

Something that has come to fascinate me more, more and more over time, is what pH balance represents when it comes to our overall health and well-being. Another term for pH balance is acid-base balance which basically represents how much acidity and alkalinity are in our blood, especially as it relates to our lungs, kidneys and body buffer systems.
Monitoring your pH balance has to do with a scale of sorts. Blood-wise, the numbers are between 0-14 with 0 being strongly acidic and 14 being very alkaline (or base). The key is for your system to remain as neutral as possible by hanging somewhere around 7-7.45 (because blood is naturally more acidic) at all times. When this doesn't happen, health issues can arise including fatigue, high stress, indigestion, insomnia, lung and kidney challenges — oh, and vaginal drama.
Today, we're gonna talk more about the vaginal side of things. How to know what your vagina's pH is supposed to be, what to do if your pH is a little off and how to keep things on track (balanced) as much as possible. Ready?
What Is Your Vagina’s pH and Why Does It Matter?
When it comes to your vagina's pH levels, specifically, it's important to know what it is because it lets you know if your vagina is truly healthy or not.
Remember how I said that when it comes to your blood, you're in good shape if you're in the midway part of "7"? Well, as far as your vagina goes, the level that you need to be looking for is somewhere between 3.8 and 4.5 (although it should go on record that during your reproductive years, your pH is usually closer to 4.5 yet loses acidity as you head towards menopause, taking it to around a 5). What that range basically means is your vagina's pH is normal although it's leaning towards being acidic.
This is important to know because acid is what helps to protect your vagina from infections; however, if it's too acidic (under 4 or so), that can actually put you at risk for bacterial vaginosis (a bacterial overgrowth), a yeast infection (a fungus overgrowth) and trichomoniasis (an STD). Not only that but high acidity can also affect your fertility, if you're not careful. The reason behind that is it's easier for sperm to move around in a more alkaline environment. Just one more reason to keep your vagina as healthy as possible.
And just how can you know for sure that your vagina's pH is right where it's supposed to be? Thankfully, there are at-home tests that consist of you holding some pH paper on one side of your vagina for a few seconds. Then you compare the color on the paper to the color on the chart of the test to see what your results are. Since these tests are as effective as the ones that doctors use, it's an inexpensive and convenient way to see if your vagina is "lining up" with where it should be. You should be able to find vaginal screening tests at your local Walmart or drugstore (like CVS).
And just what can cause a vagina's pH to get out of balance?
What Can Throw Off Your Vagina’s pH?
There's no way around the fact that our vaginas are pretty sensitive. That's why it's so important to know what can throw your vagina's pH balance off. Your menstrual cycle (and pregnancy) can do it because menstrual blood has a way of raising your vagina's pH levels. Antibiotics can do it because not only do those tend to get rid of the bad bacteria that causes a disease or ailment but the good bacteria as well (which is why you should up your probiotic intake if you are currently on an antibiotic prescription; probiotics help to replenish good bacteria in your system). One of the reasons why douching is an absolute no-no is because it also increases your vagina's pH.
Consuming a lot of sugar isn't a good idea because yeast and bacteria feed off of sugar and the overgrowth of either can throw off your pH and lead to a yeast infection. Super tight clothes or panties that aren't made out of breathable fabrics like cotton aren't good for your vagina's pH because the combination of heat and moisture is also ideal for bacterial growth. If you're sleeping with more than one person, use a condom; sperm is alkaline and can trigger bacterial growth (especially with "unfamiliar" semen). Stress is another thing that can throw your vagina's pH levels way off too (more on that in a bit).
So, say that your vagina's pH isn't where it's supposed to be. What are some clear indications of that? A change in your vaginal discharge (especially if it's frothy, green and/or itchy). A fishy smell. Vaginal irritation. A burning sensation when you urinate.
When Should You See Your Doctor About Your Vagina’s pH?
So, what if you take a pH test and it does reveal that "your numbers" do not fall between the 3.8 and 4.5 mark and/or you've got any of the symptoms that I just mentioned? Should you make an appointment to see your doctor if that is the case? Possibly.
What I mean by that is, if the symptoms point to a yeast infection and you've already had one of those before, usually it's fine to just go to your local drugstore and get what you need to heal it (unless you've had more than one in the past six months or it doesn't seem to go away with over the counter treatments). However, if the symptoms are different, more extreme or there is a foul odor, don't "Google your way" into a solution. As much as I'm all about a home remedy, sometimes you can make matters worse if you find yourself "treating" the wrong ailment because you misdiagnosed the issue.
5 Ways to Maintain a Proper Vaginal pH Balance
Now that you know what to do if your vaginal pH isn't hanging around the numbers that it should, let me end this with some proactive ways to keep that from being an issue in the first place. The good news is all of these tips are pretty easy to implement.
Take a probiotic. There are good and bad bacteria in your vagina. Aside from eating less sugar, something else that can keep bad bacteria from totally taking over is taking a probiotic supplement. As far as which ones you should take, check out The Healthy's "12 Best Probiotics for Women" for a good point of reference. Also, foods that are naturally high in probiotics include Greek yogurt, fermented foods like pickles, kefir and sauerkraut, raw cheese, brine-cured olives, apple cider vinegar and sour cream.
Watch what goes into your vagina. So, here's the thing about semen — it has a pH of being somewhere between 7.1 and 8 (very alkaline). When you engage in sexual intercourse, your vagina's pH naturally rises in order to become more alkaline and protect the sperm (so that conception can transpire). However, what this can also do is make your vagina way more vulnerable to bacterial growth. That's why, unless you are in an exclusive long-term relationship, it's really best to wear a condom every time. And what about rubbers? Can they mess up your pH too? While technically they could, if you happen to experience a vaginal reaction, it's probably more about being allergic to latex because studies reveal that consistent condom use actually decreases the chances of having an imbalanced vaginal pH.
Ditch tampons. Growing up, I wasn't "allowed" to use tampons. In college, I "rebelled" and started to use them. In my 30s, I went back to pads and now I'm all about the menstrual cup. My mother used to always say that period blood shouldn't just "sit" in a woman's vagina; it needs to flow out. I agree. And you know what? Something else that blood-filled tampons can do is throw your vagina's pH levels off. Just one more reason to try a menstrual cup (by the way, if you've got a high cervix, INTIMINA's Lily Cup is all good things).
Drink water. Something else that having an imbalanced vaginal pH can do is lead to a urinary tract infection (UTI); not that it "causes" a UTI. It's more like, being that this kind of infection is typically the result of Escherichia coli (E. coli) and bacteria thrives in toxins, drinking lots of water can help to keep toxins out and remove bacteria on a consistent basis so that you're less susceptible to a UTI occurring.
Keep your stress levels down. Last fall, I wrote "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?" for the platform. It's all about signs that your vagina is stressed. One red flag is your discharge is different which is usually directly connected to your pH levels. Listen, if anything can put your hormones in influx which can wreck your sleep and diet which can lower your immunity and make your vagina more susceptible to bacterial and fungal growth, it's stress. So, whether it's a person, place, thing or idea, please be hypervigilant about not allowing anyone or anything ruin your peace. There's a huge chance that your vagina will show all the way out if it does and as you've already read, that's just one more reason why being stressed is totally not worth it. Not at all.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
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Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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