The older I get, I realize most of us aren't exploring new things; life is just reintroducing us to who we really are, to begin with. I loved to swim growing up. When I was six, my family stayed in a hotel for two months while our home closed in escrow, so naturally, I stayed in the pool. I was always scared, so my dad would throw me in and tell me to trust him - and eventually, I did. After that, every year on my birthday I had a hotel party.
Swimming was my favorite hobby until societal norms and body image issues got in the way of something that I loved as a child, being free.
As a teen, I fixated more on my insecurities and less on happiness, so I stopped swimming (and having birthday parties altogether). I had a little confidence in high school, none in college, and by the time junior came, I had gained 100 lbs. But the summer before graduation, I decided I had enough, and I wanted to be happy. So I ended a toxic relationship, got a therapist, and a personal trainer. About a month into our workouts, he randomly asked me, "Have you ever thought about swimming? It's a great workout."
He was right; according to experts, swimming weekly builds endurance, muscle strength, and cardiovascular fitness. It's a workout where nearly all of the muscles are used; and you also release the natural-feel good compound endorphins while swimming, which helps combat anxiety/depression. Still, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the thought of swimming at my campus gym made me uncomfortable. I thought people would make fun of me, so I never tried.
After graduation, I promised myself I'd join my local gym and start swimming again, but there was one thing in my way: my big Tracee Ellis Ross hair extensions.
I loved the show Girlfriends growing up, and I always wanted hair like Joan (I met Tracee after college, and I all I could manage to tell her mid-tears was you're the reason I have big hair!). Changing my hair post-break up made me feel like a new person, but every time I'd try and swim, it'd get matted, so I'd stop. I tried making a wig, but securing it was a struggle, and I got tired of feeling uncomfortable, so I took it out and rocked my curly 'fro.
After that, I fell in love with the water again. I don't even remember what day things shifted for me, but every time I got in, I came back out stronger. I owned every minute in the pool, confidently swimming in my lane no matter who swam better, or faster. My hairstylist warned me that chlorine would tear my hair up, but it grew instead.
Here are some things that I learned on my swim journey.
Do not, I repeat DO NOT use a swimming cap. Your edges will thank you later.
Losing the cap puts less pressure on your edges. Also, I've never met a swimming cap that didn't let chlorine creep in. Ditch it, and put your hair in a loose high bun or braids instead.
Wet your hair, then apply oil to your ends pre-swim.
Filling your hair with fresh water provides a barrier, so the chlorinated water doesn't penetrate it as fast. Adding oil to your ends as a sealant protects it even more (I use almond oil, it stimulates hair growth).
Speak kindness over your body.
I never wanted to swim because I was ashamed of how I looked. I thought my stretch marks were ugly, and I wanted to see results overnight. Taking the time to thank my body for stretching for me, instead of giving up, made me appreciate it in a way I never did before.
If your gym has a sauna, bring your deep conditioner and give yourself a treatment post-swim.
Adding this step to my regimen took swimming from being just another workout to a whole self-care experience. I even have a playlist, download Sauna Vibes on Apple Music, and thank me later.
Get OK with the possibility that your hairstyle might have to change.
I missed my extensions at first, but now I wear a curly top knot Monday-Friday and experiment with fun ponytails on the weekends, so there's balance. I don't regret taking them out because I learned to think about what I needed first and my hair second. Rocking my natural hair gave me the courage to embrace my hair, and my blackness no matter where I was. Most days, when I swam, I never saw anyone who looked like me, so it forced me to take up space and not just at the pool, but in every aspect of my life.
I've gone from swimming as a girl with my dad, to hating my body as a teen, and now I don't go more than three days without swimming. It's helped with weight loss too - I'm officially 60 lbs down, and I've become the friend who's consistently asked: "Can you teach me how to swim?" and I always say yes. It's hard to think about what my life would be like without swimming, and to think - I almost let anxiety keep me from my safest space.
Featured image via Gifer
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
During the event, the socialite spoke to the outlet about the importance of “friendship and trust” in her three-year relationship that started in the midst of the pandemic.
“We were really good friends before we started dating, and COVID gave us that free time in our life to really get to know each other,” Jordyn said. “Because a lot of people don't really get to know each other and they go into this relationship.”
She continues, “So, we've been through a lot together. We've seen each other at all different ways, times, phases, so I think we have a very strong foundation.”
Jordyn also notes that “quality time” has been a means to bond and keep their relationship thriving. Despite the NBA star’s demanding schedule, she expressed her desire to attend as many of KAT's games as possible, including his upcoming birthday game with the Minnesota Timberwolves. “It's his birthday in a few days, so I'm going to go to that game,” she says.
Quality time isn’t the only love language that the couple speaks.“We love gift giving and... What is it? The love language? The love language is quality time. We love everything,” she says.
The couple was introduced by mutual friends many years ago, and in May 2020 decided to move forward from a close friendship to a romantic relationship. Jordyn and KAT went public with their relationship in September of that same year and have since become young Hollywood’s discreet “IT” couple.
“I'm excited. Every holiday, we like to really go large for each other,” she explained. “He does so much for me. I do what I can for him. I want to say it's a lot. So when it's time to show that appreciation, we like to go all out.”
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Featured image by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images
