In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
If I could sum 2020 up in one sentiment, it would be: 'life comes at you fast.' This year has been hitting hard and heavy on all fronts it seems and I know I'm not the only one who could use a reprieve from its rampage. (Really a cancellation, because Miss Rona has BEEN worn her welcome.)
And yet, despite its best (read: worst) efforts, many of us have continued to survive and even thrive during this chaotic time. Some of us have started businesses, met and succeeded goals, started a new life in a new city, and everything in between. Some of us have learned how to bottle all this chaotic energy and use it as fuel to power forward. And though it's always important to find a way to keep evolving no matter the circumstance, it's equally as important to know when to ease up and take your foot off the gas in the name of self-preservation. And that's a lesson dermatologist and Girl+Hair co-founder, Dr. Camille Verovic knows from both personal and professional experience. "You have to hit pause at some point––if you don't, your body and spirit will hit pause for you."
After doing the "big chop", Verovic found herself dismayed after noticing how hard it was to maintain and retain hair growth while wearing protective styles. And if she was frustrated, she knew many other women probably were too. Thus, Girl+Hair was born. Coupled with both her medical knowledge and personal quest for optimal hair health, the company is the first of its kind to offer a complete 'under-hair care' system designed to promote and protect natural hair.
For this installment of "Finding Balance", xoNecole got the chance to chat with Dr. Camille Verovic about all things self-care, here's what she had to say.
Courtesy of Derrick Davis
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
Dr. Camille Verovic: I learned this very early––my mother passed away when I was 23. When I was cleaning our family home, I found her journal––she worked so hard but she had a lot of regrets. If you are a hard worker, you can really work yourself into the ground. It is important to you and everyone around you to try your best to find a good balance in your life.
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
5:15am, I wake up. It's a family affair to get our six-year-old ready for school. From 6am to 9am, it's emails and morning meetings with hubby. Between 10am to 1 pm, I'm sorting out manufacturing and logistics. And most afternoons and evenings, I have meetings. Days when I'm in the office as a practicing dermatologist, I'm in the office by 10am. When I am not in the office, I'm working on Girl+Hair. I typically work 2-3 days a week as a practicing dermatologist and 3-4 days a week on Girl+Hair.
What are your mornings like?
The mornings are all about getting my family ready for the day. We are actually a well-oiled machine in the morning.
How do you wind down at night?
There is never a true wind down when your spouse is your business partner (this isn't good, ladies). When I do get a moment to myself, I open my Bible app and try to work on a reading plan.
Courtesy of Derrick Davis
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
Meetings, meetings, meetings! In my case, the busiest weeks are when I have a ton of meetings. I have to take care of my out of office duties as a physician––follow up on biopsies, coordinate care with my office manager, call patients, speak with pharmaceutical reps.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
I keep the circle small and I try to call when I am commuting.
Love/Relationships?
You can't be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself. To find balance in any relationship, you must first find balance in your own life.
Exercise?
I am terrible at this but I just bought a bike so hopefully, I will be better.
What about health? Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
We cook 75 percent of our meals. Cooking is great because it makes you slow down.
Courtesy of Derrick Davis
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
This sounds really old-fashioned, but I lean on the Word [of God].
And honestly, what does success mean to you? What does happiness mean to you?
Success and happiness to me is one day looking back at my life and knowing that I gave almost every day the best that I could. One of my life goals is to be a philanthropist. I don't think there are enough Black philanthropists.
To keep up with Dr. Camille, follow her on Instagram.
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Featured image courtesy of Derrick Davis.
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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