What It Means To Take Responsibility For The Chaos You Create In Your Life


Everyone has that one friend that just can't seem to catch a break.

Financially, she's always broke or can't keep a job. Romantically, she keeps attracting the same subpar men resulting in old patterns that do not work themselves out. Emotionally, she's a mess and seems to enjoy indulging in her misery. Or maybe it's a combination of all three. Bottom line: if it's not one thing, it's another.

To be honest, we all have been "that friend" at some point in our lives. For some of us, you are "that friend" right now in this very moment.

Although some things are truly out of our control, it is important to take a good look at the chaos we cause in our own lives. As much as we would like to believe things are totally unmanageable, most of our outcomes are directly related to the decisions we make everyday. Bad seasons can be tough to get through, but by taking note of our daily thoughts, examining our truths, and setting goals, we can liberate ourselves from a messy life.

No More Negative Self-Talk

Everyone needs a little kick in the butt sometimes to get motivated, but excessive self-criticism can potentially do the opposite. Words are powerful. Words shape our society. They give definition to people, places, and things, and, on a personal level, mold our perceptions. When we continuously speak or think negatively about ourselves and our environment, we give shape to a dark world.

Have you ever went to dinner with a friend that complained about everything? How were you feeling after the dinner was over? Weary maybe? If we feel burned out after having one dinner with our complainer friend, just imagine what we are doing to our minds with our own 24-hour negative self-talk. If all of our beliefs are viewed under a negative lens, we are less likely to feel motivated.

By shaping a more positive outlook on our lives, our bodies, and our relationships, we are more likely to operate from a place of love and well being.

There are several ways to address our negative self-talk. We should always view the glass as "half full" and be intentionally optimistic. When thinking about our problems, we should always try to find something good, beautiful, or something to be grateful for. Pick the problem apart and keep repeating that one thing to be grateful for. The more we repeat it, the smaller our problem becomes, and the easier it is to tackle.

Be still. Sometimes we need the opportunity to reset our minds to address our issues and avoid negative self-talk. Our thoughts and emotions play off of each other. Being still can mean meditating or redirecting our thoughts to something actionable. By being impulsive, we run the risk of digging ourselves into a deeper hole. Our emotions tend to heighten the obstacles we face. If we are patient and take time to get passed our initial emotions, we will be able to go into decision-making with a clear mind. Nothing is as bad as it seems.

Related: How 30 Days Of Positive Speaking Changed My Life

Be Honest with Yourself

Being brutally honest with ourselves can be challenging. Sometimes we don't want to look in the mirror and take ownership of our chaos. We play the blame game because it gives us an excuse and a crutch. It can be painful to look at our circumstances and take responsibility for our mess, but we have to be accountable for our own decisions. No one is responsible for our wellbeing but us.

If we continue to wait for someone else to own up to their mistakes, put us on, or do the work for us we will never be able to repair our chaotic lives.

Many people settle for mediocrity. They say, "that's just who I am" instead of being honest about their mess and making an effort to evolve. A good way to start the process of being honest with ourselves is to create a list of life grievances. This can include relationships we want to repair, financial resolutions, and even habits we want to quit. Next to our grievance list we should write a list of what we can do today, right now. If we think too far in the future, we will get overwhelmed. Only think about today. What can we do today as the first step to addressing our issues? Revisit the list everyday. The only way to begin is with honesty.

Self-Discipline Is Self-Love

Will Smith recently taught us on Instagram, "Self-discipline is self-love." Sometimes we can find ourselves in problematic situations because we lack the motivation, we aren't willing to make sacrifices, or we are just plain lazy. We are undeniably an instant results-focused society.

The reality is long-term hard work is what yields greatness.

We have to put in the work to look great, feel great, have money, love our careers, and find love. We also have to realize that we may have to kiss a few frogs and hear a few "no's" in the process. Nothing happens overnight. When we decide to be unmoved and we refuse to quit, we are telling ourselves that we are worth it.

Pulling ourselves out of chaos is not impossible. A little self-love and discipline can take us a long way. If we stop complaining about the things we dislike about our lives, and start putting action plans together and embracing the things that we do, we can build the confidence to move forward and build a happier and healthier lifestyle.

Featured image by Shutterstock

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A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

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As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

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