This Financial Expert Swears By Investing In Multiple Investment Accounts
Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they spend it.
Most relationships will fail on the surface level due to lack of intimacy, communication or trust, or even falling out of love with one another. However, thanks to Chanel Nicole Scott's relationship platform, CheMinistry, viewers are witnesses to candid conversations between guest speakers during live hosted events about the rise of healthy relationships.
Alongside unequal spiritual wellness and poor communication skills, financial dispositions can also play a factor in the success or failure of any relationship. "I love that my work has allowed me to educate others on the concept of financial literacy and the importance of this kind of discipline when you are engaging in a long-term relationship. Many relationships are about finding common ground, and much of the ground that you cover must include what your financial life and retirement plan will look like for you and your partner," Scott shared with xoNecole.
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
As the founder and lead organizer behind a relationship platform that has been recognized by stars of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Black Love, and many award-winning singers and songwriters, CheMinistry has attracted a worldwide audience by providing perspective and preparing them for long-lasting, healthy relationships.
The North Carolina native organized CheMinistry to provoke intimate exchange and compelling conversation surrounding romantic relationships with the ultimate goal of bridging the gap between purpose-driven men and women who desire to progressively move their love life to the next level. CheMinistry has featured top influencers and celebrities in pop culture from R&B singer Fantasia and Destiny's Child founding member LaTavia to actresses Demetria McKinney and television personalities Erica Dixon, Drea Kelly, and Debra Antney.
In this installment of "Money Talks", xoNecole spoke with the 45-year-old founder about how to better manage your money with your partner, why relationships fail due to financial instability and the importance of investing for the younger generation.
On the statistics of failed relationships due to financial instability:
"If you consider the most common disagreements in relationships, many of these disagreements are linked to money, egos, and expectations based on society's hierarchy of men versus women in the household. Financial instability creates disconnect, resentment, and even control issues between you and your partner. It is so important to be transparent about your finances AND your debts when you are pursuing a healthy relationship.
"More than 43% of marriages start off in debt. Imagine planning the wedding of your dreams, and then after you've invested all this money into a memory, you come home only to realize you're still in debt. Your issues will start that day!"
On how relationships can be saved through financial wellness and managing money with your partner:
"I would encourage individuals to educate themselves on financial literacy and position yourself to be financially independent before entering a marriage. The simplest of issues that can create a disconnect are the control mechanisms that are enforced when one partner feels they have more financial power––thus more power in the relationship. For couples who find themselves in this position, you can save your marriage simply with open communication."
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
"Financial instability creates disconnect, resentment, and even control issues between you and your partner. It is so important to be transparent about your finances AND your debts when you are pursuing a healthy relationship. More than 43% of marriages start off in debt."
On how the pandemic has financially impacted couples and how to recover:
"Whew! COVID has challenged couples in so many ways, but definitely financially. Many couples usually have some small sort of disagreement about saving and spending habits, but now more than ever, couples are really having to confront some unhealthy spending habits that are overtly more unhealthy during this pandemic. Having to completely alter how your household is run or led to align with today's current economy is difficult, especially considering that so many people have lost jobs and are having to live off of one partner's income, if any income at all."
On how much she saves and if it’s in a high-yield savings account:
"I do invest money into the Money Market and CD account but with the current economic climate, the yield is very low. A CD account pretty much offers a savings account where you invest a specific amount of money with the bank and agree to let that amount sit over a specific period of time. In reward, banks will offer you a higher interest rate for your money. CD accounts are good because your money is insured by the bank and often has low-risk associations, however, if you do not have a substantial amount of money to get started with a CD account (usually an amount of money that you can afford to do without for a fixed period of time), then I would not suggest starting this account so soon."
On her definitions of wealth and success:
"I believe wealth is defined as the ability to leave a generational blessing for those who come after me. Success is the capacity to know and operate in my God-given purpose. A lot of people feel that wealth and success go hand-in-hand. I feel that success has a lot to do with personal gratification. When you have reached a space where you are generally satisfied with your place in life, most people feel successful. Wealth I feel is more of a tangible experience. It allows you to acquire certain luxuries that, usually, generations after you should be able to benefit from."
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
"When you're faced with life challenges, you often find your peak of strength and creativity. You find yourself learning how to make something out of nothing, and at my lowest points, I've learned that being tested isn't a bad thing, but more so a transitional period."
On the lowest she’s ever felt when it came to her finances and how she overcame it:
"There was a point in my life where I lost everything chasing after what I believed to be my purpose, but in the midst of it all, I was able to tap into the gifts and talents that I didn't even know I possessed. I [co-wrote] a book about it Girl Powered Uncensored, a compilation of women stories [in the first chapter]. I had to reset. I literally started all over again and am re-building, but this time I have the wisdom to make better decisions about my purpose and what I was actually put here to do. When you're faced with life challenges, you often find your peak of strength and creativity. You find yourself learning how to make something out of nothing, and at my lowest points, I've learned that being tested isn't a bad thing, but more so a transitional period."
On her biggest splurge to date:
"I think my biggest splurge would be my car. I love cars, just like other people like bags and shoes, but I like those, too. My thought process behind all of my purchases is that if I work for it, then I can have it. Unlike some, I don't believe in buying anything that I don't want or settling for less, I'd rather wait until I can actually afford what I want."
On whether she’s a spender or a saver:
"I'm definitely a spender, but I save money by allocating portions of my income to be deposited into different accounts for monthly living expenses, spending accounts, and savings accounts."
On the importance of investing:
"If I could offer any advice to younger generations, it would be to start investing early or encourage your parents to set you up to invest. Ask questions early-on. Investing early makes the difference between a 15-year retirement plan and a 40-year retirement plan. When you reach your mid-20's you start wanting to really experience life, hence why you need money. By the time you're 30, you want to live for you and live unapologetically (hence you need money). By the time you are 40 plus, you want peace, stability, and financial freedom to move comfortably and take care of your family, hence you need money. Investing really prepares you for each level of desired stability."
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
"Investing early makes the difference between a 15-year retirement plan and a 40-year retirement plan. When you reach your mid-20's you start wanting to really experience life, hence why you need money. By the time you're 30, you want to live for you and live unapologetically (hence you need money). By the time you are 40 plus, you want peace, stability, and financial freedom to move comfortably and take care of your family, hence you need money. Investing really prepares you for each level of desired stability."
On her savings goals and what retirement looks like to her:
"With the changing economy, my retirement plan is continuously evolving. Currently, I make contributions into a 401K in addition to an MMA and CD account. The current state of the economy has shown everyone, especially me, that having one plan is not enough. There are many people who were set to retire in 2020, thought they planned accordingly for retirement, and as soon as we entered this pandemic, many finance plans were challenged. Everyone's retirement plan is currently still evolving in order to prepare for the unthinkable future."
On her budgeting must-haves:
"I must have a food-spend budget. I'm a single woman with no children and I'm a foodie. Besides, I don't cook. I have a separate account that I deposit money into just for food expenses."
On her intentions behind multiple streams of revenue:
"In my business, we've created a stream of income through ticket sales and we also provide a vendor experience as a part of the live event. The event is fairly large so it can be quite lucrative. I've also created brand merchandise. However, with the recent changes in the economy due to COVID-19, we're still in the process of revamping 'how' we do business."
On unhealthy money habits and mindsets:
"Impulsive spending is definitely a bad habit of mine. If I see it and I want it, I buy it. Sometimes I have to talk myself off the ledge, but I think developing a clear financial picture of what your savings goals are and where you see yourself in a particular time frame helps with creating an effective financial plan. I'm still trying to make those changes, but I do spend less when I 'think' through my purchases!"
On her money mantra:
"'Give and it shall be given to you; good measure, press downed, shaken together, and running over.'"
On the craziest thing she’s ever done for money:
"I don't think it was crazy, but I did UberEats a few years back when I moved to Atlanta. I was still in the process of building my business and securing permanent employment and I needed the extra money. It did a 'doozy' to my car with the number of miles I racked up but hey you do what you've got to do."
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"Spending too much money when you 'have it' or not being diligent enough in my decision-making. I would advise anyone in business when making financial decisions regarding your business to make decisions as if you had little-to-no money. Talk through all your purchases and ask as many questions as possible to make better decisions."
On her budget breakdown:
How much do you spend on rent? $1,600
Eating out/ordering in? $400
Gas/car note? $800
Personal expenses? $450
For more of Chanel, follow her on Twitter!
Featured image courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
How To Introduce Role-Playing In The Bedroom, According To An Expert
If you've ever considered role-playing in the bedroom but are trying to figure out how to bring it up to your partner, you're in the right place. It's an exciting way to ignite passion, deepen intimacy, and explore hidden desires. But for couples who are new to the kink, the thought of role-play might be intimidating.
Role-playing is an intimate, consensual activity where couples assume fictional personas in the bedroom. These characters can range from the playful and innocent to the bold and naughty. They engage in different scenarios and act out various fantasies, which are discussed beforehand.
"Role play encourages couples to discuss their desires, boundaries, and fantasies. It fosters open and honest communication about their sexual preferences, leading to a deeper understanding of each other's needs," MoAndra Johnson, MFT, said. "It keeps the spark alive in the relationship by introducing new and exciting elements to the intimate moments."
Johnson is a Sex and Relationship Therapist and founder of Sex On The Table (SOTT), LLC. She passionately advocates for healthy sexuality, positive relationships, and social justice. She spoke with xoNecole to explore the realm of role-playing: how to bring it up to your partner, misconceptions, and how to incorporate role-playing into your sex life successfully.
How to Bring Up the Idea of Role-Play
When introducing role-play in the bedroom to your partner, it's essential to set the stage for an open and honest conversation. Find a relaxed, private setting where you both feel comfortable and free from distractions. Feel free to share your interest in role-playing, highlighting the excitement and sense of adventure it can bring to your relationship. Encourage your partner to express their thoughts and feelings, assuring them that their desires and boundaries are equally important.
"Many couples worry that their partner might judge them for their fantasies or desires. A non-judgmental and open environment is crucial for role-play. Couples need to create a safe space to share their fantasies and understand that vulnerability is a part of healthy intimacy," Johnson explained.
"Role-playing can serve as a form of escapism from the stresses of daily life. It provides an opportunity to temporarily step away from real-world responsibilities and enjoy a playful, stress-free experience," she continued.
Johnson mentioned that this initial conversation is "a foundation for trust and understanding."
The Misconceptions of Role-Play
Misconceptions about bedroom role-play often revolve around the idea that it must be overly complicated or extravagant, like something from a Hollywood movie. People might think they need elaborate costumes, props, and intricate dialogue, which can feel intimidating.
In reality, role-play can be as simple or intricate as you and your partner want it to be. You can start with basic scenarios that require little to no preparation, such as a playful encounter with a sexy twist. It can be tailored to your preferences and comfort levels, making it an accessible and enjoyable tool for spicing up your intimate life.
"Couples often have common concerns and misconceptions about role-play when considering it part of their intimate lives. Addressing these concerns and misconceptions in therapy involves open and honest discussions, education about healthy role-play, and creating a safe and supportive space for couples to explore their desires and fantasies," said Johson. "It's important to emphasize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and the most crucial element is mutual consent, comfort, and enjoyment."
Johnson shared that some of the more common misconceptions she addresses with couples are performance pressure, negative impact on the relationship, and fear of crossing boundaries.
"For instance, couples may worry about performing well in their roles. I remind them that there is no need for perfection in role-play. It's about creating an enjoyable and fulfilling experience, not putting on a flawless performance," Johnson explained.
How to Successfully Pull Off Role-Playing in the Bedroom
The fun begins once both parties mutually agree on trying the act of role-play and boundaries are set.
"I strongly recommend setting specific boundaries and guidelines before engaging in role-play to ensure a positive and enjoyable experience for both partners. Open and honest communication is essential; candidly discuss your comfort levels, desires, and limits. Establishing safe words that can immediately halt the role-play if anyone feels uncomfortable is crucial. Consent should be enthusiastic and can be withdrawn at any point without judgment," Johnson stated.
Furthermore, maintaining emotional safety is paramount in any intimate exploration. Role-play often involves vulnerability, and you should both feel secure in expressing your desires and boundaries without judgment. It fosters trust and strengthens the bond between you and your partner.
"Emotional boundaries should be respected, especially if the role-play scenario involves sensitive topics. Be clear about the limits of the role-play, including what actions or behaviors are acceptable and what is off-limits." Johnson added.
Next, choose scenarios that excite both of you and align with your preferences and fantasies. The selection of costumes and props enhances the overall experience by adding an extra layer of excitement and authenticity to your role-play scenarios.
Johnson mentioned that if physical restraints or props are involved, prioritize physical safety to prevent accidents.
As you engage in role-play, fully immerse yourselves in the chosen roles. Let go of inhibitions and self-consciousness, allowing the experience to be playful and enjoyable. Once again, the goal is not to perform flawlessly but to create a shared adventure that brings you closer.
Aftercare
When the moment is over, remember to practice aftercare.
"After the role-play, debrief and discuss the experience to strengthen your connection and understanding. Regular check-ins during the role-play can confirm ongoing consent and comfort. Keep the contents of your role-play private and emphasize trust and support. Most importantly, practice aftercare to provide emotional support, reaffirm affection, and address emotional needs," said Johnson.
She revealed that aftercare includes cuddling, holding, pillow talk, sensual talk, and more.
"Overall, it just means you aren't taking each other for granted. You're showing your partner you care and are now at least slightly more deeply connected with them than before you had sex," Johnson added.
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Feature Image by PeopleImages/ Getty Images