Your December 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Fresh Starts And Pushing Boundaries

The end of the year is usually about closure, but with the dance of the stars happening, there is a sense of a fresh start happening now as well. On December 1, Mercury enters the earth sign Capricorn, and it’s about grounding yourself in the growth and perspective that has been gained this year. Mercury in Capricorn is practical, but it also believes in the best of the best, signifying a time of standing your ground in the things you want and believe in right now.
Venus moves into Scorpio on December 4, and Venus in Scorpio makes love more intimate, passionate, and intense. Venus will be in Scorpio until December 29, and it’s about overcoming fears in love, allowing more intimacy and connection with one another, and not being afraid to take some risks if it means following your heart and giving your emotions a voice. Neptune goes direct in Pisces on December 6, after being retrograde since June, and this will allow emotions, creative ventures, and spirituality to become clearer and easier to grasp for the collective.
Neptune in Pisces brings emotions to the surface, and it also brings things into perspective, especially how important having faith in yourself is.
What December 2023 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
On December 12, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius aligning with the sun, and this New Moon is an expansive, fortunate, and inspiring one. This is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your future, to think big, and to go big. The following day, on December 13, Mercury officially goes retrograde in Capricorn, and this is the last Mercury retrograde of the year. This Mercury retrograde is about taking things slow, not rushing your process, and focusing on where you want to build for yourself financially. Mercury will be Retrograde in Capricorn until December 23, when it finishes its retrograde motion in Sagittarius until January 1, 2024. Mercury retrograde in Sag for a week is allowing you to see the full picture.
Capricorn season begins on December 21, and this is the type of stable and grounding energy we need as the year comes to a close. On December 26, there is a Full Moon in Cancer, and finding your balance between love and practicality is needed.
This Full Moon is the Cold Moon of the year, and emotions are high as renewal and reflection come into play as the year ends. Before the end of the month, both Chiron and Jupiter go direct, allowing spontaneity, abundance, healing, and opportunity to take place. This year has been heavy, and by the end of December, there is a chance to take a deep breath of relief.

ARIES
This month is all about your healing journey, Aries. You have been through significant ups and downs this year, and it’s all coming together to create a fresh start for you. Your wisdom has grown, your mind has seen what it needed to see, and you are ready to use what you now know to move forward. The New Moon happening this month will be in your 9th house of the mind, and mid-December is a good time to plant the seeds for where you want to illuminate your mind.
Mercury goes retrograde this month, and for you, this retrograde will be occurring in an area of your chart having to do with your career. With Mercury retro here, it’s best to use the rest of the year to rest, gain clarity, and take your wins with the losses. The most significant transit for you happening this month is Chrion going direct in your sign on December 26, after being retrograde since July of this year. Now that Chiron is direct in Aries, your healing, your wounds, and your growth are finally getting the recognition and support they need.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is a month of tapping into your inner abundance, Taurus. This is a fortuitous month for you, and some pleasant surprises and developments are in store for you. Financially, you are seeing previous plans and efforts come to fruition, and your financial status is developing. With Venus entering Scorpio at the beginning of the month and entering your 7th house of love, you are not only benefiting financially this month, but your relationships and love life are also experiencing a boost of positive energy thanks to Venus.
With Mercury going retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with travel, the higher mind, and adventure, December is not the best month for travel plans, and it’s best to stick to your safe places as the year comes to a close. The good news, however, is that Jupiter goes direct in your sign on Dec. 30, after being in retrograde for the past three months. With Jupiter, the planet of blessings, now direct and in your sign until May 2024, you are moving into some of the luckiest months in your life in over a decade.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about balance and living in harmony, Gemini. You are flowing well with the energy of the month, and there is a lot to be grateful for and a lot of people who are grateful for you. This is a powerful month for manifesting your dreams, and you are exactly where you need to be right now. Although Mercury, your ruling planet, will be going retrograde this month, it’s happening in an area of your chart that is allowing you to heal and move on for good on things that have been feeling restrictive and limiting for you. You are finding your power.
The New Moon of the month is happening on Dec. 12, and it’s occurring in your sister sign, Sagittarius. With a New Moon in your opposite sign, it’s hitting close to home when it comes to your love life, and you are seeing new beginnings romantically this month. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon comes to fruition, and this Full Moon is closing a chapter when it comes to your financial world, and you are getting a return on the investments you have been making this year.
Overall, December is a month of giving and receiving freely, and finding your synergy through the life changes you are moving through.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is all about your vision, Cancer. You are feeling inspired this month, and are meeting the universe halfway. You have been putting the pieces of the puzzle together in your life, and are finding that one good thing is leading into another. With Venus moving into your 5th house of happiness and romance at the beginning of the month, you have this good energy with you throughout December. This is free-spirit energy that you are tapping into this month, and you are taking some brave steps forward.
On Dec. 13, Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign, Capricorn, and your relationships are the focus right now. This isn’t the best time to start a new relationship, but it is a good time to go over your strengths and weaknesses in love, and where you can tap into more of your inner power here. The Full Moon of the month will be in your sign on Dec. 26, and this is the Cold Moon of the year. The end of December for you is about letting go and releasing the weight that has been on your shoulders so that you can move forward into the abundance that awaits next year with more freedom.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This is a passionate and exciting month for you, Leo. Although you are starting anew in many ways this month, you still need some time to think things through and come up with the best plan for yourself. With Mercury going retrograde in your 6th house this month, taking care of your mind, body, and soul is key to getting through the rest of this year, and health matters should be taken more seriously right now. Overall, however, your creativity is inspiring, and you are focused on where your passions are right now.
The Full Moon happening at the end of the month is occurring in your 12th house of closure and healing, and you are leaving the year in quiet contemplation. Endings are presenting themselves, but don’t get so caught up in what’s leaving your life that you miss what is entering. As December ends, Chiron goes direct in Aries, and this is good news for your travel plans, for checking off things on your bucket list, and for pursuing interests of the mind.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Happy outcomes are in store for you as the year comes to a close, Virgo. This year has been a full circle moment for you, and through the growth and change that has taken place, you find yourself now in a better position than when you began the year. December is all about claiming your peace and your power, and about living in your happiness. The month begins with Venus moving into your 3rd house of communication, and this is a good month to get the recognition and reinforcements that you have been looking for, and for having life-changing conversations with others.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, after being retrograde here since June of this year, and your relationships become clearer to you now. Neptune in the 7th house makes love dreamy and allows you to explore the magic in your love life altogether. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde on the 13th and will be retrograde in another love area of your chart. For you, this means defining and redefining your sense of happiness and love until it fits into who you are and where you see yourself.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is all about trusting your instincts, Libra. If something feels off - it probably is. Remember that this month, as you open new doors and close old ones, and focus on your intentions right now. This month may feel longer to you than it is, as you are moving through a long journey of clarity that has been much needed. With Venus moving into your 2nd house of income and values at the beginning of the month, you are thinking about your priorities right now, what is worth your time and energy, and what is more draining than fulfilling both financially and emotionally.
Confidence is everything as you move through December, and you are being guided to tap into yours, as well as into your divine intuition. The New Moon on the 12th of the month is helping you clear the air, and you are getting the answers you have been looking for. With Mercury going retrograde on Dec. 13 in an area of your chart having to do with stability and the home, you could be moving through some changes with family and home life as the year ends, and foundations are shifting so that stronger ones can be built.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is about perspective, Scorpio, and you are getting the chance to see yours in a new light. There is an opening coming into your life this month, but it may take some effort on your part to notice these new doors that are opening and the support that is there for you. You could be traveling this month, and this energy is helping you open your eyes to the gifts that are surrounding you. Venus enters your sign on Dec. 4 where she will be until Dec. 29, and love is moving into your life in a new and powerful way.
The New Moon of the month is happening in your 2nd house of income, and this is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your finances, investments, and self-confidence. It’s not just about wanting right now, it’s about believing that what you want is already yours and that you are worthy of it. Before the month ends, Jupiter goes direct in your 7th house of love, and any challenges you have been moving through romantically or financially over the past couple of months are that of the past as you enter 2024 with more space within to love and experience blessings here.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
December begins in Sagittarius Season, and you are taking in all that has occurred for you, not just this season but this year in general. This year has been a little heavier for you, and by the time December hits, you are ready to take it slow, ease into the new year, and give yourself time to accept and learn from what’s happened this year. With Venus in your 12th house for most of this month, before it enters your sign, you are truly moving through a time of healing the heart, closing the door on the past, and experiencing enlightenment in your life.
Mercury goes retrograde in Capricorn this month on the 13th and moves into your sign on the 23rd. With Mercury retrograde in your sign, you need some time to develop your plans and to see them through, and you are the only one who can give yourself that time right now. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign, and you get to move into 2024 with love on your side and with more positive energy flowing through your life and your heart.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Dreams are coming true for you in December, and this month is all about believing in a miracle because you deserve one Capricorn. Support is in your life in all areas, and you get to experience how good life can get when you get out of your own way and allow the blessings to enter. Mercury moves into your sign on Dec. 1, right as the month begins, and then goes retrograde here for ten days starting Dec. 13. Mercury retrograde in your sign isn’t necessarily what you want to see as the year ends, yet you will find that this one is more so empowering rather than hindering.
Capricorn season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine, beautiful. Capricorn season for you this year is a chance at a fresh start, and it’s here to remind you just how worthy you are of all that you have been seeking. There is true beauty in your life this month, and it’s coming from within you. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon occurs in your opposite sign, and you get to see love come full circle, and as the hope that you have had here, leads you to victory.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is a month of growth, Aquarius. You are financially experiencing significant gains this month, and you are also being seen as the valuable, intelligent, and talented being that you are. Although responsibilities seem to be piling up as opportunities do, you have the energy and skills to see them through. On Dec. 12, there is a New Moon in your 11th house of hopes and dreams, and this is a good time for seeing your manifestations appear and for feeling closer to your community and friendships along the way.
Mercury goes retrograde in your house of closure this month, and you are ridding yourself of any negative belief systems that have been keeping you away from experiencing personal abundance. Remember that healing can take you places that regret can’t, and give yourself more grace during this time. The Full Moon of the month happens on Dec. 26, and this Full Moon is giving you clarity on your work life, health, and daily routine and allowing you to see the outcomes of what has been working for you.

Kyra Jay for xoNecole
PISCES
This month is moving fast for you, Pisces. There is so much to do, to be, and to learn, and you are doing it all happily. This is a month of opportunity for you, and a month where one thing falls into place beautifully after the other. The most significant transit that is happening for you in December, is Neptune moving direct in your sign after being retrograde for the past six months. Now that Neptune is direct, you can see yourself, your gifts, and your inner power more clearly.
Mercury goes retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with manifestation, and patience is needed as you allow your intentions to come into full bloom. The key this month is to not rush things, and rather to enjoy the pace that life is taking you on right now, trusting that it’s all happening exactly how it is supposed to. Jupiter goes direct on the 30th before the year ends, and for you, this means less confusion and misunderstandings in your life, and more support and open communication.
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Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
You're Over Him. Should You Wait Until After The Holidays To Say It?
When a client told me that she was seriously considering ending her relationship of 10 months before Christmas, I wasn’t surprised. That’s not a sneak diss on what she has going on with her man or anything; it’s just that I know that the holiday season (the month of December, more specifically) is a very popular time for folks to call things off. Between the pressure of bringing people around family and the urge to start off the new year with a clean slate — yeah, it makes sense.
At the same time, though, I do think that there is something to be said for ending things well — and when it comes to a break-up? During this time of the year? Before you make that official move, I just want to make sure that you’ve thought a few things through.
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
____
‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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