

Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.
With 2020 being…the way it has been, I'm pretty sure that you don't have any big out-of-the-house plans for New Year's Eve. I get that is kind of a bummer too. But girl, if you've got a man to ring the new year in with, you've got a party in your house. You just don't know it yet.
This piece? It's all about how to enjoy some really, really, REALLY good NYE sex. I'm talking about the kind that will make you never head out to a restaurant or club on December 31 again because—nothing can be more awesome than what's going on in your bedroom (or wherever you decide to do all of this stuff). Are you ready to get inspired to celebrate on a whole 'nother level?
1. Create a Foreplay List
Something that can be a sexually intriguing ice breaker is for you and your partner to individually put together a foreplay list on the eve of New Year's Eve. Literally sit down and think about 10 things that each of you sexually enjoy when it comes to the act of foreplay. Then share it with your partner before NYE officially rolls around. Mutually agree that the person who is able to recall the most things on the other's list, strictly by memory, over the course of the day, earns some sort of prize. The prize is totally up to the two of you. Maybe the "loser" prepares dinner. Perhaps the loser has to pamper the other for the rest of the day. Extra money from the loser could go into the sex jar (check out "5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar"). Whatever it is, it still needs to be something that will ultimately benefit the both of you in the long run. However, the purpose of this "game" is to remind you both that your separate foreplay wants and needs should be kept in the forefront of each other's minds. Starting with checking everything off of the list on New Year's Eve.
2. Commit to Some Outercourse, a Quickie and Intercourse
If you're really about making New Year's Eve a time to remember, who said that you had to wait until after the sun sets (which this year, feels like it happens right around noon, y'all)? If you're going to be off work and/or at home all day long, string all of the sexual activity out—kind of like you would a full course meal.
Start with some outercourse. What the heck is that? Back when I was in high school, the intense version of it was called dry humping. Long story short, it's any kind of sexual activity that doesn't involve any form of penetration (well, except for tongues going into mouths). It can be kissing, cuddling, giving each other a massage, or yeah, rubbing on each other to the point of almost experiencing an orgasm…shoot, maybe even to the point of actually having one. Why do some people enjoy this? One, it's a great form of foreplay, and two, it can build up all kinds of anticipation so that once penetration—of any form—goes down, folks are more than just a little excited to oblige.
A quickie is cool if you wake up horny on NYE or you want to give each other a "preview" of what's to come later on. Plus, if you're both able to climax from having one, that can make intercourse later on almost like the 90s R&B songs talk about when they refer to having sex all night long (girrrl…).
And finally intercourse. You're grown. You know what to do. But if you're looking for a few hacks to set this mutha all the way off right this year, check out "15 Sex Hacks To Take Your Bedroom Action To The Next Level", "10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently", "How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.", "Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream" and "What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?".
3. Pile Up on Some Lube and Condoms (Ribbed Condoms, That Is)
The wetter, the better. There really is no other way to drive this particular point home than to say that. And the easiest way to make things wetter is—well first, drink more water and then—use some lubrication. While yes, the main purpose of lube is to make you and your partner more "slippery" so that intercourse is that much more comfortable and stimulating, don't underestimate the power that comes from placing it on other parts of each other's body's too. By dabbing some on the lobes of your ears, the back of your neck or the inside of your thighs, it can also help to intensify the desire for…more action. Your best bet is to go with a lubricant that is warming or tingly. Some brands that are right up the alley are listed here.
As far as condoms go, we all know that they help to prevent an undesired pregnancy or an STD. Folks who don't want either know that they need to use them. That said, though, even if you've been "going raw" with your partner for a while now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't bring a condom into the mix every once in a while; ribbed ones, to be specific. They have a way of making the friction that comes from intercourse way more pleasurable; especially if there's some lubricant on them. The best ribbed rubbers that are currently on the market can be found here.
4. Get a Stability Ball
What the heck is a stability ball? At the end of the day, it's basically the same thing as an exercise one. And why should you incorporate it into your sex life? Well, aside from it being able to help you to strengthen your core (I'm playing and serious at the same time), you have never experienced doggy style like you will once you've extended your body across a ball first. It can be a cool way to do cowgirl too. Not only does a stability ball bring a twist into classic sex positions, but it can always be a lot of fun as well. Think of it as playing a round of Twister, only the circles on the mat are real balls instead. And since laughter makes anything in life better (so long as you're laughing with one another and not at one another)…now do you see why you should make a Target run and pick one up real quick?
5. Cop a Vibrating Penis Ring Too
Are sex toys totally your thing? If so, something that's a pretty big sex trend right now are couples sex toys. Those are ones that both you and your partner can enjoy at the same time. On top of the list of faves is a vibrating penis ring. It's basically a ring that your partner puts on the shaft of his penis and, when it vibrates, you hop on so that it can stimulate your clitoris at the same time. I did a little investigating on this toy and folks have said that it was the best sex toy purchase that they have ever made. Just putting that out there. #wink
6. String Some Lights
Back in my sexually active days, I had a few partners who used to enjoy watching me perform fellatio on them. While I didn't mind that in the least, let me tell you what did get on my very last nerve—that flashlight that they would put in my face. UGH. That's why I'm such a fan of sex, including the right kind of lighting. During this time of year, a lighting technique that I really like are string lights. They are so romantic and have a way of providing a winter wonderland-like vibe. Target, Walmart, Lowes—these are just some of the stores that carry them. I also found some on Wayfair's site that I really like because you can string them from the ceiling to the floor and then come in the soft hue of blue. You can cop those specific ones here.
7. Dance Together. Naked.
Question. When's the last time that you and your partner danced together? If you can't remember, think back to some of your favorite rom-coms that had intimate dance scenes in them. Didn't they make you feel all warm 'n fuzzy inside? Actually, there is something to that.
There are marriage therapists who will literally "prescribe" that couples in trouble dance more because it's fun, it's a way to experience non-verbal communication and it's super sensual too. OK, but since we're talking about how to get some good-good going, why not turn on some of your favorite slow jams, take off all of your clothes, and slow grind naked? It's like outercourse 2.0 because it's flirty, intense and the kind of edging that can help you and yours to physically and emotionally connect in a really sexy and arousing—all without saying a single word.
8. “Play Your Part”
Anyone who was able to survive a year like 2020, especially with their relationship intact, they deserve a round of stimulus checks (and then some)! And since New Year's Eve is a traditional time for toasting, definitely make sure that you and your partner toast each other. Although champagne is typically the signature drink for this particular occasion, if you want to try something new, how about playing your part? Believe it or not, Play Your Part is an alcoholic cocktail that is considered to be an aphrodisiac too, thanks to the chocolate (it contains compounds that elevate sexual arousal) and pomegranate (it increases testosterone levels by around 30 percent) liqueur. There is some strawberry puree and honey in the recipe to make things extra off the chain. If you want to test it out this year, the steps for making it are provided right here.
9. Serve Up a Condiments-Only Dessert
Oral sex. Be honest—can there be great sex without it? Whether you decide to have an elaborate NYE meal or just split a pizza, make sure to make room for dessert—and make sure that the dessert is for the two of you. You don't need much. Just get yourself some sweet-tasting condiments like chocolate syrup, caramel, honey, whipped cream, and maybe some puree of a favorite fruit. Place these, first on each other's erogenous zones, then on your genitals, being sure to lick the marked spots off along the way. If this doesn't get you especially hot 'n bothered, I'm not sure what will, chile.
10. Gargle Some Cold Minty Mouthwash
Speaking of oral, a particular hack that I promise you is a real game-changer is making sure you've got some cold minty mouthwash in your mouth before performing fellatio. If you hate going down, it can make the experience much more pleasant (especially if your partner happens to be, what I call, a lava lamp; you can read more about those here). Yet even if you really enjoy giving head, you'll like it even more because the menthol in the mouthwash will give your partner a tingly sensation that is truly unmatched for you both. If the mouthwash is cold, the unexpected temperature will take the experience up even a few more notches. Whew-whee!
(Put your mouthwash in the freezer about 30 minutes before you plan on hooking your partner up.)
11. Wear Some Pearls (and/or a Necktie)
If you've got a pearl necklace somewhere in your house, blow your partner's mind by wrapping it around the shaft of his penis. Not tightly; just enough to provide a unique sensation as you rub your hands up and down the necklace. It can really go next-level if you apply some lube to his penis first. He won't see it coming (no pun intended). Speaking of around-the-house-make-shift-sex toys, it's a good idea to bring a necktie into the equation too. You can tie each other's wrists together with it and well—I'll let your imagination take it from there.
12. Try Some Paper Clips
It wasn't until I saw the movie 50 Shades of Grey that I even got the concept of how "clamps" actually work. And while it's personally a hard pass for me, if you'd like to explore what a nipple clamp would feel like but you're not ready to commit to actually purchasing some, paper clips are a cool and cheap alternative. Make sure they're metal, medium, or large in size and that you put them in the freezer first. Then slide one onto your nipple (or his) and quickly pull it off. Report back if it stimulated you in any way. (I'm curious.)
13. Be His “Snow Angel”
On the eve of a new year, it only makes sense to introduce a new sex position into your repertoire, right? Personally, considering the time of year that NYE falls on, I thought that it would only be fitting to shout-out the snow angel sex position. It's basically like 69 except there's intercourse involved. Basically, while on your back, have your head facing your headboard and his facing the end of the bed while on top of you. Wrap your legs around his back and grab his butt to help him control how deeply he penetrates you. Since 70 percent of women have trouble achieving a vaginal orgasm without clitoral stimulation, this is one of the best ways to make that "goal" happen.
14. Offer Climax “Instructions”
It really is crazy, the kind of things that can remain in your head (and pop up outta the blue at times). Take the movieStrictly Business (Halle Berry, Tommy Davidson, Joseph C. Phillips) that came out in the very early 90s. Waymon (Joseph's character) was dating a woman, Diedre (played by Ann-Marie Johnson) who was annoying AF in bed. Why? Because she wasn't a dirty talker; she was a dictator—"Up! Down! Left! Right!" Awful. Anyway, this scene popped up in my head again because, when I say that a key to hot sex is to offer up climax instructions, I'm not talking about what Diedre's crazy ass was doing. What I mean is, the sounds that we make during sex (check out "Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?"), along with the tone of our voice and the words that we say can be just as much of a turn-on as how we touch our partner.
And there is nothing like being your partner's "cheerleader" by encouraging him, not only to orgasm but telling him where and how you'd like him to do it. Do you want him to cum in you? Do you want him to slow down or speed up so that you can come together? I could keep going but I think you get my drift. There is something about hearing the word "cum", period, that incites arousal in a lot of us. Say it more this NYE. Watch what happens—and where—when you do.
15. Make a New Sex Resolution for the New Year
I can't help but to roll my eyes at married couples who only have the kind of sex that I just shared with you on "special occasions". Like really, what in the world? Isn't staying married enough of a reason to celebrate, on any given day of the week? I think a part of the challenge is holidays, birthdays and anniversaries give us the chance to plan in ways that a regular Thursday or Friday doesn't. So…make a sex plan. While you're in the bask of afterglow talk about the kind of sex you want to have more of in 2021. While I'm not big on resolutions, I will make an exception when it comes to sex because sex goals aren't made, nearly enough.
And to decide to make plans to have some hot, kinky, constant sex? How can that not make you excited about entering a whole new year?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Why Do Millennials & Gen-Zers Still Feel Like Teenagers? The Pandemic Might Be The Reason.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
@charlies444ngel no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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