Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.

15 ways to ring in the new year...the best way we know how.


With 2020 being…the way it has been, I'm pretty sure that you don't have any big out-of-the-house plans for New Year's Eve. I get that is kind of a bummer too. But girl, if you've got a man to ring the new year in with, you've got a party in your house. You just don't know it yet.

This piece? It's all about how to enjoy some really, really, REALLY good NYE sex. I'm talking about the kind that will make you never head out to a restaurant or club on December 31 again because—nothing can be more awesome than what's going on in your bedroom (or wherever you decide to do all of this stuff). Are you ready to get inspired to celebrate on a whole 'nother level?

1. Create a Foreplay List


Something that can be a sexually intriguing ice breaker is for you and your partner to individually put together a foreplay list on the eve of New Year's Eve. Literally sit down and think about 10 things that each of you sexually enjoy when it comes to the act of foreplay. Then share it with your partner before NYE officially rolls around. Mutually agree that the person who is able to recall the most things on the other's list, strictly by memory, over the course of the day, earns some sort of prize. The prize is totally up to the two of you. Maybe the "loser" prepares dinner. Perhaps the loser has to pamper the other for the rest of the day. Extra money from the loser could go into the sex jar (check out "5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar"). Whatever it is, it still needs to be something that will ultimately benefit the both of you in the long run. However, the purpose of this "game" is to remind you both that your separate foreplay wants and needs should be kept in the forefront of each other's minds. Starting with checking everything off of the list on New Year's Eve.

2. Commit to Some Outercourse, a Quickie and Intercourse

If you're really about making New Year's Eve a time to remember, who said that you had to wait until after the sun sets (which this year, feels like it happens right around noon, y'all)? If you're going to be off work and/or at home all day long, string all of the sexual activity out—kind of like you would a full course meal.

Start with some outercourse. What the heck is that? Back when I was in high school, the intense version of it was called dry humping. Long story short, it's any kind of sexual activity that doesn't involve any form of penetration (well, except for tongues going into mouths). It can be kissing, cuddling, giving each other a massage or yeah, rubbing on each other to the point of almost experiencing an orgasm…shoot, maybe even to the point of actually having one. Why do some people enjoy this? One, it's a great form of foreplay and two, it can build up all kinds of anticipation, so that once penetration—of any form—goes down, folks are more than just a little excited to oblige.

A quickie is cool if you wake up horny on NYE or you want to give each other a "preview" of what's to come later on. Plus, if you're both able to climax from having one, that can make intercourse later on almost like the 90s R&B songs talk about when they refer to having sex all night long (girrrl…).

And finally intercourse. You're grown. You know what to do. But if you're looking for a few hacks to set this mutha all the way off right this year, check out "15 Sex Hacks To Take Your Bedroom Action To The Next Level", "10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently", "How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.", "Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream" and "What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?".

3. Pile Up on Some Lube and Condoms (Ribbed Condoms, That Is)


The wetter, the better. There really is no other way to drive this particular point home than to say that. And the easiest way to make things wetter is—well first, drink more water and then—use some lubrication. While yes, the main purpose of lube is to make you and your partner more "slippery" so that intercourse is that much more comfortable and stimulating, don't underestimate the power that comes from placing it on other parts of each other's body's too. By dabbing some on the lobes of your ears, the back of your neck or the inside of your thighs, it can also help to intensify the desire for…more action. Your best bet is to go with a lubricant that is warming or tingly. Some brands that are right up the alley are listed here.

As far as condoms go, we all know that they help to prevent an undesired pregnancy or an STD. Folks who don't want either know that they need to use them. That said, though, even if you've been "going raw" with your partner for a while now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't bring a condom into the mix every once in a while; ribbed ones, to be specific. They have a way of making the friction that comes from intercourse way more pleasurable; especially if there's some lubricant on them. The best ribbed rubbers that are currently on the market can be found here.

4. Get a Stability Ball

What the heck is a stability ball? At the end of the day, it's basically the same thing as an exercise one. And why should you incorporate it into your sex life? Well, aside from it being able to help you to strengthen your core (I'm playing and serious at the same time), you have never experienced doggy style like you will once you've extended your body across a ball first. It can be a cool way to do cowgirl too. Not only does a stability ball bring a twist into classic sex positions, but it can always be a lot of fun as well. Think of it as playing a round of Twister, only the circles on the mat are real balls instead. And since laughter makes anything in life better (so long as you're laughing with one another and not at one another)…now do you see why you should make a Target run and pick one up real quick?

5. Cop a Vibrating Penis Ring Too


Are sex toys totally your thing? If so, something that's a pretty big sex trend right now are couples sex toys. Those are ones that both you and your partner can enjoy at the same time. On top of the list of faves is a vibrating penis ring. It's basically a ring that your partner puts on the shaft of his penis and, when it vibrates, you hop on so that it can stimulate your clitoris at the same time. I did a little investigating on this toy and folks have said that it was the best sex toy purchase that they have ever made. Just putting that out there. #wink

6. String Some Lights

Back in my sexually active days, I had a few partners who used to enjoy watching me perform fellatio on them. While I didn't mind that in the least, let me tell you what did get on my very last nerve—that flashlight that they would put in my face. UGH. That's why I'm such a fan of sex, including the right kind of lighting. During this time of year, a lighting technique that I really like are string lights. They are so romantic and have a way of providing a winter wonderland-like vibe. Target, Walmart, Lowes—these are just some of the stores that carry them. I also found some on Wayfair's site that I really like because you can string them from the ceiling to the floor and then come in the soft hue of blue. You can cop those specific ones here.

7. Dance Together. Naked.


Question. When's the last time that you and your partner danced together? If you can't remember, think back to some of your favorite rom-coms that had intimate dance scenes in them. Didn't they make you feel all warm 'n fuzzy inside? Actually, there is something to that.

There are marriage therapists who will literally "prescribe" that couples in trouble dance more because it's fun, it's a way to experience non-verbal communication and it's super sensual too. OK, but since we're talking about how to get some good-good going, why not turn on some of your favorite slow jams, take off all of your clothes and slow grind naked? It's like outercourse 2.0 because it's flirty, intense and the kind of edging that can help you and yours to physically and emotionally connect in a really sexy and arousing—all without saying a single word.

8. “Play Your Part”

Anyone who was able to survive a year like 2020, especially with their relationship intact, they deserve a round of stimulus checks (and then some)! And since New Year's Eve is a traditional time for toasting, definitely make sure that you and your partner toast each other. Although champagne is typically the signature drink for this particular occasion, if you want to try something new, how about playing your part? Believe it or not, Play Your Part is an alcoholic cocktail that is considered to be an aphrodisiac too, thanks to the chocolate (it contains compounds that elevate sexual arousal) and pomegranate (it increases testosterone levels by around 30 percent) liqueur. There is some strawberry puree and honey in the recipe to make things extra off the chain. If you want to test it out this year, the steps for making it are provided right here.

9. Serve Up a Condiments-Only Dessert


Oral sex. Be honest—can there be great sex without it? Whether you decide to have an elaborate NYE meal or just split a pizza, make sure to make room for dessert—and make sure that the dessert is the two of you. You don't need much. Just get yourself some sweet tasting condiments like chocolate syrup, caramel, honey, whipped cream and maybe some puree of a favorite fruit. Place these, first on each other's erogenous zones, then on your genitals, being sure to lick the marked spots off along the way. If this doesn't get you especially hot 'n bothered, I'm not sure what will, chile.

10. Gargle Some Cold Minty Mouthwash

Speaking of oral, a particular hack that I promise you is a real game-changer is making sure you've got some cold minty mouthwash in your mouth before performing fellatio. If you hate going down, it can make the experience much more pleasant (especially if your partner happens to be, what I call, a lava lamp; you can read more about those here). Yet even if you really enjoy giving head, you'll like it even more because the menthol in the mouthwash will give your partner a tingly sensation that is truly unmatched for you both. If the mouthwash is cold, the unexpected temperature will take the experience up even a few more notches. Whew-whee!

(Put your mouthwash in the freezer about 30 minutes before you plan on hooking your partner up.)

11. Wear Some Pearls (and/or a Necktie)


If you've got a pearl necklace somewhere in your house, blow your partner's mind by wrapping it around the shaft of his penis. Not tightly; just enough to provide a unique sensation as you rub your hands up and down the necklace. It can really go next-level if you apply some lube to his penis first. He won't see it coming (no pun intended). Speaking of around-the-house-make-shift-sex toys, it's a good idea to bring a necktie into the equation too. You can tie each other's wrists together with it and well—I'll let your imagination take it from there.

12. Try Some Paper Clips

It wasn't until I saw the movie 50 Shades of Grey that I even got the concept of how "clamps" actually work. And while it's personally a hard pass for me, if you'd like to explore what a nipple clamp would feel like but you're not ready to commit to actually purchasing some, paper clips are a cool and cheap alternative. Make sure they're metal, medium or large in size and that you put them in the freezer first. Then slide one onto your nipple (or his) and quickly pull it off. Report back if it stimulated you in any way. (I'm curious.)

13. Be His “Snow Angel”


On the eve of a new year, it only makes sense to introduce a new sex position into your repertoire, right? Personally, considering the time of year that NYE falls on, I thought that it would only be fitting to shout-out the snow angel sex position. It's basically like 69 except there's intercourse involved. Basically, while on your back, have your head facing your headboard and his facing the end of the bed while on top of you. Wrap your legs around his back and grab his butt to help him control how deeply he penetrates you. Since 70 percent of women have trouble achieving a vaginal orgasm without clitoral stimulation, this is one of the best ways to make that "goal" happen.

14. Offer Climax “Instructions”

It really is crazy, the kind of things that can remain in your head (and pop up outta the blue at times). Take the movie Strictly Business (Halle Berry, Tommy Davidson, Joseph C. Phillips) that came out in the very early 90s. Waymon (Joseph's character) was dating a woman, Diedre (played by Ann-Marie Johnson) who was annoying AF in bed. Why? Because she wasn't a dirty talker; she was a dictator—"Up! Down! Left! Right!" Awful. Anyway, this scene popped up in my head again because, when I say that a key to hot sex is to offer up climax instructions, I'm not talking about what Diedre's crazy ass was doing. What I mean is, the sounds that we make during sex (check out "Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?"), along with the tone of our voice and the words that we say can be just as much of a turn-on as how we touch our partner.

And there is nothing like being your partner's "cheerleader" by encouraging him, not only to orgasm but telling him where and how you'd like him to do it. Do you want him to cum in you? Do you want him to slow down or speed up so that you can come together? I could keep going but I think you get my drift. There is something about hearing the word "cum", period, that incites arousal in a lot of us. Say it more this NYE. Watch what happens—and where—when you do.

15. Make a New Sex Resolution for the New Year

I can't help but to roll my eyes at married couples who only have the kind of sex that I just shared with you on "special occasions". Like really, what in the world? Isn't staying married enough of a reason to celebrate, on any given day of the week? I think a part of the challenge is holidays, birthdays and anniversaries give us the chance to plan in ways that a regular Thursday or Friday doesn't. So…make a sex plan. While you're in the bask of afterglow talk about the kind of sex you want to have more of in 2021. While I'm not big on resolutions, I will make an exception when it comes to sex because sex goals aren't made, nearly enough.

And to decide to make plans to have some hot, kinky, constant sex? How can that not make you excited about entering a whole new year?

Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.

Featured image by GIFS

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.

This is Maya's story, written by Charmin Michelle.

I know this may come to a surprise so many, but here we are. Yes, I got a BBL. If you aren't aware, a BBL is a Brazilian Butt Lift, a cosmetic surgery process where the doctor uses a combination of liposuction and fat-grafting, transfers the fat into the butt, resulting in added volume, defined curves, and a lift. It is technically lipo and a fat transfer. But yeah girl, this has been on my to-do list for a while. And now that I am able to afford it, I went for it.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

Adulting is hard but packing up and moving from one living space to the next is even harder. As a young adult, leaving home to attend college 300 miles away, I was yearning for a change of scenery so much so I couldn't wait to pack my belongings and head to sunny southern California. With each transition, it wasn't an easy task, however, nine years and 10 roommates later, I finally have a place to call my own. As liberating as it is to be in a space that's all mine, this move is unlike any other. As a single woman, the responsibility of uprooting myself has been more challenging than I ever imagined. More than just saving dreamy home decor inspiration via Pinterest, making "my house a home" has been a process that's easier said than done.

Keep reading... Show less

Earlier today, I was talking to one of my closest male friends about some closure that he got with a particular woman in his life. She was someone he had met online and, although they were digging each other, she actually liked him more than he liked her. "Liked" in the sense that she wanted to move forward with the potential of it turning into something more serious and lasting, while my friend was fine leaving things casual. When he told me that she called him to let him know that she had met someone else who was on the same page with her and so she thought it would be best that she and my friend cool things off out of respect for what she was building with someone else, I appreciated my friend's response. He said, "Man, that made me respect her so much because a lot of women play games out here. She was direct, it was a 'clean close' and that makes me open to always staying in touch, no matter what."

Keep reading... Show less

If there's one thing Historically Black Universities are known, it's fostering a sense of interconnectedness for collaborative genius to thrive. Of all campuses, it was on the soil of The Mecca, Howard University, where She'Neil Johnson-Spencer and Nicolette Graves rooted their friendship and aligned their passion for beauty and natural brains. Today, the two have founded a skincare brand of their own, Base Butter, that has not only carved out their niche space in the market but rallied a community of women to glow from the inside out.

Keep reading... Show less

While I'm pretty sure that all of us get the gist of what body language is, if you're looking for a way to easily define it, it's when you use your mannerisms and expressions (including one's tone) to communicate with other people. Although it's been said for many years that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, more studies are revealing that it is somewhere around 60-70 percent. Either way, what we do know for sure is, when it comes to how people respond and react to how you engage them, your body language plays a really significant role.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts