February invites us to restore our hope for a better future for all of Earth's inhabitants. Over the weeks to come, your unique mission becomes all the more clear as well as the people you'll need to help you accomplish your vision. Even though the Rona has restricted the way we connect with others, we're being challenged to find innovative ways to maintain a sense of community and connection. Check out the horoscopes to see what's in store for your zodiac sign in the month ahead!
AriesAriesLaci Jordan for xoNecole
The month kicks off with Venus moving into Aquarius which has you wanting to spend some quality time with your friends. The New Moon on the 11th is a supportive time for collaborating with like-minded folks that are equally as passionate as changing the world for the better, just as you are. Be mindful of your triggers around the 17th, particularly when it comes to outdated patterns of relating to others. You're naturally competitive which can sometimes rear its ugly head in your relationships. There's enough room for everyone to shine.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, you're invited to lay low in preparation for your birthday season. Once Mercury goes direct on the 20th, you're crystal clear about who is #TeamAries and who isn't. On the 25th, Venus enters Pisces, encouraging you to unplug from the chaos of the world to reconnect with Spirit to receive instructions for your steps in this next year around the Sun. You're making a big impact through your social media presence when Jupiter trines the North Node. Consider how you want to influence people that look up to you. February wraps up with a Full Moon helping you resolve bad habits that interfere with the lifestyle you want to experience.
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February is a busy month for you particularly surrounding your career development. With Venus and the New Moon in this part of your chart, you're encouraged to think beyond your material desires. How can you be of service to others through the work that you do? You have the ability to influence others in a major way so make sure you lead with integrity instead of force. Tensions may be high around the 17th as you try to find a middle ground between working your ass off and finding some time for you. Rome wasn't built overnight so take a break to avoid burnout. The Sun shifts into Pisces on the 18th, lighting up your social life. Make the extra effort to connect with others whether that be through social media or planning a girls' night.
On the 20th, Mercury goes direct, helping you clear up any miscommunications with an authority figure. If you've been wanting to talk about a promotion, the weeks ahead are more supportive of your efforts. When Venus shifts into Pisces, you're encouraged to dream a little more. What does your "Heaven on Earth" look like? It's time to invest in your talents when Jupiter meets up with the North Node. A possible shift in career is likely if you're out of alignment with your destiny. The month ends with a Full Moon encouraging you to explore a creative outlet to restore your peace of mind.
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The month ahead invites you to expand beyond your comfort zone with Venus transiting through Aquarius. When the planet of love meets up with the New Moon on the 11th, you're ready to commit to a path that will elevate your mind and spirit, making this a good time to go back to school, sign up for that workshop, or read up on a topic of interest. When Saturn squares Uranus on the 17th, be mindful of how others impose their truth upon you. As free-spirited as you are, you must learn to trust your path. There is no guru outside of you. When the Sun shifts into Pisces, do your best to stay grounded when it comes to your career goals. You've got some lofty goals. A little strategy and a whole lot of discipline will take you far.
Your ruling planet goes direct on the 20th, helping you move stuck travel plans forward. If you've been waiting on that visa or passport, it's on the way sooner than you think. On the 25th, Venus shifts into Pisces to miraculously clear up any stuck energy related to your career progression. Your faith is necessary in receiving creative solutions for any challenges you're facing. A much-needed shift in your life path could be up for review when Jupiter meets up with the North Node. By the end of the month, matters of home and family take precedence. Give yourself a chance to recharge so you can be more productive with your work.
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The beginning of the month is a bit more introspective for you as you sift through rigid thought patterns that are stifling your growth. When Venus and the New Moon meet up in Aquarius, there's a deep desire for freedom to express yourself uninhibitedly. It's time to come out of your shell, babe. Be mindful of inner conflict that you're feeling around the 17th. You've got some big dreams in mind but your inner critic may be louder than your faith. Try not to feed into any self-deprecating thoughts and get into your affirmations to create a more empowering narrative that will help you align with your goals. When the Sun shifts into Pisces, you may find it difficult to stay focused as you daydream about your next vacay.
Mercury Retrograde wraps up on the 20th, making it a good time to start planning for that international getaway. If you've recently applied for a loan or grant, you'll likely receive news about an approval in the weeks to come. On the 25th, Venus enters Pisces, inviting you to merge with the Divine. Spend time meditating, read your favorite spiritual books, or attend a workshop for developing your intuitive gifts. When Jupiter and the North Node meet up on the 26th, you are deeply tuned into your Higher Power which may provide you with instructions for you next steps through your dreams. The Full Moon at the end of the month invites you to get organized. You can't put off your to-do list any longer. Create a reward system for yourself to motivate you to follow through with your responsibilities.
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Boundaries are your best friend this month. When Venus enters Aquarius, you're ready to get serious when it comes to matters of love. Get clear about your expectations and your vision so you don't waste time on someone who is all talk but no action. The New Moon on the 11th could have you starting a new business partnership. Triple check the terms of agreement since we're still navigating Mercury Retrograde. Frustrations may be at a high when Saturn squares Uranus on the 17th. If someone in the workplace has been a little too pushy with you, calmly assert yourself or step away from the situation to give yourself some breathing room.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, it's time to get real about some emotional hang-ups that you've been avoiding. On the 20th, Mercury goes direct, granting you clarity on the direction that a commitment is going in. You'll have a chance to take this connection deeper when Venus shifts into Pisces on the 25th. If you desire more intimacy, you have to be willing to show someone all of you—not just the pretty, shiny parts that the world adores you for. A game-changing collaboration starts coming together around the 25th, helping you move closer towards your dreams and the end of the month affirms that when you let go of your insecurities, anything is possible.
VirgoVirgoLaci Jordan for xoNecole
The beginning of the month invites you to get your practical affairs in order. Life has been hectic but try not to forget that self-care is just as integral to your routine as handling your tasks at work. The New Moon on the 11th is the perfect time to create a new routine that reflects a better work-life balance. You may be feeling restless around the 17th if you've been drowning in responsibility. If you're not able to take a vacay at the moment, create a vision board on Pinterest to kickstart the manifestation process.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, your relationships take center stage. Reassess the balance of give and take in your partnerships and contractual agreements. On the 20th, Mercury finally goes direct, clearing up any confusion and disorganization in your life. When Venus shifts into Pisces on the 25th, it's important that you're seeing your relationships clearly and not just projecting your fantasy onto other people. You may find yourself making some changes in your career when Jupiter and the North Node meet up. Keep in mind that the work that you're doing now is simply a stepping stone to where you want to be. The month wraps up with a Full Moon in your sign, encouraging you to retire the martyrdom act and finally put yourself first.
LibraLibraLaci Jordan for xoNecole
The beginning of the month invites you to explore you to put your to-do list to the side to nurture your inner child. With Venus transiting through Aquarius, you're encouraged to explore your creativity. The New Moon on the 11th is a good time for starting a new hobby or project. When it comes to matters of love, you're looking to partner up with someone that you can make a difference in the world with. On the 17th, be mindful of how your fears stifle your creative expression. In more simple terms, stop overthinking it and allow the flow of inspiration to be channeled through you.
The Sun shifts into Pisces on the 18th, bringing your focus to your health and routines. Try to work in a little exercise routine while you binge watch your fave Netflix series. Once Mercury goes direct, you're more clear on where a casual relationship is headed. When Venus enters Pisces, you'll be challenged to stick to those lifestyle changes you're making. Aligning yourself with someone who shares a similar approach to life will keep you on track with your fitness goals. When Jupiter trines the North Node, your spirit is calling you to level up by embracing a leadership role. The Full Moon helps clear out past life energy that inhibits you from believing in your skills and abilities. Get into those affirmations to boost your confidence!
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The first part of February invites you to tend to matters of family and home with Venus transiting through Aquarius. The New Moon on the 11th could have you considering your next move. Be mindful of signing a new lease or closing on a house until Mercury goes direct later this month. If you're on a tight deadline, triple check the terms of agreement. When Saturn squares off with Uranus, it could result in some tension in your living environment. A desire for freedom may clash with existing obligations whether it be your job or relationship.
When the Sun enters Pisces, exploring your creative side may be the break that you need from the monotony of your routine. On the 20th, Mercury goes direct, giving you the green light to renovate, relocate, or invest in property. The planet of love enters Pisces on the 25th, sweeping you right off your feet. Surrender to the magic of romance without getting caught up in the long-term. Around the 25th, you'll need to be flexible, particularly regarding shared resources with a partner. The two of you have the ability to be successful in whatever venture you set your sights on but it will require compromise. The month wraps up with a Full Moon reminding you just how important you are to your tribe.
SagittariusSagittariusLaci Jordan for xoNecole
February kicks off with you focused on the mundane tasks on your to-do list. With Mercury Retrograde in this part of your chart, you may find yourself revisiting some unfinished business. When Venus and the New Moon meet up in this part of your chart, you're curious about a new topic of interest, making this a good time to take a course, buy some books, or do some research online. You may be conflicted around the 17th when Saturn squares off with Uranus. Life has gotten extremely busy lately, making it important for you sustain your work-life balance.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, your focus is on family, home, and emotional security. This is a more sensitive time for you. Surround yourself with nurturing people and do your part in taking care of your beautiful heart. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, helping you get more clear about a message that you need to communicate to someone that has you fixated. On the 25th, Venus joins the Sun, inviting you to spend a little more time at home to rest and recharge. A relationship matter changes for the better when Jupiter trines the North Node. Miraculous turnarounds and breakthroughs reflect the fated nature of this connection. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon, offering you a chance to step into the limelight. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready!
CapricornCapricornLaci Jordan for xoNecole
Money matters are your priority in the beginning of the month but what's new with the boss b*tch of the zodiac? When Venus meets up with the New Moon on the 11th, be mindful of emotional spending. Put yourself on a strict budget to stay on track with your financial goals. A new opportunity could present itself around this time but keep in mind that Mercury is still retrograde. If you must accept this offer, triple check the contractual agreement before making a commitment. If you're feeling frustrated around the 17th, that's just your inner child throwing a tantrum. You can only work so much. Gift yourself the freedom of doing something just for fun.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces, handling your daily obligations is a little more difficult. Create a reward system for handling your business so you can stay focused. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, giving you the green light for a new job opportunity. On the 25th, Venus enters Pisces which has you feeling super romantic. Write some poetry or jam out to your favorite ballads to channel your feels. A change in your lifestyle or work is likely due to an "aha" moment you're having on the 26th. The month comes to a close with a Full Moon encouraging you to take a leap of faith to bring about the change you desire.
AquariusAquariusLaci Jordan for xoNecole
All eyes are on you with Venus transiting through your sign. The New Moon on the 11th invites you to plant the seeds for what you'd like to accomplish in the year ahead as you establish a new set of rules for how you want to live your life. On the 17th, Saturn squares off with Uranus which could have you feeling pulled between your needs and those of your family. When it comes down to it, choosing yourself is what's best for everyone involved. A growing need to create an identity separate from your family can no longer be ignored.
On the 18th, the Sun shifts into Pisces, bringing your focus to money, material assets, and your values. Miraculous financial breakthroughs are possible as well as deep healing related to self-esteem issues. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, lifting the fog of confusion and clearing your path of any delays. When Venus shifts into Pisces, be mindful of emotional spending habits. Although you're tapped into the abundance of the Universe, try not to abuse your power by being superficial. On the 26th, you're ready to tap into your creative potential. Stop over-identifying with the old you to embrace the upgraded version that wants to express itself. The month winds down with a Full Moon, helping you settle imbalances with your finances and within your closest relationships.
PiscesPiscesLaci Jordan for xoNecole
The beginning of the month is more introspective for you with Venus transiting through Aquarius. As introverted as you already are, there will be an increased desire for privacy as you reconnect with your Higher Power for some spiritual medicine. The New Moon serves as a catalyst for phasing out old cycles and habits that you've been stuck in for quite some time (maybe even for lifetimes). Clear out your karma so you can enter into your new solar year light as a feather. If you're feeling overwhelmed around the 17th, schedule a little time in your day to do what you do best—daydream. You're not the biggest fan on the mundane tasks so it's important that you cultivate a little magic in your life on a daily basis.
When the Sun shifts into Pisces on the 18th, all eyes are on you in celebration of your birthday season. Your vitality is at its peak during this time of year so make the most of it. Mercury finally goes direct on the 20th, helping you make sense out of all of the spiritual downloads you've been receiving over the past few weeks. On the 25th, Venus shifts into your sign and the blessings are pouring in. This is also a supportive time for revamping your appearance to match the new and improved you. Your ancestors are surrounding you closer than ever when Jupiter trines the North Node. You can't hold back anymore. Your destiny is calling. The month closes with a Full Moon encouraging you to compromise within a significant partnership or choose to amicably part ways.
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In xoNecole's series Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
Annisa LiMara has called this space her home for two years. Her Atlanta sanctuary, which she aimed to give the look and feel of something you'd see in the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, embodies her vision of "stunning, yet functional and cozy."
"My home is a reflection of my brand, The Creative Peach Studios, and I am the 'Creative Peach,'" Annisa explains. "It was so easy to reflect who I am and my personal story in my space. When you walk into my home, you know that it is Annisa’s home. I’m so proud of that. So grateful."
On the journey to becoming a homeowner, Annisa looks back on her experience as a "rough one," detailing that she officially started house hunting in March 2020. It had become so expensive to rent, and the 30-something lifestyle influencer decided she would rather invest the money she spent renting into owning a home. However, nine days into house hunting, her search was put on hold for a year. The following year, in 2021, the process of finding the right home and going under contract took a total of four months.
"The resell route didn’t work out, so my realtor suggested a new construction home, which turned out to be the better option," she tells xoNecole of her experience. "Although it requires more patience, it turned out to be a much easier process and a lot easier to maintain since it’s brand new."
As it turns out, the open floor plan three-bedroom two-and-half-bath would prove to be a blank canvas for Annisa to flex her creativity and design skills.
As a new construction, she watched the townhome get built from the ground up, and due to the "cookie-cutter" nature of new builds, Annisa knew immediately that she would change everything about it. The best part about it? All of her updates were cosmetic, so transformation could occur without having to do major renovations to achieve the look and feel she desired.
"The first things I updated were all the lighting, adding built-ins around my fireplace, and installing wallpaper in my bedroom, office, and dining room! I also had board and batten installed in the upstairs loft to make a statement and the kitchen island," Annisa details.
"Lastly, we painted the loft a soft blush pink, the kitchen island is a gorgeous terracotta, and added contrast with black on the doors, fireplace, and stairwell banisters."
In total, she spent $15K in renovations (plus the cost of furniture and decor). And although she says the second level of her home is a "work-in-progress," two years in, she considers the transformation nearly done.
Annisa defines her decor style as "organic modern meets midcentury modern with a touch of boho," and with thoughtfully placed touches like plants, warm tones, and organic textures, her perspective can be felt throughout. "I found my point of view as a designer in my work and as I worked on my home, so it all came together organically based on what I was naturally drawn to."
"The organic modern meets midcentury modern with a touch of boho' is definitely my signature style. You’ll always see greenery, warm tones, brass, and rattan or wicker in just about every room. My color story is based on my brand [The Creative Peach Studios] colors: blush pink, ivory, olive and sage green, terracotta, and nudes," she adds.
It was her brand colors that would be the jumping-off point for her approach to decorating and styling her space. That, and a picture she had of what would become her sofa from Albany Park. She recalled her decor decisions, "It was their olive Park Sectional Sofa, and I knew instantly I wanted it, and it aligned with my brand colors naturally, so it was a no-brainer."
By drawing inspiration from Pinterest, favorite design brands like CB2, Arhaus, and Souk Bohemian, and through her work, Annisa allowed herself to be guided by her signature style as well as her instincts when making decor and color choices for her own home. "Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason; it just feels right."
Some of the aspects of her home that she regards as her favorites include her bedroom and its little nook where her bed is positioned, the open upstairs loft, and the open concept because "it really allows you to see all of the details I put into the design all at once." Another of her favorite finds is a purchase she copped from the thrift store years ago.
"I have this little brown and gold chair that I picked up for $6 at a thrift store in Jersey six years ago. I couldn’t afford much in my little studio, but the chair was beautiful and unlike anything I had ever seen."
In addition to accent walls featuring blush pink and terracotta tones throughout the space, her gallery wall is another element that immediately draws the eye of any guest who enters. Annisa recalled a fond memory of a fine art piece she purchased from a Black woman artist when she first moved to Atlanta that she now prominently features in her living room. "It was a Black villager from her travels in Africa, and I fell in love with it because it felt like an ancestor I never met. I later found out that she was the sister of one of my very first design clients two years later," she shares. "Talk about a full-circle moment!"
Cultivating a space takes time and patience, and that is a sentiment Annisa echoes when advising people who are looking to infuse more of themselves into their own dope abodes through design. "It is not a race, and you’ll spend more money if you rush into designing without really being intentional about the vision for your space," Annisa concludes. "You just need creativity and patience to do it! And most of all, make sure you feel like it’s an oasis for you!"
For more of Annisa, follow her on Instagram @annisalimara.
Tour Interior Designer Annisa LiMara's Modern Meets Midcentury ATL Home | Dope Abodes
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Embarking on a celibacy journey was a plot twist in my life that I never saw coming.
Sex was my comfort zone and that fact was something I didn’t come to terms with until my late twenties when I met a man who in a lot of ways allowed me to embody the fullness of myself fearlessly in ways I might have not realized at the time. I spent many years before that over-identifying with my sexual side because it was the part of me that I met with the least resistance and the part of me the people outside of me welcomed with open arms so I leaned into it. That coupled with my emotional unavailability at the time, made for an ease and a lack of emotional risk that allowed me to connect with others without getting in too deep.
I know now that it was why I felt comfortable talking openly about sex, be it to strangers, be it in situationships and no-strings-attached flings, be it on this very platform. While that’s not to say that my sexuality isn’t mine, it is to say there was an unhealthy element attached to it because of the way I didn’t realize I was using it at the time. In a strange way, I was using it as a shield.
I was masquerading as this evolved, fully healed version of myself with a healthy relationship with sex and my sexuality but in reality, I was lost and scared of being hurt so badly sometimes that I led with sex as a way to avoid true intimacy and being vulnerable. These are all things that I unpacked and discovered about myself last year during my shadow work sessions with my shadow work guide, Jordan Jeppe.
In her course offerings, Jeppe guides you through celibacy as a tool for deeper self-love. With reports of millennials and Gen-Zers engaging in less sex than previous generations, and even articles from our platform like, "More Women Are Taking The 'Girlfriend' Title & Exclusivity Off The Table In Dating — Here's Why," it's clear we are experiencing shifts in the romantic landscape for one reason or another where more focus is being placed on self.
Although my own celibacy journey is more seasonal and sporadic than year-round, I fell in love with unlocking a deeper understanding of myself and being able to start the work of confronting parts of myself that I otherwise may have not been honest about. I was met with the pain of my patterns but also the freedom that comes with allowing myself to be really seen. Celibacy for me was a vessel for healing, for self-love, but also for self-development.
Viewing celibacy as a tool to deepen that journey into self doesn't just point to society's increasing desire to opt out of hookup culture, but the collective desire to opt into choices that reflect wholeness versus lack. For more insight on how to use your season of sexlessness for better self-love, creating rules on your celibacy journey, and tips on how to discuss being celibate, Jordan Jeppe acts as our guide.
Elevating Self-Love on Your Celibacy Journey
The intentional reframing of self-love as a throughline in her celibacy course was a component Jeppe felt was necessary because of her own experiences of attracting partners who ultimately acted as a mirror of her lack of self-love at the time.
She explained, "When you love yourself, you don't settle in relationships that are half-assed, or just meet the bare minimum." Adding that when "You know you are worthy of more, you don't put yourself in situations to be treated poorly, over and over and over again, because you have the confidence and the self-worth to know that you don't deserve that."
A lot of us are led to forget ourselves because we are taught at a young age to believe our worthiness can be found in others. Our tendency to self-sacrifice leads us to prioritize others before ourselves and struggle to feel worthy outside of our doing for others. Jeppe assures that this conditioning takes away our power. "What we start doing is we start looking for people to complete us and we don’t think that we are worthy of being whole on our own."
For her, self-love and celibacy going hand in hand is necessary in order "to step into what we feel worthy of, and what we know that we want and where what we need to feel seen and heard and supported by another person."
Setting Boundaries on Your Celibacy Journey
Jeppe encourages those embarking on a celibacy journey to implement a set of rules to help them stay on track and act in alignment with their goals and intentions for being celibate. Needless to say, the earliest stages of the journey are a person's most vulnerable so cutting communication with temptation is essential. "No communication with exes, flings, or situationships" is the baseline. She adds, "No communication is important because that's a practice of setting a boundary, the practice of showing yourself that you are worthy. And it also cuts out temptation."
Being honest with yourself about your relationship with self-pleasure is also a must. "I think it's important to understand your relationship to self-pleasure, and what you get from it, whether it's serving you as a distraction, or to not feel things on a deeper level," she says. "If your program of pleasing yourself is to escape an uncomfortable emotion or to not think about what’s coming up, because as you know, a lot comes up in your celibacy journey, it’s understanding there might need to be a rule set there."
A rule like this could look like removing self-pleasure from your celibacy journey for at least eight weeks so you're not avoiding the work of addressing shadows or using it as an escape. Self-pleasure can be a very empowering tool on your journey. Ensure you use it wisely.
In line with that is Jeppe's hard no to dating at the beginning stages of being celibate, for at least five weeks. Her course is structured that way, where you spend the first few weeks getting clear on your shadows, honing in on your tendency to people please, be emotionally unavailable, or be codependent. Whether you are enrolled in her course or not, saying no to dating in the early stages of your sexless season allows for intentional time and focus spent on self.
After those suggested five weeks or whatever timeline you feel works best for you, you can open yourself up to what dating while celibate can look like. Jeppe supports dating during celibacy "because that’s how you take what you are learning and you practice it and that is necessary because you cannot have change without having awareness and action."
The beautiful thing about creating rules for your celibacy journey is that it's your journey, so your rules can be molded to adhere to your values, your relationships, or any number of things that factor into your guideline needs. There are different strokes for different folks and her baseline for effective celibacy guidelines might look different from yours. To start your own set of celibacy rules, Jeppe advises looking at past relationships not necessarily at your failures, but the things about the relationship(s) that didn't work well for you.
"If you are someone that really resisted saying no to a past partner, had murky boundaries, or just didn’t feel comfortable communicating what was going on for you, that’s going to be a red flag of your own boundary-setting," she explains.
"Before you begin celibacy, you have to be brutally honest with yourself. What wasn’t working in your past that almost hindered you, from your growth into your success? And looking at those things and making those things your rules. It could also be, you know, poor sexual boundaries. Again, that self-pleasure aspect, the no dating [rule]. [If you] catch yourself on dating apps all the time, swiping to swipe, getting hits of validation, [tell yourself] no dating apps."
Dating with Purpose: When and How to Tell Someone You're Dating You're Celibate
When to tell someone you're dating that you're celibate is a common question for people who choose to date while they're celibate. "I usually recommend doing it [on the] first or second date because you don't want to lead anyone on. You also don't want to lead yourself on. And, if you are committed through the timeline of celibacy, then this is just how you set yourself up for success," Jeppe explains. "Remember those guidelines. That looks like being honest."
Jeppe adds that you should try telling the person you're dating that you're celibate in person. An example of what that looks like can be as simple as:
“Hey, I like where this is going. I am enjoying how I am feeling with you. I want to let you know before things progress that I am celibate and that I am committed to my journey. If this is something that you would like to know more about, I am willing to share that with you. If this is not aligned with you, then that’s okay. I wish you well and it was lovely getting to know you.”
With the script above, Jeppe notes that by approaching the admittance this way, your self-worth is saying, "'I love myself enough to say and express understanding my values of what I want and what I am experiencing and how the other person reacts has nothing to do with me."
You can also opt to explicitly say, "I am celibate." In either instance, Jeppe says to "pay attention to how the other person responds. Do they support you or do they try to gaslight you? Or say, 'Oh, why would you do that?' Or, 'What are you actually getting from that?' Or try to talk you out of it? Red flags."
But, What if You ‘Break’ Your Celibacy and Regret It?
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As with anything, you might make an attempt to try something new, make a misstep, and fall. But falling doesn't mean failure. Breaking your celibacy is no different, and having feelings of regret or shame often come with it. "I broke my celibacy for a one-night stand five months in [my journey]," Jeppe recalls. "I am someone that has been there and I have also [gone] through the shame and the guilt that you put on yourself after doing it, and I have felt those feelings." She adds, "Now how I see breaking your celibacy is an opportunity."
If you have broken your celibacy streak recently and are experiencing those inevitable feelings of guilt, Jeppe wants you to remember how you choose to see breaking your celibacy is up to you. Jeppe believes it is an opportunity to understand what you were attracted to in that person and what that says about you. There was a reason you put yourself in that situation and Jeppe says it is a brave act of courage to take accountability in that way. Ask yourself, "What was I attracted to in that person? How did that person make me feel? When have I been allowing myself to feel that with myself?"
"Oftentimes, the reason why we break our celibacy is because the ego will come up. If you don't do the ego work, the ego's like, 'I deserve it, I was just feeling it, it felt really good.' And you are not paying attention to all that other red flags going on, right? Your ego is saying, 'I deserve it, I just spent 10 weeks celibate.' If you can’t recognize that the ego is showing up in those scenarios, then there’s an opportunity for you to understand, 'Oh, what was my ego actually wanting?' Because it’s usually rooted in some source of validation."
Jeppe says that if you break your celibacy, that’s okay. Allow yourself to release the shame and look for growth. In removing the shame you are owning your decisions even if it's a choice you wish you didn't make. How can you give yourself permission to grow beyond and choose differently in the future versus allowing the moment to define you?
"We are so rooted in shame. Everything we do is the part of shame," Jeppe shares. "Women being in pleasure have already [been] shamed enough. We don’t need to shame ourselves. We just need to understand what it was that we were attracted to, and why we did it." And then, let it go and begin again.
Beware of the Celibacy Crutch
Similar to the way sexual liberation acted as a shield for me to avoid vulnerability, for some, vulnerability can also be avoided underneath the veil of celibacy. "There's a flip side of celibacy, that it's almost as a crutch, that it's like, 'Oh, I am so good in my own energy and my own power that I don't even want to bring anyone in,'" Jeppe starts. While she applauds people standing in their power, she questions whether being so "good" alone is a defense that manifests out of fear.
To truly heal, you must also be able to allow others into the journey and experience of you. Dating can be a self-development tool. In fact, Jeppe often encourages the women she works with to start dating as a form of that practice. "How else are you going to practice your boundary setting? How else are you going to be triggered? Because I am sorry, that’s what’s going to happen," she says. "So, how can you see dating as a continuation of your self-development? And when you see it that way, you are also allowing yourself to go deeper in your own journey."
When to Stop Being Celibate
Your celibacy journey is created by your timeline. It could be years, or it could be six months or less. The ending point is specific to the person and is contingent upon how the person on the journey is feeling with their goals and intentions. When it comes to knowing when to stop being celibate, Jeppe describes it as an innate inner knowing of, "'I have done a lot of work on myself. I am feeling confident. And I am ready to put what I have learned up to the test.'" She also notes signs like no longer having bitterness towards the ex and "receiving and practicing your own form of validation" are how you know that you are ready to end celibacy towards the end.
The way you navigate your world looks like really allowing yourself to be seen "and allowing this new version of you to be appreciated," whether that be in the forms of your relationships, friendships, or your career. In that way, you are no longer seeking outside of yourself to validate yourself, you have already established that for yourself.
In a sense, your celibacy journey might not "stop" as it is intentional time that you spend with self and it occurs that way until it doesn't anymore, to resume when you need to begin again. Dating might indicate you're nearing the end of it, yes, but in another sense, the journey is always evolving. "The work that you are doing on yourself, you will continue evolving and growing when you meet other people, and they are going to reflect back aspects of yourself and you are gonna be like, 'Holy shit, I thought I worked on that through celibacy.' And it’s gonna show up and if it shows up, it’s okay, because now you have the tools compared to when you didn’t."
"I think it’s a lot of perception shifting, not seeing the end of celibacy having to be like the manifestation of your partner, while it can be, that’s also what has happened for me, but I would never sell it like that because I don’t want to give this false hope. What it is, is you continuing that journey of understanding what you need and what you want," Jeppe concludes.
"And so it’s like, 'Wow, what a beautiful next chapter to begin exploring yourself again.'"
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