Okay, so you’ll (probably) never guess what prompted me to even go down this particular rabbit hole. I was actually talking to an older married couple about the misconception so many people have when it comes to how sexually active seniors are — not just when it comes to intercourse but oral stimulation as well. In fact, there are studies that reveal almost 40 percent of people between the ages of 62 and 90 actually engage in oral sex on a fairly consistent basis. So, if you’re out here thinking that sex stops once your head is full of gray hair…think again, chile.
Anyway, what we were specifically talking about was how much sex has gotten better for them over the years. It’s actually what the wife said that tripped me out: “It’s taken some time, but I’ve finally gotten him trained to do it, just how I like it.” When I asked her what “it” was, oral sex is exactly what she was referring to.
And that got me to thinking about other people who have told me that a mouth being on their genitalia does not automatically make a good oral sex experience. And that inspired me to pull out my interviewing skills to see who would be willing to give me the real deal when it comes to what semi-pisses them off when it comes to being on the receiving end of oral sex — I mean, being that reportedly, well over 80 percent of us do engage in it.
And lawd, you’d be amazed what people will share when they know that their first name (middle names only in my interviews) won’t be revealed. So, if you’re curious about what both men and women wished would happen less in the oral department, five men and five women just did you a major solid.
GiphyLionel. 37.
“Please don’t give me head just because I want it because I can always tell when that is the case. ‘Obligatory head’ is the worst because it feels like she’s timing herself to see how long is long enough before it can finally be over. On the other hand, a woman who loves to give head is passionate and enthusiastic about it — and that gets me off more than anything. If it seems like a chore to you, I’ll pass.”
Irsula. 29.
“Why do men think that so long as their head is down there that they’re actually doing something spectacular? UGH."
"The only good head that I’ve received came from a guy who asked me how I liked it instead of assuming that he knew what he was doing. Kudos to him and a proper middle finger to everyone else. Now that I think about it, that’s my real pet peeve: thinking that one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex, period. N-gga, you better communicate!”
GiphyGerald. 40.
“I’ll put it to you this way— how would y’all feel if the moment after we finished going down on you, we got up, ran to the bathroom, and spit into the sink? Some of y’all can be a real trip when it comes to your ‘no swallow’ rule because if you think that it doesn’t take some effort to take in all of your juices too, there’s a bit of denial going on. I’m not saying it’s a ‘must,’ but some consideration would be nice.”
Shellie here: Gerald, I got you. Ladies, check out “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm” and “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” when you get a chance.
Kaiden. 25.
“I call them ‘pressure washers.’ Some guys think that going down on a woman is like pressure washing a damn house. I wonder how many of them know that we have way more nerve endings in our clit than they will never have in their penis. So lawd, can they just go easy on ‘her?’ We’re not lap dogs…can you tell that I’ve got some oral sex PTSD?”
GiphyQuell. 31.
“Why do balls get rejected so much? Is it just me? I mean, I get the hesitation if your man didn’t just hop out of the shower or there’s no grooming going on, but besides that, I promise I don’t get it. I don’t know if you watched Superhead’s videos or not back in the day, but the reason why she got so much admiration on the head tip is because she never left the balls out. Just something to think about.”
Eden. 47.
“I’m not new to this sex game at all, and I think the biggest issue, for men and women, is folks get lazy when it comes to oral sex. The last thing that you should do is take the ‘If ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ approach. What I’m saying is just like no one wants to be in missionary or doggy style all of the time, even if it gives them an orgasm, the same thing applies to oral sex. Get creative. 69 it. Get on your sides.
"Bring some whipped cream or honey in. Don’t just use your mouth — that’s what fingers and sex toys are for. My favorite oral sex experiences happened when I was pleasantly surprised by something that I didn’t expect. Catch me off guard, in a good way. I’m gonna love that every time!”
Shellie here: I got y’all on the condiments thing. Check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”.
GiphyMalcolm. 24.
“Can y’all put your lips over your teeth? Sometimes I’ve turned down head because it’s so bad, and that’s because it’s so painful. Teeth grating on us is like getting a paper cut, and who the hell wants that? Also, using your hands to try and deflect from actually giving head? We can see that trick a mile away. Do it or…don’t.”
Barra. 39.
“Some guys watch too much porn, and it shows. All of that spitting can be annoying and unnecessary. Never make us so wet that we don’t even feel like you’re down there. Actually, leave porn out of the oral sex experience altogether unless a woman asks for it. When it comes to oral sex, usually, they don’t know how to please a woman — they just do whatever they think a man wants to see.”
GiphyIvan. 49.
“Self-conscious head is the worst. Trying to look pretty. Caring about how you sound doing it. Wondering if I’m looking at you. Not wanting me to grab your hair. This ain’t no fashion show. If we’re in this thang, WE’RE IN THIS THANG. Put overthinking to the side, and let’s do this!”
Shellie here: A lot of us actually like getting our hair pulled. Don’t believe me? Check out “Contrary To Popular Assumption, Black Women LOVE Getting Their Hair Pulled During Sex” too.
Keshet. 34.
“Nothing bothers me more than a man who assumes that we’re all just alike. Just because something worked great for some other woman, that doesn’t mean it will impress me. I don’t like it when guys ONLY focus on the clitoris, either. A man who devours me is gonna be the one who sees a whole ‘nother side of me, sis.”
____
There you have it: 10 people who were willing to share what drives them up the wall (and not in a good way) when it comes to good ole’ fellatio and cunnilingus. And aside from it being a hopefully entertaining read, if you can relate to any of these pet peeves…now you can just shoot your partner this article as an “Ain’t this a trip?” FYI and let the people in the piece do the heavy lifting for you. LOL.
No worries, sis. I got you.
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
This year's It Girl 100 is a mosaic of brilliance, spotlighting entrepreneurs, cultural disruptors, beauty visionaries, and boundary-pushing creatives who embody the spirit of "Yes, And." This digital celebration honors the women who embrace every facet of themselves, proving you can chase the bag and still honor your desire to live life softly.
Here's the roll call for xoNecole's It Girl 100 Class of 2025: Viral Voices.
Content Creator Eni Popoola
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Eni Popoola
Her Handle: @enipopoola
Her Title: Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Eni Popoola is the visionary creative behind beautifully cinematic content that fuses fashion and feeling. We love her for proving that elegance and emotion can exist in every frame.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm not afraid to pivot and the best is still yet to come."
Content Creator Jessie Woo
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Jessie Woo
Her Handle: @thejessiewoo
Her Title: Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Jessie Woo is joy personified, a multi-talented entertainer and fearless truth-teller. We celebrate her for using humor, music, and faith to create content that heals through laughter.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes. I’m a force — and that’s why I create my own lanes instead of waiting for one to open."
Media Personality, Founder and Host Kayla Nicole
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Kayla Nicole
Her Handle: @kaylanicole
Her Title: Media Personality; Founder, Tribe Therepē; Host, Welcome to the Pre-Game
Who's That It Girl: Kayla Nicole merges style, storytelling, and self-awareness like no other. We celebrate her for being the friend in our feeds who reminds us to show up fully, flaws, fire, and all.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē."
Creator and Entrepreneur Simi Muhumuza
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Simi Muhumuza
Her Handle: @simimoonlight
Her Title: Creator and Entrepreneur
Who's That It Girl: Simi is a writer, and creative based in Brooklyn, NY. She focuses on style, lifestyle and wellness.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, and I’m reaching even higher."
Creator Kiera Please
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Kiera Please
Her Handle: @kieraplease
Her Title: Creator
Who's That It Girl: Kiera Please is a creator, voice actress, and artist whose creativity knows no bounds. With her unique mix of style, cosplay, and storytelling, she’s built a global fan base that celebrates self-expression.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m just weird girl and I’ll just keep getting weirder."
Content Creator Zaynah Bear
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Zaynah Bear
Her Handle: @madame_zay
Her Title: Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Zaynah Bear is a social media content creator known for her cartoon-style comedic storytelling that blends humor with everyday relatability. Her unique approach to creating content builds strong audience connections and keeps her community coming back for more laughs.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm boldly Black and beautifully quirky, owning every shade of my uniqueness."
Social Media Consultant and Creative Candace Marie
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Candace Marie
Her Handle: @marie_mag_
Her Title: Social Media Consultant and Creative
Who's That It Girl: Candace Marie is a luxury social-media strategist and founder of Black In Corporate. A former Parsons professor, she’s worked with fashion powerhouses like PRADA and Victoria Beckham, helping shape a more inclusive industry.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m grounded in strategy & storytelling—and I’m creating pathways for the future of influence."
Model and Content Creator Quenlin Blackwell
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Quenlin Blackwell
Her Handle: @quenblackwell
Her Title: Model and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Quenlin Blackwell is digital dynamite, witty, unfiltered, and wildly creative. We celebrate her for turning chaos into comedy and self-expression into art that connects millions.
Content Creator and TV Host Kamie Crawford
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Kamie Crawford
Her Handle: @kamiecrawford
Her Title: Content Creator and TV Host
Who's That It Girl: Kamie Crawford’s presence is as commanding as her compassion. We love her for being a media personality who advocates for confidence, self-worth, and love rooted in realness.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm that girl and I’ve had to heal parts of me to become her."
Author and Podcaster Sesali Bowen
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Sesali Bowen
Her Handle: @badfatblackgirl
Her Title: Author and Podcaster
Who's That It Girl: Sesali was born and raised on the Southside of Chicago and coined trap feminism. During her time as an entertainment writer for Refinery29 she was one of the architects of Unbothered, their sub brand for Black women. As a brand strategist and copywriter she’s worked with Netflix, Onyx Collective, and more.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I said it and I’m standing on it."
Co-Host of 'Pour Minds' Podcast Drea Nicole
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Drea Nicole
Her Handle: @dreanicoleee
Her Title: Co-Host of Pour Minds Podcast
Who's That It Girl: As one-half of the hit podcast Pour Minds, Drea Nicole brings real talk with humor and heart. We celebrate her for creating spaces where women can laugh, learn, and live out loud.
Co-Host of 'Pour Minds' Podcast Lex P
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Lex P
Her Handle: @lex_p_
Her Title: Co-Host of Pour Minds Podcast
Who's That It Girl: Lex P’s voice is bold, funny, and deeply authentic. We love her for turning the mic into a movement through Pour Minds, proving that humor and healing can thrive side by side.
Content Creator Jeannette Reyes
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Jeannette Reyes
Her Handle: @msnewslady
Her Title: Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Jeannette Reyes, known online as @msnewslady, went from the newsroom to building her own media brand. She’s a creator, speaker, and author using her platform to help women show up confidently on and off camera.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I take up space and I make room for others."
Founder of Mary Louise Cosmetics Akilah Releford
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Akilah Releford
Her Handle: @akilahreleford
Her Title: Founder of Mary Louise Cosmetics
Who's That It Girl: Founder of Mary Louise Cosmetics, Akilah merges skincare and sisterhood with intention. We celebrate her for turning DIY passion into a thriving brand rooted in empowerment and care.
Award-Winning Journalist and Beauty Expert Kayla Greaves
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Kayla Greaves
Her Handle: @kaylaagreaves
Her Title: Award-Winning Journalist and Beauty Expert
Who's That It Girl: Kayla Greaves is a journalist and on-camera expert who’s spent more than a decade telling stories that matter. From interviewing icons like Naomi Campbell to consulting for major brands, she continues to redefine beauty and culture.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm bold and I make no qualms about it."
Digital Creator Lauren W.
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Lauren W.
Her Handle: @laurenthelolife
Her Title: Digital Creator, Lifestyle and Beauty
Who's That It Girl: Lauren W. brings a breath of honesty to lifestyle content. We celebrate her for creating digital spaces that feel like safe havens for self-discovery, growth, and grace.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, and I'll do it solo!"
Host of 'She's So Lucky' Podcast Les Alfred
Les Alfred
Her Handle: @lesalfred
Her Title: Host of She's So Lucky podcast
Who's That It Girl: Les Alfred is a media entrepreneur and cultural storyteller shaping the future of women-centered narratives. As the creator and host of She’s So Lucky (formerly Balanced Black Girl), an NAACP Image Award-nominated podcast, she has built a thriving media ecosystem that explores wellness and self-discovery through the lens of trail-blazing women.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm strong and I lead with softness."
Influencer, Rapper and Actress Aliyah's Interlude
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Aliyah's Interlude
Her Handle: @aliyahsinterlude
Her Title: Influencer, Rapper and Actress
Who's That It Girl: Aliyah's Interlude brings softness and soul to the internet’s boldest spaces. We honor her for creating artful, introspective content that reminds us to slow down, reflect, and dream louder.
Beauty and Fashion Digital Creator Clarke Peoples
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Clarke Peoples
Her Handle: @clarkepeoples
Her Title: Beauty and Fashion Digital Creator
Who's That It Girl: Clarke Peoples creates content that feels like a warm conversation. We love her for her authenticity and for showing that influence grounded in truth never goes out of style.
Model and Content Creator Kamrin White
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Kamrin White
Her Handle: @kamrinwhite
Her Title: Model and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate Kamrin White for transforming her lifestyle lens into something real and radiant. A proud Afro-Latina creator and entrepreneur, she weaves wellness, fashion, and authenticity into her content, inviting her audience to live boldly and vulnerably in their own stories.
Lifestyle and Beauty Creator Jayla Brenae
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Jayla Brenae
Her Handle: @jaylabrenae
Her Title: Lifestyle and Beauty Creator
Who's That It Girl: Jayla Brenae inspires through her transparency and storytelling. We honor her for blending wellness, confidence, and community into content that uplifts and empowers women of all walks.
Journalist and Content Creator Casey Winbush
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Casey Winbush
Her Handle: @caseywinbush
Her Title: Journalist and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: With humor and heart, Casey Winbush is the voice of digital relatability. We celebrate her for blending vulnerability with wit, turning everyday stories into shared laughter and healing.
Model and Owner of PLEASEPEARLME Kendra Austin
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Kendra Austin
Her Handle: @kendramorous
Her Title: Model and Owner of PLEASEPEARLME
Who's That It Girl: Kendra Austin is poetry in motion, writer, model, and muse. We honor her for redefining softness as strength and for giving women permission to rest, feel, and reclaim joy.
Multidisciplinary Visual Artist and Creative Entrepreneur Shema Love
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Shema Love
Her Handle: @shemalove
Her Title: Multidisciplinary Visual Artist and Creative Entrepreneur
Who's That It Girl: Shema Love is a Brooklyn-based artist and designer turning art into healing. Her bold visuals and apparel celebrate Black joy, creativity, and self-expression, featured by Vogue, Nike, Netflix, and the WNBA.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I save lives and art saved me."
Content Creator Kristine Thompson
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Kristine Thompson
Her Handle: @mskristine
Her Title: Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Kristine Thompson is a fashion and lifestyle creator passionate about redefining style standards for plus-size women. Through her platforms, she shares inspiring fashion, beauty, and travel content that empowers her community to feel confident at any size.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I celebrate style and I challenge the idea that beauty comes in one size."
Beauty, Lifestyle and Fashion Creator Crystal Nicole
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Crystal Nicole
Her Handle: @iamcrystalnicolee
Her Title: Beauty, Lifestyle and Fashion Creator
Who's That It Girl: Crystal Nicole’s storytelling moves between vulnerability and victory. We honor her for her ability to inspire others to be unapologetically themselves despite the pressures of social media and for crafting narratives that empower women to rewrite their own anthems.
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by xoStaff