This Dope Female Barber Is Breaking Stereotypes As A True Mother/Hustler
So many of the moments in our life feel motivated by fear, but the key is to feel it and do it anyway.
When Jaelyn Langston left her job as a grade-school teacher, she had no idea that she would become one of the most well-known and most sought out female barbers in New Orleans, but she did it anyway. The 35-year-old barber shared that while she enjoyed teaching, the vulgar vernacular on her social media pages quickly became a topic of conversation in the teacher's lounge and she made a decision to choose a career that allowed her the freedom of expression.
While pursuing a new career as an adult was scary for the mother-of-one, issa fact that doubt kills more dreams than failure ever could. She told xoNecole, "When the universe taps you on your shoulder, answer. We all know when it's time to move on but we get stalled by fear and uncertainty. Test the water! We'll be surprised to learn there's nothing this universe wouldn't award us."
Now, instead of lining kids up for snack time, Jae spends her time hooking New Orleans men up with a snack-worthy line-up. Although Jae enjoyed the stability of her 9 to 5, this Mother/Hustler says that her sanity was more valuable. Jae told xoNecole, "I often think about the consistent pay and schedule and how life seemed a tad bit more simple, but it also felt out of alignment with who I am; I couldn't imagine clocking hours for someone else's dream."
Along with being a full-time barber, multimedia personality, and positive vibe-pusher, Jae puts most of her energy into raising her 10-year-old king. According to Jae, because her time is so limited, she makes sure to use it valuably, "Time is one of the most important assets, if not the most important. Build rituals and routines that keep you motivated and grounded. Revisit and adjust regularly."
We sat down and talked to Jae about how she manages being a full-time mom and 24/7 hustler all while minding her self-care at the same damn time. Here's what she had to say:
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
"In moments where I feel overwhelmed, I carve out a space to gather myself. I stop to breathe and sort through my feelings and get to the bottom of why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Then, I fix what I can and release what I can't."
"I carve out a space to gather myself. I stop to breathe and sort through my feelings and get to the bottom of why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Then, I fix what I can and release what I can't."
What’s the hardest part of your day?
"I honestly don't know what the 'hardest' part of my day is. That's just not how my mind works now. There are things that need to be done … I do them and move on the next thing to do. Sometimes I have to move on from a project to avoid frustration and getting stuck, but I wouldn't call that hard. I'd call that maneuvering."
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
"It's mandatory that I practice self-care daily. Usually, it's in the form of my morning ritual: morning joint, meditation, stretch, and workout. I also have random moments of nude dancing where I embrace my body and spirit or grounding under a favorite tree."
When do you feel most productive?
"I feel most productive when I've completed a task outside of my comfort zone. I'm not much on networking or cutting deals with strangers or distant associates, so when I'm able to check off an objective that falls under that umbrella, I feel extra good."
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
"The best advice I could give for mom guilt would be don't beat yourself up for the sacrifices you have to make today. The tomorrows will be so much better because of them. Communicate your feelings with your children. They can understand and respect what we're going through if given an opportunity to do so. My son is very perceptive… and feels me. It takes more energy trying to keep things from him, so I've found it's easier and more beneficial to just let him know how I feel about my 'current mom status.'"
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned as an entrepreneur?
"[Practice] consistent effort with your goal in mind and be prepared to do it ALL even if you don't have to. Everything will not always be aligned and you'll HAVE to jump in to get things done to keep moving."
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
"The most important lesson my son can learn from me is, happiness is possible and plentiful. Explore this world and continuously find new ways to love yourself. Self-care is necessary and may often be confused for being selfish by those who aren't willing to understand. Those who do care to understand will encourage all works that lead to your happiness."
"The most important lesson my son can learn from me is, happiness is possible and plentiful. Explore this world and continuously find new ways to love yourself."
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur (or vice versa)?
"Being a mother puts the fire under you to succeed. Your biggest fan is watching front row and center at all times. I have no choice but to be honest about my efforts and success. It's easy to bullshit yourself but it's a little tougher to when your wide-eyed, inquisitive child is watching."
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mom who runs a business?
"The biggest challenge being a mom and entrepreneur is figuring out a way to keep the money flowing when you have to drop everything and be a mom. I have no 'sick days' or 'vacation time'. I have to be prepared to make money even when physically can't make money."
Do you think it’s important to keep your personal and professional life separate? Why or why not?
"The need or desire to keep one's personal and professional life separate would be based on the individual. My brand was birthed out of my transparency, so there is a very blurred line with my personal and professional life. Of course there are things that remain private, but for the most part, expressing the ins and outs of my journey have only contributed to the success of my business endeavors. I would say to anyone be true to who you are. People gravitate toward authenticity. If you're forcing it, your audience/market will know."
"Expressing the ins and outs of my journey have only contributed to the success of my business endeavors. I would say to anyone be true to who you are.
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
"Budget. Determine what percentages make sense and stick to those numbers. We can't and don't skim off the top with the light bill or car insurance; don't do it with your own goals. Handle your budgets the way you handle your bills… put the money where it NEEDS to be. Build both a personal and professional 'Just in Case' account. Having a cushion is always good."
Keep up with Jae by following her on Instagram @Jae_Every_Dae.
Featured image by @coseyphoto.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images