Mother/Hustler Kathlyn Celeste Knows That Boundaries Are An Entrepreneur’s Best Friend
In xoNecole's series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Minding your business takes on a whole new meaning when you put healthy personal boundaries in place, and Massachusetts-based content creator Kathlyn Celeste has developed a thriving online business, amassed nearly 200,000 followers, and purchased a house with her husband and two young sons by doing exactly that.
As a mogul-in-the-making, one of the most powerful tools to have in your arsenal is the word "no" which, by the way, is a whole sentence. Kathlyn keeps this two-letter torpedo on deck. In a recent interview with xoNecole, this 28-year-old mother-of-two revealed the secret to staying centered when you're being pulled in every direction and according to her, it starts with knowing that boundaries are a business owner's best friend.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Kathlyn Celeste 🇨🇻 (@kathlynceleste) on Nov 23, 2019 at 8:18am PST
"This year, I've been learning the power of 'no' and it's been hard, but freeing. I can't be everything for everyone or say 'yes' to every job as much as I love it and want to be a part of it."
Time is money, and this Mother/Hustler isn't here to waste either one on projects (or people) that don't serve her higher purpose. That's exactly why Kathlyn made the conscious decision to create a line between work and home that cannot be violated. She continued, "Sometimes my 'yes' to work is a 'no' to my family time and that's a line I just cannot cross. So, I've learned to be selective with the work I take on so it doesn't take away from what matters most to me."
We sat down with Kathlyn to talk more about the challenges of motherhood, entrepreneurship, and finding the courage to create healthy boundaries. Here's what we learned:
xoNecole: How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
Kathlyn Celeste: I'd like to say I go to prayer right away, every time… but honestly, sometimes the process is: slightly freak out, text my husband for encouragement, find something sweet (chocolate always works), calm down, walk away from the situation, pray, and worship. Then, I'm good!
What’s the hardest part of your day?
KC: I have the hardest time when it hits 2:35 pm and I'm not done with my work, but my family just walked through the door and I'm being covered with kisses and hugs. There's this tension inside of me because I want my workday to end there and just spend time with my family but it rarely happens that way. I'm currently learning to live in the 1% and be present in those moments, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it's hard.
Instagram/@KathlynCeleste
"There's this tension inside of me because I want my workday to end there and just spend time with my family but it rarely happens that way. I'm currently learning to live in the 1% and be present in those moments, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it's hard."
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
KC: This is horrible, but very rarely. I need to get better at this. Some days self-care looks like Netflix and chill, and other days it's doing something active. But honestly, my favorite form of self-care is laughter. I love spending time just hanging out with my family, cousins, girlfriends, or binge-watching something with hubby and lots of snacks. That's my fave.
When do you feel most productive?
KC: When I'm killin' the game in my roles as a wife, mother, businesswoman, and friend. If there's a day where I sent an encouraging text to a friend, cooked, got the house clean, loved up on hubby, and had lots of big-hug-parties with my boys, all while checking off the 30 things on my to-do list… wow. #GOALS.
What is your favorite way to spend “me time”?
KC: Do trips to Target count? This is something I'm trying to get better at. This [past] year, I made it a priority to have "date days with Jesus" where I schedule out a huge block of time one day a week where I spend time in my word, journaling, and just talking to God all day. Through this, I've learned so much about myself by spending time with the One who created me. It's literally changed me in ways I'm so grateful for.
[This] year, I'm planning to start taking violin lessons as part of my "me time"! I played in elementary school and when I think about doing something for myself that has nothing to do with work or anyone else, I thought that would be cool to try again!
"I made it a priority to have 'date days with Jesus' where I schedule out a huge block of time one day a week where I spend time in my word, journaling, and just talking to God all day. Through this, I've learned so much about myself by spending time with the One who created me. It's literally changed me in ways I'm so grateful for."
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
KC: "Give yourself grace and then make the necessary changes to improve where you feel you lack." I had a huge mom-guilt moment this summer that made me literally change the way we operate as a family. My oldest son opened up to my mom and said, "All Mommy and Dada do is work, they don't like to have fun and go to Chuck-E-Cheese." I was in Maui for a work trip at the time when she sent me the voice recording. I broke DOWN.
From that point, we decided that "Family Fun Days" would be a priority in our family and the first thing we schedule into the week before we even think about work. As much as it hurt, I'm grateful for what I've learned from that and how it brought change to our family for the better.
What is the most important lesson you want your kids to learn from you?
KC: There's so many and, as I grow as a mother, so many more get added to my prayers over the men they're becoming. I want them to be known as faith-filled men who have humble hearts--men after God's own heart--are outrageously generous and love all people well. [I want them to be] men who operate in excellence in all they do, that have a servant's heart, and like to have FUN in life while being present and enjoying each moment and season of life they're in.
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9-to-5 offers more stability?
KC: My journey through entrepreneurship has become my own ministry. I'm using my platform to encourage and inspire women as I learn and grow from the good and hard things I experience. Yes, you can in some ways have that in a 9-to-5 but because I can reach hundreds of thousands of women all over the world and bring them hope… there's nothing I'd rather do.
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur (or vice versa)?
KC: Absolutely. I don't think I would be as successful as I am if I didn't have a family early-on. They were my driving force to start and now the people I serve in my community are a part of that driving force.
Instagram/@KathlynCeleste
"I don't think I would be as successful as I am if I didn't have a family early-on. They were my driving force to start and now the people I serve in my community are a part of that driving force."
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mom who runs a business?
KC: I think time management has been the biggest one for me and creating a good "work-life" balance. Because I work from home, most days I'm answering emails and creating content while also cooking and picking up toys. Sometimes, just leaving and going to a coffee shop makes the biggest difference for me.
What advice do you have for moms who are looking to start their business but haven’t taken a step out on faith yet?
KC: If it scares you, do it. If it makes you worried, do it. Nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Don't get caught up in comparison and don't let perfectionism delay you any longer. Your first attempt is going to be "bad" compared to where you'll be a year from now. That's growth and inevitable. So, just do it! The only regret you'll have is not starting sooner.
Do you think it’s important to keep your personal and professional life separate? Why or why not?
KC: In many instances, yes. But I think a level of vulnerability in this industry is so important. It makes you more "normal" to the people on the outside who think for some reason, we're not. I've found that I've helped the most people by sharing my experiences and how I've overcome them. I won't ever go online and complain about something unless I'm coming with a solution as well. If I open up about a difficult moment with my husband or parenting, it's because I'm also sharing what we did to change and better that issue in our marriage or parenting. The heart behind everything I share has to be "How will this help them?"
Instagram/@KathlynCeleste
What advice do you have when it comes to time management as a mogul mommy?
KC: Any tips you can give me?! (Laughs) I'm learning to get better at this and my goal for the new year is to master it! But what I've learned so far:
- Starting my day earlier (and sleeping earlier) really makes a huge difference!
- Set scheduled "work" hours and try your best to stick to them!
- Remove all distractions from your workspace. The 'Do Not Disturb' feature has BLESSED me. Sometimes I don't ever want to turn it off.
- Schedule everything and give yourself time blocks to do each task.
- Anticipate interruptions (Especially with kids. Life happens, it's okay!).
- Delegate! (I recently took on an assistant and it's changed the game for me!)
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
KC: Budget, budget, budget! Save, save, save! Take some time to create a spreadsheet and list out all of your income coming in, and every penny going out. Each week, you should update this sheet and it'll give you a better idea of what you can actually afford and where you may have to cut back. I think once you get started, you'll fall in love with managing your money and being in control of it, rather than it controlling you!
For more Kathlyn, follow her on Instagram @KathlynCeleste!
Featured image by Instagram/@kathlynceleste.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
'Love Is Blind' Star AD Smith Shows Us That The Journey To Self-Worth Is Ongoing And She Shouldn't Be Criticized For It
This season of Love Is Blind was undeniably a rollercoaster ride of emotions. From intricate love triangles to deeply rooted attachment issues, it offered viewers a compelling glimpse into the complexities of modern relationships.
Yet, amidst the drama and romance, I think it serves as a poignant reminder of how we can possess a keen awareness of our relationship patterns; we can even find ourselves in therapy for years yet find ourselves repeatedly entangled in the same destructive cycles. Without the necessary tools and strategies to dismantle old habits and embrace healthier alternatives, we are destined to remain ensnared in a cycle of repetition and stagnation.
Amber Desiree “AD” Smith was left shocked and confused at the altar when her fiancé, Clay Gravesande, ultimately decided not to go through with the wedding ceremony. His actions throughout the season consistently indicated hesitancy towards commitment despite initially expressing readiness for a long-term relationship when he and AD first connected in the pods.
Throughout the season, Clay's journey revealed layers of immaturity stemming from childhood wounds caused by generational trauma, along with a clear unpreparedness for a healthy relationship. His relationship with AD began on shaky ground when he hesitated to commit without knowing her appearance first.
@netflix.reality.clips Clay and AD in the pods #clayloveisblind #ADloveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #libs6 #dating show
Despite AD's initial surprise, she decided to give Clay a chance, continuing their relationship. However, this initial compromise led to recurring issues, such as Clay's insensitive comments about potential weight gain and his insistence that AD join a gym if she were to gain weight in the future.
Despite these challenges, Clay and AD left the pods engaged with a road ahead of them of ongoing struggles in the real world. Clay and AD's relationship seemed shallow, mainly revolving around superficial interactions reminiscent of casual social media banter. Clay's fixation on physical appearance and fear of commitment clashed with AD's idealized vision of their relationship, blinding her from facing the reality of who Clay truly was.
Clay often centered conversations around himself, indicating a deep need for validation, which AD eagerly provided. From my point of view, this mutual reinforcement bolstered Clay's ego while fulfilling AD's need for validation in return.
Throughout season 6, Clay grappled with committing to a single partner, influenced by his upbringing witnessing his father's multiple relationships and extramarital affairs. The absence of healthy marriage examples shaped his perception of relationships. Despite these challenges, AD remained steadfast in her support, demonstrating a willingness to confront and overcome obstacles with Clay, given her upbringing in a household where her father was absent, an attachment wound that she has gained awareness about in therapy.
In the season finale, AD's excitement turned to confusion when Clay unexpectedly responded with "I don't" after her "I do." Clay's decision wasn't about AD's worth but stemmed from his own lack of emotional maturity and focus on superficial traits like physical appearance and achievement.
@stephmoneymonster Justice for AD #loveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #fpy #viralvideo #foryoupage #single #dating
Despite Clay's repeated expressions of self-doubt throughout the season, AD was visibly taken aback, holding onto the hope that he would change. AD's desire to be with Clay overshadowed her ability to discern if he was the right guy for her. Throughout the season, she found herself caught up in a fantasy of who she wanted Clay to be and the idea of being married to him. Clay's repeated statements about how AD made him a better man and how he wanted to change for her likely boosted her ego.
Many of us can relate to AD's struggle; grappling with feelings of unworthiness due to childhood trauma and abandonment often traps us in cycles that reinforce our deepest fears.
At the altar, AD was left devastated, questioning her worthiness and desirability. However, it’s not that AD isn’t worthy; she’s just stuck in a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable partners, reminiscent of her father. Though she desires a different outcome, she finds herself unable to connect with a man who is emotionally present, reflecting her own emotional unavailability.
In our society, there's a common expectation for women to take on the role of nurturing and guiding men, often justified by the belief that “boys will be boys.” Like most women, AD frequently excuses Clay's behavior and does much of the emotional work in their relationship.
Deep down, AD likely felt the need to show unwavering support to Clay, hoping to secure his commitment by accommodating his flaws. For AD, love has become synonymous with earning someone's affection, a belief she reinforced by investing her heart in Clay, hoping to prove her worth to him. Yet, in doing so, she unwittingly perpetuated her own cycle of dysfunction.
AD's journey highlights the importance of being discerning in relationships, distinguishing between genuine compatibility, and settling for something less (the "right" from the "kinda sorta right"). Unfortunately, she lacked the tools to see Clay clearly, especially when dealing with her own attachment issues. Relying solely on physical attraction can be risky, as it often leads to repeating old patterns, with judgment clouded by the intensity of emotions.
Netflix Love Is Blind season 6 Clay and AD/ Screenshot
Engaging in inner work through therapy is undoubtedly a crucial step toward personal growth and healing, but it doesn’t fix us. It provides us with the opportunity to delve into our past traumas, confront deep-seated insecurities, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, despite the insights gained and the progress made within the therapeutic setting, applying this newfound self-awareness to real-life situations, especially in the realm of romantic relationships, can be challenging.
For someone like AD, the journey towards self-discovery is ongoing. I love the way Yung Pueblo puts it: “If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times.” While therapy equips her with valuable tools for introspection and self-reflection, it doesn't necessarily guarantee an immediate transformation in her dating behavior or decision-making process because she needs to grieve what she didn’t get from her father and create a new identity for herself.
One of the biggest reasons for this disparity between inner work and practical application lies in the complexity of human emotions and behavior.
Despite understanding the root causes of her attachment issues, AD found herself still drawn to partners who perpetuate these dynamics. This phenomenon often occurs because our emotional responses are deeply ingrained and may override rational thought processes, particularly when it pertains to matters of the heart.
'Love Is Blind' Season 6 Finale AD and Clay's Wedding/ Screenshot
Furthermore, the dynamics of therapy sessions differ vastly from real-life interactions and relationships. In therapy, individuals are in a controlled environment where they can explore their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. However, the unpredictability and vulnerability inherent in dating can trigger old wounds and defense mechanisms, making it challenging to maintain the same level of self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Moreover, societal expectations and cultural norms can exert significant pressure on individuals like AD, influencing their perceptions of what constitutes a successful relationship. The desire for validation, societal approval, or the fear of being alone may cloud judgment and lead to compromising on core values or overlooking red flags.
So, how can we bridge the gap between inner work and practical application in our own dating lives?
Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that growth is a gradual process and setbacks are inevitable. Instead of expecting instant results, we can practice self-compassion and patience while holding ourselves accountable.
Additionally, we can also work on slowing down, setting boundaries, and practicing assertiveness in our interactions with potential partners. Start getting to know people from the inside out. Not just by what they say but by what they do. These two things should always walk hand in hand.
By clearly communicating our needs and values and slowing down on physical intimacy, we can better discern whether a relationship aligns with our values.
Furthermore, seeking support from wise counsel (trusted friends and family), mentors, or even continuing therapy BEFORE things get too serious can provide us with additional perspectives and guidance as we navigate the dating landscape. Having a support network can offer reassurance and validation while also providing accountability in making healthy choices.
Lastly, by staying attuned to our emotions and paying attention to what our intuition is saying, we can make more informed decisions and avoid falling into familiar traps.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image Netflix Love Is Blind Season 6/ Screenshot