

Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
This summer holds immense potential and supportive energy towards your dreams. There are a lot of gifts many will be receiving during this time, and financially, a new beginning is coming to fruition. We begin the season the same way we do every year, and that is with the Sun entering Cancer. Cancer Season is always a more emotional time, but it’s also a time of deep insight, focus, and passion. We are gaining clarity of the heart, and with two Full Moons in Capricorn happening at the beginning of summer, we are also gaining clarity within money matters as well right now. Summer 2024 is a season of new beginnings, opportunities, patience, and blessings.
Saturn and Neptune will both be retrograde in Pisces this summer, Saturn going direct in November and Neptune going direct in December; and we are moving through a transformative time in mind, body, and soul. Saturn retrograde in Pisces allows us to reexamine our perspective, our spirituality, and the emotional connections we have been building. Neptune retrograde in Pisces reminds us to take the blindfold off and to fully live in the present moment rather than in the fantasies that can cloud our vision. With all the water sign energy presenting itself at the start of summer, it’s about taking your time with what your heart is telling you and allowing things to settle in before taking action.
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and this Leo Season is about encouraging yourself and others and allowing yourself to live up to who you want to be. Having a little extra confidence is needed this Leo Season as Mercury will be retrograde in Virgo from Aug. 5 until Aug. 14 and then retrograde in Leo from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28. This Mercury retrograde is a time of giving yourself more grace and not allowing self-doubt to cloud your vision or make things worse than they need to be. The Super Blue Moon in Aquarius, happening on Aug. 19, will be the perfect opportunity to let go of what you deem unworthy or too weird for the world and to fully step into your authentic self.
Virgo Season comes to fruition on Aug. 22, closing out the summer, and this Virgo Season is one of transformation and manifestation. The summer begins a little slow and it’s all about the baby steps that come with progress, but by the time Virgo Season comes around, everything is going to be happening a lot quicker. The New Moon in Virgo on Sep. 2 is a New Moon of harvest, and the things you have been building and working on this summer will be coming forth in a big way. A Supermoon Lunar Eclipse is happening in Pisces on Sep. 17, which is bringing positive changes within love and creating space for the new life that you are bringing to fruition. Patience is needed this summer, but there is also so much room for growth that progress is inevitable along the way. It’s all about a fresh start right now.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see how summer 2024 will be for you.
ARIES
This summer is about nurturing your world, Aries. Your patience is needed during this time as you allow your manifestations to come to fruition and let go of what you can’t control. You are in a good space to receive, and there is a lot of love, receptivity, and peace in your life over the next few months. With Saturn going retrograde in your 12th house of closure as the summer begins, you are walking into it in a space of healing and are going to be experiencing culminations that help you move on and create a new beginning for yourself.
On July 27, Chiron goes retrograde in Aries until Dec. 29, further enhancing the restorative energy that is apparent in your life this summer. You are learning from where you have been and setting yourself up for future success by doing the work, going within, and giving yourself some more self-love. On Aug. 14, Mercury goes retrograde in your house of romance until Aug. 28, and your idea of love is shifting. Through the emotional cleanse you have been through this summer, what you want and what you need looks a little different now. Mars enters Gemini and moves into your 4th house of home, foundations, and stability on Sep. 4, and you are leaving this season ready to rebuild and grow after a time of release.
TAURUS
You are entering an insightful season, Taurus. This summer is all about abundance, growth, allowing more love in, and trusting your intuition. With Venus in your 4th house of foundations from Jul. 11 until Aug. 4, you are finding a lot of happiness and love in the home and when it comes to the stability and security you are building in your life right now. Mars, the planet of passion, action, and energy, is also in your 2nd house of income for most of this summer, and you have more potential to make a lot of money or increase your earnings in some way. It’s all about the way you see and value yourself and asking for what you want.
The Super Blue Moon on Aug. 19 is when you are going to find more clarity within career matters and when some important achievements or projects are coming full circle. You are working on letting go of self-sabotage or judgments and owning the person you are and the intentions you have manifested for yourself. Uranus goes retrograde in your sign from Sep. 1 until Jan. 30, 2025, and life can feel more exciting, but also a little more chaotic during this time. The more you can balance going with the flow with putting the work in this summer, the better you can use the opportunities that are presenting themselves to your best advantage.
GEMINI
This is a fun, passionate, and exciting summer for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy at your disposal over the next few months with Mars in your sign from Jul. 20 until Sept. 4. With Mars being in your 1st house of Self, you are going through some major transformations and could be changing your image, style, or personal goals. This summer is when you are going after the things you want and not letting insecurities or self-doubt get in the way of the personal growth you are seeking right now.
On July 26, Chiron goes retrograde in your 11th house of friendship and community, and there is a sense of feeling like you have to do more things alone. It could be difficult to feel that healing and supportive energy within some social connections, and you are moving through this so you can see how powerful you are whether there are people by your side or not. Mercury goes retrograde this summer and will be retro in your house of communication from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28, and it’s best to not be impulsive with the things you want to get across right now. Before the summer ends, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse on Sep. 17, and the things you have been working on in your life and within your career over the past six months are coming full circle for you now.
CANCER
Summer begins on the first day of Cancer Season, and you are shining, living in your truth, and feeling more excited about the future. This summer is about patience with communication, opening your mind to a new perspective, and getting inspired. You have your vision set on the things you want and the words you need to speak, but you are also being guided to take your time with everything right now. Saturn goes retrograde in your 9th house of travel, adventure, and spirituality from Jun. 29 until Nov. 15, and extra precaution should be taken while traveling or exploring, as plans may change a little more unexpectedly during this time.
There is a lot of hope in your life right now, and you are finding your balance between having faith and taking action. The first New Moon of the summer is in Cancer on July 5, enhancing the energy of new beginnings, progress, and self-confidence you are feeling and opening up to now.
As you move through this new season, take a look at your intentions, write down what you wish to see through, and manifest from a space of inner clarity and patience. Venus enters your 3rd house of communication from Aug. 4 until Aug. 29, and you feel more support when it comes to your message and unique perspective. On Sep. 4, Mars enters Cancer until Nov. 3, and this is when you will see more immediate progress and success with your personal goals and the things you are going after.
LEO
This summer is about growing new foundations, building a new sense of family, and feeling more support and stability in your life, Leo. You are focused on the things that make you feel secure and fulfilled in your life, and on July 2, when Mercury enters Leo, you are better able to communicate that. Summertime is always a more abundant and special time for Leos, as this is your season. Venus enters Leo from July 11 until Aug. 4, and you are not only feeling more love for yourself but you are also receiving this same energy back from others as well. Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and the Sun is shining on you as you shine on the world and your intentions.
The Mercury retrograde of the summer will briefly enter your sign from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28 and will then be direct in Leo until Sept. 9. So, for a few weeks, some extra patience will be needed when it comes to your personal goals and communication with others, and you are learning how to express yourself and take up space while building a bridge for others to do so as well. There is a Supermoon Lunar eclipse on Sep. 17, and the transformations you have been through this summer are coming full circle for you now. This Lunar Eclipse is helping you grasp all you have been through while letting go of all that is no longer serving you or what you are building in your life right now.
VIRGO
Dreams are coming true for you this summer, Virgo. This is a time of manifestation, showing up, and making connections. Some pleasant surprises are in store for you over the next few months, and you are fully immersing yourself in the good energy that is flowing through your world right now. On July 11, Venus enters your 12th house before it enters your sign on Aug. 4, and you are going to be emotionally healing and finding closure as you begin this summer. Mercury enters Virgo on July 25, and goes retrograde in Virgo from Aug. 5 until Aug. 14. You are finding your balance between owning what is inspiring you right now and leaving room for new information and insight to enter as well. It’s about being okay with not always being understood but making sure you get the vision you are bringing forth.
Virgo Season begins on Aug. 22, and you enter a time of self-love and romantic love during this time. With Venus and the Sun both in your sign now, you are feeling the nourishment, harmony, and new beginnings in your life, and the things you have been hoping for are coming true for you. On Sep. 2, there is a New Moon in Virgo, and this is the perfect time to manifest and focus on your dreams and abundance. Know that you deserve to have it all, Virgo. Mercury moves back into Virgo from Sep. 9 until Sept. 26, signifying the importance of communication, networking, and perspective for you this summer.
LIBRA
This summer for you, Libra, is about choosing your peace and walking away from your past. You are in a space of emotional contemplation and healing, and you are learning a lot from the people around you and the things you have been through. The Full Moon at the start of the summer on Jun. 21, is going to be a good time for you to nourish your world, relax, and get back to the basics. You are working on letting go of the heavy stuff that has been restricting you from feeling more freedom and empowerment in your life. Once Venus enters your 11th house of hopes and dreams from Jul. 11 until Aug. 4, you are going to be feeling more supported and inspired by what is transpiring for you now.
On Sep. 1, Pluto retrograde moves into the same area of your chart as the Full Moon was at the beginning of the Summer, and you are finding your power in the details. While Pluto is in retrograde in your 4th house until Oct. 11, deep emotional experiences from your past or that have been pushed to the side, are going to arise for you to fully heal and let go of. Venus, your ruling planet, enters your 2nd house of income on Jul. 22 before summer ends, and you are leaving this season with abundance on your mind and with a new perspective on how valuable and worthy you are of love and prosperity.
SCORPIO
This summer is a time of love, balance, and partnership, Scorpio. You are coming together with others and feeling a good emotional reciprocity in your life that is changing a lot for you moving forward. The New Moon on July 5 is a good time to start manifesting your dreams for the summer, especially when it comes to travel and what adventures you want to get into over the next few months. It’s all about having a positive and open perspective right now, and with Venus entering your 10th house of career on July 11 until Aug. 4, you are ready to show up for your blessings and are more open to allowing others to support you and cheer you on along the way.
Mars, your ruling planet, will be in your 8th house of transformation, intimacy, and shared finances for most of the summer, and you are not only feeling the emotional intensity, passion, and sensuality in your love life right now, but you are also feeling more financially supported within your partnerships as well.
On Sep. 17, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in a fellow water sign, and you are flowing well with the energy of this Eclipse as love comes full circle for you and blesses your relationships in the process. Venus enters your sign on the last day of summer, where it will be until Oct. 17, and you are taking the emotional growth and blessings you have been through in love these past few months into the fall season.
SAGITTARIUS
You are connecting, rebuilding, and collaborating this summer, Sagittarius. This time for you is all about putting the work in, owning and developing your skills, and creating something beautiful in your world. You begin the summer with Saturn going retrograde in your 4th house of home, family, and foundations on Jun. 29 until Nov. 15, and you are going to be focusing on rebuilding some structures in your life, healing your relationship with family or the past, and giving yourself time to find your way. Once Mars enters your 7th house of love on July 20, you are going to feel more of the emotional support and clarity you are looking for right now and will have more energy to connect with others as well.
On Aug. 19, a Super Blue Moon is happening in your 3rd house of communication, and some important messages are getting across to you right now. The conversations you are having this summer are giving you the closure you didn’t know you needed. Pallas enters your sign on Sep. 8 where it will be until Nov. 30, and Pallas will be opening your mind to new insights. You are coming up with some transformative and powerful ideas right now and it’s a good time to express them and connect with those you get your vision from. The Lunar Eclipse happening on Sep. 17 will be giving you closure in the home, and you are ready to let go of unstable foundations that don’t align with what you are trying to be or manifest right now.
CAPRICORN
This summer is about taking action without being too impulsive, Capricorn. You have a lot of great ideas and the passion to see them through, but you are being guided to consider all options before fully committing to something. The first Full Moon of the summer is in your sign on Jun. 21, signifying the closures and culminations you are moving through now. The way you see your goals, yourself, and your vision are changing right now, and that’s okay. Saturn, your ruling planet, goes retrograde at the start of summer until Nov. 15 as well, and this Saturn retrograde for you is going to be helping you in communication matters and when it comes to getting the answers you have been looking for.
The second Full Moon of summer is also occurring in Capricorn and will be on July 21, giving you another opportunity at closure and a new beginning. You are working on letting go of how you thought things would be and seeing the gifts and purpose of where they are now. Pluto retrograde will be entering your sign from Sep. 1 until Oct. 11, and then will be direct in Capricorn until Nov. 19. Pluto will be reminding you that true power is in your patience rather than your pressure, and to not force the things that are unfolding on their own time. The Lunar Eclipse, happening on Sep. 17, will be an opportunity to close a chapter of your life of miscommunication or misrepresentation and give you clarity on your true purpose and inspirations.
AQUARIUS
This summer, you are owning your power in life and stepping up to the plate, Aquarius. You are feeling the success, achievement, and development in your life over the next few months, and you are in a really good position in life. With Saturn being retrograde in your 2nd house of income this summer, extra precaution should be taken when it comes to your finances, contracts, and what you are building financially for yourself, but with the right patience, you will still succeed. On Aug. 19, there is a Super Blue Moon in your sign, and you are experiencing the gifts that come from personal transformation. You are showing up and showing out, and something is compelling and magnetic about your energy this summer.
Uranus, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde on Sep. 2 until early 2025, and a lot of changes are going to be happening in the home for you during this time. You could be moving, changing the dynamics with family, or overall feeling a little more excitement and, at times, chaos in this area of your life. Before summer ends, a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse is happening in your 2nd house of income, and you are making powerful strides and can take in the financial blessings that are coming full circle for you. Lunar Eclipses aren’t the time to manifest, but they are a time when you can gain the guidance needed to make some important decisions in your life.
PISCES
You are opening your heart, healing, and living in love this summer, Pisces. This is an emotionally fulfilling and heartfelt summer for you, but you are also learning the lessons and doing the inner work. Saturn will be retrograde in your sign for the entirety of the summer and you are rebuilding not only your foundations but the vision you have of yourself as well. You are seeing where some past insecurities are getting in the way of your progress, and you are taking more time to give yourself the love, support, and nourishment you need right now. Neptune will also be retrograde in your sign this summer, and it’s about confronting the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel at times.
With Mercury going retrograde in your 7th house of love for a few weeks at the beginning of August, remember that if the past comes up for you or tries to re-enter your life, sometimes it’s better to leave the door closed rather than bring up old emotions you have already healed from. On Aug. 19, the Super Blue Moon will be in your 12th house of closure, and this is a good time to let go of all the past emotional experiences that keep coming up for you. With the Super Lunar Eclipse happening this summer, occurring in your sign on Sep. 17, you are being positively received and supported. There are more opportunities for emotional connection as the summer ends, and you feel like you can finally take a breath of fresh air.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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