Let's face facts: sometimes people just aren't there for us like we need them to be, when we need them to be. And honestly, maybe it's no fault of their own. It took me a very long time, tons of arguments, a few dropped friends, and a lot of tears to even come to this realization.
I'm one of those strong friends. You know the one who comes over to visit when the baby is sick, who attends all the events, calls to check up just because, is the literal shoulder to lean on when life throws a curveball, and is there through births, deaths and all of life's shenanigans in between.
Don't get me wrong, my friends have definitely been there for me… at times; but other times they haven't. Those were the times that mattered most. As "the strong one," I hardly have friends who check up on me when I'm down and out because they assume, I always have it together. They assume that because I'm strong for them, I have a reserve tank of strength to handle my own misfortunes and life's messes. Funny thing is, I don't. Calling myself strong does not indicate that my friends are weak in any way, I appreciate them all for what they add to my life. It's just that sometimes, this strong friend, needs a strong friend too.
Over the years I've learned to cope, and I've even mapped out a few tips for boosting my self-esteem and courage when I have to do it myself. Here's how you can learn to stay strong when you're the strong friend.
Words of Affirmation
I've recently developed this habit of literally speaking positivity to myself. When I'm driving in the car, when I'm in the shower, when I'm cooking, I always repeat these mantras and positive affirmations to myself: "You is kind, you is smart, you is important!" Speaking strength into myself always gets the ball rolling for boosting my courage.
Take Your Own Advice
We tend to think the advice we give others isn't for us, when in fact it's quite the opposite. In my down times, I've sometimes reflected upon conversations with and advice given to my girls and reminded myself of some of the advice I offered to them. The old cliché is true, you have to practice what you preach and take our own advice sometimes.
Prayer and Meditation
GiphyPrayer is so powerful. One of the ways I've been able to regroup and rejuvenate when I need a pick-me-up is through prayer. Knowing that some being is out there greater than any friend can provide much-needed peace. Sometimes just being still and quiet, spending time with your own thoughts also lifts your spirits and energy; it's almost miraculous.
Keep. That. Same. Energy.
We rally behind our girls when they need us most! It's amazing how we transform into the hype man for our friend when her boyfriend acts the fool, or how we're instantly a cheerleader when she finally decides to walk away. Sis, don't forget to use that same energy for yourself!
Get your Issa Dee on. Stand in front of the mirror and hype yourself up! It's hard sometimes, but the same energy you give to others, you must find the strength to give it to yourself.
Self-Help Books
Many times, I find out more about myself, and even sometimes my strength, in the pages of books I'm reading. Reading inspirational and motivational books and blogs is sometimes like listening to a friend who knows everything. For me, reading provides a peace of mind, but when I can get my life together by flipping some pages, I'm all in!
Sometimes we all need the friend we are, but that's not always the case. When life forces you to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, tap yourself on the back and find the strength you need to go on. Keep in mind these tips while you do that, remembering that you are the strong one!
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RELATED
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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And what am I doing to cause my skin to glow in the summer sun? The following 12 tips are definitely getting me right — and I am beyond certain that they can and will do the same for you, too.
1. Use African Net Sponges
I don’t know what freakin’ took me so long to get onto the African net sponge game — oh, but I’m here now and a sistah ain’t goin’ nowhere! The main thing that got me into them is because I was sick of trying to find ways to deep cleanse my back. African net sponges are bomb in this way because they are long enough to reach ever part of my back, they are made from a fabric that deeply exfoliates without overdoing it, they last longer than loofahs and they don’t trap as many bacteria and gunk in them; they lather up well and rinse clean afterwards. I absolutely adore them.
So, if you want to get rid of those stubborn dead skin cells in hard to reach places, so that your skin will glow, wash with African net sponges. You won’t regret using them — not one bit.
2. Wash with Salicylic Acid
So many of us were sold the dream that once we hit our mid-20s (shoot, at the latest), acne would cease to be (so much of) an issue. Chile, I am good ‘n grown and I still have to deal with breakouts on my back sometimes. SMDH. Something that has helped me out, tremendously though, is using a body wash that is made with salicylic acid. Your skin will like this acid because it exfoliates, unclogs pores, reduces inflammation and dissolves dead skin cells over time. The main thing to keep in mind with salicylic acid, is too much of a good thing can be problematic and, with it, it can dry your skin out, if you’re not careful.
That said, I’ve had zero issues with KaraPil’s Exfoliating Body Wash with Salicylic Acid. In fact, it prides itself in being a wash that doesn’t dry out your skin.
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3. Exfoliate with Honey and Yogurt
I’m going to provide a couple of more tips on exfoliating because if you want your skin to be super swimwear ready, that is absolutely one of the best things to do. Exfoliation helps to improve the quality of your skin; it makes it easier for your skin to absorb moisturizing products; it breaks up dead skin cells; it helps to boost collagen production and it can prevent your skin from looking dry and dull. As far as all-natural exfoliants go, consider applying a mixture of honey and plain yogurt.
Honey is gentle yet powerful when it comes to killing bacteria, soothing inflammation and pulling moisture from the air into your skin (which is what a humectant does). Yogurt has lactic acid in it which is wonderful when it comes to softening the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, removing dead skin cells and lightening acne scars. Yogurt also works thanks to its ability to tone your skin, protect it from sun damage and brighten in as well. You can check out a super easy yogurt and honey skin recipe here.
4. Do Some Dry Brushing Too
Wanna super exfoliate your skin? Dry brush. Want to remove toxins from your system? Dry brush. Looking for a way to reduce the appearance of cellulite? You already know what I’m gonna say — dry brush your body. It really is kind of wild that with all of the ways that dry brushing can help with skin issues, more people don’t do it (or do it consistently). Anyway, if this was a reminder for you to dry brush more often or get a dry brush, period — there ya go.
white and brown wooden heart shaped decorPhoto by 5. Rub on Some Bakuchi Oil
Where is time going that it’s been almost two years since I wrote “Plum Oil Is The Oil You Should Ease Into The Fall Season With” for the site? And although I continue to be a huge fan of it, the last time that I ordered some, the merchant sent me some bakuchi oil instead. I was irritated at first; however, the drama of shipping the product back motivated me to give it a try — I’m glad that I did.
Since I like to use oils to “seal my skin” more than anything else, I immediately noticed how light of an oil bakuchi oil is. Then I did some research and discovered that it contains potent anti-inflammatory properties and it can help to relieve itching and hyperpigmentation (when used regularly) too. So, if you want to create a natural glow with your skin, bakuchi can make it happen without a lot of greasiness or residue (which is always a win).
6. Get a Back Facial
At the time that I am writing this, I just made an appointment to get a back facial for the following day. My aesthetician and I decided that in order for my back to remain as clear as possible, I should get one at the turn of every season (for times a year). I totally dig it too because she is able to safely make extractions, deep cleanse my back and treat any acne scars with products that, because I’m not a professional, I can’t get my hands on. Yeah, unless your skin is absolutely flawless, never go into the season of backless dresses and bikinis without a back facial, please.
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7. Apply a Blend of Aloe Vera, Tea Tree Oil and Propolis to Breakouts
During the summer season, you’re going to sweat more which means that your chances of having pimples are probably going to increase. If you do notice a zit or two, DO NOT PICK AT IT. Instead, apply a blend of Aloe vera, tea tree oil and propolis directly on it/them. Aloe vera is good for breakouts because it contains antibacterial properties that help to heal pimples at a faster pace.
Tea tree oil is one of the greatest things at getting rid of pimples because its potent antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties can help to reduce the size of zits, seemingly overnight (no joke!). And propolis? It’s a substance that comes from bees that also fights inflammation while boosting collagen production, so that your acne marks can fade quicker. You can get your hands on some propolis in royal jelly form here and in extract form here.
8. Keep Your Hair Off of Your Back (and Shoulders)
Summer is definitely the season to see how low you can go when it comes to brains and twists (check out “If Spring & Summer Are Your Favorite Braid Seasons, Here's How To Make Them Last” and “This Is Your Summertime Protective Style Cheat Sheet”). Just remember that always wearing your hair down can cause your back and shoulders to sweat; plus, whatever is in your hair, it’s going to transfer to your skin which could also lead to breakouts.
Moral to the story here: Ponytails and pineapples as much as possible are a wise move. You’ll still be cute and your skin will be “hair burden free” in the process.
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9. Put on Some Shimmering Body Oil and/or Bronzing Serum
For the most part, I really like bronzer. The only thing that gets on my nerves about it is the fact that certain brands can rub off onto your clothing (or other people’s) and that is a real headache. The solution? Shimmering body oil or bronzing serum because those tend to be lighter, they don’t transfer as much and they create a soft glow that is really natural-looking. One that I like to use on my face is Physicians Formula Butter Glow Bronzing Serum; for my body, XIFEPFR Body Shimmer Oil (in Bronze Gold).
10. Try Some Broccoli Seed Oil At Night
The (main) reason why it’s so important to incorporate a (consistent) nighttime skincare routine is because your skin rejuvenates itself while you are sleeping; especially as it relates to skin cell renewal, improving the texture and quality of your skin and slowing down aging signs. And when it comes to an oil that is great for your skin as you’re catching some zzz’s, your “something new” for the day just might be broccoli seed oil.
It’s a non-greasy, deeply penetrating, highly moisturizing oil that is filled with fatty acids; can soothe razor bumps; is able to protect your skin from damaging UV rays; can serve as an all-natural alternative to retinol (due to its high concentration of vitamin A), and, as a bonus, it’s great for your nails and cuticles too. It ain’t the cheapest oil yet it is gaining traction for becoming one of the most holistically beneficial; especially when it comes to beauty benefits.
Photo by 11. Sleep on Bamboo Sheets (and Wash Them Weekly)
Please tell me that you wash your bedding on a weekly basis. If you don’t, here is your friendly reminder that you shed a whopping 600,000 dead skin cells on a daily basis and so you absolutely should. And when it comes to bedding that is best during the summer months, consider going with bamboo sheets. They’re a super breathable fabric that’s soft, durable and also pretty good for the environment. Your skin will especially like them because they’re the kind of sheets that have a solid reputation for being naturally hypoallergenic, antibacterial and antimicrobial.
12. Drink Lots of Water
Your skin relies on water to keep it in supreme condition. Water hydrates. Water detoxifies. Water makes it easier for your skin to receive the nutrients that it needs. So, make sure to drink as much of it as possible this summer — even if it’s infused water or sparkling water with some lemon or lime in it. The more hydrated you are on the inside, the more moisturized your skin will look and feel on the outside — which is just what you need your skin to look like all summer season long!
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