What It Means To Take Responsibility For The Chaos You Create In Your Life
Everyone has that one friend that just can't seem to catch a break.
Financially, she's always broke or can't keep a job. Romantically, she keeps attracting the same subpar men resulting in old patterns that do not work themselves out. Emotionally, she's a mess and seems to enjoy indulging in her misery. Or maybe it's a combination of all three. Bottom line: if it's not one thing, it's another.
To be honest, we all have been "that friend" at some point in our lives. For some of us, you are "that friend" right now in this very moment.
Although some things are truly out of our control, it is important to take a good look at the chaos we cause in our own lives. As much as we would like to believe things are totally unmanageable, most of our outcomes are directly related to the decisions we make everyday. Bad seasons can be tough to get through, but by taking note of our daily thoughts, examining our truths, and setting goals, we can liberate ourselves from a messy life.
No More Negative Self-Talk
Everyone needs a little kick in the butt sometimes to get motivated, but excessive self-criticism can potentially do the opposite. Words are powerful. Words shape our society. They give definition to people, places, and things, and, on a personal level, mold our perceptions. When we continuously speak or think negatively about ourselves and our environment, we give shape to a dark world.
Have you ever went to dinner with a friend that complained about everything? How were you feeling after the dinner was over? Weary maybe? If we feel burned out after having one dinner with our complainer friend, just imagine what we are doing to our minds with our own 24-hour negative self-talk. If all of our beliefs are viewed under a negative lens, we are less likely to feel motivated.
By shaping a more positive outlook on our lives, our bodies, and our relationships, we are more likely to operate from a place of love and well being.
There are several ways to address our negative self-talk. We should always view the glass as "half full" and be intentionally optimistic. When thinking about our problems, we should always try to find something good, beautiful, or something to be grateful for. Pick the problem apart and keep repeating that one thing to be grateful for. The more we repeat it, the smaller our problem becomes, and the easier it is to tackle.
Be still. Sometimes we need the opportunity to reset our minds to address our issues and avoid negative self-talk. Our thoughts and emotions play off of each other. Being still can mean meditating or redirecting our thoughts to something actionable. By being impulsive, we run the risk of digging ourselves into a deeper hole. Our emotions tend to heighten the obstacles we face. If we are patient and take time to get passed our initial emotions, we will be able to go into decision-making with a clear mind. Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Related: How 30 Days Of Positive Speaking Changed My Life
Be Honest with Yourself
Being brutally honest with ourselves can be challenging. Sometimes we don't want to look in the mirror and take ownership of our chaos. We play the blame game because it gives us an excuse and a crutch. It can be painful to look at our circumstances and take responsibility for our mess, but we have to be accountable for our own decisions. No one is responsible for our wellbeing but us.
If we continue to wait for someone else to own up to their mistakes, put us on, or do the work for us we will never be able to repair our chaotic lives.
Many people settle for mediocrity. They say, "that's just who I am" instead of being honest about their mess and making an effort to evolve. A good way to start the process of being honest with ourselves is to create a list of life grievances. This can include relationships we want to repair, financial resolutions, and even habits we want to quit. Next to our grievance list we should write a list of what we can do today, right now. If we think too far in the future, we will get overwhelmed. Only think about today. What can we do today as the first step to addressing our issues? Revisit the list everyday. The only way to begin is with honesty.
Self-Discipline Is Self-Love
Will Smith recently taught us on Instagram, "Self-discipline is self-love." Sometimes we can find ourselves in problematic situations because we lack the motivation, we aren't willing to make sacrifices, or we are just plain lazy. We are undeniably an instant results-focused society.
The reality is long-term hard work is what yields greatness.
We have to put in the work to look great, feel great, have money, love our careers, and find love. We also have to realize that we may have to kiss a few frogs and hear a few "no's" in the process. Nothing happens overnight. When we decide to be unmoved and we refuse to quit, we are telling ourselves that we are worth it.
Pulling ourselves out of chaos is not impossible. A little self-love and discipline can take us a long way. If we stop complaining about the things we dislike about our lives, and start putting action plans together and embracing the things that we do, we can build the confidence to move forward and build a happier and healthier lifestyle.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Born and raised in Newport News, VA, LadyLauraCo is Editor-in-Chief and creator of LadyLaura.Co, the blog and brand. As a lifetime writer, Laura hopes to reach young women all over the world by providing connections to literature and art, travel advice, and practical ways to pursue their best lives.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images