Work-Life Balance Might Seem Like A Myth, Try This Instead.
For years, we've been reading and talking about achieving work-life balance, the idea that you really excel personally and professionally without neglecting either sphere, but is it really possible?
I asked random friends and followers on social media about how balance was working in their lives, and here are some highlights:
- A married mother of four struggled to achieve balance, so she became a stay-at-home mom and began a thriving small business;
- A single, childless nurse whose work life has eclipsed her personal life;
- A solopreneur and mom of two who changed jobs to spend more time with her children;
- A married mom of two who encourages others to ask for help and receive it when offered;
- A media professional and adjunct professor who received a warning for high stress from her physician.
Sounds like we're all finding our way by trial and error, but there's good news. Dr. Dawna Ballard, Associate Professor at the University of Texas-Austin, studies chronemics, the intersection of time and communication, and says trying to achieve work-life balance may be unrealistic because the outdated model doesn't accommodate the blurred line between personal and professional in today's society. "Just the language of work-life balance begins with this assumption that work and life are two separate things," she told us. "The challenge has been work-life balance becomes all about this weighing and comparing two things that are sort of at odds with each other."
Instead, Ballard suggests living and working in alignment, which focuses on the interdependence of work and life rather than putting them in competition with each other. "It's no longer talking about weighing two things, so when we talk about, 'Can we have it all?' that's still a mathematical question. There's no 'all' to be had if you're just talking about how interdependent things are. Are things working in concert with each other?"
Ballard gives us tips on how to transition to this updated way of living:
Find your core.
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Alignment begins with figuring out what matters to you and working from those desires. Are you changing your focus to spend more valuable time with your family? Is your personal health a priority for now? When agreeing to do things, make sure they are aligned with what you really care about.
Respect your limits.
If your to-do list is jam-packed, it's likely you think you have to honor all of those requests. You don't and maybe you shouldn't. "Alignment reminds us that there is a demand-capacity issue that we have to consider," Ballard says.
Being attentive to how much you can take on will positively affect your physical, mental, and emotional health. "Someone else can do a million more things that I can't do, it's just not what I can do. I've got to respect it, and what that may mean is I've got to say 'no' to people."
Check-in with yourself.
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You can use meditative practice of any kind as an intentional time to think about what is really necessary and what can be knocked off of your list according to your operating core. It does not have to be linked to spirituality or religion of any kind. If meditation doesn't work, use a sport or favorite hobby to tune in.
After you align, realign.
You won't get it "right" every time, and over time, some parts of your life will receive more attention than others. "We don't get to solve life, which is kind of what work-life balance presumes: There's some mathematical formula, but that's not the way life works," Ballard says. "That's not the way living beings work. We will change over time. We have to constantly be checking in with ourselves and modifying."
Modifications may include making life changes to even begin meaningful alignment. If your job or work isn't flexible enough to allow things to happen in tandem (we see you, micro-managers), Ballard says be intentional about increasing your skills and working on your strengths so you can transition to opportunities that best serve your core and result in more personal responsibility for your future.
You're doing your best day by day. Decide what's the most important and begin creating the life you need when you can.
Featured image by Getty Images
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- There's No Such Thing As 'Work-Life Balance' | HuffPost Life ›
- The myth of achieving work-life balance ›
- 3 Reasons Why Work-Life Balance Is a Myth | Inc.com ›
- Council Post: The Myth Of Work-Life Balance ›
- Work-life balance is an unhealthy myth — Quartz at Work ›
- Work-Life Balance Is a Myth. Do This Instead | Time ›
- 10 Myths About Work-Life Balance and What to Do Instead ›
Alisha Tillery is a freelance writer and journalist living and working in Memphis, Tennessee. Find more of her work at www.alishatillery.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images