Imagine being told that you're not good enough. That your kinks and coils--the completely natural version of yourself--are only accepted when there's a quota to meet, and that the likelihood of you being on the cover of a magazine is few and far between.
For many models of color, walking into a room for casting calls is often a fight to celebrate the spectrum of beauty in a world that gives more applause to straight hair and porcelain skin. But while being true to oneself hasn't always been in fashion, Ebonee Davis is out to change the rules and defy the stereotype.
The 25-year-old Calvin Klein model is no stranger to speaking out on the complexities of the fashion industry and its archaic way of thinking. In fact, she's been heralded for her very open letter published back in 2016's Harper's Bazaar, in which the 5'9'' stunner called to action the industry's responsibility to be more inclusive in its representation.
"[I'm] just getting strong after essentially years of programming that tells you you're not worthy, that you're not good enough, and that how you are made naturally just doesn't fit the standard," she shares on our evening phone call, in which I quickly discover that her looks are nothing compared to her dazzling spirit.
I ask about her recent feat of earning the coveted crown as one of the 2018 Sports Illustrated Rookies of the Year, one which, according to Ebonee, was a win that took her by surprise, considering her history with the renowned sports publication.
"I was actually featured in Sports Illustrated in 2016 as part of the model search competition, and I didn't end up winning, so I wasn't in the magazine. I figured that my time with Sports Illustrated had reached its end, so to get the call to come back for 2018, especially after all the changes I've gone through with myself, my career, and just becoming [more] vocal and speaking out about the fashion industry, it was just such a huge surprise for me."
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In 2012, the Seattle native moved to New York at the age of 19 with nothing to her name. "I literally started from the bottom when I was out here," Ebonee says as she details her time sleeping on the floor while in pursuit of her career. "I just [wanted to] taste the dream. I felt like it was what I was meant to do--this was always my calling."
In the beginning stages of her career, the outspoken model succumbed to the cookie-cutter beauty standards of the industry. It wasn't her proudest moments, but compromising at the time was the currency for staying booked. "I compromised for so long," she admits. "I think that is an important part of the story. I did wear my hair a certain way for so many years because I thought that was the standard. That was the standard that was being shown to me. [One day], I walked into my agency at the time with my natural hair, and I got negative feedback. [But going natural] was something deeper than what they could tell me. I felt like I had to do this."
"Going natural was something deeper than what they could tell me. I felt like I had to do this."
The transition wasn't easy. It required her to dig deep, identify the roots of her conformity, and get real about who she was when the weaves were taken out and the relaxers wore off. "Ultimately wearing my hair straight was a habit or behavior, and as I matured and started to become more authentic, in order to move in a certain direction, I had to stop and ask myself, 'Is this helping me get to where I need to go? Am I presenting myself in the most authentic way possible?' Because that is always what's going to get you further."
Fast forward two years later and Ebonee is still sticking to her vow of realism while reaping the rewards of what comes with being true to oneself. Tired of wearing long beach-wave weave, she decided to risk her career by making a life-altering decision to cut her hair and wear it in its natural state. Fortune favors the bold, and the budding supermodel has managed to stay booked and blessed despite daring to rock her natural hair, a move that is not often embraced from darker-skinned models by the industry.
Ebonee's decision to go out on a whim and eventually win is a decision worth reckoning. Quite often, the risks that come with going against the grain is anything from being Blacklisted to straight up canceled. It's hard not to be inspired when hearing the pride in the voice of the now 25-year-old, as she boasts about the modeling world's slow acceptance of broader beauty standards, crediting the industry's growth to the current cultural and political climate of today's society.
More important than her physical growth is the growth within herself. The high fashion model proudly gives praise to the most high for her mental transformation. "My biggest self-care tip is 'Give it to God.' Like, that's number one in my life. I really feel like my belief in God is what changed my career, and it really gave me the strength to really carve out my own lane for myself. The path that I'm going is really a path that [not] anyone has traveled before. I really feel like I'm trying to do something different, especially as a model, and being vocal, and doing all that I'm doing. So believing in God has really given me the strength to be like, 'You know what? It's okay. It takes a little bit longer. It's okay if your path is a little bit different.' And that gives me a lot of peace [and] peace of mind. You don't have to worry, you don't have to stress. What's for you, is for you."
"My biggest self-care tip is 'Give it to God.' My belief in God is what changed my career."
Hearing Ebonee's testimony, one can't help but to liken her to Black Panther star Letitia Wright, who plays "Shuri," --the technology goddess, sister and ultimate wingwoman to King T'Challa, the Black Panther himself. The breakout star recently opened up in an interview expressing her bout with depression, and how she shied away from the industry at the peak of her career to focus more on her faith, and the healing (and blessings) that followed thereafter.
"That's what happened to me!" Ebonee excitedly interjects while reacting to the similarities to herself and Letitia. "I had the behaviors [of depression]. As you get older, those are all the things you have to take the time to reevaluate and assess like, 'Why am I like this? Why do I behave like this? Where does this come from? Is this helping me get to where I need to go?'
Ebonee is no stranger to setbacks in her life, but those trials have blazed trails for unexpected triumphs. Her testimony of how she went from surfing couches to walking runways and starring in ads for big-name brands like GAP, Pantene, David's Bridal, and Calvin Klein is inspiring, and she confesses she isn't "struggling" now, although she still shrugs off the notion that she's "made it."
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"I've never had like a 'big break," she humbly admits. "I've just had really great things that have happened to me over time, but I don't think there was ever really a moment that was just like, 'Oh my God, this is it. You're destined for stardom.' You know what I mean? I just feel like I've been real consistent in working my way up and putting in the hard work, and creating a foundation for myself not just based on modeling, but based on activism and philanthropy, and just using my voice and giving back."
At the end of a hard day's work, beyond the lights is Ebonee's life. When asked about her greatest love to date, it's clear that for Ebonee, it's self-love. As the model grows and redefines her life, she is also redefining love.
"Relationships are mirrors. Friendships as well. A lot of the time we attract people who hurt because we're hurting. But then when we're ready to leave that situation, we point that finger and blame that person like, 'You ruined my life!' But a lot of the time, if we took the time to be introspective, we'd realize that there was something in us that needed to learn a lesson, or something in us that was also in that other person that we need to work on. So, taking the time to assess your relationships [is important] like, 'What is being shown to me right now through this relationship with this person?'
"Relationships are mirrors. We attract people who hurt because we're hurting."
"My definition of love has changed so much over the last year as I've learned to love myself differently, because I've also learned to give love differently," she continues. "I've also learned how I want to be loved and how I deserve to be loved and what type of love I'm worthy of. And since going through this transformation, I haven't dated anyone and I haven't been in a relationship. I don't know what love would actually look like in a relationship [now]. If it would feel differently than it has in the past. It's hard to say if I've been in love because I think I have, but it's changed so much, so maybe I haven't. I won't know until I actually find someone."
Now that's what we call a r̶o̶l̶e̶ real model.
For more Ebonee, be sure to follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
Featured image by WireImage
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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