September is about being confident, getting organized, communicating, and claiming your blessings. A lot of pleasant and fulfilling energy is playing out this month, but a few surprises will be coming up for people as well. The month begins with the Sun in goddess Virgo, and life is a little more focused, grounded, and nurturing in this energy. The Sun will be in this earth sign for most of September until September 22, and this is a good month to get things in order, cleanse your space, be there for others, and take care of your overall health and well-being.
On the first day of the month, two retrogrades are grabbing our attention. Uranus goes retrograde in Taurus until January 30, 2025, and Pluto retrograde enters Capricorn until October 11. With Uranus moving into retrograde motion, we are rethinking our creative visions and stance on things, and this can bring up areas of your life where you are needing a little more freedom. Pluto has been retrograde in Aquarius since early May and moves into Capricorn on September 1, finishing off its over-a-decade-long Pluto in Capricorn transit that began in 2008. While Pluto is in retrograde in Capricorn, it is a time of reflecting on what you have built in your life and the foundations and systems that have empowered you.
September 2 brings the New Moon of the month, and this New Moon will be aligning with the Sun in the sign of Virgo. A Virgo New Moon is all about setting intentions for your future goals and plans, grounding your energy, creating space by cleaning or sprucing up the home, and taking care of yourself. This is an empowering New Moon and is a good time to manifest and open up to receive some new abundance. Mars enters Cancer on September 4, and Mars in Cancer brings up a lot of emotions, but also a lot of dedication, love, and connection.
More passion and motivation are going towards the home, the inner world, and emotional well-being in this energy, and this is a healing transit.
Mercury moves into Virgo, and we get an opportunity for enhanced creativity, ideas, and intuition. Mercury will be direct in Virgo from September 9 until September 26, and this is a chance for a re-do and an opportunity to see something you may have missed before. Mercury was retrograde in Virgo from August 5 to August 14, and what wasn’t working for you then is coming up again for you now, but you have new tools and wisdom to approach it. September 17 brings the Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in Pisces, and this is when things start shaking up this month.
This particular Full Moon is special because it’s a Lunar Eclipse, Supermoon, and Harvest Moon all in one. There is a lot of abundant, supporting, and nurturing energy coming forth during this Eclipse and it’s an opportunity to reflect and let go of old insecurities and self-doubt. A lot is awakening and being put into perspective during this time and it’s everything we need to prepare for this Eclipse Season.
Libra Season officially begins on September 22, and we end September, bringing the focus to love. Libra Season is always a time when relationships and partnerships are more of the focus, and this energy is further enhanced this year by Venus entering Scorpio on the same day. Think about your close commitments and where you are feeling valued, nurtured, and supported, or where you can ask for what you need more. Mercury will be entering Libra on September 26, and there is a lot to think about as the month ends. Overall, September is here to bring in some new blessings, clarity, and connections.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what the month has in store.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
You are focused on getting things done this month, Aries. You have more responsibilities on your plate right now, but it’s nothing you can’t handle or haven’t prepared for. September begins with a New Moon in your 6th house of health, routine, daily life, and your working environment and this is a good time to set your intentions for your overall well-being in life. What are you committing yourself to right now, and how can you bring a more grounded and organized approach to your daily routine?
On September 4, Mars, your ruling planet, enters your 4th house of home, family, your inner world, and sense of security in life and you are being motivated by growth more than ever. Extra activity and commotion are expected in the home with this transit, so make sure you are finding your balance and taking care of yourself, too. In September, we also have a Lunar Eclipse, and this eclipse will be happening in an area of your chart that represents closure, letting go, and healing. Big transformations occur as you end the month, but these are positive outcomes from the work you have done.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
Your guidance for the month is to let it go, Taurus. Don’t hold onto things too tightly that haven’t worked out for you, and listen to your body when it’s telling you to slow down. You have been carrying a lot on your shoulders, and with the Sun in your 5th house for most of this month, you are being nudged to have more fun, relax, and focus on the things and people that make you truly happy. With Uranus going retrograde in your sign at the start of the month on September 1, you are doing a lot of reflecting and reworking in September and seeing where you have been feeling overburdened.
There is a New Moon in fellow earth sign Virgo on September 2, and this is an exciting and romantic New Moon for you. Set your intentions for love, and focus on what your heart wants to manifest. Before the month ends, Venus, your ruling planet, moves into your sister sign, Scorpio, until October 17, and this is good news for you. Venus, over the next few weeks, will bring you the full picture in love and will be one of the more romantic and fulfilling times of the year for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
September is a month of success, stability, and support for you, Gemini. You are walking into new doors this month and feeling the recognition you have hoped for. There is a lot to look forward to in your life right now, and with a New Moon in your 4th house, as the month begins, a lot of this success and positive support is coming in for you in terms of family, home life, and overall abundance. You are feeling more stable and grounded as you enter the month, and it’s encouraging you to think more about what is possible for you.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, moves into Virgo on September 9 and will be joining the Sun in your 4th house. With Mercury here, the best conversations you are having right now are the more intimate ones in safe and comfy settings, and you’re connecting with others on another level during this transit until September 26. Before September comes to an end, the Sun moves into a fellow air sign, Libra, and after a month of gaining new ground, taking things slow, and enjoying your successes, you move into a season of love, entertainment, and freedom.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is about giving yourself more grace and focusing on self-love and confidence, Cancer. The energy of the month is in your 3rd house of communication, transportation, siblings, and neighbors, and life is usually more active when the Sun is here. You are doing a lot and having important conversations right now, but remember to have confidence and self-assurance with what is moving around in your life. You show people how to treat you with how you treat yourself, and this month is a time to check in to make sure everything is aligning for you.
On September 17, we have the Lunar Eclipse of the month, and this Eclipse occurs in an area of your life that has to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education. You are gaining a new perspective in September, and you may see some old travel plans finally fall through for you during this time. You are moving around a lot this month, and new doors open for you when you get your energy moving. Before September ends, Venus moves into your 9th house of adventure, and you are feeling the need for more freedom and renewed energy in your love life as you end the month.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
September is a fresh start for you, Leo. After dealing with Mercury retrograde in your sign at the end of last month, Mercury is finally direct in Leo until September 9, and you get to walk into this month with a little less weight on your shoulders. You are feeling inspired and excited for the future right now, and there is a lot to look forward to in your life. The New Moon, happening on September 2, is a good chance to manifest new opportunities for yourself financially, and this is a time to ask for a raise, open a new door career-wise, get a promotion, or discover a new stream of income.
As you are balancing the new developments that are taking place for you both personally and financially at the beginning of the month, Mars enters your 12th house of closure on September 4, bringing the energy to a slow down and urging you to process, heal, and get some more rest. While Mars is in your 12th house until November 3, you may feel a lack of energy and a need to take a step back and heal. Listen to your body and trust that when you take care of yourself, you can do more things in return.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Virgo Season is fully here, and you are ready to have some fun and thrive, Virgo. This is a more upbeat, positive, and harmonious month for you and you are focused on enjoying your life. There was a lot of heaviness you had to move through this summer, and once September comes around, you are letting all of that go and embracing the new love, people, and opportunities surrounding you.
The New Moon in Virgo on September 2 is one of the most powerful New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest, and you should be thinking of your personal progress, self-empowerment, and path to joy at the start of September.
Mercury moves into your sign from September 9 until September 26, and this is your ruling planet; therefore, the stars are aligning in the best ways for you mentally right now. While Mercury is in your sign, you will be doing a lot of thinking, writing, communicating, and processing. Take it all in, but don’t overwhelm yourself with perfection or the tiny details.
Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in your 7th house of partnership, and love is coming full circle to bless you with some more support and encouragement.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
You are working through a lot and overcoming some fears in September, Libra. There has been a lot of unexpected energy in your life recently, and it's left you feeling uneasy about what’s next. This month is a chance for reflection and a time to let go of unhealthy obsessions or perspectives that are limiting your experience of life. The New Moon of the month occurs on September 2 and will be in your 12th house of endings, healing, dreams, and secrets, and this is a good time to set your intentions for your healing and transformations in life. Work through what is coming up for you right now without judging or shaming, Libra.
Libra Season officially begins on September 22, and you get to take a step back and look at the life that has come full circle for you. With the Sun in your sign for the next month, you have more energy at your disposal, and after a heavy month, you are breaking free from the past. New beginnings are in store for you as you move out of September, and with Mercury entering your sign from September 26 until October 13, more mental well-being and clarity are flourishing for you as well.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
This month is all about perspective, Scorpio. You are working through some self-doubts and insecurities in September, and it’s time to focus on the bigger picture and stop overthinking things. A New Moon is happening in your 11th house of hopes, dreams, friendships, and wishes on September 2, and this is a good time to manifest. Focus on where you want to see more growth, connection, and clarity in your life, and write a list of things that are purposeful for you or that make you feel authentically you that you want to see more of in your life.
Mars, your ruling planet, moves into fellow water sign, Cancer, on September 4 and will be here until November 3, enhancing your more adventurous side. It’s all about thinking outside the box right now, getting out of your comfort zone, traveling, and trying new things. The Supermoon Lunar Eclipse of the month is also happening in a water sign and will be coming full circle on September 17 in the sign of Pisces. This Full Moon for you is an awakening of love, and you are getting a moment to take a deep breath, enjoy, and flow in gratitude for the love that is here for you now.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
This month is all about getting things moving and taking action, Sagittarius. You are focused on your goals, career life, reputation, and achievements, and you are showing up and making things happen for yourself. The month begins with Mars, the planet of passion, energy, and direction, moving into your 8th house, which is the area of your life that rules shared finances, commitments, intimacy, debts, resources, and transformation. You are getting down to the nitty gritty this month and will be cleaning the house while also creating space for new abundance to enter.
September is an empowering month for you overall, and a lot of this energy is going to stabilize more for you once the Lunar Eclipse comes around on September 17. On the day of this Eclipse, focus on letting go of feeling like your life has been out of your hands, and write lists of gratitude for areas of your life where you have grown this year or felt more stable and secure. As you end the month, the Sun moves into Libra and into your 11th house, and you walk into a month where your friendships and community will be grabbing more of your focus as you recognize you don’t have to do it all alone.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
You are moving into something better, Capricorn; remember that this month. This is a more emotional time of the year for you and you are working through some things that have been weighing heavy on your mind. The perspectives you are gaining are invaluable, and these eye-opening experiences occur right as you enter the month as Pluto goes retrograde in your sign on September 1. While Pluto is retrograde in Capricorn until October 11, notice in which ways you have personally evolved over the last decade or so and what changes you have made in your life that have truly empowered you and made you feel like you were on the right path.
The New Moon occurring this month is in fellow earth sign Virgo on September 2, and this is a good time to get out, go somewhere new, or plan a trip. Set your intentions for where you want to grow and learn over the next month, and take some more time out to have fun. On September 17, the Lunar Eclipse of the month rolls around, and this Eclipse is an opportunity for you to clear the air. This Eclipse will be happening in your 3rd house of the mind, and it’s all about receiving the messages and guidance you have been looking for, using your voice, and communicating how you are feeling.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
Expect the unexpected this month, Aquarius. You are at a moment in your life when you are not where you have been, but you are also not where you want to go either. You are finding your way this month and with the Sun in your 8th house of transformation, changes will fall into place in the process. Once Mars enters your 6th house on September 4, you will feel a lot more energy to take care of yourself and your health, and this is a good time to take care of the things you have been putting on the back burner. Whatever you prioritize this month has the chance to really grow into something beautiful in the future; remember that.
On September 17, we have a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse occurring in your 2nd house of income, values, confidence, and stability, and this Eclipse is about focusing on gratitude and letting go of the rest. Assess all that you have created for yourself, give back, pay off a debt, clean up your purse, wallet, or finances, and be free. You are getting a lot of things in order financially this month and this Eclipse will be helping you make that needed space. Overall, this month is about putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that your positive intentions are coming true for you.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
Focus on what makes you happy and what changes need to be made to experience more of that, Pisces. It’s all about having the right perspective right now, and with the energy in your 7th house of love for most of this month, you may be feeling more pressure in your relationships or love life right now. The New Moon that occurs in your opposite sign, Virgo, on September 2, is the perfect opportunity to set your intentions for love, and this is a good time to give yourself a fresh start here and to trust that you deserve an easy and fulfilling romance.
The Lunar Eclipse happening this month will be in your sign, and it’s also a Supermoon and a Harvest Moon all in one. This is an abundant and fulfilling time of the month for you, and even though you are still working through a lot of personal changes right now, you are overall feeling the need for them and how much life is getting better for you from here. As we end the month, Venus, the planet of love, moves into your 5th house of romance, happiness, creativity, and sex, and you are entering a spicy time of the year when love takes a turn and things start heating up for you.
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
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Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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