Ever Wonder When Women Are The Horniest? I Got You.
Because I write so much about sex, there are never a lack of random questions that pop into my mind. One that I was wondering semi-recently is if there's a particular time of the day when men and women are hornier than others. Chile, when you decide to go digging for information, you'll be amazed what you'll find.
So, let's get into it. While horniness can come and go at any time of the day or night, you might be surprised to know that there is a (very) specific time when a lot of us want it more than usual. Read the article. Process it. Hop in the comments. More than anything, test the theory out. Because I don't know about you, but to me, sex is always good — having it when I'm especially horny, though, definitely takes everything up several notches, though.
What Does It Mean to Be “Horny”, Anyway?
OK. We're all big girls here, so of course, I know that you have a general idea of what it means to be horny — it's when you have a desire for some sort of sexual interaction. However, when I checked out The Cut's article entitled, "What Kind of Horny Are You?", interestingly enough, it addressed different types of horniness (including the kind of horny that simply wants a mild level of gratification and the kind of horny that's related to being overstimulated by things like caffeine or even anxiety). So, I decided to do a bit more digging on the topic.
From an overall health standpoint, all kinds of things can make us, well, horny. Eating certain foods. Smelling certain scents. Ovulation time in our cycle (yes, we were designed to want sex more when it's most probable that we will get pregnant). Seeing someone who turns us on. Alcohol. Weed. Pregnancy (due to our hormones shifting all over the place). A high libido (this happens for some people naturally; for others, it's due to things like exercise or a higher level of testosterone). Sometimes an argument can make you horny because of the adrenaline rush that comes from it (umm, make-up sex, anyone?). Even having to pee (because urine puts pressure on your bladder which can, in turn, put pressure on your genital region) can trigger feelings of horniness (a lot of women are huge fans of having sex when they feel like they've got to urinate; they say it intensifies the sensation of their orgasms).
Although there are a few other causes, for the most part, these 10 are the main reasons why you can go from being cool to suddenly wanting to get you some — quick, fast and in a hurry.
The reason why I thought it was important to share all of this is because, as you can clearly see, horniness doesn't "just happen". For the most part, there is always some sort of catalyst. And the reason why that is a relevant point is because, although I'm about to share with you the time of day when we find ourselves wanting to experience some sort of sexual stimuli the most, it's clear that other things can help to influence that desire too.
Whew. With all of that out of the way, just when are we the most interested in being sexually aroused? Good question.
When Are Women and Men Horniest? Why Does It Matter?
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the site that mentioned that a good time of the day for couples to engage in sexual activity is right around 3 p.m. Why? Well, apparently that is when our cortisol levels are elevated (which gives us more energy) and a man's estrogen levels are at their peak (which makes them want to bond with us more). It's kind of a trip how this all plays out because the online sex store Lovehoneyonce conducted a study (one that consisted of 2,300 individuals) which revealed that, while 3 p.m. may be a fair compromise, women actually prefer to have sex at — not sure where the exactness came from — 11:21 p.m. Yep. Most of us are apparently night owls on the copulation tip.
Why is that exactly? A lot of us are less stressed at night than during the daytime. Many of us feel willing to have sex when we're cuddled up with our partner. Some of us feel less self-conscious about our bodies when it's dark. Some of us wake up with too much on our minds in the morning to even really think about having morning sex.
Understood. Still, this is where it gets kinda interesting (if not straight-up challenging). When it comes to when men are their horniest, guess what time of day that is (also, it's pretty specific)? 7:54 a.m. Why? The main reason is because men experience a natural surge of testosterone in the early morning hours (which is the main reason why a lot of them also experience morning wood), so if you've got a partner who is constantly nudging you in the wee hours of the morning, there is literally something (internally within him) to that.
So, just what does all of this mean? That if he's not down at 11:21 p.m. or you're not interested at 7:54 a.m. that you're both gonna miss out on some really great sex? Well, let me first share something else that came up in the survey. While 11 p.m. is preferred, our peak horny window is between 11 p.m.-2 a.m. while a man's is somewhere between 6 a.m.-9 a.m. which leaves a little bit of wiggle room, right? Still, with 70 percent of the people who participated in the survey vouching for the fact that ending up with a partner who isn't on the same "horniness page" can make having sex when they really, really want to a challenge, I thought it would be a good idea to share a few tips on how to get in sexual sync, even if it can't be when your bodies naturally would most prefer each other to be.
How Do You Get in Sync with Him When It Comes to Arousal?
So, what if the reality is that you and your partner couldn't be on more different sex timetables? What is the workaround?
Go to bed together at the same time. This particular point especially applies if you are married or living with your partner. You know, I recently read that currently 1 in 4 couples are sleeping in separate beds and that it tends to affect the entire household (USA Today did an article on it; you can read it here). No time to get all super deep into that now. What I will say is if you and your partner are intentional about going to bed together, at least 2-3 times a week, at the same time, that makes it easier to pillow talk, cuddle up and maybe get a little nookie in during the midnight hour. Right around the time when a lot of us apparently like "it" most. #wink
Give some morning sex a shot. Whenever a married couple comes to me and says that they are in a sex slump, something that I will oftentimes recommend is that they engage in sex, every day, for a month straight (check out "Married Folks: Ever Wonder If Your Sex Life Is 'Normal'?"). While sometimes they are skeptical at first (and I'm gonna be real, more times than not, the eye rolls come from the wife), about 90 percent of them are on cloud nine after trying it.
This is the same way that I feel about morning sex. Even if the thought of waking up at 6 a.m., just for that, seems far less appealing than catching a few extra zzz's, morning sex can help to make you feel closer to your partner, to get and keep you calmer and make it easier to focus throughout the day. So again, even if late at night is your preference, it can never hurt to try that time of the day that a lot of men are all hype about. If you stay open — no pun intended — you could end up liking it a heck of a lot more than you initially thought that you would/could.
Remember that there's more than one way to skin an, umm, cat. OK. Let's go back to the 11:21 p.m. and 7:54 a.m. thing. Even if you and/or yours are not in the mood for an all-out romp session, if one of you is horny around that time, who said that some manual stimulation, oral sex or a quickie can't be on the menu? I don't know about y'all but when I'm horny (and was having sex), mostly what I want is a release of some sort. Yes, intercourse is bomb yet if I can get one off, some kind of way, I'm still usually pretty good. Don't even act like I'm alone in that, chile.
Be flexible on the weekends. Staying up late at night or getting up early in the morning might not be quite as feasible on the weekdays as it is on the weekends. Even if you've got an action-packed one planned or kids running all throughout the house, setting aside an hour for you and yours to try 11 p.m. or 7 a.m. will probably be less stressful than when you've got work, school, etc. on your schedule. Let the kids watch TV and have a bowl of cereal. They can wait until you're…done.
Don't overthink it all. More than anything, this article was simply providing you with some food for thought. If after reading the times provided, you find yourself giving major pushback because that is definitely not you and/or your partner's personal experience, it's all good. One of the first rules of sex is to do what works best for you and yours, right? Bottom line, there's no need to put any pressure on yourself. Just make sure to pay attention to your urges and do what you can to get them met. Because being horny is fine — so long as something can be "done about it" as soon as possible. Feel me? (I figured you would.) #wink
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED