Over the past year, I have been obsessed with crystal healing. My crystals have helped me have a deeper sense of connection to myself. There was a time when I invested so much in others and less in myself. Eventually, my investment in others hit a wall. I then decided to invest more into myself, which made for a better ROI. Investing in crystal healing has given me an ROI in acceptance, self-love, forgiveness, and having faith.
The art of crystal healing has become mainstream within the last few years. We've seen crystals being talked about all over social media. These days everyone seems to have a crystal for almost every occasion: love, growth, money, better sex, bigger booty, etc. However, what about having a crystal for your zodiac sign?
In order to learn the crystal for you based on your zodiac sign, I spoke with tarot card reader Patrick Sykes and his fiance, astrologer Jack Fuller, who is an expert on crystals. Together, they discussed the perfect tarot messages and crystals they have for each zodiac sign.
Crystal: Garnet Stone
"Capricorns will be good with anything that is grounding, any crystal that is root chakra-based. Many Capricorns are good at capitalizing in the world, so they already have this connection to that root chakra energy. Garnet stone can very much help them dive deeper into the root chakra. Garnet can also help them balance because sometimes Capricorns have an overabundance of energy. Sometimes they can put so much energy into making a coin, they forget to call their momma. Garnet stone can help them balance all of that."
"Capricorn got the Four of Swords. They tend to pull into themselves, but the Four of Swords talks about pulling into your dreams. Now is the time to pull into your dreams and own them."
"Amethyst is our baby. Amethyst is really good for making a connection with the third-eye chakra. The third-eye chakra helps you see out into the distances, the distances of time, space, dimension, and also protects your vision in that way. Also, if an Aquarius is not drowning in selenite, then I don't know what you're doing. We need that clarity because we're so future-focused. We need that clarity, so we can come back in, and see what's right in front of us. Selenite helps us get that future information in the present context."
"The sun came up for Aquarius. The sun is a Major Arcana card. This card talks about bringing new life. Aquariuses are the water-bearer, and they really bring that excitement. The message is to focus on the sun when you need that excitement and renewal."
Crystal: Pyrite and Moonstone
"Usually, a Pisces is great with a good Moonstone. Pisces should carry pyrite (fools gold). Pyrite is really good for transmuting negative energies. Pisces tend to be in the realm of that empathic space holder. They are either controlling the emotion in the atmosphere or are absorbing it. Pisces need to be able to manage the negative effects of that because they can take hold of them. Moonstone is also great for Pisces! We are used to Moonstone aligning [those who use it] from the root chakra up, the Moonstone does it from the crown chakra down and gets you aligned with the spooky stuff. Moonstone helps you through shadow work."
"The card I got for Pisces is the Queen of Cups. Pisces is a very emotional sign, it's a water sign. The Queen of Cups isn't about not having those emotions or concealing them. The Queen of Cups is more for control of all those emotions. Instead of becoming overwhelmed by those emotions, know the power of them."
Crystal(s): Carnelian, Blood-stone, and or Red Jasper
"Aries is a real serious and fiery sign. Aries comes through with the heat! You might get burned. Carnelian would be good for Aries in managing the fiery-ness. Aries is generous, like really generous at heart. However, the generosity is on their terms and if not followed, they might not be so generous. They have to manage to give that fire to themselves and making the specificity their own. Blood-stone and Red Jasper can be good because it allows them to think before they act."
"The card for Aries is the World card, but in reverse. What this signifies is challenging how you arrive. Aries can tend to be stubborn because they are firm in their passions. For this, it's important to know how you arrive at this passion. The world card in reverse talks about circling back, like how did you get there? And making sure that is a valid place to be."
Crystal(s): Malachite and Emerald
"Malachite comes in handy for a lot of earth signs in bringing rigidity to the heart, especially for Taurians. They are similar to Aries in that they have a plan that's going to be best for YOUR life. The difference between Tauruses and Aries is Taurses are closer to right. Taurus needs the ability to have their ideas for people's lives be adaptable. Taurians require the ability to adapt in their life. They have a hard time adapting their view of others and this affects their connection with others. Taurians wanting to help comes from a nurturing space, but they have to remember to not be overbearing. Emerald is the birthstone for May. An emerald crystal is good because it helps heal those emotional wounds."
"The card that came up for Taurus is the Eight of Cups. This card talks about you feeling emotionally empty and feeling like you're missing something. The thing that is missing is knowing the truth of your own emotions. The Eight of Cups talks about going there with yourself emotionally."
"The Gemini birthstone is the pearl. A Gemini's sense of individualism is high, it can be good. However, it tends to be toxic more often than not. The lesson Geminis need to learn from the pearl is: 'There is not only one pearl in a clam, but a pool of twenty.' Remember, there is a pool of twenty you came here with. There is a lack of individualism and an interconnection to compartmentalize the voices they're hearing. Pearl can help Geminis deliver messages clearer than they hear it in their head."
"The card that came up for Gemini is the Princess of Wands. The Princess of Wands talks about not [taking] yourself so seriously that you forget why it was fun in the first place. Geminis are creatures of passion; they do things because they enjoy them. When the passions manifest into success and opportunity, it is because it came from a place of fun. However, they can get into their heads and get so mysterious that they forget why they started. The Princess of Wands says: 'Remember this started as something that brought you creative fulfillment and joy.'"
Crystal(s): Jade, but really Rhodonite
"Jade inspires confidence. Cancers feed and absorb all those emotions in a way that tends to be more self-deprecating. Cancers will take all those emotions and personalize them. They need a lot of self-worth help and Rhodonite is the best stone for that. Cancers need to dive into self-worth and understand that there is so much value in the ability to internalize other people's stories. They also need to realize that their own story is traumatic enough. Know your self-worth to know that you're worth not taking on other people's stuff."
"The card for Cancers is the Nine of Pentacles. This means: reaping the rewards of the seeds you planted, like seeing your garden grow. Knowing that because you put in this work (emotionally/financially, etc.), know that it's going to be beautiful when it grows. Take time to celebrate what you built."
Crystal(s): Sunstone and Tiger's eye
"Leos are missing people and places because being shiny in a cave doesn't do y'all much justice. There isn't a lack of confidence, but a lowkey fear vibration happening. Sunstone will set that fear into an intention. It's going to help decipher whether the fear is healthy or not. Fear is love in excess, so deal with it. Figure out what it is that you're loving in excess, so you can let it go, and release that fear. Giving it intent is going to give it context. Leos hate being indecisive, but love having options. There's a fear of letting go of those options because having those options brings comfort. You have to put that fear in good context so that you can let go of those options. Those options are beautiful, but they're not serving you. Tiger's eye will also give you guys the bravery that you need."
"The card for Leo is the Star. To be the Star, if you want to be at the center, also requires responsibility. You can't be at the center and not accept the responsibilities of being at the center. The Star talks about getting in tune with that. If you're going to be the boss, you're going to have to put in the work. If you want to be the center, you have to do the work that requires you to stay there."
Crystal: Lapis Lazuli and Citrine
"Virgos are outspoken and they hold that overbearing nurturer energy. However, they are not good at saying what they mean. Virgos are very good at asking, 'What's wrong? What needs to be fixed? And how to fix it?' But, when it comes to expressing the truth of how they're feeling in a moment or about a person, it sometimes gets over-intellectualized or over-contextualized. Lapis lazuli is a good throat chakra clearer and breaks up blockages in the throat chakra. I'm also sensing that Virgos need some citrine. They just need some confidence. Virgos find your confidence, so you can get back into reflecting and loving yourself."
"The card for Virgo is the Wheel of Fortune in reverse. This card talks about letting go. Virgos need to detach themselves from the work that they do, instead of digging deeper. This can only lead to confusion between your work and yourself. Remember, it's important to compartmentalize parts of yourself. Use this to reevaluate to move forward."
Crystal: Pink Tourmaline
"For Libras, I would suggest Pink Tourmaline. They (Libras) are good at finding people of interest, but not necessarily good at experiencing the love that the person has for them, and expressing the truth of the love that they feel. There's a lot of desiring that love to look a particular way. Libras tend to get into situations where they are looking for something in relationships, rather than appreciating what is there. Libras need to allow themselves to experience the love that is coming towards them so they can understand what their love means. Pink Tourmaline will be good for experiencing love in a way that is pouring into you."
"The card for Libra is the King of Swords. This card is a card that represents air but is a very stern and opinionated representation of a person. What this signifies for Libras is: 'People will respect you more if you tell them what you actually think.' Libras feel like they have to be so many things for so many people. A lot of people also respect Libras, which is why people would respect what they really have to say."
"Aquamarine would be good! Scorpios have been trying to get a specific spiritual message across for a while. The spiritual message has to do with self-care, specifically spiritual self-care. Aquamarine will help you access different levels of calm that will give you the ability to release some frustration. Scorpios need this because they don't need any more reason to be icy."
"The Nine of Swords is the card I have for Scorpios. This talks about internalizing your own life fears and those fears can manifest into reality. Try your best not to do this! Stop giving your fears so much power and manifesting them into reality."
"The stone that Sagittarius needs is some turquoise, so you can be honest with yourself. You can be honest with the people around you because you have good people around you. The people around see you and love you for who you really are despite your flaws. [You need] time to get a good understanding of yourself and be honest with yourself, so you can be more honest with the people that love you. Once you're honest with the people around [you], they can be of more assistance. Your friends are sick of you needing help, yet not knowing how to ask for it."
"The Ten of Wands are what came up for Sagittarius. We can see you bearing all that weight. [The] Sagittarius should know: just because you are taking on the responsibility of something, that doesn't mean it translates to burden. Stop taking on responsibilities as burden and weight. Instead, take them on as labors of love. You need to embrace the love of this responsibility."
For more of Jack and Patrick, follow them on Instagram: @gypjaq and @mx.sykes.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall)
I’m pretty sure that I’m basically being redundant when I say that I write about sex quite a bit which means that I spend quite a bit of time doing research when it comes to sex-related intel, tips, and hacks. Yet I have to say that when it comes to getting some much-needed information in the realm of coitus, it’s been my clients (along with random interviews that I do with people because I don’t mind talking to complete strangers about intimate ish) who have garnered me some of the best takeaways.
Take orgasms, for example. Since I’m well aware of the fact that vaginal orgasms (especially) can be a real challenge for a lot of women, I’m constantly on the hunt for what can help to “bridge the gap” in that arena.
And that’s why I decided, this time, to forego science articles, vlogs, and online data and instead ask some women for myself about some of the things that they do to make having an orgasm, improving their orgasms, and their sexual experience overall something that is so much better for themselves.
So, grab yourself a light aphrodisiac snack (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs”) and dig into what 15 Black women told me gets them off, in a mighty big way, just about every time.
*As always, middle names have been used so that everyone can feel comfortable giving up the goods…umm, so to speak*
1. Rochelle. 37. Married for 11 Years.Giphy
“While y’all be out here talking about some kegels, what I’m into is my man giving me a hip massage. The key is to make sure you use some sort of massage oil that has menthol in it. Between the tingling of the menthol and him rubbing on your hips, not only is it really relaxing, but the ‘minty feel’ opens your body up so that once intercourse begins, you’re less tense, and that makes having an orgasm so much easier to do.”
2. Karmyn. 27. Single.
“Kiss him the way you want him to penetrate you. Literally, use your tongue as if it were a penis and move it in his mouth like you want him to move inside of you. The kissing will turn you both on, and if he follows your instructions, you should be able to orgasm with no problem."
"I learned this trick when I asked an ex of mine to explain what p — sy feels like, and he said the best way to explain it is what a tongue feels like inside of [the] mouth. He should’ve never told me that, boy! It’s been hell in these streets ever since!”
3. LaChelle. 43. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
“If you’re self-conscious about your body, get some lingerie that has cutouts in them. There is a lot of sexy stuff out here that can have you covering up the parts you’re not comfortable with while still giving him access to the ‘main events.’ My man loves one of my lace one-piece teddies that has no crotch, and it’s easier for me to orgasm because I’m not overthinking the entire time.”
4. Trinitee. 27. Married for One Year.Giphy
“We’ve only been married a year, but we weren’t exactly abstinent when we were just dating. So, we like to find ways to keep it fresh. One thing that we do is go ‘hotel hopping’ once a month. We find a new hotel and meet each other there. We try and do different hours of the day and come with a surprise in hand. Like he might bring a new sex toy, and I might have on some lingerie that he’s never seen before. Then we text each other beforehand to talk about the best part of the sex we had from the last hotel we visited. The anticipation is foreplay.”
5. Wren. 33. In a Serious Relationship for Six Years.
“What works for me is doing afterplay as foreplay. What I mean by that is, taking a nap naked with my boo before any sexual activity is one of my favorite things. Being up under him, especially if he’s spooning me, feels really good, sleeping together is very intimate, and — there’s something about being awakened outta my sleep with kisses on my neck and back that almost makes me want to cum right then and there.”
6. Bevalyn. 40. Living with Her Partner for Four Years.
“Get on your back and have him kneel in front of you."
"Put your legs over his, and when he penetrates you, ask him to use one of his hands to apply pressure on your pubic bone — the area right above your clitoris."
"As he’s gently pushing down while he’s inside of you…if you don’t cum from that, I don’t know what else to tell you, sis.”
7. Sophia. 38. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.Giphy
“Shower sex can be a bit much, and I don’t trust a used jacuzzi. What we do is fill up our own inflatable pool and get it on inside of it. It’s perfect during the summer, late at night, because we have a tall fence. Just make sure that you bring some silicone lube to keep things slippery down there. An inflatable pool has been one of the best sex investments that we have ever made!”
8. Averie. 35. Single.
“Wanna know if your man is as into giving you head as he claims? Right after he goes down on you, ask him to immediately penetrate you. If he’s hard, he’s totally into it, and if he catches you soon enough, you’ll be in the perfect position to have a multiple orgasm. Don’t say I didn’t give you the ultimate cheat code.”
9. Victoria. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Shellie, you actually got me on the cinnamon kick when I read one of your articles that talked about applying cinnamon oil to my clit before oral sex. Since [then], I’ve been doing some research, and it says that cinnamon is also an aphrodisiac because it stimulates blood flow. So, I’ll also drink cinnamon tea throughout the day or share a cinnamon cocktail with my husband. Works like a charm.”
Shellie here: She’s right. I did say that. LOL. You can read for yourself: “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.”
10. Daniela. 28. Engaged for Six Months.Giphy
“Ever been fingered backward? What I mean is, get on all fours and have him insert a finger or two from behind with his palm being flat. That way, the space in between your anus and your vagina will get a massage while your vagina gets penetrated. There’s nothing quite like it.”
11. Saven. 32. Single.
“Ice. Have him rub a little bit of ice on your clitoris and then immediately warm it up with his tongue. There is something about the drastic changes in temperature that gets me every time. And I mean, EVERY time.”
12. Ferynn. 30. Living with Her Partner for Five Years.
“I don’t know about you, but my man loves to put my legs up in the air. It was never really my favorite move until I read that behind the knees are an unsung erogenous zone. Whoever found that out was onto something because if he rubs back there while talking real crazy to me in a deep voice? Here I come…HERE I COME!”
13. Vivienne. 30. Engaged for One Year.Giphy
“Never underestimate the power of a foot massage. Just make sure that he applies pressure in the middle of your foot where your arch is. It instantly makes me wet. I asked my doctor why and he said that it’s probably because foot massages tend to increase blood flow, including where the vagina is. Either way, it’s always a good night if I get a foot massage first.”
14. Michelle. 24. Single.
“I’m a doula who owns my own exercise ball…for sex. When I first started showing couples the positions that women can get into to make labor easier, it got me to thinking that some of those positions could work for sex too — and they do."
"Something about the movement of the ball takes the pressure off of the back for both men and women. It also makes getting into certain positions a lot easier so that you can enjoy sex for a lot longer.”
15. Carol. 31. Married for Five Years.
“My husband and I have bets. If he wants me to make some of his favorite meals five days in a row, he’s gotta make me cum five times in a row. If I want him to get me something that’s not in our budget, I’ve gotta attempt one of his sex fantasies. We’re both competitive as hell, so it works for us because honestly, even when we ‘lose’…we win!”
Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but this was definitely worth my while. After all, ain’t nothin’ like some Black women who can speak from very-personal-and-up-close experience about what makes them happy — especially if it can increase the odds of bringing some sexual satisfaction your way too.
Speaking of, if you want to share the wealth, drop some of your own orgasm-related tips in the comment section. The more of us who can woosah on the regular, the better, chile. Straight up. #havefun #lotsofit
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Featured image by Giphy