
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
This summer holds immense potential and supportive energy towards your dreams. There are a lot of gifts many will be receiving during this time, and financially, a new beginning is coming to fruition. We begin the season the same way we do every year, and that is with the Sun entering Cancer. Cancer Season is always a more emotional time, but it’s also a time of deep insight, focus, and passion. We are gaining clarity of the heart, and with two Full Moons in Capricorn happening at the beginning of summer, we are also gaining clarity within money matters as well right now. Summer 2024 is a season of new beginnings, opportunities, patience, and blessings.
Saturn and Neptune will both be retrograde in Pisces this summer, Saturn going direct in November and Neptune going direct in December; and we are moving through a transformative time in mind, body, and soul. Saturn retrograde in Pisces allows us to reexamine our perspective, our spirituality, and the emotional connections we have been building. Neptune retrograde in Pisces reminds us to take the blindfold off and to fully live in the present moment rather than in the fantasies that can cloud our vision. With all the water sign energy presenting itself at the start of summer, it’s about taking your time with what your heart is telling you and allowing things to settle in before taking action.
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and this Leo Season is about encouraging yourself and others and allowing yourself to live up to who you want to be. Having a little extra confidence is needed this Leo Season as Mercury will be retrograde in Virgo from Aug. 5 until Aug. 14 and then retrograde in Leo from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28. This Mercury retrograde is a time of giving yourself more grace and not allowing self-doubt to cloud your vision or make things worse than they need to be. The Super Blue Moon in Aquarius, happening on Aug. 19, will be the perfect opportunity to let go of what you deem unworthy or too weird for the world and to fully step into your authentic self.
Virgo Season comes to fruition on Aug. 22, closing out the summer, and this Virgo Season is one of transformation and manifestation. The summer begins a little slow and it’s all about the baby steps that come with progress, but by the time Virgo Season comes around, everything is going to be happening a lot quicker. The New Moon in Virgo on Sep. 2 is a New Moon of harvest, and the things you have been building and working on this summer will be coming forth in a big way. A Supermoon Lunar Eclipse is happening in Pisces on Sep. 17, which is bringing positive changes within love and creating space for the new life that you are bringing to fruition. Patience is needed this summer, but there is also so much room for growth that progress is inevitable along the way. It’s all about a fresh start right now.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see how summer 2024 will be for you.
ARIES

This summer is about nurturing your world, Aries. Your patience is needed during this time as you allow your manifestations to come to fruition and let go of what you can’t control. You are in a good space to receive, and there is a lot of love, receptivity, and peace in your life over the next few months. With Saturn going retrograde in your 12th house of closure as the summer begins, you are walking into it in a space of healing and are going to be experiencing culminations that help you move on and create a new beginning for yourself.
On July 27, Chiron goes retrograde in Aries until Dec. 29, further enhancing the restorative energy that is apparent in your life this summer. You are learning from where you have been and setting yourself up for future success by doing the work, going within, and giving yourself some more self-love. On Aug. 14, Mercury goes retrograde in your house of romance until Aug. 28, and your idea of love is shifting. Through the emotional cleanse you have been through this summer, what you want and what you need looks a little different now. Mars enters Gemini and moves into your 4th house of home, foundations, and stability on Sep. 4, and you are leaving this season ready to rebuild and grow after a time of release.
TAURUS

You are entering an insightful season, Taurus. This summer is all about abundance, growth, allowing more love in, and trusting your intuition. With Venus in your 4th house of foundations from Jul. 11 until Aug. 4, you are finding a lot of happiness and love in the home and when it comes to the stability and security you are building in your life right now. Mars, the planet of passion, action, and energy, is also in your 2nd house of income for most of this summer, and you have more potential to make a lot of money or increase your earnings in some way. It’s all about the way you see and value yourself and asking for what you want.
The Super Blue Moon on Aug. 19 is when you are going to find more clarity within career matters and when some important achievements or projects are coming full circle. You are working on letting go of self-sabotage or judgments and owning the person you are and the intentions you have manifested for yourself. Uranus goes retrograde in your sign from Sep. 1 until Jan. 30, 2025, and life can feel more exciting, but also a little more chaotic during this time. The more you can balance going with the flow with putting the work in this summer, the better you can use the opportunities that are presenting themselves to your best advantage.
GEMINI

This is a fun, passionate, and exciting summer for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy at your disposal over the next few months with Mars in your sign from Jul. 20 until Sept. 4. With Mars being in your 1st house of Self, you are going through some major transformations and could be changing your image, style, or personal goals. This summer is when you are going after the things you want and not letting insecurities or self-doubt get in the way of the personal growth you are seeking right now.
On July 26, Chiron goes retrograde in your 11th house of friendship and community, and there is a sense of feeling like you have to do more things alone. It could be difficult to feel that healing and supportive energy within some social connections, and you are moving through this so you can see how powerful you are whether there are people by your side or not. Mercury goes retrograde this summer and will be retro in your house of communication from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28, and it’s best to not be impulsive with the things you want to get across right now. Before the summer ends, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse on Sep. 17, and the things you have been working on in your life and within your career over the past six months are coming full circle for you now.
CANCER

Summer begins on the first day of Cancer Season, and you are shining, living in your truth, and feeling more excited about the future. This summer is about patience with communication, opening your mind to a new perspective, and getting inspired. You have your vision set on the things you want and the words you need to speak, but you are also being guided to take your time with everything right now. Saturn goes retrograde in your 9th house of travel, adventure, and spirituality from Jun. 29 until Nov. 15, and extra precaution should be taken while traveling or exploring, as plans may change a little more unexpectedly during this time.
There is a lot of hope in your life right now, and you are finding your balance between having faith and taking action. The first New Moon of the summer is in Cancer on July 5, enhancing the energy of new beginnings, progress, and self-confidence you are feeling and opening up to now.
As you move through this new season, take a look at your intentions, write down what you wish to see through, and manifest from a space of inner clarity and patience. Venus enters your 3rd house of communication from Aug. 4 until Aug. 29, and you feel more support when it comes to your message and unique perspective. On Sep. 4, Mars enters Cancer until Nov. 3, and this is when you will see more immediate progress and success with your personal goals and the things you are going after.
LEO

This summer is about growing new foundations, building a new sense of family, and feeling more support and stability in your life, Leo. You are focused on the things that make you feel secure and fulfilled in your life, and on July 2, when Mercury enters Leo, you are better able to communicate that. Summertime is always a more abundant and special time for Leos, as this is your season. Venus enters Leo from July 11 until Aug. 4, and you are not only feeling more love for yourself but you are also receiving this same energy back from others as well. Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and the Sun is shining on you as you shine on the world and your intentions.
The Mercury retrograde of the summer will briefly enter your sign from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28 and will then be direct in Leo until Sept. 9. So, for a few weeks, some extra patience will be needed when it comes to your personal goals and communication with others, and you are learning how to express yourself and take up space while building a bridge for others to do so as well. There is a Supermoon Lunar eclipse on Sep. 17, and the transformations you have been through this summer are coming full circle for you now. This Lunar Eclipse is helping you grasp all you have been through while letting go of all that is no longer serving you or what you are building in your life right now.
VIRGO

Dreams are coming true for you this summer, Virgo. This is a time of manifestation, showing up, and making connections. Some pleasant surprises are in store for you over the next few months, and you are fully immersing yourself in the good energy that is flowing through your world right now. On July 11, Venus enters your 12th house before it enters your sign on Aug. 4, and you are going to be emotionally healing and finding closure as you begin this summer. Mercury enters Virgo on July 25, and goes retrograde in Virgo from Aug. 5 until Aug. 14. You are finding your balance between owning what is inspiring you right now and leaving room for new information and insight to enter as well. It’s about being okay with not always being understood but making sure you get the vision you are bringing forth.
Virgo Season begins on Aug. 22, and you enter a time of self-love and romantic love during this time. With Venus and the Sun both in your sign now, you are feeling the nourishment, harmony, and new beginnings in your life, and the things you have been hoping for are coming true for you. On Sep. 2, there is a New Moon in Virgo, and this is the perfect time to manifest and focus on your dreams and abundance. Know that you deserve to have it all, Virgo. Mercury moves back into Virgo from Sep. 9 until Sept. 26, signifying the importance of communication, networking, and perspective for you this summer.
LIBRA

This summer for you, Libra, is about choosing your peace and walking away from your past. You are in a space of emotional contemplation and healing, and you are learning a lot from the people around you and the things you have been through. The Full Moon at the start of the summer on Jun. 21, is going to be a good time for you to nourish your world, relax, and get back to the basics. You are working on letting go of the heavy stuff that has been restricting you from feeling more freedom and empowerment in your life. Once Venus enters your 11th house of hopes and dreams from Jul. 11 until Aug. 4, you are going to be feeling more supported and inspired by what is transpiring for you now.
On Sep. 1, Pluto retrograde moves into the same area of your chart as the Full Moon was at the beginning of the Summer, and you are finding your power in the details. While Pluto is in retrograde in your 4th house until Oct. 11, deep emotional experiences from your past or that have been pushed to the side, are going to arise for you to fully heal and let go of. Venus, your ruling planet, enters your 2nd house of income on Jul. 22 before summer ends, and you are leaving this season with abundance on your mind and with a new perspective on how valuable and worthy you are of love and prosperity.
SCORPIO

This summer is a time of love, balance, and partnership, Scorpio. You are coming together with others and feeling a good emotional reciprocity in your life that is changing a lot for you moving forward. The New Moon on July 5 is a good time to start manifesting your dreams for the summer, especially when it comes to travel and what adventures you want to get into over the next few months. It’s all about having a positive and open perspective right now, and with Venus entering your 10th house of career on July 11 until Aug. 4, you are ready to show up for your blessings and are more open to allowing others to support you and cheer you on along the way.
Mars, your ruling planet, will be in your 8th house of transformation, intimacy, and shared finances for most of the summer, and you are not only feeling the emotional intensity, passion, and sensuality in your love life right now, but you are also feeling more financially supported within your partnerships as well.
On Sep. 17, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in a fellow water sign, and you are flowing well with the energy of this Eclipse as love comes full circle for you and blesses your relationships in the process. Venus enters your sign on the last day of summer, where it will be until Oct. 17, and you are taking the emotional growth and blessings you have been through in love these past few months into the fall season.
SAGITTARIUS

You are connecting, rebuilding, and collaborating this summer, Sagittarius. This time for you is all about putting the work in, owning and developing your skills, and creating something beautiful in your world. You begin the summer with Saturn going retrograde in your 4th house of home, family, and foundations on Jun. 29 until Nov. 15, and you are going to be focusing on rebuilding some structures in your life, healing your relationship with family or the past, and giving yourself time to find your way. Once Mars enters your 7th house of love on July 20, you are going to feel more of the emotional support and clarity you are looking for right now and will have more energy to connect with others as well.
On Aug. 19, a Super Blue Moon is happening in your 3rd house of communication, and some important messages are getting across to you right now. The conversations you are having this summer are giving you the closure you didn’t know you needed. Pallas enters your sign on Sep. 8 where it will be until Nov. 30, and Pallas will be opening your mind to new insights. You are coming up with some transformative and powerful ideas right now and it’s a good time to express them and connect with those you get your vision from. The Lunar Eclipse happening on Sep. 17 will be giving you closure in the home, and you are ready to let go of unstable foundations that don’t align with what you are trying to be or manifest right now.
CAPRICORN

This summer is about taking action without being too impulsive, Capricorn. You have a lot of great ideas and the passion to see them through, but you are being guided to consider all options before fully committing to something. The first Full Moon of the summer is in your sign on Jun. 21, signifying the closures and culminations you are moving through now. The way you see your goals, yourself, and your vision are changing right now, and that’s okay. Saturn, your ruling planet, goes retrograde at the start of summer until Nov. 15 as well, and this Saturn retrograde for you is going to be helping you in communication matters and when it comes to getting the answers you have been looking for.
The second Full Moon of summer is also occurring in Capricorn and will be on July 21, giving you another opportunity at closure and a new beginning. You are working on letting go of how you thought things would be and seeing the gifts and purpose of where they are now. Pluto retrograde will be entering your sign from Sep. 1 until Oct. 11, and then will be direct in Capricorn until Nov. 19. Pluto will be reminding you that true power is in your patience rather than your pressure, and to not force the things that are unfolding on their own time. The Lunar Eclipse, happening on Sep. 17, will be an opportunity to close a chapter of your life of miscommunication or misrepresentation and give you clarity on your true purpose and inspirations.
AQUARIUS

This summer, you are owning your power in life and stepping up to the plate, Aquarius. You are feeling the success, achievement, and development in your life over the next few months, and you are in a really good position in life. With Saturn being retrograde in your 2nd house of income this summer, extra precaution should be taken when it comes to your finances, contracts, and what you are building financially for yourself, but with the right patience, you will still succeed. On Aug. 19, there is a Super Blue Moon in your sign, and you are experiencing the gifts that come from personal transformation. You are showing up and showing out, and something is compelling and magnetic about your energy this summer.
Uranus, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde on Sep. 2 until early 2025, and a lot of changes are going to be happening in the home for you during this time. You could be moving, changing the dynamics with family, or overall feeling a little more excitement and, at times, chaos in this area of your life. Before summer ends, a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse is happening in your 2nd house of income, and you are making powerful strides and can take in the financial blessings that are coming full circle for you. Lunar Eclipses aren’t the time to manifest, but they are a time when you can gain the guidance needed to make some important decisions in your life.
PISCES

You are opening your heart, healing, and living in love this summer, Pisces. This is an emotionally fulfilling and heartfelt summer for you, but you are also learning the lessons and doing the inner work. Saturn will be retrograde in your sign for the entirety of the summer and you are rebuilding not only your foundations but the vision you have of yourself as well. You are seeing where some past insecurities are getting in the way of your progress, and you are taking more time to give yourself the love, support, and nourishment you need right now. Neptune will also be retrograde in your sign this summer, and it’s about confronting the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel at times.
With Mercury going retrograde in your 7th house of love for a few weeks at the beginning of August, remember that if the past comes up for you or tries to re-enter your life, sometimes it’s better to leave the door closed rather than bring up old emotions you have already healed from. On Aug. 19, the Super Blue Moon will be in your 12th house of closure, and this is a good time to let go of all the past emotional experiences that keep coming up for you. With the Super Lunar Eclipse happening this summer, occurring in your sign on Sep. 17, you are being positively received and supported. There are more opportunities for emotional connection as the summer ends, and you feel like you can finally take a breath of fresh air.
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The Real Reason You Overthink And Crave Reassurance In Love
Over 40 million Americans have an anxiety disorder. However, what if I told you that everyone on the planet experiences situational anxiety - feelings of anxiousness when exposed to certain situations - and this isn't a diagnosis but rather a part of everyday life?
Given the prevalence of anxiety, it's quite possible that symptoms of anxiety will arise not just during the dating phase but even in the relationship phase, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of because it’s simply an effect of being human. Although it's normal to feel anxious, it's important to remember that leaving anxiety untreated can have detrimental side effects that impact our daily lives.
Relationship Anxiety: Signs And How To Overcome It
Anxiety is a common issue many people face, which can significantly impact romantic relationships. Here are several ways that anxiety can show up in romantic relationships and what you can do about them:
Relationship Anxiety Signs #1: Overthinking
The anxious brain can feel difficult to manage. People with anxiety tend to overthink situations, causing them to become anxious and worried about things that may not be a big deal. This can lead to arguments and misunderstandings in a relationship, as the anxious partner may worry about things that the other partner does not find concerning. Challenging irrational thoughts and having conversations about those that feel rational is important. Often, the quick fix to feeling anxious in a relationship is communication.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #2: Need for Reassurance
Individuals with anxiety may need constant reassurance from their partner, which can be draining for the other partner. It is important for the anxious partner to work on building their own self-confidence and trust in their partner.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #3: Fear of Abandonment
Anxious attachment, much? People with anxiety may have a fear of abandonment, causing them to become clingy or too dependent on their partner. This can be difficult for the other partner, who may feel smothered or unable to have their own space. It is important for the anxious partner to learn how to manage their fear of abandonment and trust in their partner's commitment to the relationship.
Going to therapy is often the first step to healing your abandonment wound because it’s much deeper than your partner’s actions, and if you don’t get to the root of the problem, you will continue to watch the problem grow.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #4: Avoidance
Individuals with anxiety may avoid situations or conversations that make them feel anxious or uncomfortable, leading to a lack of communication and intimacy in the relationship. If you want to build a safe and secure relationship, you have to be an active participant in your relationship. Do things like couple experiences or card games to enhance emotional intimacy and build a safe relationship you don’t want to run away from.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #5: Control
Anxiety can lead to a need for control, manifesting in a relationship as controlling behavior. This behavior can come from jealousy and other issues, and it can become destructive and damaging to both partners. It is important for the anxious partner to manage their anxiety and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Remember, being in a relationship does not mean you own your partner. Control is a personal issue that your partner cannot fix for you.
Trying to rob them of their autonomy will cause friction and lead to relationship dissatisfaction based on your inability to be a secure partner. Get the help you need by working through your fear of letting go and discerning where your controlling behavior stems from.
Relationship Anxiety Signs #6: Perfectionism
People with anxiety may have a tendency towards perfectionism, leading to unrealistic expectations and pressure in the relationship. It is important for the anxious partner to learn how to manage their anxiety and develop a more realistic and compassionate view of themselves and their partner.
Anxiety can have a significant impact on romantic relationships. It is important for both partners to work together to manage anxiety, develop healthy coping mechanisms, communicate effectively, and trust each other. However, it is also important to do the inner work, as anxiety can be an internal issue that your partner cannot fix for you.
If you want to build a healthy relationship, you must contribute to it by engaging in healthy behaviors.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on July 14, 2023
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Question: Are You People's 'Battery Charger' Or 'Battery Drainer'?
A battery in the back. Sometimes, when I’m talking to a client about a destructive pattern that they are in with someone else, that is the phrase that I will use — “You’re acting like they have a battery in your back or something.” We all pretty much know what this means: Sometimes people give other individuals too much control over their lives.
On the heels of this, I really do wish that I could give proper credit to whatever show I was watching when someone was also talking about batteries as it relates to human interactions. What they said was that, when it comes to how we deal with folks, at the end of the day, we are either a battery charger or a battery drainer — and lawd, is that not the freakin’ truth?
In a way, it makes me think of a quote by one of my favorite poets, Rumi: “Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.” Lamps shed light. Lifeboats save lives (and/or transition people from one spot to another). Ladders help to lift people up. And y’all, if it’s not our life’s mission to want to do one or more of these things for at least one individual on a daily basis — what the heck are we doing out here? Truly.
And yet, spend just one hour on social media and you will see more folks yapping about how to get something out of someone than to “be a shepherd” to someone else — and when all a person wants to do is take…how absolutely draining is that?
So yeah, let’s take a moment to more thoroughly explore the concept of what a human “charger” vs. a “drainer” is — not just as a gut check to make sure that you are where you should be when it comes to how you prioritize your interactions with others but also to confirm whether or not you are surrounding yourself with — pardon the pun — positive charges or…negative ones.
Energy Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyIt really is purely fascinating, the things that you can discover, if you choose to intentionally look for information. Take something that I recently learned: Did you know there are certain types of transmitters that, when they are placed on top of human skin, they send a frequency of 40 MHz into a person’s system? As a result, their body becomes conductors of energy that can actually be transferred to other devices (so long as they have the kind of receiver that can process human energy in this way).
My greatest takeaway from this? Human energy is a very real thing. Not only does it provide us with the ability and power to do various things, it’s also what can be exchanged between two individuals. In fact, many mental health experts believe that it is more than possible for people to exchange energy via things like their attraction to one either, sharing thoughts and emotions and even through one another’s body language.
And since that is indeed the case, this is just one more reason why I will forever stand 10 toes down that sex shouldn’t be handled flippantly or dismissively — because if someone has a body part of theirs inside of yours…how much energy is being exchanged from that? Geeze. And so, since you need energy in order to literally function (and to be mentally and emotionally functional) — let’s look at how a human battery charger moves and then how a human battery drainer does as well.
Ready?
5 Signs That You “Fuel” People
GiphyFuel your fueler. It’s something that I am known for saying to some of my clients whenever someone in the relationship feels like the other isn’t meeting their needs. Basically, what it means is, if an individual is giving you some of what you need in order to function and even thrive, why wouldn’t you want that same type of energy to be reciprocated to them in return? Fueling your fueler helps to equip them to keep providing what you need from them. Simple math.
And here are five ways you can do it:
1. Bring positive insights and/or wisdom. One of my favorite quotes is always going to be by the writer Jorge Luis Borges. He once said, “Don’t speak unless you can improve upon the silence” — and that is a solid gold resolve to have. In a world that is filled with so much…noise, a fueler/battery charger is someone who radiates positivity and/or offers up insights that help you to see things from another perspective and/or gives you the kind of wisdom that challenges you to grow. How often do people say that you do at least one of these things for them?
2. Create more calm than chaos. Confusion is chaos — by definition. You know some of the things that cause confusion? Unclear communication. Passive aggressiveness. Inconsistency. Gossip. Being unnecessarily dramatic. And all of this is just for starters. Meanwhile, a calm individual? They bring peace and tranquility with their words and even simply their presence — and a big cause of this is that they are at peace within themselves. This is why I think it’s a red flag whenever someone is triggered by hearing “Be my peace.”
It is actually HIGH PRAISE when someone can say that when you come around, they feel relaxed instead of…stressed out. Not wanting peace to be associated with your name? Problematic, my dear.
3. You allow “Shalom” to define you. I say often that Hebrew culture is totally my thing — and this includes the Hebrew language. And although most people know that shalom means peace, the word is far more vast than that. Shalom also means to be whole and complete. It’s also a word that speaks to things like health and prosperity. Keeping this in mind, if you are someone who “charges instead of drains,” this means that when you come to mind to other individuals, they think of how much of a blessing that you are in their lives — and you know this because they tell you so. You have a spirit of “shalom” on you and it doesn’t get much better than that.
4. You choose to be a spiritual light. Oh, please believe that when it comes to this one, I am not speaking of church folks — some of them can be the most draining (and I wrote an entire book about it!). At the end of the day, being spiritual is about knowing that there is something out here that is bigger than you (which means you act like you know that life isn’t all about you).
Being spiritual is about fulfilling purpose. Being spiritual is about focusing on the immaterial rather than the material. And when you are a fueler and charger, you do this by motivating others to become more spiritual too.
For me, I have a friend who calls me her “idea doula” and I adore everything about that. She is saying that I help her to come up with ways to grow her business and brand and that ultimately helps her to manifest her own purpose. When it comes to what people can say about what you bring into their world…how do you spiritually benefit them?
5. You are also a muse or inspiration. Pretty much, a muse is a source of inspiration for a creative (check out “10 Habits Of Successful Creatives”) and when you inspire someone, it means that you produce or arouse something within them. It could be to try something new. It could be to finish something they started. It could be to look at a person, place, thing or idea from a different perspective. Or it could be that you inspire them to be a better version of themselves — and it might just be simply by them watching how you move. Remember that a battery charge provides power. When you are around others, what do your words and actions empower them to do — and are those things for the better?
5 Signs That You Actually Wear People Out
GiphyOkay, so it would appear that singer-songwriter Peter Hammill once said that a violinist friend by the name of Graham Smith came up with the term “energy vampire” back in the 70s. Apparently it was in reference to some of Hammill’s over the top fans (the more you know). These days, energy vampires are quite simply individuals who are draining to be around because they require so much of your mental and emotional energy whenever they are in your space.
And what are five ways that these types of people can wear you all the way out?
1. They take more than they give. I’ve been known to say it often: “Where there is no reciprocity, someone is out here being a liability.” Listen, when you’re in a relationship with a person, because you both are individuals, you may not (always) need the same things (especially at the same time) and/or your requirements and expectations may be different. That’s fine. However, don’t find yourself out here being the only one who is proactive and intentional — because if you are important to someone, they should want to give and not just take. Drainers don’t care about this. Chargers absolutely do.
2. They speak in monologues more than dialogues. Something else that I have told clients before is that a lot of people don’t want a PARTNER; they want an AUDIENCE. What I mean by that is, they just want someone to give them attention, to be engrossed in what they have to say, to put them on some sort of pedestal. That’s why they don’t know how to clap for others, they suck at listening, and they may even seem more envious than excited when others win. Back in the day, I used to have relationships where I barely couldn’t get a word in edgewise; it’s because all they really wanted to do, consistently so, is wax poetic in the forms of endless streams of consciousness. LOL.
Sometimes folks need an ear to get things off of their chest; understood — yet if that is ALL that someone is doing…they aren’t wanting to connect with you…they just want some attention from you.
3. Their problems/issues are redundant and cyclic. One of my favorite people on the planet is the poster child for this point. She dates the same kinds of men, she never listens to the 50-11 folks who tell her that they are the same kind of men and then — surprise, surprise — things end up the same way…over and over…and over with these same kinds of men. We’re talking decades’ worth of this nonsense too. And as much as I love her, over the past couple of years, we’ve had to have some hard conversations about how it can be challenging dealing with her sometimes because she stays in the hamster wheel of bullshishery.
Listen, that “we listen and don’t judge” nonsense that was all over the internet several months back (or was that last year? Time is moving weird right through here)? That is some of the dumbest ish that I’ve ever heard! Discernment literally means “acute judgment” and, as my mom used to say, “Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher.” Use discernment when deciding how deeply you should get involved with people’s stuff. Also, use discernment to decide when it’s time to shift your energy. Before they drain it all.
4. They compete instead of congratulate. I don’t know about y’all but, over the course of my life, I’ve had some real doozies of narcissists in my world — and one way that they tend to show up is low-key competing with me whenever I accomplish certain things instead of rather than just sitting back and congratulating my efforts. I’ve had people look at me crazy about becoming a doula and life coach — only to become one later. When my first book came out, someone literally said, OUT LOUD, “If you can do it, I know I can then.” DRAIN.ING.
A part of the reason why science says that GOOD FRIENDSHIPS keep us healthy is because support and encouragement help to keep our stress and anxiety levels down. Competing is (typically) stressful. Being celebrated isn’t. ‘Nuf said.
5. They are full of negativity. Constantly complaining. Always looking at things through a dark/negative lens. Never seeming to be in a good mood (or expecting you to get them out of their moods). Acting apathetic instead of/more than empathetic. Being hypercritical. Playing the victim. These are just some examples of what it means to be a negative type of person. The reason why research says that these kinds of folks can drain us is, since we already are prone to act on our natural negativity bias, whenever we’re surrounded with someone who is already caught up in theirs…that energy can be quite contagious.
And since negativity is bad for your cognitive function, immune system, emotional stability and so much more — the less negativity, the better. Yep, spend as little time with this kind of “drainer” as you possibly can.
Giphy____
Like I said earlier, our batteries are basically our energy — and when it comes to wise words on energy:
“Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” (T. Harv Eker)
“Energy speaks what you don’t.” (Drishti Bablani)
“When the energy in the room doesn't feel right, probably, it's not right. But sometimes it's also because of you.” (Mitta Xinindlu)
And when it comes to that last quote, specifically — umm, well, …see how I presented the chargers part of the article with a “you” and the drainers with a “they”? LOL. Yeah, that was so you would take the medicine down easier — oh, but definitely take in ALL of this piece, just to make sure that you don’t only have “wear me outs” in your world but that others aren’t actually thinking or saying this about you too.
Being a battery charger or a battery drainer. At least once a week, this is something that we should self-evaluate because energy is precious — and so is what we choose to do with it.
You can fuel or wear people out, y’all.
Please, for the sake of your energy levels as well as theirs…choose wisely.
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