Okay, so you’ll (probably) never guess what prompted me to even go down this particular rabbit hole. I was actually talking to an older married couple about the misconception so many people have when it comes to how sexually active seniors are — not just when it comes to intercourse but oral stimulation as well. In fact, there are studies that reveal almost 40 percent of people between the ages of 62 and 90 actually engage in oral sex on a fairly consistent basis. So, if you’re out here thinking that sex stops once your head is full of gray hair…think again, chile.
Anyway, what we were specifically talking about was how much sex has gotten better for them over the years. It’s actually what the wife said that tripped me out: “It’s taken some time, but I’ve finally gotten him trained to do it, just how I like it.” When I asked her what “it” was, oral sex is exactly what she was referring to.
And that got me to thinking about other people who have told me that a mouth being on their genitalia does not automatically make a good oral sex experience. And that inspired me to pull out my interviewing skills to see who would be willing to give me the real deal when it comes to what semi-pisses them off when it comes to being on the receiving end of oral sex — I mean, being that reportedly, well over 80 percent of us do engage in it.
And lawd, you’d be amazed what people will share when they know that their first name (middle names only in my interviews) won’t be revealed. So, if you’re curious about what both men and women wished would happen less in the oral department, five men and five women just did you a major solid.
GiphyLionel. 37.
“Please don’t give me head just because I want it because I can always tell when that is the case. ‘Obligatory head’ is the worst because it feels like she’s timing herself to see how long is long enough before it can finally be over. On the other hand, a woman who loves to give head is passionate and enthusiastic about it — and that gets me off more than anything. If it seems like a chore to you, I’ll pass.”
Irsula. 29.
“Why do men think that so long as their head is down there that they’re actually doing something spectacular? UGH."
"The only good head that I’ve received came from a guy who asked me how I liked it instead of assuming that he knew what he was doing. Kudos to him and a proper middle finger to everyone else. Now that I think about it, that’s my real pet peeve: thinking that one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex, period. N-gga, you better communicate!”
GiphyGerald. 40.
“I’ll put it to you this way— how would y’all feel if the moment after we finished going down on you, we got up, ran to the bathroom, and spit into the sink? Some of y’all can be a real trip when it comes to your ‘no swallow’ rule because if you think that it doesn’t take some effort to take in all of your juices too, there’s a bit of denial going on. I’m not saying it’s a ‘must,’ but some consideration would be nice.”
Shellie here: Gerald, I got you. Ladies, check out “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm” and “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” when you get a chance.
Kaiden. 25.
“I call them ‘pressure washers.’ Some guys think that going down on a woman is like pressure washing a damn house. I wonder how many of them know that we have way more nerve endings in our clit than they will never have in their penis. So lawd, can they just go easy on ‘her?’ We’re not lap dogs…can you tell that I’ve got some oral sex PTSD?”
GiphyQuell. 31.
“Why do balls get rejected so much? Is it just me? I mean, I get the hesitation if your man didn’t just hop out of the shower or there’s no grooming going on, but besides that, I promise I don’t get it. I don’t know if you watched Superhead’s videos or not back in the day, but the reason why she got so much admiration on the head tip is because she never left the balls out. Just something to think about.”
Eden. 47.
“I’m not new to this sex game at all, and I think the biggest issue, for men and women, is folks get lazy when it comes to oral sex. The last thing that you should do is take the ‘If ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ approach. What I’m saying is just like no one wants to be in missionary or doggy style all of the time, even if it gives them an orgasm, the same thing applies to oral sex. Get creative. 69 it. Get on your sides.
"Bring some whipped cream or honey in. Don’t just use your mouth — that’s what fingers and sex toys are for. My favorite oral sex experiences happened when I was pleasantly surprised by something that I didn’t expect. Catch me off guard, in a good way. I’m gonna love that every time!”
Shellie here: I got y’all on the condiments thing. Check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”.
GiphyMalcolm. 24.
“Can y’all put your lips over your teeth? Sometimes I’ve turned down head because it’s so bad, and that’s because it’s so painful. Teeth grating on us is like getting a paper cut, and who the hell wants that? Also, using your hands to try and deflect from actually giving head? We can see that trick a mile away. Do it or…don’t.”
Barra. 39.
“Some guys watch too much porn, and it shows. All of that spitting can be annoying and unnecessary. Never make us so wet that we don’t even feel like you’re down there. Actually, leave porn out of the oral sex experience altogether unless a woman asks for it. When it comes to oral sex, usually, they don’t know how to please a woman — they just do whatever they think a man wants to see.”
GiphyIvan. 49.
“Self-conscious head is the worst. Trying to look pretty. Caring about how you sound doing it. Wondering if I’m looking at you. Not wanting me to grab your hair. This ain’t no fashion show. If we’re in this thang, WE’RE IN THIS THANG. Put overthinking to the side, and let’s do this!”
Shellie here: A lot of us actually like getting our hair pulled. Don’t believe me? Check out “Contrary To Popular Assumption, Black Women LOVE Getting Their Hair Pulled During Sex” too.
Keshet. 34.
“Nothing bothers me more than a man who assumes that we’re all just alike. Just because something worked great for some other woman, that doesn’t mean it will impress me. I don’t like it when guys ONLY focus on the clitoris, either. A man who devours me is gonna be the one who sees a whole ‘nother side of me, sis.”
____
There you have it: 10 people who were willing to share what drives them up the wall (and not in a good way) when it comes to good ole’ fellatio and cunnilingus. And aside from it being a hopefully entertaining read, if you can relate to any of these pet peeves…now you can just shoot your partner this article as an “Ain’t this a trip?” FYI and let the people in the piece do the heavy lifting for you. LOL.
No worries, sis. I got you.
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