

Don't you think it's funny that as human beings born imperfect, we despise making mistakes so much? Making mistakes is something that we've been doing since we were given the chance to breathe and which we'll pretty much continue to do for the rest of our lives. It's a character trait that we all share. Yet, it's also something that, oftentimes, we strive to avoid and struggle to forgive ourselves or fail to brag about when we allow it to happen. (Yes, I said, "brag about." You read that right.)
Despite the uncomfortable feeling that it can provide us with, I believe that making a mistake is a beautiful thing to do. Although I agree that they can be tougher to learn from, mistakes are impactful life teachers and the fundamental lessons that they carry with them deserve to be put under the spotlight and passed along rather than being considered shameful secrets.
If anything, I'm sincerely grateful to have crossed paths with women of color who share this point of view throughout my life. I'm even more grateful to those that recently granted me some of their time to tell xoNecole about their biggest career mistakes, the things they would've done differently, the lessons that they learned, and more.
Jeannette Reyes, 31
Courtesy of Jeannette Reyes
News Anchor for FOX5 DC
Her biggest career mistake and the things she would've done differently:
"I had just turned down a job offer in my dream city because I didn't feel I was good enough for it. For much of my career, I didn't bet on myself because I felt like a fraud and felt like I didn't deserve the position I was in. The handful of times when I did take a leap of faith, it was largely motivated by fear.
"The news director who'd offered me the job was the first to tell me that I was probably experiencing Imposter Syndrome. It was the first time that I'd heard of it. I didn't realize until years into my career that I'd been suffering from it. When it comes to the things that I would've done differently, I believe I would've been intentional about correcting my self-talk earlier in my career.
"Our minds have a way of emphasizing mistakes to fit a certain narrative and minimizing our successes as just luck. I was often my worst enemy in that respect. It took the joy out of a lot of things when it came to any accolades or promotions I got."
What the journey to access resilience looked like:
"My rock bottom wasn't so much physical as it was spiritual and emotional. I had spent so much of my life being motivated by fear and the desire to prove to myself that I was worthy of my accomplishments, I found myself chasing after the wrong things. Although I'd achieved everything I set out to do, I still wasn't satisfied.
"I put in some serious work to address my negative mindset, my source of motivation, what my fears were, whether they were legitimate or not, and what I found to be fulfilling. It was a tough few months for me during which I had to get reacquainted with myself all over again and that has shown me that you can have everything you've dreamed of and still be unhappy. Happiness and fulfillment should be found within."
The lessons that she learned from making this mistake and her advice:
"When you suffer from Imposter Syndrome, you're less likely to advocate for yourself, go after a certain higher salary, negotiate a higher salary, etc. because you're convinced that you're lucky to even be there. Not to mention that you experience a constant fear of being 'exposed', so it feels best to lay low.
"However, I've learned that we shouldn't be ashamed to be our biggest fans. Self-talk is powerful. We often wouldn't speak to a friend—even a stranger—the way we speak to ourselves. So, my advice is mainly to give yourself some grace and know that you've earned whatever successes come your way."
"What helped me was having a mentor who is just as much a spiritual mentor to me as a professional one. During my most insecure moments, she would figuratively hold a mirror up to me to show me who I really was and remind me of the things I had accomplished despite what I'd been through. Our self-image can be so distorted, sometimes it takes someone else to remind us of who we really are."
Follow Jeannette on Instagram @msnewslady.
Alisha Robertson, 32
Courtesy of Alisha Robertson
Business Coach
Her biggest career mistake and the things she would've done differently:
"One of the biggest mistakes that I've made was chasing someone else's idea of success versus focusing on what I felt I was called to do [and] listening to all of the marketing gurus and making products that I wasn't excited about because that's what I thought would make me successful. Because of that mistake, I suffered from severe burnout which, in return, pushed me into starting over in my business so that I could do it the right way.
"If I could go back, I would've spent more time figuring out what I wanted and developing actionable steps that would get me closer to that dream. I would've set boundaries around my work and my clients, and would have leaned more on the marketing strategies that were working for me versus attempting to do all the things."
What the journey to access resilience looked like:
"I truly believe that just because you hit rock bottom, it doesn't mean that you're supposed to stay there. I figured that, even if I needed to shift and start over, I could easily build another successful business again. So I took the time that I needed to rest and get back to myself mentally. Only then did I get back to work. I spent about a year just getting clear on what I wanted as well as the impact that I wanted to make. I also spent that time working through and trying out different business models.
"That's what entrepreneurship is about—taking the time to experiment and see what works and then building on whatever results you receive. Eventually, I figured out something that stuck. I felt some guilt at first and was down on myself for a while but I always kept going back to my 'why'."
"That bigger reason for doing what I do is what got me up every day even when I wanted to throw in the towel. But I also knew that one day, that experience would be a huge part of the story that I tell today."
The lessons that she learned from making this mistake and her advice:
"There are three major lessons that making this mistake taught me:
- To get clear on what my desire and the way I want to impact the world and those around me;
- To not be afraid to shift and pivot if it'll help me get closer to my ultimate goal;
- To trust my gut and stay consistent with putting that mission out there. That's what will help separate me from the others.
"If I had a piece of advice, it'd be to keep your eyes on your own path. And as you go through your journey, always take time to reconnect with your 'why' and your ultimate goal to ensure that you're on the right track of building your business your way. There isn't anything wrong with pivoting but make sure that those changes are what you want and not what everyone else wants for you."
Follow Alisha on Instagram @thealishanicole.
Keyera Williams, 27
Courtesy of Keyera Williams
Producer at Westbrook Inc.
Her biggest career mistake:
"My biggest mistake so far was probably not understanding what my actual value is and not advocating for more. I've had a few jobs in the past where I knew what I was bringing to the table but was afraid to ask for a bigger salary thinking that, in return, I'd get reprimanded or have that opportunity taken from me.
"I've said 'yes' to a lot of opportunities below my pay grade because I felt like I should simply be grateful for the opportunity. I remember working 50+ hours a week and barely being able to pay my rent."
"As a Black woman, you're constantly being force-fed just enough and told that you raise trouble if you complain or advocate for more. I'm all about good trouble, and it's taught me how to advocate for myself or either to go somewhere else where I'm valued."
What the journey to access resilience looked like:
"That journey is still ongoing, to be honest. There are days where I still feel like I'm not good enough or I don't believe that my voice matters because I've spent time in places where I was constantly treated as such. It's a journey that includes a lot of therapy, self-evaluation, and just learning how to move forward.
"Moreover, I believe that there's no such thing as a last opportunity. What's for you is for you, and when you walk in your purpose, opportunities will keep presenting themselves to you."
The lessons that she learned from making this mistake and her advice:
"I've learned that if I don't know what I'm worth, no one else will remind me. It's important to know your worth not just in regard to the dollar amount, but also when it comes to your mental health and quality of life. I've also learned to not be afraid to reach out to mentors or ask questions to find out if something is normal within the industry I work in [and] moreover, to recognize when a person, place, or opportunity is no longer serving me or pushing me toward the person and the creative I want to become.
"As for my advice, unfortunately, there will be jobs that you have to take to get your foot in the door. The money won't always be great, but take advantage of these opportunities to prove your value and your capabilities so that when you move on, you have work to show and can also negotiate what you're worth."
"Lastly, check the market. See what people occupying the same position as you in your field are making and advocate for the same—if not more based on your education and experience."
Follow Keyera on Instagram @keywilliamss.
Chi Ilochi, 21
Courtesy of Chi Ilochi
Founder of StylingByChi | Fashion Stylist & Image Consultant
Her biggest career mistake and the things she would've done differently:
"One of the biggest mistakes I've made in my career is not understanding the power of 'no'. I would oftentimes stretch myself thin because I thought my value came from being able to deliver when people needed me. This mistake resulted in stress and exhaustion because I had so much on my plate. I couldn't even hang with my girls or have a brunch date.
"Of course, not knowing how to say 'no' resulted in more opportunities career-wise, but it also resulted in an unhealthy amount of stress that wouldn't allow me to capitalize on those opportunities. Knowing what I know now, I would've said 'no' more often, and taken more time to understand the saying, 'What's for me is meant for me.'"
What the journey to access resilience looked like:
"My journey to access resilience was one of the loneliest periods of my life. I had to take the time out to sit with myself and my mistakes so I could learn the right way to show myself grace.
"I knew that little progress would be made if I spent my reflection period beating myself up about my mistakes. Instead, I forgave myself for what I did wrong while reaffirming myself for the things I did right."
"It took me about two years to navigate this hard process but once I completed it, I realized that I am far more capable than I thought I was. I am not my mistakes and I don't have to identify with them."
The lessons that she learned from making that mistake and her advice:
"I've learned that your value isn't found in how much work you can fit on your plate, it's in who you are as an individual and the quality of your work. Therefore, work at the pace that works for you and remind yourself that success isn't found in your ability to overextend yourself. These two lessons shifted my mindset from scarcity to abundance."
"It's hard to do better and be better when you've conditioned yourself to operate out of scarcity. Abundance requires vulnerability, and my lessons have taught me that it's OK to be vulnerable. It's OK to say, 'Hey I've got too much on my plate right now.' One thing that I know for sure is that when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, the opportunities flow abundantly and stress becomes a thing of the past."
Follow Chi on Instagram @Igbohippie_.
Ponchitta Lanoue, 46
Courtesy of Ponchitta Lanoue
Beauty Entrepreneur
Her biggest career mistake and the things she would've done differently:
"I decided to start a business to offset some of the unhappiness I felt in my personal life and career. But while building the latter, I made some of the worst decisions which only made my life harder.
"I would say that the most detrimental mistake was taking all the money that I had to put it into my business and not knowing where to put it or where to invest."
"I started my business with my savings of $20,000 and then my brother invested $5,000. I blew through the money in less than eight months. For five years, I was flat broke because of that [and] a bitter divorce that left me empty-handed. My business was surviving on a wing and a prayer.
"If I could do it all over again, instead of buying too many product categories and not being able to sell them, I would have launched with four lip colors and sold the hell out of them until my lipstick line paid for the next category. I would have bought $100 Facebook and Google ads each month to promote the brand and sell the products. I would have focused less on investors or trying to get capital and would've been more worried about figuring out what exactly it was that my customers wanted from me. However, as difficult as it got at times, I honestly don't think I would've wanted to do anything differently. I needed to grow through those growing pains."
What the journey to access resilience looked like:
"So many times we don't want to grow because we fear change and failure. Change is the catalyst that pushes us into action. Failure is the impetus that propels us into destiny if we are wise enough to keep going."
"I had to move in with my mother to bounce back. It has taken me six years to recover from those two major life-changing events. I thought I would never recover from the financial losses that I experienced as a result. For the longest time, I was hard on myself because I could not believe that I allowed myself to be in this situation. It seemed like I was always starting over. It caused me to go into a deep depression. I was even angry at times. A conversation that I had with my grandmother years ago helped me pick myself up and dust myself off. After that, I was able to forgive myself and give myself more grace."
The lessons that she learned from making that mistake and her advice:
"Those experiences made me stronger and wiser. Eventually, I came to understand that money isn't the answer to all problems. You can have a lot of money, but if you don't know what to do with it, then all that you have is a lot of money—no direction. The major lesson, however, was learning the power that I possess. I don't need 1 million followers to define my success. A solid group of 100 to 300 customers can easily keep the lights on and sustain a business.
"My advice is to start small and then promote your products all day every day. Define your target audience and sell to them specifically. Don't worry about being popular, but find influencers that can be brand ambassadors for your products or services. Be frugal and watch every single dime. Do not focus on money or a man; instead, make sure that you're never in a position to depend on a man for happiness or finances."
Follow Ponchitta on Instagram @ponchcosmetics.
Featured image courtesy of Alisha Robertson
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The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching, different shades of pinks and reds are heavy in rotation. And even though red lipstick is a bold statement no matter the time of year, this season in particular places a special emphasis on the timeless beauty staple. What says confidence and allure more than a red lip?
Vying for a place as your go-to red lipstick shade is The Lip Bar's latest release, "Good Karma," a warm rust-brown red lippie formulated with melanin-rich skin in mind. Finding the right red lipstick can be a game-changer when you're looking to make a statement, find your signature, or turn heads. And the beauty of dark skin means that the versatility of reds we can rock is limitless.
From rust-red or brick shades for warm undertones to intense reds, berry reds, or deep wine and true reds, melanin-rich skin has a richness to it that translates to a range of reds popping beautifully against our various skin tones. If you've been on the hunt for your one true pairing when it comes to the ultimate red lipstick shade, look no further than our list of Black-owned beauty brands.
The Best Red Lipsticks for Deep Skin Tones
"Good Karma" x The Lip Bar
"Good Karma"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: Following in the footsteps of The Lip Bar's "Bawse Lady," aka their #1 red matte lippie, "Good Karma" is a warm rust-brown red liquid matte that applies like a gloss and has all-day staying power.
"Elson 2" x Pat McGrath Labs
"Elson 2"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: Nicknamed "The Perfect Red," Pat McGrath Labs' "Elson 2" is a beauty lover staple and stays sold out. With its luxurious, highly pigmented formula and velvety smooth finish, this red lipstick delivers on its promise of pure color and then some.
"Sade" x UOMA Beauty
"Sade"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: UOMA Beauty knew what they were doing with their line of "Badass Icon Matte Lipstick" inspired by badass icons across generations. Talk about timeless elegance, "Sade" is a deep, balanced red that goes on as smoothly and wears as divinely as its namesake.
"Fierce" x Juvia's Place
"Fierce"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: "Fierce" is a standout in Juvia's Place's carefully curated Reds and Berries Velvety Matte Lipstick collection. The shades prove the beauty brand has the range when it comes to shades that have deep skin tones in mind and "Fierce"'s burgundy-red pigmentation is no exception.
"Blood Orange" x Mented Cosmetics
"Blood Orange"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: As a part of Mented Cosmetics' Sangria collection, the vibrant red-orange "Blood Orange" shade is a standout amongst the liquid matte lippies, offering a perfect pop of color that's not too soft and not too bold.
"Uncensored" x Fenty Beauty
"Uncensored"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: The Stunna Lip Paint in "Uncensored" by Fenty Beauty is a universally flattering true red that stuns on all skin tones, no matter the undertone. Bold, long-lasting, and kissably smooth, "Uncensored" is that red lipstick.
"Uno Love" x GloGirlCosmetics
"Uno Love"
Finish: Satin
Why It's a Winner: "Uno Love" is a fiery red lipstick shade with coral undertones that dares those who wear it to "live out loud." Enriched with vitamin E, the formula packs the pigment while ensuring your pout stays deeply nourished.
"Dare" x Wyn Beauty
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: A ruby-red shade that is as hydrating as it is long-lasting, Wyn Beauty's "Dare" is a shade designed to keep your lips feeling soft while making an unapologetically bold statement.
"Rich AF" x LYS Beauty
"Rich AF"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: "Rich AF" is LYS Beauty's take on a classic red. This highly pigmented formula delivers bold color with one swipe while keeping lips nourished and soft for all-day wear.
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Featured image by courtesy