
What It Means To Take Responsibility For The Chaos You Create In Your Life

Everyone has that one friend that just can't seem to catch a break.
Financially, she's always broke or can't keep a job. Romantically, she keeps attracting the same subpar men resulting in old patterns that do not work themselves out. Emotionally, she's a mess and seems to enjoy indulging in her misery. Or maybe it's a combination of all three. Bottom line: if it's not one thing, it's another.
To be honest, we all have been "that friend" at some point in our lives. For some of us, you are "that friend" right now in this very moment.
Although some things are truly out of our control, it is important to take a good look at the chaos we cause in our own lives. As much as we would like to believe things are totally unmanageable, most of our outcomes are directly related to the decisions we make everyday. Bad seasons can be tough to get through, but by taking note of our daily thoughts, examining our truths, and setting goals, we can liberate ourselves from a messy life.
No More Negative Self-Talk
Everyone needs a little kick in the butt sometimes to get motivated, but excessive self-criticism can potentially do the opposite. Words are powerful. Words shape our society. They give definition to people, places, and things, and, on a personal level, mold our perceptions. When we continuously speak or think negatively about ourselves and our environment, we give shape to a dark world.
Have you ever went to dinner with a friend that complained about everything? How were you feeling after the dinner was over? Weary maybe? If we feel burned out after having one dinner with our complainer friend, just imagine what we are doing to our minds with our own 24-hour negative self-talk. If all of our beliefs are viewed under a negative lens, we are less likely to feel motivated.
By shaping a more positive outlook on our lives, our bodies, and our relationships, we are more likely to operate from a place of love and well being.
There are several ways to address our negative self-talk. We should always view the glass as "half full" and be intentionally optimistic. When thinking about our problems, we should always try to find something good, beautiful, or something to be grateful for. Pick the problem apart and keep repeating that one thing to be grateful for. The more we repeat it, the smaller our problem becomes, and the easier it is to tackle.
Be still. Sometimes we need the opportunity to reset our minds to address our issues and avoid negative self-talk. Our thoughts and emotions play off of each other. Being still can mean meditating or redirecting our thoughts to something actionable. By being impulsive, we run the risk of digging ourselves into a deeper hole. Our emotions tend to heighten the obstacles we face. If we are patient and take time to get passed our initial emotions, we will be able to go into decision-making with a clear mind. Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Related: How 30 Days Of Positive Speaking Changed My Life
Be Honest with Yourself
Being brutally honest with ourselves can be challenging. Sometimes we don't want to look in the mirror and take ownership of our chaos. We play the blame game because it gives us an excuse and a crutch. It can be painful to look at our circumstances and take responsibility for our mess, but we have to be accountable for our own decisions. No one is responsible for our wellbeing but us.
If we continue to wait for someone else to own up to their mistakes, put us on, or do the work for us we will never be able to repair our chaotic lives.
Many people settle for mediocrity. They say, "that's just who I am" instead of being honest about their mess and making an effort to evolve. A good way to start the process of being honest with ourselves is to create a list of life grievances. This can include relationships we want to repair, financial resolutions, and even habits we want to quit. Next to our grievance list we should write a list of what we can do today, right now. If we think too far in the future, we will get overwhelmed. Only think about today. What can we do today as the first step to addressing our issues? Revisit the list everyday. The only way to begin is with honesty.
Self-Discipline Is Self-Love
Will Smith recently taught us on Instagram, "Self-discipline is self-love." Sometimes we can find ourselves in problematic situations because we lack the motivation, we aren't willing to make sacrifices, or we are just plain lazy. We are undeniably an instant results-focused society.
The reality is long-term hard work is what yields greatness.
We have to put in the work to look great, feel great, have money, love our careers, and find love. We also have to realize that we may have to kiss a few frogs and hear a few "no's" in the process. Nothing happens overnight. When we decide to be unmoved and we refuse to quit, we are telling ourselves that we are worth it.
Pulling ourselves out of chaos is not impossible. A little self-love and discipline can take us a long way. If we stop complaining about the things we dislike about our lives, and start putting action plans together and embracing the things that we do, we can build the confidence to move forward and build a happier and healthier lifestyle.
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Roscoe Dash joined xoMan host Kiara Walker to share the journey of his personal and spiritual evolution—from the party anthems that made him famous to a deeper life rooted in faith, family, and purpose. This episode offers an honest look at how the artist has grown beyond early fame, addressing fatherhood, masculinity, creativity, and healing.
Dash opened up about the internal transformation that has guided him away from chasing the spotlight and toward seeking peace. “Faith and fear can’t occupy the same space,” he said, underscoring his shift toward a more spiritually grounded life. Throughout the interview, he emphasized the importance of self-reflection:
“The most important conversations to me, honestly, outside of the ones you have with God, is the ones you have with yourself in the mirror.”
Dash is focused on the man he’s become. “I’m not the accolades I’ve achieved—I’m the person who achieved them,” he added, pointing to a broader understanding of identity and worth. A large part of that growth has come through fatherhood, especially raising daughters, which he said has deepened his understanding of love. “Love is unconditional and love loves to love no matter what,” he shared.
He also spoke candidly about the pressures of fame and its impact on creativity. “Chasing fame can kill your creativity as a musician,” he warns. Instead, his advice to other artists is simple but clear: “Keep your focus on your art form, whatever that may be, and stay passionate.”
The conversation also touches on gender dynamics and emotional safety in relationships. “Safe men make soft women. If she feels safe, she’ll melt like butter,” he said, challenging traditional notions of masculinity. Roscoe also offers wisdom on discernment and spiritual testing: “Sometimes the devil will give you what looks better than your blessing.”
Ultimately, Dash has learned to embrace peace over chaos. “All I can do is control what I can control. And that's how I respond to things and what I'm giving out,” he said. It’s a thoughtful, soulful side of Roscoe Dash that many may not expect—but one that leaves a lasting impression.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
Courtesy
This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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