

What It Means To Take Responsibility For The Chaos You Create In Your Life
Everyone has that one friend that just can't seem to catch a break.
Financially, she's always broke or can't keep a job. Romantically, she keeps attracting the same subpar men resulting in old patterns that do not work themselves out. Emotionally, she's a mess and seems to enjoy indulging in her misery. Or maybe it's a combination of all three. Bottom line: if it's not one thing, it's another.
To be honest, we all have been "that friend" at some point in our lives. For some of us, you are "that friend" right now in this very moment.
Although some things are truly out of our control, it is important to take a good look at the chaos we cause in our own lives. As much as we would like to believe things are totally unmanageable, most of our outcomes are directly related to the decisions we make everyday. Bad seasons can be tough to get through, but by taking note of our daily thoughts, examining our truths, and setting goals, we can liberate ourselves from a messy life.
No More Negative Self-Talk
Everyone needs a little kick in the butt sometimes to get motivated, but excessive self-criticism can potentially do the opposite. Words are powerful. Words shape our society. They give definition to people, places, and things, and, on a personal level, mold our perceptions. When we continuously speak or think negatively about ourselves and our environment, we give shape to a dark world.
Have you ever went to dinner with a friend that complained about everything? How were you feeling after the dinner was over? Weary maybe? If we feel burned out after having one dinner with our complainer friend, just imagine what we are doing to our minds with our own 24-hour negative self-talk. If all of our beliefs are viewed under a negative lens, we are less likely to feel motivated.
By shaping a more positive outlook on our lives, our bodies, and our relationships, we are more likely to operate from a place of love and well being.
There are several ways to address our negative self-talk. We should always view the glass as "half full" and be intentionally optimistic. When thinking about our problems, we should always try to find something good, beautiful, or something to be grateful for. Pick the problem apart and keep repeating that one thing to be grateful for. The more we repeat it, the smaller our problem becomes, and the easier it is to tackle.
Be still. Sometimes we need the opportunity to reset our minds to address our issues and avoid negative self-talk. Our thoughts and emotions play off of each other. Being still can mean meditating or redirecting our thoughts to something actionable. By being impulsive, we run the risk of digging ourselves into a deeper hole. Our emotions tend to heighten the obstacles we face. If we are patient and take time to get passed our initial emotions, we will be able to go into decision-making with a clear mind. Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Related: How 30 Days Of Positive Speaking Changed My Life
Be Honest with Yourself
Being brutally honest with ourselves can be challenging. Sometimes we don't want to look in the mirror and take ownership of our chaos. We play the blame game because it gives us an excuse and a crutch. It can be painful to look at our circumstances and take responsibility for our mess, but we have to be accountable for our own decisions. No one is responsible for our wellbeing but us.
If we continue to wait for someone else to own up to their mistakes, put us on, or do the work for us we will never be able to repair our chaotic lives.
Many people settle for mediocrity. They say, "that's just who I am" instead of being honest about their mess and making an effort to evolve. A good way to start the process of being honest with ourselves is to create a list of life grievances. This can include relationships we want to repair, financial resolutions, and even habits we want to quit. Next to our grievance list we should write a list of what we can do today, right now. If we think too far in the future, we will get overwhelmed. Only think about today. What can we do today as the first step to addressing our issues? Revisit the list everyday. The only way to begin is with honesty.
Self-Discipline Is Self-Love
Will Smith recently taught us on Instagram, "Self-discipline is self-love." Sometimes we can find ourselves in problematic situations because we lack the motivation, we aren't willing to make sacrifices, or we are just plain lazy. We are undeniably an instant results-focused society.
The reality is long-term hard work is what yields greatness.
We have to put in the work to look great, feel great, have money, love our careers, and find love. We also have to realize that we may have to kiss a few frogs and hear a few "no's" in the process. Nothing happens overnight. When we decide to be unmoved and we refuse to quit, we are telling ourselves that we are worth it.
Pulling ourselves out of chaos is not impossible. A little self-love and discipline can take us a long way. If we stop complaining about the things we dislike about our lives, and start putting action plans together and embracing the things that we do, we can build the confidence to move forward and build a happier and healthier lifestyle.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Born and raised in Newport News, VA, LadyLauraCo is Editor-in-Chief and creator of LadyLaura.Co, the blog and brand. As a lifetime writer, Laura hopes to reach young women all over the world by providing connections to literature and art, travel advice, and practical ways to pursue their best lives.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Jodie Turner-Smith Files For Divorce From Joshua Jackson After Nearly 4 Years Of Marriage
2023 has become the year of celebrity breakups with headlines breaking left and right about celebs filing for divorce or ending high-profile relationships. The latest couple to announce their dissolution? British actress Jodie Turner-Smith. TMZ reported that Jodie has filed for a divorce from her husband, Dawson Creek alum Joshua Jackson.
As far as her reason for calling it quits, Jodie cited "irreconcilable differences," according to TMZ, and has requested joint custody of the couple's daughter, Juno Rose Diana Jackson. Late last year there were rumblings of there being "trouble in paradise" for the couple after the media realized they were no longer following each other on Instagram.
Those rumors were more than laid to rest when Jodie and Joshua went to the 2023 Oscars together earlier this year, and even more recently, when they celebrated her birthday together last month during the September unveiling of the Lotus Emeya.
Jodie Turner-Smith celebrates her birthday with husband Joshua Jackson at the unveiling of the new fully-electric Lotus Emeya on September 07, 2023 in New York City.
Brian Ach/Getty Images for Lotus
Despite seeming particularly happy and in love, perhaps the writing was already written on the wall even then. In the past, Jodie has been very celebratory publicly about her love for her estranged husband, even boldly recounting their love story for the books in a 2021 interview with Seth Meyers.
When Jodie and Joshua met, it was while at his birthday party in 2018. Their relationship was hot and heavy from the start, with Jodie openly noting that they began as a "one-night stand." During her 2021 interview with Seth Meyers, she jokingly referred to their love story as a "three-year one-night stand." She shared:
"First of all, I saw him before he saw me and when I saw him, I was like, 'I want that.' And then when he saw me, I just pretended like I didn't see him. He had to yell across the room to me, and I was wearing this T-shirt from a movie called Sorry to Bother You and [actress] Tessa Thompson plays a character called Detroit, and she has this T-shirt that says, 'The Future Is Female Ejaculation.'
"And so, he shouts across the room, 'Detroit!' He comes over and… does this really cute, charming thing that he does and just all night -- he just basically followed me around the party."
The couple were together from that moment forth, and even made things "Instagram official" less than two weeks later while on a dinner date. Joshua would later clarify to Insider that the night they met in 2018 was not a 'one-night stand' or a 'three-year one-night stand' like his then-wife joked but instead, it was "technically a three-night stand."
"It was sealed with a kiss that night and then we didn't leave each other's sides for, well, three years now," Joshua continued at the time.
In a July 2021 interview with Jimmy Fallon, Joshua dropped more details about the why behind getting married. He revealed that he didn't know he wanted to get married to Jodie until "the moment she asked me."
"She asked me on New Year's Eve. We were in Nicaragua. It was very beautiful, incredibly romantic, we were walking down the beach and she asked me to marry her."
He added, "I did not know [she would propose], but she was quite adamant and she was right. This is the best choice I ever made."
Joshua Jackson Reveals Jodie Turner-Smith Proposed To Him
Jodie received quite a bit of flack for proposing to Joshua because it goes against tradition and what society sees as acceptable for a woman to do to a man, and proposing isn't one of them. No matter how much time has passed, the viewpoints around who should do the proposing and who should be proposed to are still very traditional.
After being on the receiving end of such backlash, Joshua would later clarify to the media in a separate interview that it wasn't just Jodie's proposal to him that sealed the deal of them getting married, he proposed to her too. She might have initiated it, but Joshua followed through.
"I accidentally threw my wife under the bus because that story was told quickly and it didn't give the full context and holy Jesus, the internet is racist and misogynist," he explained to Refinery29 that same year. "We were in Nicaragua on a beautiful moonlit night, it could not possibly have been more romantic."
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images
He continued, "And yes, my wife did propose to me and yes, I did say yes, but what I didn't say in that interview was there was a caveat, which is that I'm still old school enough that I said, 'This is a yes, but you have to give me the opportunity [to do it too].'"
"She has a biological father and a stepdad, who's the man who raised her. [I said], 'You have to give me the opportunity to ask both of those men for your hand in marriage.' And then, 'I would like the opportunity to re-propose to you and do it the old-fashioned way down on bended knee.' So, that's actually how the story ended up."
Joshua and Jodie would eventually marry in December 2019. Shortly thereafter, Jodie gave birth to the couple's first child, Janie, in 2020.
In a recent interview with Elle UK, Jodie shared the ways becoming a mother to Juno helped to heal her of her wounds from colorism she experienced in the past. "It's interesting because I had a lot of resistance to becoming a mother and, throughout my life, I always said if I were to have children, I wanted to have Black, Black babies so that I could affirm them as children with the love that I felt I needed to have been affirmed with by the outside world," Jodie shared with the outlet.
She continued, "Then I fell in love with my husband and we talked about having kids. I did have this mini pause, where I was like, 'She's going to be walking through the world not only having an experience that I did not have, but looking like people that, in a way, I'd always felt a little bit tormented by.' Now that I've got this little, tiny, light-skinned boss, I feel like it’s the universe teaching me lessons. I've been given a daughter who looks this way to heal my own conversations around colorism."
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Featured image by Amy Sussman/Getty Images