So, if you’re wondering why this article features a lead photo of a lotus flower, it’s because it’s actually one of the many symbols for a vagina. The backstory is two of the many things that a lotus represents are creation and rebirth — and so since we’re going to dive into what it means to have more of an emotional connection with your own vagina, I thought this visual would complement the mission perfectly.
But first — when you think of an emotional connection, what immediately comes to your mind? If it’s something along the lines of a bond between you and someone (or something) else, that’s a great mindset to have as you go through this particular piece. Because while it might not be a topic that is explored often, the more of a conscious (emotional) bond (connection) that you intentionally choose to cultivate between you and your vagina (and vulva) — the wiser decisions you will make concerning “her,” the more care you will put into nurturing her and meeting her specific needs, and the healthier she will be long-term.
So, are you ready to learn ten effective ways that can help you create this kind of relationship with your own lotus flower? Please read on and see.
1. Learn/Unlearn/Relearn About Your Vagina
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There’s a line from a Walt Whitman quote that I basically apply to virtually every area of my life: “Re-examine all you have been told in school or church or in any book, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul.” When it comes to your vagina, think about what you were told in school, by your parents, on television, via your friends — how did those things shape how you see your vagina now? If there are areas where you have a negative perspective or even places where you’re drawing a blank, the beauty of being an adult is you don’t have to be at the mercy of other people’s insights and opinions (now).
So, take some time to learn new things about your vagina, to replace some teachings that were ridiculous at best, or freshen up on some things that you’ve forgotten. You know, a part of the reason why I write on the vagina a lot on this platform is for these very reasons — because it’s hard to love what you don’t know and understand. Right?
(By the way, you can read up on some articles on the topic via our platform right here.)
2. Create Mantras for Your Vagina
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Basically, a mantra is something that you say over and over again during a meditative practice. An author on the topic once explained it this way: “A mantra can be thought of as a seed for energizing an intention” — and I think that’s a beautiful way to look at it.
Although you may have never thought about having “intentions for your vagina” before, when you think about the fact that it is a physical component of extreme pleasure and profound intimacy, why not have mantras for it? Simple things like, “I will bring my vagina the absolute best” or “I will not betray my vagina by pretending I am fulfilled when I am not” can rewire everything about how you approach relationships, sensuality, and sexuality.
So, if you are indeed a meditator (and if you aren’t, why not use this as an opportunity to at least try to become one), why not throw in 1-3 mantras that have some sort of a vaginal theme to them? You never know what that kind of “seed” could ultimately do for your “secret garden” (cue Quincy Jones ‘n them; the real ones know).
3. Set Aside Time for Sexual Meditation
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Speaking of mantras for your vagina and how they can improve your sex life, something else that you might want to consider is setting aside time for what is known as sexual meditation. If it sounds a bit intimidating, it’s really just about learning how to be more mindful when it comes to sexual intimacy. And since mindfulness is about getting into a state (mind, body, and spirit) that will cause you to be in the moment, focus on your breathing and while learning how to fully accept yourself — it makes all the sense in the world that sexual mindfulness would be good for you, your vagina and ultimately your sex life.
One way that you can do that is by doing something known as orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Another method is vaginal mapping. We’ll get into that next.
4. Do Some Vaginal Mapping
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The more counseling that I do, the more amazed I am that so many wives (who are also mothers) have never really looked at their vagina before. I mean, even during labor, they preferred to look elsewhere. Listen, I’m not gonna preach too much but if you’re also someone who would rather “take a pass,” at least consider doing vaginal self-exams (check out “Why You Should Give Yourself A ‘Vaginal Self-Exam’”); just like your breasts need you to check up on them, your vagina does too. Don’t just wait until your annual visit to your gynecologist to make sure that everything is A-OK down below.
For those of you who may want to learn how to take things up a notch from a self-exam, get into what is known as vaginal mapping. Long story short, it’s all about exploring your vagina in a way that will help you to feel more comfortable with it, addressing some emotional or sexual issues you might be suppressing, and developing some sexual self-confidence as well. There are many people who have done vaginal mapping before and found it as a powerful way to find holistic healing on a myriad of levels. Anyway, if you want to learn a bit more about vaginal mapping and how it might personally benefit you, check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey.”
5. Purchase Items for Your Vagina and Vulva
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Me? I like to take my vagina and vulva shopping. What I mean by that is, every six weeks or so, I will tiptoe out into cyberspace to see what kind of products exist just for my va-jay-jay. As a result, I’ve found a vaginal wash that I really like, an oil for my pubic hair that makes it all feel uber soft, and a trimmer that doesn’t nick me. Oh, and don’t even get me started on panty shopping — between drawers and lip gloss, I know that I have a low-key addiction.
Real talk, there are a lot of items out in the world that are specifically designed for your vagina and vulva (including pubic hair dye if you want to cover up your grays like this brand here and this one here). So, why not cultivate some bonding time with “her” by setting aside a few coins to treat your own vagina to a few new things every once in a while (meaning, once a season…at least)?
6. Give Your Vagina and Vulva a “Pamper Day” (Monthly)
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Pampering is about extending an extreme level of indulgence, kindness, and care to someone or something. Do you do that for your vagina? For instance, when was the last time that your vagina (and vulva) had its own pampering day? This can include DIY’ing a vaginal wash for your time in the tub, making a rosewater solution to soothe an irritated vulva, giving your vulva a bit of a massage or hell, or even taking a longer nap so that your vagina (and the rest of you) can destress?
It can’t be said enough that a lot of us confuse self-maintenance with pampering — so, when it comes to your vagina, think about something that you can do for it that goes above and beyond…and then, instead of second-guessing, just go ahead and do it!
7. Feed Your Vagina Well
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Your diet affects everything about you — your vagina is absolutely no exception. For instance, because I have a fungal sensitivity, I’ve had to cut down on dairy (I never really do milk, but I do dig ice cream and cheese) because…did you know that dairy (and sugar) can jack up your pH levels and make you more susceptible to vaginal yeast infections? Yup. Bottom line here is it’s hard for your vagina to trust you if you’re not feeding it right, and yes, there are foods that work for your vagina (check out “The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving”) and foods that work directly against it (check out “Here’s What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Eat LESS Of”).
There are plenty of articles (like this one here and this one here) to support the fact that your diet directly impacts your mental and emotional health for better or for worse. It’s hard to be emotionally sound when it comes to any part of you if you’re not consuming what will ultimately benefit you — head to toe. So, get — and keep — that diet right.
8. Forgive Your Vagina
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Have you ever low-key been upset with your vagina and/or vulva before? Hell, I have. When I had a yeast infection that demanded antibiotics. When my vulva (the outer part of my vagina) is irritated, and I can’t seem to get to the root of why. Back in the day, when I was sexually active, and I felt like I let how my vagina felt about someone’s penis trump what my brain was telling me about the person’s character. I could go on and on.
And just like any other time when we hold unforgivingness in our being, those moments caused me to feel disconnected from my vagina (and vulva) — sometimes without me even realizing it. I wouldn’t be as gentle with her. I wouldn’t mind skipping a wax appointment or two. I would ignore her when she was sending me signs that I wasn’t feeding her correctly or that a body wash or brand of detergent was literally rubbing her the wrong way. I wouldn’t sex journal my way into some clarity and peace about my past sexual decisions.
A great “starter definition” of forgiveness is one that I share often. It’s by author Gary Zukav: “Forgiveness is accepting that the past can’t change.” If you know that you don’t feel as good about your vagina as you should, take some time out to do some writing on why. And if you discover that you’re harboring some negativity towards it on some level, get intentional about forgiving it — and yourself. Not only does forgiveness help to improve the quality of your health, but it also boosts your self-esteem and makes your life better overall.
As a bonus, forgiveness reduces stress — and the less stressed out you are, the more you decrease your chances of experiencing various types of vaginal infections.
9. Thank Your Vagina
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I don’t know about y’all, but me and my vagina have shared some good times. There have also been moments when I know that my diet and sleep patterns have been off of the chain, and the good bacteria up in there kept the bad bacteria from taking over. Not to mention that my periods have been pretty kind to me over the years. Yeah, my vagina also deserves a “thank you” — and so does yours. And here’s the thing about expressing gratitude: it literally helps you to feel more positive so that you can have healthier emotions and, ultimately, healthier relationships.
Being thankful also helps you to not take things for granted — and since vaginas help to make great sex possible, help to birth babies, and play a role in our cycles staying on track…when’s the last time you gave it a heartfelt thank-you for holding you down?
10. Don’t Stress Your Vagina Out
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Stress isn’t good for any part of your being. Mentally, it can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious, and/or depressed, being unable to make clear decisions, having a low libido, being sleep deprived, and not being productive throughout the day. Physically, it can create muscle tension, put on pounds, increase your chances of having heart disease (and a heart attack), give you digestive issues, and impair your memory. Emotionally, you can find yourself being frustrated, easily distracted and not being able to relax. And your vagina? Well, I wrote an entire article on what can happen when it’s had it up to here (check out “Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?”).
As we close this out, nothing can thrive and flourish in the way that it was designed to if it’s stressed out all of the time — and sis, if you’re having lots of vaginal infections, if you’re struggling to stay lubricated during sex, if your menstrual cramps are more intense than usual, all of this could be due to the fact that you and your vagina are not as in sync as you both should be, due to the fact that stress is all up in the way. So yes, get more rest. Drink more water (and herbal teas). Treat yourself to a new pair of panties. And give this article another once-over.
Because take it from me: when you are proactive about giving your vagina the time, attention, and praise that it not only needs but deserves, it can’t help but cause your entire being to feel better. How could it not when your vagina is such an essential part of you? One that is definitely worthy of feeling deeply connected to the deepest parts of your being…at all times.
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Those rumors were more than laid to rest when Jodie and Joshua went to the 2023 Oscars together earlier this year, and even more recently, when they celebrated her birthday together last month during the September unveiling of the Lotus Emeya.
Jodie Turner-Smith celebrates her birthday with husband Joshua Jackson at the unveiling of the new fully-electric Lotus Emeya on September 07, 2023 in New York City.
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Despite seeming particularly happy and in love, perhaps the writing was already written on the wall even then. In the past, Jodie has been very celebratory publicly about her love for her estranged husband, even boldly recounting their love story for the books in a 2021 interview with Seth Meyers.
When Jodie and Joshua met, it was while at his birthday party in 2018. Their relationship was hot and heavy from the start, with Jodie openly noting that they began as a "one-night stand." During her 2021 interview with Seth Meyers, she jokingly referred to their love story as a "three-year one-night stand." She shared:
"First of all, I saw him before he saw me and when I saw him, I was like, 'I want that.' And then when he saw me, I just pretended like I didn't see him. He had to yell across the room to me, and I was wearing this T-shirt from a movie called Sorry to Bother You and [actress] Tessa Thompson plays a character called Detroit, and she has this T-shirt that says, 'The Future Is Female Ejaculation.'
"And so, he shouts across the room, 'Detroit!' He comes over and… does this really cute, charming thing that he does and just all night -- he just basically followed me around the party."
The couple were together from that moment forth, and even made things "Instagram official" less than two weeks later while on a dinner date. Joshua would later clarify to Insider that the night they met in 2018 was not a 'one-night stand' or a 'three-year one-night stand' like his then-wife joked but instead, it was "technically a three-night stand."
"It was sealed with a kiss that night and then we didn't leave each other's sides for, well, three years now," Joshua continued at the time.
In a July 2021 interview with Jimmy Fallon, Joshua dropped more details about the why behind getting married. He revealed that he didn't know he wanted to get married to Jodie until "the moment she asked me."
"She asked me on New Year's Eve. We were in Nicaragua. It was very beautiful, incredibly romantic, we were walking down the beach and she asked me to marry her."
He added, "I did not know [she would propose], but she was quite adamant and she was right. This is the best choice I ever made."
Joshua Jackson Reveals Jodie Turner-Smith Proposed To Him
Jodie received quite a bit of flack for proposing to Joshua because it goes against tradition and what society sees as acceptable for a woman to do to a man, and proposing isn't one of them. No matter how much time has passed, the viewpoints around who should do the proposing and who should be proposed to are still very traditional.
After being on the receiving end of such backlash, Joshua would later clarify to the media in a separate interview that it wasn't just Jodie's proposal to him that sealed the deal of them getting married, he proposed to her too. She might have initiated it, but Joshua followed through.
"I accidentally threw my wife under the bus because that story was told quickly and it didn't give the full context and holy Jesus, the internet is racist and misogynist," he explained to Refinery29 that same year. "We were in Nicaragua on a beautiful moonlit night, it could not possibly have been more romantic."
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He continued, "And yes, my wife did propose to me and yes, I did say yes, but what I didn't say in that interview was there was a caveat, which is that I'm still old school enough that I said, 'This is a yes, but you have to give me the opportunity [to do it too].'"
"She has a biological father and a stepdad, who's the man who raised her. [I said], 'You have to give me the opportunity to ask both of those men for your hand in marriage.' And then, 'I would like the opportunity to re-propose to you and do it the old-fashioned way down on bended knee.' So, that's actually how the story ended up."
Joshua and Jodie would eventually marry in December 2019. Shortly thereafter, Jodie gave birth to the couple's first child, Janie, in 2020.
In a recent interview with Elle UK, Jodie shared the ways becoming a mother to Juno helped to heal her of her wounds from colorism she experienced in the past. "It's interesting because I had a lot of resistance to becoming a mother and, throughout my life, I always said if I were to have children, I wanted to have Black, Black babies so that I could affirm them as children with the love that I felt I needed to have been affirmed with by the outside world," Jodie shared with the outlet.
She continued, "Then I fell in love with my husband and we talked about having kids. I did have this mini pause, where I was like, 'She's going to be walking through the world not only having an experience that I did not have, but looking like people that, in a way, I'd always felt a little bit tormented by.' Now that I've got this little, tiny, light-skinned boss, I feel like it’s the universe teaching me lessons. I've been given a daughter who looks this way to heal my own conversations around colorism."
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