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Here’s How Publicist Kiki Ayers Juggles A Pregnancy And Her Six-Figure PR Agency
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
The first time I learned about Kiki Ayers, it was through stumbling onto her PR business Instagram account, Ayers Publicity. I found myself in this rabbit hole of research, and as I continued to read up on the brainchild of what I saw to be a successful agency, I realized that what was actually gravitating me to her was her undeniable hustle and drive — something I know firsthand can't be taught or sold, you just have to have it.
Ayers comes from a life that few have had to see up close — at 16 years old, she was homeless and living in the car with her mother and two siblings. She attended Howard University (heeey, Bison fam!) and immediately began breaking barriers, becoming a first-generation college student in her family. She's worked at some of the biggest production houses you can name, but it wasn't until she was sitting on the floor of a hotel bathroom, unraveling after leaving her job and becoming homeless as an adult, that the solution was right here: Start her own agency.
Though it wasn't easy, Ayers has shown us ALL that purpose and perfection don't always align, but that you have to take a step out on faith to ever see if you really have it in you. Her story is one that hits so close to home, that I am honored to have done this interview.
In this installment of Finding Balance, Ayers talked with xoNecole and dished on life, love, how she juggles it with a six-figure business set to hit seven marks by 2021.
What is an average day or week like for you?
As a publicist and entrepreneur, every day is completely different. One day, I might be on a press run with a client in a different city. The next, I might be on the red carpet for another client. One day, I'm pitching my clients for hours and not hearing anything back, and the next day, there's 10 articles dropping that day on different clients. A lot of times, I have to adjust my schedule based on my clients. They may have a song they worked on that had to drop early because it was leaked, or I have to fly into a city last minute to pull together a press run for them. They come first — eventually you learn to adjust, take on the challenge, and at the end of the day, deliver the results.
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week? How do you push through?
The most hectic part of my week is typically Monday through Thursday. People get back in the office Monday, and the pitches are coming out from myself and my team nonstop. We're always writing different pitches for different publications, working with multiple schedules, and of course, different personalities. It's hard to get everyone's schedule to align and harder to get people to agree to write about your client. There's the hectic part of dealing with current clients but also handling new clients and making sure they get their roll out plans, invoices, and PR agreements handled. So there's the balance of making sure current clients get the best PR experience and more than their money's worth while also making sure you continue to expand and grow your company by bringing in new clients.
How do you practice self-care? What is your self-care routine?
I practice self-care by watching what I put in my body. I'm not a super clean eater, but there's a lot of things I don't eat to remain feeling clean and better. I had a bad habit of not eating nearly as much as I should have everyday, as well as not eating the rest of my food, but I'm currently pregnant so I'm always making time to put my baby first and feed him. I make sure to eat as soon as I wake up, pack snacks for the day, take all my prenatal vitamins and iron pills, etc. I also make sure to wash my face at least twice a day and workout as much as I can.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
With friends, it's not too hard to find balance. I definitely wish I had more time to spend with my friends, but most of my friends are successful entrepreneurs, so it's great to be surrounded by supportive friends who know what it means to be busy as well as understanding that they can't always see you and vice versa. We all have to work, and as entrepreneurs, we don't get to take days or just weekends off. Having that support system is amazing as well as motivating. I love that I have people around me that inspire me to do better, but I do need to get out a little more. I'm still learning but I'm progressively getting better.
Love/Relationships?
Love and relationships are so complicated. Prior to my current situation, I hadn't been on a date in five years. I just think dates are awkward and I'd rather pay for my own food than to use someone for a free meal. I think a relationship can be balanced and it's not as hard as people make it, just as long as both people are working and making it a priority. It's important to find time to get to know people because you're always learning about the other person.
If a person can constantly make time for their friends and roommates and to go out and to travel but can't put aside a couple hours a week for you for at least one date night, then that's probably not a situation you want to be in. I've also had cases where I dated people who have endless time to try to discuss their business ventures with me but nothing outside of that. That's definitely a situation where someone is trying to use you and you should exit stage left immediately. Right now, my love life is nonexistent. I'm just focused on building with this beautiful blessing that's growing inside of me.
Dating/Marriage/Kids?
I don't have any kids yet but my first born will be here in December (this month). I'm beyond excited to be carrying a beautiful baby boy. A lot of people doubted me when I first announced I was pregnant. Women, especially Black women, are looked upon in a negative light when they announce they're pregnant, and people have a way of making you feel like your biggest blessing is a mistake. These same people didn't understand or believe in me when I left corporate, when I got into reporting, or when I started my own PR Firm, but being pregnant was the best thing that happened to me. It forced me to grow up in ways I didn't even know I needed to. My business is making 5x as much as before, I have much better clients, and I'm launching my second company.
The way I plan on balancing everything once he's here is by incorporating him into everything I do. I am fortunate to be in a position where my work will allow me to be with my son majority of the time. He's going to be my business partner and co-founder of my next company and I'm more excited than anything to set him up financially, teach him about business at an early age, and create generational wealth. I have so many ideas and plans that I just can't wait to unfold.
"Women, especially Black women, are looked upon in a negative light when they announce they're pregnant, and people have a way of making you feel like your biggest blessing is a mistake."
How important is it to you to exercise and how many times a week? What is your routine?
I hired an in-home trainer to help me prepare for the delivery. I have to give myself at least six weeks after birth to heal, so as soon as that time is up, I'll start back up with my trainer. I currently work out three times a week. I just have to get up extra early in order to fit it in my schedule. I usually work out from 6-7 am at the gym in my building with the trainer. Right now, I'm doing pilates-type workouts.
Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
I used to eat out a lot because I'm always on the go, but I recently moved into a beautiful spot and absolutely love my kitchen so I cook all the time. I meal prep for the week, and being a really hungry pregnant lady, I always take my cooked meals and snacks in my purse with me.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
At first, I take a few hours to process how I feel but I don't ever dwell on it. When I feel like that, it motivates me even more to go back to the drawing board, regroup, and try again. I can't ever just give up though. I don't know how to do that. I get more creative in those situations.
What does success mean to you?
Success to me means being in a position to not only help yourself but to help the people around you. A lot of times I see successful people who are rich but the people on their teams are struggling just to eat. That's not the definition of a boss to me. You have to take care of the people who are taking care of you. I would love to have a huge platform and to be in the position to help and motivate people. That means speaking out, challenging people, and being honest with the people that look up to you rather than putting on a show for the 'gram or portraying a fake image.
"A lot of times, I see successful people who are rich but the people on their teams are struggling to eat. That's not the definition of a boss to me."
For more of KiKi, follow her on Instagram. And check out past women we've featured on Finding Balance women by clicking here.
Featured image by Jen J Photo.
- THE FOUNDER ›
- Ke'Andrea "Kiki" Ayers - Founder - Ayers Publicity, LLC | LinkedIn ›
- Kiki Ayers• (@kikiayers) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- HerSource: Kiki Ayers Reveals How Mixed Blessings Shaped Her ... ›
- How a Formerly Homeless L.A. Publicist Uses Her Network to ... ›
- The Journey of Kiki Ayers: From Homelessness to Success - YouTube ›
- Kiki Ayers is a powerhouse in media and entertainment - Rolling Out ›
- From Homeless To Celebrity PR Agent In Just Two Years ›
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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