I Made Eye Contact With Random Men For 7 Days And This Is What Happened
I've been saying for years that I am ready for a relationship but after listening to an episode on xoNecole's Happy Hour Podcast called "I Met my Husband in an Uber Pool", I had to be completely honest with myself and admit that my behavior would suggest otherwise. In this episode, xoNecole founder Necole Kane talked about how she had to check herself and her energy. She realized that she was not giving off energy that said she was open to meeting someone. Instead she was constantly looking at her phone and often had her headphones on, all of which show that she is closed off and not interested in meeting anyone. Necole then challenged herself and her listeners to do the following:
For 7 days, whenever you encounter somone of the opposite sex, you must make eye contact, smile, and say "hi".
Sounds simple, right? Well, not for me. But that is exactly why I chose to participate in the challenge. I'm going to be moving to a new city in a couple of weeks and figured that this would be good practice for me, so I did it. Here's what happened:
Monday
On the first day of the challenge, I had to work at a clinic for a few hours and encountered only women while there. But after I left the clinic, I stopped by the mall to get lunch and figured that was a great place to start the challenge. I was smiling and saying "hi" to every man I crossed paths with in that mall. Young, old, black, and white. What I immediately noticed was that everyone regardless of race or age spoke back and they spoke back with a smile. I also noticed that everyone seemed pleasantly surprised that I spoke to them first.
Now, I don't mean that in an arrogant way but I think it's because it's uncommon for women to speak first and they were actually genuinely surprised. What I also noticed on that first day was how out of my comfort zone I felt. I honestly felt awkward which is crazy because I speak to women that I don't know all of the time. I am the chick that stays complimenting women on their shoes, hair, outfits, bags, and eyebrows. But initiating any sort of contact with someone of the opposite sex was not natural for me and I had to keep reminding myself to do it throughout the day.
Tuesday
On Tuesday, I had to travel to San Antonio, Texas and, later, Washington, DC for work. I immediately regretted starting the challenge. Do y'all know how many men are at airports? Traveling for work also meant hotels, restaurants, and Ubers. I started to abort mission and postpone the challenge on a less busy week, but that's why it's called a challenge right? It's not supposed to be easy. So, I pushed through. As I walked through the airport, I made eye contact, smiled, and said "hi" to every man that I came in contact with. Again, I was greeted with smiles and they all spoke back. I even struck up a conversation with a guy at a store I stopped in. Homeboy looked like he was about two seconds from asking for my hand in marriage. Also, I encountered a very attractive black man and I smiled and spoke to him as well. He spoke back before heading into the restroom.
When he came out, he sat across from me and every time I looked up, he was looking at me. I smiled again and he smiled back. I immediately checked his left hand for a ring and didn't see one.
Of course, at that moment, I had to pee really bad. *insert eye roll* I went to the restroom and when I came back, I noticed that he was talking to a group of people (co-workers, I'm assuming). Y'all tell me why this mug slid a wedding ring out of his pants pocket and back on that left ring finger? This joker also had the nerve to be wearing a W.W.J.D (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet. I'll tell you what Jesus would not do sir...he would not be taking his wedding ring off at the airport. Anyway, after I landed in San Antonio I talked to my Uber driver that took me to my hotel and also the Uber driver that took me to the restaurant where I had dinner. Usually, I wear headphones in Ubers to discourage conversation but I actually had a great conversation with both drivers. One was an older man. He was a retired Vet and he was so sweet. The other Uber driver was FINE, y'all. He was really nice and gave me some restaurant suggestions after I told him that I would be coming there on a regular basis.
Wednesday
On Wednesday, I worked all day in a clinic in San Antonio so, for the most part of the day, I didn't really encounter any men. From San Antonio, I had to fly to DC and my Uber driver was male. I initiated conversation with him and we had a dope conversation. We talked about choosing to see the positive in the world instead of focusing on the negative. He also said I looked 25 and not 37, so shout out to him. When I got to the airport in San Antonio, I spoke to this guy who looked to be in his twenties. He didn't speak back but made the "ooh you fine" noise. I encountered a lot of white men in the airport and what I noticed was that they were pleasantly surprised that I initiated conversation with them. Some of them gave me "the look". You know the look.
One guy in the San Antonio airport told me that I was a very beautiful woman after I said "hi" to him. The Uber driver that took me to my hotel in DC was a man but he was musty, so I couldn't talk to him. I was too focused on not throwing up in the car, so yeah...sorry Necole. What I found interesting was that a lot of men actually averted eye contact before I could even say "hi" or smile. It made me think of conversations I have had with some of my male friends. They said that approaching or initiating contact with a woman is very intimidating for a lot of men because of fear of rejection.
Thursday
On Thursday, I worked at Georgetown University hospital in DC. I encountered some very attractive doctors who all smiled and spoke back. I will have to work there every couple of months, so I will keep y'all posted on that. I wouldn't be mad if my husband had MD behind his name. I was eventually joined by a sponsor representative that I work with which meant I had to tone down some of my grinning and speaking so that I could talk to him because...you know...work.
Weekend
My weekend was pretty chill so I didn't come into contact with a lot of men. I worked from home all day on Friday. Saturday and Sunday were spent packing for my upcoming move.
My Thoughts
As I'm writing this, it's Monday, the start of a new week and the challenge is officially complete. Thinking back, it was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I'm not sure why I thought it would be scary in the first place. It did take me out of my comfort zone but, after a couple of days, it started to become a habit. I realized that just like I do with my 9-5 job, and just like I do with my blog, I have to put myself out there if I want certain results. As a result of participating in the challenge, I am more mindful of the energy I put out as it relates to the opposite sex. I was also reminded that men fear rejection just like we do and if you seem a little more welcoming, they just may shoot their shot. I am glad I participated in the challenge and definitely plan to make this a habit. Thanks Necole! Be on the lookout for your wedding invitation!
Are you up for the challenge? Let us know how keeping your eye contact game strong has been affecting your love life in the comments down below.
If you haven't already, give the xoNecole Happy Hour Podcast episode "I Met My Husband In An UberPOOL" by clicking here.
Featured image by Giphy
Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Aoki Lee Simmons Recalls Being Talked About For Her Looks As A Child & Where She Stands With Her Dad
It's hard to grow up underneath the harsh light and the scrutiny of the public eye. Add a supermodel mogul mom, a media mogul dad, reality TV shows, and Baby Phat runway shows to the mix, and you'll have a taste of what it was like for Aoki Lee Simmons growing up in the limelight. All that glitters isn't gold, and personal challenges don't discriminate against tax brackets.
Earlier this year, Aoki made headlines alongside her mom, Kimora Lee Simmons, as they publicly revealed what they had been going through privately as a family. Amid Russell Simmons' rape and sexual misconduct allegations, he is also estranged from the family, which all came to a head following a public dispute about Father's Day. Aoki supported her mother's claims that Russell had allegedly threatened their lives and also posted a recording of a video call between the two where he could be seen yelling at Aoki. She also told the public how damaging their conversations and relationship had become for her mental health.
Aoki would eventually stand by her truth in the days that followed, posting to her Instagram account, "Until a short time ago, this is the man who told me 'always defend and look after your mother girls' and 'never let a man curse at you, you call daddy if a man ever tries to yell at you or scare you that's never ok! Real men don't shout at women and girls." She added, "So to all the toxic men in my comments using 'I'm defending him' to be foul and talk about all the grievances you have with women, you can save it. It's pathetic. He would agree I know that for sure."
Despite navigating troubling times as a family, Aoki had an incredible year so far in terms of achievements. Alongside her part-time pursuit of modeling, she was able to graduate from Harvard University with a double major. At 20 years old at the time, she stands in history as one of the youngest Black women to accomplish such a win. One of her latest career moments can be found on the September cover of Teen Vogue.
The now-21-year-old spoke candidly about reading online about her looks as a kid, the advantages of being a "nepo baby," and where she stands on what happened with her dad.
Aoki on her looks being scrutinized and critiqued at a young age:
“At the time, I was reading a lot of crazy stuff: 'Poor her, she got the dad genes.' There were literally articles like, ‘Celebrity Kid Gone Wrong’ — and I was like, ‘Okay, I’m 11.’"
On benefitting from being a nepo baby:
“It’s totally true. I had no idea if I’d do modeling without my family, without their name helping me. I sometimes think when I look at shows or shoots — if I had done it, and it was that bad, and I was not me, would I get another shot? Would I have had the chance to develop the way that I have?”
“All you can do is be grateful and try to stay in your lane a bit."
Aoki on having no regrets about exposing her fractured relationship with her dad online:
“I don’t regret it. Part of it was already out there. There were reasons I thought it was reasonable to publish, because it was playing out in, like, a silent bubble.”
To read the cover story in full, head over toTeen Vogue.
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Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for NYFW: The Shows