I love Black men. It’s a full-stop statement, and I will never try to justify or defend it. Honestly, I shouldn’t have to. And the more that I study them (yes, literally), the more I counsel them, the more that I converse with them — the more I see that they have so many layers to them.
Why isn’t this discussed more? Quite frankly, I think that it’s because a lot of people don’t ask Black men things; they assume. And so, in response, the guys are like, “When you care enough to bring the topic up to us directly, that’s when we’ll happily answer your questions.” And that’s why I pitch and pen pieces like this one here — because while society is out here acting like men have a one-track mind when it comes to topics such as sex, as you’re about to see, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Yeah, T-and-A ain’t all that guys care about when it comes to what happens in the bedroom. But hey — don’t take my word for it. You’ve got 12 Black men, right here, who readily expounded on the topic…and you might be (pleasantly) surprised by what they had to say.
*Middle names are always used in my interview pieces so that people can speak comfortably and freely*
Giphy1. Stone. 34. Divorced.
“I’ve never understood why women think that all we think about or want is sex. If that were the case, why would any of us marry because there is more sex that doesn’t require a commitment out here than ever? We’re stimulated visually, sex is an important part of a relationship, but a woman needs to bring more to the table than just body parts. Once guys get out of college, they prioritize sex differently because the right woman can take you to heaven while the wrong woman can make life a living hell — and your sexual choices dictate a lot of that. I’m glad you asked me this question. Many women assume that all men are sexually driven and shallow; there’s more to us than people think if they would just…ask.”
2. Roderickson. 27. Single.
“I think women have it wrong about what makes for good p-ssy, personally. Yes, wetness and how it feels on my shaft are important but it’s way more than that. A woman who is present and energized is who stands out for me. Someone who flows with you. It’s not even about how many positions you know or how good your head game is. Again, those are valid too. But when there is a chemistry that’s unmatched, that’s when she’s got some of the best in the game — and for each man, that connection is going to be different.”
Giphy3. Baraz. 30. Married.
“We don’t want sex if you don’t want it, so the turn-over-sigh thing that some of y’all do that says, ‘Sure, just hurry up’ — keep that. No matter how horny we might be, men who enjoy the entire sexual experience want a woman who wants to be there…ALL THERE. We don’t want to feel like we’re violating you just to ejaculate. It does nothing for the relationship or our self-esteem.”
4. Wyston. 33. Single.
“Not every man likes sex the same way. I don’t think every person does. That’s why the whole discussion about what it means to be great in bed is silly because what worked for your ex may not work for me. We need time to get to figure out what ‘our thing’ is. Egos in the bedroom don’t work. Being ‘good’ is a case-by-case basis.”
Giphy5. Paul. 40. Married.
“I think women are way harder on their bodies than we are. My ex-wife withheld sex for almost a year after our son was born because she said that she was uncomfortable with her body. Did it change? It did. Did that stop me from wanting her? It didn’t. She was so paranoid about her breasts, stretch marks, and extra weight around her tummy, and all I saw was the woman who gave me the best gift ever. Her body changing didn’t destroy our relationship; her trying to project her issues onto me eventually did.”
6. Davon. 49. Divorced.
“It’s hard out here as a Black man. We always have to be on guard. What a lot of women don’t get about sex is it’s the few times when we can fully relax and take off the shield. That’s why we don’t handle sexual rejection well because it’s not just about ‘getting off’ — we are coming with all of our vulnerabilities, hoping that there can be a few moments when we don’t have to think about all of the stresses of life. More women should ask men about why sex matters so much to them. They’d be shook to find out.”
Giphy7. Ansel. 25. In a Serious Relationship.
“Sex is always going to be better with someone we’re emotionally connected with. When I think about some of the best sex that I’ve had that was nothing but sex, it doesn’t compare to the sex that I’m having now that isn’t all of the ‘bells and whistles’ but it is way more intimate. Men like intimacy too. Probably the biggest assumption that’s made about us is we don’t.”
8. Cordale. 30. Engaged.
“We hate when you fake it. Sometimes we can tell but when we’re caught up, we can’t and it doesn’t make us feel good when we find out that you did it only to get the sex over with or you didn’t want to hurt our feelings. What hurts our feelings is we weren’t able to please you. Don’t bark orders at us but do tell us what you need. We can’t read your minds but we do want to please you; that’s what gets us off even more.”
Giphy9. Malachi. 42. Divorced.
“Dr. Myles Munroe used to say that men need sex. WE DO. We don’t just need it for a release; though. Jacking off can accomplish that. We want to feel a woman — really feel her. A beautiful, feminine woman who has strong sexual energy and enjoys a man is powerful. Some women really don’t know their power, I swear.”
10. Zachary. 28. In a Serious Relationship.
“Men like foreplay. What we don’t like is when women act like foreplay is only about pleasing them. No one wants oral for just a couple of minutes. We don’t just want to be kissed on our mouth either. Sometimes we want our partners to switch things up and come up with something really creative. Just jumping in and out? That’s about a nut. When you want to have good sex, the foreplay game has got to be on point.”
GiphyDavid. 29. Single.
“What man doesn’t like sex? S-it. We can go without it, though; especially if it’s not good sex. And good sex isn’t just about how you have sex with someone; it’s also about how into you they are when you have it with them. If you’re gonna have sex with me like you’re doing me a favor, I’ll pass. We’ve got more self-control than women think. We also value ourselves more than we’re given credit for.”
Taos. 35. Married.
“What I love the most about my wife [as far as sex is concerned] is I don’t have to initiate all of the time. Sometimes I do. A lot of the time she does. It makes me feel, not just that she really enjoys sex but that she truly desires me. Ladies, initiate sex more and watch what it does for your relationship. Just think about how you would feel if you had to ‘get things started’ all of the time? Not wanted, right? We are not different. Initiating goes a long way. You’ll see that I’m right if you give it a shot.”
______
Okay, so question: When’s the last time you’ve talked to the men in your world about the assumptions that are made about them regarding sex vs. how they actually think and feel? Treat yourself to one of those sometimes. It could be just what you need in order to debunk some myths in order to improve your own views on men and sex — and ultimately your sex life, as a whole. After all, healthy communication is the key to healthy intimacy, right? Exactly.
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Featured image by Giphy
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Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
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Article continues after the jump.
We Are/Getty ImagesMay 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTaurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAllow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
