OK, so here's a totally random yet pretty interesting question. The last time that you found yourself talking to someone on the phone and hearing yourself say, "Whew, I'm just so tired" or "I could really use some rest", did you ever take a moment to think what you actually meant by that? While on the surface, this might seem like a very "duh" inquiry, the reality is, when it comes to fatigue, as a wise person once said, chile, there are levels to this.
For example, two definitions of the word "rest" are "to refresh oneself, as by sleeping, lying down, or relaxing" and "to relieve weariness by cessation of exertion or labor". Then there's the phrase "at rest" which means "free from worry; tranquil". As if that's not enough to ponder, there are also all of the types of rest (as heard in this viral TED talk by Saundra Dalton-Smith) that your mind, body, soul—or perhaps all three—are longing for.
That last part? That is what I want to encourage you to take a couple of moments to really think deep and hard about today. As I go through 10 different types of rest that we all tend to need at various points and times in our lives, reflect on which one resonates with you the most, right at this very moment. Because there is no way that you can get fully refreshed and replenished unless you know what area of your life needs the rest…the most.
1. Physical Rest
Let's tackle what is probably the most obvious kind of rest that we find ourselves in need of—physical rest. Physical rest is all about getting 6-8 hours of sleep and/or slowing down because your body is physically drained. What are some clear indications that this is the type of rest that you actually need? On the sleep deprivation tip, if you are moody; you can't focus or concentrate; your libido is low; you are suddenly gaining weight; your memory is foggy or it seems like you're sick more than usual (due to a weakened immunity)—these are all indications that you are probably not getting as many hours of sleep as you should. But what if you are catching regular zzz's and you still feel sore, achy or just totally drained? That could mean that you are pushing your body too hard when you're working out or that you're simply not giving yourself time to just…chill.
If you can relate to any of this, the best thing that you can do is 1) make sleep a top priority and/or 2) take a couple of days to do nothing but just relax. Perhaps rather than a strenuous exercise routine, opt for some yoga or taking a stroll through your neighborhood. Also, a nice soak in the tub to soothe your muscles and joints couldn't hurt either. Bottom line, never feel like so much is going on that you can't afford to give yourself the physical rest that your body needs and, quite frankly, deserves. On the physical tip, rest is always paramount.
2. Mental Rest
OK, so how do you know when the rest that you actually need is not really physical but mental? That's a good question. Some clear indicators that a mental health day is in order is if you're anxious or worried to the point where you're not able to concentrate. Another indication that you might be in the need for a mental break is if you find yourself losing your temper a lot quicker than usual (yes, that means that you are being a pop-off) or, while you can't exactly put your finger on it, you feel disconnected from your life. What I mean by that is, things that typically matter a lot to you, right now, you don't too much care because you simply do not have the mental energy to hone in and focus.
If any of this resonates with you on some level, you're not going to do yourself (or anyone else) much good if you keep trying to push past your mental fatigue. One of the best things that you can do is A) take a day off so that you can rest and recharge and/or B) make an appointment with a therapist, counselor or life coach so that they can help you get to the root of what may be stressing you. Our minds are constantly working, so there are definitely times when it needs to get off of the roller coaster ride. If you are going through anything that I just shared, that is your cue to get some much-needed mental rest in.
3. Emotional Rest
A dictionary definition of emotion is a state of consciousness. If you were to look up the dictionary definition for the word "heart", one of the things it would say is "center of emotions". That's one of the reasons why I'm not a fan of "following your heart" (follow your emotions?! Emotions change all of the time; besides, the Bible speaks against following your heart as well—Jeremiah 17:9-10), yet I am a fan of the Scripture, "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23—AMPC) For the record, guarding your heart does not mean building a symbolic barbed-wire fence around it. Guarding your heart just means that you acknowledge that your emotions are a part of who you are and it's important to watch how people, places, things and ideas influence it.
So, how do you know if it is past time for you to get some emotional rest? If you're sadder than usual. If you are restless when you try to sleep. If you feel numb (you're not really up or down). If you feel hopeless, confused or frustrated but you can't pinpoint the cause of why you feel this way. If you lack any sense of motivation. While all of this could point signs to low-key depression, before speaking with a physician or therapist, try reading articles that include signs that you're a people-pleaser, a love addict, you need to set better boundaries, or you're someone who is always preparing a man for another relationship and the pattern is devastating you. If any of this resonates with you, do some journaling in order to gain some clarity. Also, make sure to really listen to how you're feeling about the things that you are discovering about the root cause of your emotional discomfort.
While again, I'm not a "follow your heart" kind of person, I do believe that our feelings are emotional thermometers in the sense that they alert us to what we want, need or lack. As you discover more of what those things may be, express it to those you hold dear. Oftentimes, a person who needs emotional rest is simply someone who needs to be loved on a little bit more; they need a moment to receive some of what they so willingly give.
4. Spiritual Rest
I was born into a faith that observes the Seventh-Day Sabbath (I talk about it more in the article, "What To Do When You Don't Know How To Chill Out"). This means that from Friday at sunset thru Saturday at sunset, I'm chillin'. My friends know that unless it's an emergency, I preferred not to be called on the phone, I have no plans for when I'll get out of bed and, I do no work and, a lot of the focus is my own spiritual health and well-being. I think about things that I can do to better my spirit, how I can be more giving to humanity and I ponder the areas where I could stand to evolve in my relationship with the Most High. While I am no longer a part of the denomination that introduced me to the gift of sabbath-keeping, it is one thing that I am truly thankful for and will honor for the rest of my life. There really is nothing like taking out a day, every week, to focus on how to spiritually grow and mature.
For those of you who consider Sunday to be your day of rest, I have a question for you about that—how much rest do you actually get? Waking up early to go to church, only to come home and eat and get ready for another Monday…that doesn't sound much like resting to me. Listen, this isn't about getting into the theological and Scriptural reasons why the Sabbath is still relevant, even now. I just want to encourage you to ask yourself if spiritual rest is even on your radar; if you really do set aside regular time for prayer, meditation and getting closer to your Creator. The reason why I wrote articles for the site like, "Here's Exactly How To Start Protecting Your Spirit", "I've Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul" and "What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?" is because, well, it's like a wise person once said, "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." Since your soul is the essence of your being, if you don't make time to nurture it, you're gonna struggle with fully being at rest with the rest of who you are.
5. Social Rest
This kind of rest is something that introverts and ambiverts tend to get on a pretty consistent basis. But if you're someone who gets a lot of your energy from being around other people (which is a surface-level definition of what it means to be an extrovert), this particular point is especially for you. People are great and none of us were designed to be an island. But if you find yourself in a space where you feel like you can't even hear your own thoughts, "thanks" to the constant chatter, advice and perspectives of others, that is a telling sign that you need some social rest. Another clear indicator is, whether you are an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, you are always esteemed as being "the strong one" (you might wanna read "Check In On Your Strong Friend: 4 Signs Your Friend Is Going Through Depression") in your relationships.
If you can relate to these points, social rest is about putting your phone on silent, not hanging out with your peeps and really just enjoying some time by yourself. It could be for a day, a weekend or even a couple of weeks. Social rest isn't about ostracizing yourself. It's about taking a moment to love on yourself, rejuvenate yourself and enjoy your own company without an audience. Everyone deserves that. No matter how "typically outgoing" they might be.
6. Financial Rest
Not too long ago, I read a survey that said as much as 72 percent of Americans find themselves to be stressed out over money. What's really a trip about that is, it's a study that took place back in 2014. Can you imagine how folks are feeling in 2020 amidst this pandemic? Lord have mercy—literally.
So, how in the world can you get financial rest? There are a couple of angles that you can take. Something that I've been getting into the habit of doing more and more is paying bills ahead of their due date. Sometimes, even when it's something as simple as my car insurance or water bill, there is nothing like the sigh of relief that comes over me when the bill pops up in the mail (or my email) and I see a credit listed. Something else that can help you to become financially "free from worry" is to downsize a bit.
Do you need cable? Does your cell phone plan have more features than are actually necessary? How often are you gonna wear those new pair of shoes that you've been eyeing? Putting yourself into the position of having more money in your savings account than items all over your home can give you a sense of financial rest that you never knew you needed.
7. Creative Rest
While I get that not everyone falls into the classic definition of being a creative, at the same time, I wholeheartedly believe that since we are all made in the image of the Creator, we all are capable of creating on some level. Our approach to our career path might be innovative. How we love others might be super original. If you conceived and birthed a child, you are sho 'nuf creative. And, if you're someone who knows that you are in your purpose and fulfilling your true calling, that is another indication of how you are living out your best life creatively. That said, creating can take a lot out of a person. In fact, that's why I wrote the article, "How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'" once upon a time.
Listen, I'll be the first one to raise my hand in this class and say that, when you know that you are actively doing what you were sent here to do (this includes knowing that you are loving who you were made to love because love is at the core of creativity), it can be hard to "get off of the clock"—that doesn't mean it isn't necessary, though. Creative rest includes taking vacations (whether that's alone, with your significant other or even just spending a weekend away from your kids every once in a while). It means intentionally setting aside time to NOT work on that manuscript, record that album, design that outfit, cultivate that company or whatever other idea that has you so excited (and perhaps even consumed).
Remember what I said about the Seventh-Day Sabbath earlier? Another reason why I am a Sabbath observer is because, according to the Bible, God rested on the Sabbath Day (Genesis 2:1-3). Since the Master Creator takes moments when He looks at all He's done, calls it good and then rests, as one of His very creations, who am I not to take His lead and do the same? Your creations will wait on their creator to tell them what to do (or do next). Step away from them from time to time so that you can give your all and best to them.
8. Electronic Rest
What in the world is "electronic rest"? Anything that requires a plug (or battery) in order for you to use it, sometimes you need to go without those items, whether it's your smartphone, your laptop, your television or anything else that's electronic. The reality is there really is such a thing as sensory overload because electronic devices provide us with constant information, sometimes to the point where we end up feeling totally overwhelmed. For instance, have you ever wondered if you're a social media addict? Some indications that you very well may be is if you are unable to complete other tasks because you're constantly checking your social media accounts; you can't imagine going one day without turning your notifications off; you are consumed with how many likes or comments you get on your posts; you freak out when your favorite platform goes down; you are overly preoccupied with criticism or praise and/or you refuse to turn off your phone before retiring at night.
When I wrote the article, "8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down.", some points that I mentioned include the fact that always looking at devices can affect your vision, your level of calm and even the quality of your relationships (I know a spouse who, because of their cell phone addiction, they are having less sex with their partner because they are on their phone all hours of the night). If you just read any of this and felt like I was talking to you directly, do your entire self a favor and take a social media break. While you're at it, how about reading a book instead of watching anything on the tube? And as much as you may dig music (same here), try going without that (including in your car) for 24-48 hours as well. Sometimes the best thing that we can do for ourselves is embrace silence and what it brings to us. In order to do that, all of the plugged-in-background-noise has to go.
9. Sensual Rest
If you're an unmarried person reading this, I already know that most people aren't gonna be abstinent for as long as I've been (which is going on 14 years now). But if you happen to be someone who reads articles on our site like, "Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner" and you're totally shaking your head because, words cannot express, just how much you can relate, or you checked out "These Are The Deal-Breakers You Shouldn't Hesitate To Have In The Bedroom" before and you get it in theory but you never really hit the mark of establishing the kind of sexual boundaries that you need, a season of abstinence might be exactly what the doctor ordered.
It wasn't until I scaled back from my sexual partners (check out "14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners") that I was able to see the patterns that I had set and why I was oftentimes totally depleted in my relationships or situationships. It was my long season of abstinence that has helped me to gain a greater sense of self-confidence and clarity about what I want, need and deserve beyond a great sex partner. I doubt I would've gotten to that place without, well…going without.
While we're here, I must say that sex in marriage is of the utmost importance (check out "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important", "10 Things Couples Who (Consistently) Have Great Sex Do" and "10 Married Couples Share The Keys To Their Totally Off-The-Chain Sex Life"). I will add that if you are currently in a sexless marriage, unless you're physically unable to connect in this way, it's usually a flag that something is very awry in your relationship. Still, there are seasons of sex that most couples go through. If you find that you and your partner don't seem to connect well other than in the bedroom (also check out "Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good"), it could mean that one or both of you are relying on sex to mask other issues. This means you're abusing sex on some level and taking some time to do things like sex journal, date and emotionally connect can help you to repair the areas where you're weary and currently struggling. That way, once you do come back together on a sexual/sensual level, the sex can be even better than it was before!
10. “Being” Rest
And finally, what the heck is "being rest"? Someone once said that we are not humans "doing", we are humans being. If there is one thing that 2020 has done, it has revealed what humanity is truly capable of, both good and bad. Taking all of that in can be overwhelming. So, when I say that sometimes, it's cool to get some "human being rest"—remove yourself from the guilt of not being able to solve everyone's problems, fund all of humanity's crises or do more than what you are literally capable of. It's OK—encouraged even—to tell yourself sometimes, "I did the best that I can with what I've got. What I can't control, I won't even try to do" and then having a glass of wine while watching the sunset. Honestly, if you work to perfect this kind of rest, all of the others will automatically follow suit because being rest is about knowing your limits and not pushing past them. Rest well, sis.
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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