We Asked 4 Mogul Moms: Can Women Really Have It All? Here's What They Said
As society progresses and women balance being the nurturers of the home with being breadwinners, business owners, soccer moms, and overall modern day renaissance women, we find ourselves challenging the status quo - daring to go after it all.
There are the groups that point fingers and shame women for having the audacity to put our dreams at the forefront of our lives. And then there is our own internal mom guilt/wife guilt that arises every now and then if we dare sacrifice a weekend with the kids for a few days away to regroup so that we can operate at our best highest selves.
Despite the unique challenges that might come with doing it all, nowadays women are mastering the art of having it all and redefining what it means to be a working mom. Here's how these 4 boss women have managed to maneuver the balancing act of having it all with self-care and grace.
Rainbow Barris - @tharealrainbow
Rainbow Barris is the author of Keeping Up With the Johnsons: Bows guide to Black-ish parenting and wife to the creator of the widely-received Black-ish. She is an advocate for women pursuing their dreams and emphasizes that "all" looks different every woman.
"The idea of having 'it all' should not be prescribed or defined by anyone, especially a man, except by the woman who has it all."
Black-ish depicts the story of the mom that thrives professionally, while her home life slips through the cracks. It's a delicate balance that Rainbow has managed to get better at over recent years, as a mother of six, a doctor, and now a best-selling author. The key is to not give in to the fear of emulating perfection and allowing room for error as well as self-forgiveness.
Rainbow shared with us how she handles mommy guilt, and says it a recurrent chapter in her life. While she recognizes the positive effects of guilt in small doses, such as providing strength, compassion, and a safe place of vulnerability, she highlights that too much time spent wallowing in it is unhealthy. "We must accept guilt only long enough for it to help. A lot of juggling is preparation, thinking ahead about myself, my family, and how to best navigate a situation or my days."
For more Rainbow, follow her on Instagram @tharealrainbow.
Makini Smith - @therealmakinismith
Makini Smith is a published author of A Walk in My Stilettos, life coach, and mother of 4 who believes women can have it all to some degree. Makini advocates that being happy and whole with self, family, career, and relationships is possible.
"It does take some kind of foundational grounding. For me, that's my faith. It's helped me to manifest what I feel I deserve as a woman. No one's life is perfect but we can strive for perfection. Being self-aware yet understanding that I'm a work in progress, having children that are my WHY even though they drive me crazy at times, walking in my purpose impacting lives, and being in a relationship with a man that has shown me what true sacrificial love feels like I have it all. Enough to know it IS possible."
Makini says that "balance is a myth at times" but she believes she has found the secret formula:
Faith + Family + Finances + Fun (Friends) = Balance.
Self-care to some is just as foreign a topic as women having it all, but Makini Smith doesn't believe in being a part of team no sleep. She acknowledges the role that it plays in her ability to get things done and operate as her best possible self. She has begun a much healthier journey and is more conscious of what she consumes.
"I take spa days, moments where I unplug from the world, especially social media. If I don't get enough food, sleep, relaxation, and laughter, I'm no good for my family or my business."
Take a walk in Makini's stillettos by following her on Instagram @therealmakinismith.
Rachel Gilder - @i_amrachelg
Rachel Gilder is a Self-Love and Relationship Expert, and recently transitioned from single mom to fiancée. For Rachel, having it all is about going after it all and that it's rooted in choice.
"I believe that women can have it all and there is absolutely nothing women can't do. Women can carry another life, nurture another life, motivate others, inspire, empower, educate, and lead others. Women do this and more, all while having the ability to selflessly put herself last."
Rachel refuses to start her day without devotionals, which allows her to maintain a healthy balance between her personal and professional life. The part of her day devoted to business is spent helping people heal and learn to love again through relationship coaching. She does a ton of soul-taxing work daily, so strategically planning is an integral part of her business.
When asked if she ever worries about missing out on milestones, Rachel says her fiancé and children love to support her as she follows her own dreams. In the past, she would plan her travel around when her boys were with their father but everything has changed now that she's planning to wed the love of her life in a few months. Graduations, birthdays, and major accomplishments are non-negotiable and she never misses out on those.
"My kids will never have their moments in life again and clarity begins at home. I must say I have been grateful to schedule my career around or with my family."
See more of Rachel by following her on Instagram @i_amrachelg.
Kim Scott - @kimmasononline
Kim Mason is a full-time work from home mom of 4 in the Network Marketing Industry. Kim definitely believes that women can have it all but admits it is no easy feat. She goes on to point out that there are so many moving pieces when it comes to marriage, family life, and a career. Kim lets us in on her secrets to flourishing at home, in business, and in love.
"In order for your love life to survive, you both have to be on the same page. He has to understand and respect your vision, drive to succeed, and be your biggest cheerleader without questioning his own manhood. Next, there is family. There will be seasons that you are just all-out busier than what is normal for you. You will need to communicate that and get your family to buy in to what your lives may look like and why. Share your WHY with them and take your goals and vision from an 'I' thing to a 'WE' thing. Everyone will have to sacrifice more during this time and be willing to extend a lot of grace. Discuss what that will look like and what you will need from them. Lastly, make clear days and times where you are totally available to them so when you are busy they have something to look forward to (ie. date night, Sunday dinners, family day etc)."
"You will need to communicate that and get your family to buy in to what your lives may look like and why. Share your WHY with them and take your goals and vision from an 'I' thing to a 'WE' thing."
Where work or business are concerned, Kim advises us to GO HARD during the time that has been allotted for work and set time boundaries. In a counseling session years ago, Kim's counselor suggested that Kim be the CEO in her own home. She began to implement a budget, weekly dinner menus, chore charts, and ordering toiletries and commonly used items to her front door. She admits that she does still get off track sometimes but is sure to add "most of us will." Give yourself some grace, grace, and more grace, and then go back to your plan.
Self-care seems to be a mandatory component to running the show with grace and we asked Kim what that looks like for her. Kim emphasizes how inconvenient burnout is and strays far from the "no days off" bunch. Like the other ladies interviewed, her day begins with faith and self-development. One hour each week is devoted to brainless activities. And the remainder of her free time is devoted to her children, weekly 8-mile walks, and laughing until herself and the kiddies are in tears. "I am HUGE on self-care. I do entirely too much and too many people rely on me [so I can't afford] to burnout."
Keep up with Kim on Instagram @kimmasononline.
Featured image courtesy of Rainbow Barris
Danielle Smith is a Toronto-based Personal Development Junkie on the gram @youbettaglowgirl. She keeps her hands full as a Writer, Speaker, Stylist & Non-Profit Founder, all while doing her most important job as a full-time mama of one. Marching to the beat of her own drum and a playlist of her favourite 90s R&B, she's blazed a path of her own.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy