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This Tech Marketer Believes Balance Is About Not Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Myriha Burce is no stranger to working hard towards getting the things she wants. As a black woman, born and raised on the southside of Chicago, she understood the importance of the grind with big dreams to make it to the top. Since college, Myriha has been navigating through the marketing/advertising industry. But, she later realized that she needed more beyond her 9-5 to fill her cup. Currently, she is the Head of Product Marketing for a tech start-up, but she wanted to do more for the community.
With that, Myriha tapped into her creative side and launched her very own podcast called "Black Women Talk Work". "With my podcast, the impact is to amplify these stories of black women and their professional experiences. Earlier in my career, I feel there weren't a lot of conversations around the experiences black women tend to face at work. So with my podcast, I want us women to express that, the good and the bad." she told xoNecole.
For Myriha, in order to live a more satisfying life, it helps to tap into other outlets outside of work. Your job helps pay the bills, but is it really your passion? Do you have more than one passion and if so, how are you making time for it? These are the important questions Myriha asks herself while navigating as a working black woman. Myriha values not sticking to one title to find her balance. She believes it is important to make room for other areas to get to that level of peace and joy, we all aspire to reach.
Courtesy of Myriha Burce
For this installment of "Finding Balance", xoNecole had the chance to speak with multi-hyphenate Myriha Burce about tapping into her creative side, her love for making an impact for black women, and the importance of self-care.
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
Myriha Burce: I just left a job at an advertising agency and I had a really awful experience working there. When trying to explain my experience to HR, I remember hitting a wall and them telling me, "This is what it is." This wasn't my first experience, so I was really just fed up. Starting out in my career, I was all about the grind. I was so eager to get everything right. But after feeling fed up, I started to understand that this idea of complete fulfillment from work is not healthy. I was looking at work as a way to bring impact, to completely love the work, to love the people I work with, and just love everything. I feel like that is not completely realistic. I realized it's important to fill other areas of your life with things that you love, so you're not putting all your eggs in the work basket.
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
So I have my 9 to 5. But let's be honest, a job doesn't really go from 9 to 5 (laughs). Sometimes, it goes from 8 to 7. I am fortunate to be working from home, so I can take breaks in between. After work, I work on my podcast and record a couple of episodes.
"Starting out in my career, I was all about the grind. I was so eager to get everything right. But after feeling fed up, I started to understand that this idea of complete fulfillment from work is not healthy."
What are your mornings like?
I like slow mornings. I know other people can get up and work out and that is not me (laughs). I like to ease myself into my day with a cup of coffee or tea and a quick flow of yoga. Since quarantine, I have also made it a habit to get fully dressed every day. I literally get dressed as if I'm leaving the house. I even do my hair, makeup, [the works]! For me, when I feel good about how I look on the outside, I feel I perform better at work.
How do you wind down at night?
I have a space in my apartment where I do not do any work. When I sit in my space, I grab a glass of wine and read. I love mystery novels. I will admit I try to take it easy with the self-care books. Don't get me wrong, I think they are great and a lot of them are amazing. But with all the heaviness in the world, I have been trying to get back into reading for fun. The ability of a book to take you somewhere else and to experience something new is a necessary escape.
When you have a busy week, what's the most hectic part of it?
I think staying inspired and staying creative can be a little hectic. It can be very easy to feel drained with everything going on, including working a 9 to 5. Keeping your energy up has become harder during this past year.
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
In the evenings, when I'm not working late, I generally start to cook. The last couple of years, I've started to really enjoy cooking for myself. For women, a lot of times, we are told this narrative that you have to be able to cook for your family or husband. Which is great, but I think there is something really beautiful about learning to cook for yourself as a way to take care of yourself. Being intentional about cooking a meal for yourself can be a form of self-care.
Another type of self-care that I do is allowing myself to process my feelings more. I allow myself to literally sit with my feelings. We use some of the more popular types of self-care and it can possibly become a crutch instead of actually dealing with what's wrong. Sometimes it's easy to take a bubble bath and zone out. But for me, I think sitting with my feelings and not finding an immediate outlet has been a great tool to understand myself better.
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
This woman said to me once, "The world is not going to stop or crumble, if that project does not go perfectly." As women, when we are focusing on our career, we want to give it our all. The fact of the matter is, nothing is permanent and nothing is guaranteed. It's about trying not to tie up your self-worth in what you are producing in your job. I mean I still have my moments where I fall back into I need to do this and I need to do that. But we must ask ourselves, if this job goes away, will I still feel like myself? Ask yourself, "What else have you done to fill the other areas of your life, if this job is gone tomorrow?"
"Sometimes it's easy to take a bubble bath and zone out. But for me, I think sitting with my feelings and not finding an immediate outlet has been a great tool to understand myself better."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Your 20's are very interesting with friendships. They start to ebb and flow and it's such a weird time. I try to approach friendships by letting them navigate organically. When people come into your life and they are adding value, allow them to do that. But if life sends them away, allow them to leave. Sometimes we feel like we have to control our friends and hold them accountable. But everyone is struggling, so it's hard to put that pressure on people. Being able to give people grace and not forcing expectations is the lens I have taken.
Exercise?
I try to work out at home two to three times a week. I recently invested in a personal trainer and it has been fantastic. I was a cheerleader in college [and] in college, you work out as a team. So it has been a little hard getting into the rhythm of working out alone. But I took a leap and it has been great focusing on my health and wellness in all its capacities.
Honestly, what does success and happiness mean to you?
Success for me is impact. I am still seeing what that looks like. But bringing something to the community, especially the black community, is so important right now. I have always gravitated towards projects where there is an opportunity for some sort of positive impact. Looking back on my life when I'm older, I want to be able to say I made an impact in such a way for my community. Now, with happiness, happiness to me is my freedom. I feel like the happiest I will be is when I am able to completely indulge in all of my interests. I do think I am constantly getting closer and closer to that too. Not feeling confined to one lane, or title, or space is what happiness feels like for me.
For more of Myriha Burce, follow her on Instagram here.
Featured image courtesy of Myriha Burce
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."