August invites you to shine bright like the sun which requires you to leave behind the sob stories of being the underdog. Recognize your power as a reflection of the Divine and watch how far you can go. Be mindful of that inner critic when Mercury enters Virgo. For every negative thought, counteract it with three compliments about yourself. When Venus enters her home sign, relationship matters get a whole lot sweeter after the wild ride that was Mercury Retrograde.
Check out how the month ahead affects your zodiac sign!
Aries
AriesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with a New Moon in magnanimous Leo inviting you to share your creative gifts with the world, making this a supportive time to start a new project or hobby. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo, helping you streamline your routine so you're not spending as much time working. When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, love is in the air. Discussions of taking things to the next level in a relationship are likely right now, Aries.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde which will radically transform your view of financial security and abundance. Get creative and don't be afraid to try something outside of the box.
The Full Moon on the 22nd inspires you to dream bigger as a result of a major accomplishment. What's next on the bucket list? The Sun enters Virgo on the same day, making it a good time to schedule your annual health screenings to make sure your body is running in its optimal condition. The month ends with Mercury teaming up with Venus, bringing some important negotiations to the table for you.
Taurus
TaurusLaci Jordan for xoNecole
Home and family matters are the focus on the New Moon, Taurus. Planning to add a new addition to the family, renovating/decorating your current abode or investing in new property is supported during this time. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo to sweeten up your love life (if you'll make some time for it). As good as work is going, it's important to indulge in some fun from time to time.
When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, you're encouraged to fall deeper in love with your body which isn't just about draping yourself in the finest clothes. Feed your vessel nourishing foods and keep your stress levels at a minimum.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde inviting you to liberate yourself through your appearance and the way you present yourself to the world. Consider this transit a rebrand of your identity. The Full Moon on the 22nd is bringing the pressure in matters of career but if anyone can handle the heat, it's you. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo encouraging you to tap into your creative side. Don't let your inner critic stifle your self-expression. At the end of the month, Mercury joins Venus to restore balance to your life through a better schedule and some much-needed organization.
Gemini
GeminiLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAugust begins with a New Moon on the 8th encouraging you to shine bright like the sun, Gemini. Use your voice to inspire, uplift, and encourage others to shine as well. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo which could be stirring up a little tension on the homefront which could make this a good time to consider making some changes in your environment--even if that means you moving elsewhere. When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, you're invited to indulge your romantic side. Buy yourself a cute outfit, ball out at Sephora, and getcho fine ass outside so somebody's son can see you.
On the 19th, Uranus Retrograde serves to transform you as you surrender your plans to the Divine plan. The Full Moon on the 22nd positions you in the spotlight to share your gems of wisdom.
Writing, mentoring, and teaching may be areas of interest for you around this time. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo which has you laser-focused on your family's imperfections. Hold space for people's humanity. No one is perfect. Not even you. On the 30th, Mercury teams up with Venus, encouraging you to nurture your creativity and inner child.
Cancer
CancerLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with a New Moon inviting you to plant the seeds for a new financial endeavor. Expect new money-making opportunities to be presented to you this month, Cancer. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo which could have you more critical of yourself than usual. Detach from your inner critic and affirm your greatness! When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, be mindful of tension amongst your family. Remember, you're allowed to assert your boundaries with anyone--even mom and dad.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde, giving you a chance to adjust your perspective on humanity. Yeah, humans suck at times but there's a lot of great people out there as well. Be open to aligning with like-hearted individuals.
On the 22nd, the Full Moon liberates you from traumatic experiences that resulted in you hiding the true you. The Sun enters Virgo on the same day, making this a good time to brush up on your communication skills and learn something new. Your mind is super absorbent right now so take advantage of this by handling anything that requires brainpower, organization, and discipline. On the 30th, Mercury links up with Venus inviting you to beautify your space to host a cute dinner party for your family or friends.
Leo
LeoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleAugust begins with a New Moon in your sign inviting you to blow out the candles and make a wish for what you want to accomplish in your next year around the Sun, Leo. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo, giving you a chance to organize your budget and streamline your strategy to your many different streams of income. When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, you're feeling the love thanks to all of the lovely words of affirmations and compliments that you're receiving from your admirers.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde could be uncomfortably forcing you to make some changes in your career that could be shocking to others but ultimately the best thing for you to align with your future vision of the legacy you're creating.
The Full Moon on the 22nd has you reevaluating your partnerships and whether they are compatible with your current need for freedom of expression. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo, making this a good time to get clear on your personal values so you can avoid wasting time on pursuits that just don't matter to you. The month wraps up with Mercury entering Libra supporting you in any public speaking, communications, or writing efforts. Let yourself be heard!
Virgo
VirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month starts off on a more secluded note for you with the New Moon on the 8th. Rest, reflect, and release anything that you don't want to take into your new year with you, Virgo. On the 11th, Mercury enters your sign which will pick up the pace for you. Expect to be a little busier during these next few weeks. A planner will help you stay on top of your many different tasks, social engagements, and responsibilities.
On the 16th, Venus enters Libra to help you establish some balance with how much you're spending and how much you're saving. As my mother always taught me, "Don't forget to pay yourself first."
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde, inviting you to radically break away from beliefs that restrict your sense of individuality and freedom. The Full Moon reveals a blindspot that has been affecting your productivity levels. On the same day, the Sun enters your sign ushering in your birthday season! It's your time to shine! Bask in the admiration and generosity of others. The month wraps up with Mercury entering Libra which has you in the mood to renegotiate some contracts. It's time to raise those rates, honey!
Libra
LibraLaci Jordan for xoNecoleYour friends and social circle are top priority on the New Moon, encouraging you to expand your network and align with more like-minded people. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo which has your dream world more active than usual, Libra. This is a supportive time for uncovering roadblocks within your subconscious so you can receive what you actually want instead of making up excuses for why you don't deserve it right now.
When your ruling planet, Venus, enters your sign on the 16th you are the belle of the ball. Your aura is even more magnetic at this time which has you attracting a lot of attention, opportunities, and fortune.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde to create some powerful change in your internal world. Unlearning some of your conditioned beliefs and behaviors is necessary for the breakthrough and growth you want to experience. The Full Moon on the 22nd is a supportive time to launch a creative project, go on a date, or reconnect with your inner child. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo which can be draining your energy. Rest up for your birthday season and reflect on the lessons of the past year. August wraps up with Mercury transitioning into your sign which can feel a little demanding if you're not well-rested. Don't be afraid to say "no" to invitations for the sake of self-care.
Scorpio
ScorpioLaci Jordan for xoNecole
August kicks off with a New Moon in Leo which is forcing you to make some changes in your line of work. It's time to think bigger and long-term when it comes to your career and your legacy. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo which has you feeling more sociable than usual. Take advantage of this transit and get out to mingle. You never know who you'll meet, Scorpio.
When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, be discerning about who you're welcoming into your inner circle. Everyone may not have the best intentions but that doesn't mean you can't make some genuine connections.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde which is stirring up the winds of change in your partnerships and personal boundaries. If you feel stifled in a connection, it may be time to address it or break free. The Full Moon in Aquarius could have you feeling stretched thin between the demands of family, your significant other, and your career. You can't please everyone so don't stress yourself out. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo, inspiring you to revive your vision for a better future. Creating a detailed strategy can help keep you on track towards achieving your goals. The month ends with Mercury entering Libra inviting you to regain some internal balance after being so externally-focused.
Sagittarius
SagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a New Moon in Leo inviting you to expand your horizons through higher learning, cultural exploration, and travel. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo which could have you feeling a little more critical of yourself. Just keep up the good work and the recognition will come, Sagittarius.
When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, you're feeling the love amongst your friends. They'll be the pick-me-up that you need to remember who the f*ck you are in all of your greatness.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde encouraging you to explore your talents and how they're able to serve others. What you once viewed as a curse may actually be a gift if you can reframe your perspective. The Full Moon on the 22nd liberates you from the shackles of conforming. You were always meant to be a stand out in a crowd of carbon copies. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo which has you reaching beyond your comfort zone in matters of career. Shoot for the Moon and land amongst the stars. The month ends with Mercury entering Libra, supporting you in connecting with the right allies to achieve your long-term goals.
Capricorn
CapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Moon on the 8th invites you to transform your pain through creative expression, Capricorn. Your vulnerabilities need an outlet. Don't feel pressured to share with others. Just do it for the sake of your emotional well-being. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo, making this a good time to go back to school or seek some knowledge through your travels.
When Venus enters Libra, you're feeling the pressure to make some major career moves. Just avoid stepping on people's toes on your way to the top.
When Uranus goes Retrograde on the 19th, you may feel more restless and bored with the day-to-day routine. Your need for excitement and adventure are valid so get creative on ways you can nurture your inner child while still tending to your responsibilities. On the 22nd, the Full Moon releases you from financial troubles with the launch of a new project or job opportunity that comes your way. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo, inviting you to explore the truth within. You're much wiser than you give yourself credit for. The month wraps up with Mercury transitioning into Libra, helping you talk a good game when it comes to contracts and negotiations. Don't sell yourself short, boo!
Aquarius
AquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecoleYour partnerships are the focus on the New Moon inviting you to (re)establish your boundaries and negotiate new (or existing) contracts. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo, making this a good time to get out of your head with all of the overanalyzing and talk it out with your therapist instead. When Venus enters Libra, you're ready to pack your bags for your next excursion. Where to next, Aquarius?
On the 19th, your ruling planet, Uranus, goes Retrograde to invoke radical transformation to your idea of home and family. We can't choose the family we're born into but we can choose connections that nurture our authenticity.
The Full Moon on the 22nd liberates you from feeling the black sheep. Honor the eccentricities that make you the unique badass that you are. The right people will come. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo which could be supportive for new financial alliances. The month ends with Mercury entering Libra, making this a good time to study, research, and write about all of those ramblings in your mind. You never know how sharing your perspective can change someone's life.
Pisces
PiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecoleThe New Moon on the 8th invites you to get a better grasp on your daily routines if you've been lost in the astral realm somewhere kicking it with the ascended masters. Come back down to earth, Pisces. You've got work to do. On the 11th, Mercury enters Virgo, making this a good time to renegotiate contracts and establish some clear boundaries in your relationships.
When Venus enters Libra on the 16th, it's time to get serious about paying off any outstanding debts. The less you owe, the more your finances can grow.
On the 19th, Uranus goes Retrograde which has you revamping your communication style. What strategies can you conjure up to connect with your audience more consistently and effectively? The Full Moon on the 22nd confirms that you do, in fact, have a hater in your midst. Your authenticity triggers those that aren't brave enough to be themselves and that is not your problem. They need to grow some self-esteem before they step into the presence of a goddess. On the same day, the Sun enters Virgo, which has you focused on aligning with powerful allies. The month wraps up with Mercury entering Libra, helping you regain balance between your heart and mind.
Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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