always cool to see people rise in their craft. A couple of years ago, Javicia made history as the first Black woman to play one of the characters of the DC Universe (Batwoman, to be exact). And why is she relevant to this particular article? It’s basically because, a couple of years before that, she had the lead in a cute film entitledAlways a Bridesmaid. On some levels, she even inspired the decision to write this piece.

KEEP READINGShow less
LATEST POSTS