Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a wife of over two decades who hates to be on the receiving end of oral sex. It had me so intrigued that we ended up discussing it for almost an hour. Basically, what she said was that although she enjoys going down on her husband, she has never really found cunnilingus to be appealing with any man; plus, her husband can’t seem to come up with a technique that will change her mind.
Being the healthy sex-in-marriage fan that I am, I asked her to consider queening (you can learn more about that here). Then I told her that I was super grateful for her honesty and candor because it was going to inspire me to do some (extra) research on oral sex in general.
And so, y’all, here we are. Depending on how fast you read, be prepared to devote at least 5-7 minutes to some of the facts, statistics, and other intel that I’ve found out that’s centered around nothing but oral activities. Something tells me that there will be at least one tidbit in here that will cause your mouth to fall wide open (umm…no pun intended…LOL).
1. There Are Solid Health Benefits from Oral Sex
GiphyFirst up, oral sex having health benefits is not some line that a horny guy came up with; there is actual factual data to back that up. Aside from the fact that, just like sexual intercourse, it can reduce stress, increase dopamine levels, decrease pain and discomfort in the body, and keep your heart in great shape, oral sex is also great at fighting signs of aging and, thanks to the oxytocin boost that it provides, it can even help to make minor wounds heal faster.
Hey, that’s not all, though. When you get a chance, check out “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm” to read more about how sperm/semen helps to boost cognitive abilities, improve the quality of your skin, and even make your teeth whiter (no joke!). There’s even melatonin in sperm/semen that can help you to sleep better.
As far as vaginas go, guys can serve themselves well by engaging in cunnilingus. One reason is that, so long as the vagina is healthy, there are as much as “100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells per gram of vaginal fluid” up in there. Yep, the va-jay-jay is the ultimate probiotic, and probiotics are helpful for men because they lower stress, improve moods, strengthen immunity, stabilize testosterone levels, and help to prevent inflammation of their prostate.
2. Oral Sex Won’t Get You Pregnant BUT…
Even though oral sex won’t get you pregnant (which can be a huge plus if you’re not ready to be or interested in conceiving a child), please don’t think that you’re home-free on the STI/STD front because that absolutely couldn’t be further from the truth.
Basically, every sexually transmitted infection or disease (which at the end of the day is pretty much the same thing, although more people are starting to feel comfortable with the word “infection” in spite of “disease” still being more popular) that can be transmitted via sexual intercourse can also be transmitted during both fellatio as well as cunnilingus — this includes chlamydia, gonorrhea, and even HIV.
So, if you’re someone who has a casual mindset about oral sex, thinking that it’s somehow “safer,” just remember that there are more things to be concerned about in life than not getting pregnant. So yeah, definitely get tested every six months, and don’t feel the least bit bad about asking for your partner’s STI/STD test results before going down, either (especially if it’s someone new).
3. Even Though “Sex” Is Literally in the Term, Guess What?
GiphyI went to Christian schools until college, and boy, there was nothing like hearing people (especially girls) go into complete and utter denial that they had sex if it was of the oral variety — even though it is literally called “ORAL SEX.” What in the world? It makes you wonder if people even know what the definition of sex (when it comes to sex) actually means because it’s not sexual intercourse.
Sex, as a verb, in Merriam-Webster means “to arouse the sexual desires of,” and if you put “sex” on Google, it says, “sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.”Seventeen Magazine says that sexual stimulation counts as sex and although a survey published inWomen’s Health Magazine reveals that a lot of people don’t think oral sex is “definitely sex,” they do see it more in a “sex light” if an orgasm transpires (humans are a trip, boy!).
Me? I think WebMDsums it up very well whenever folks want to deflect from oral sex being sex: “Oral sex involves genital contact and is an intimate act.” Yes, y’all — it’s sex. It’s time to let the denial…GO.
4. Fellatio's Origin Is Extremely Literal
If you and some of the people in your world like to play your own randomly weird version of impromptu Jeopardy, perhaps this lil’ tidbit of information will come in handy one day. Although I’m pretty sure that you know that fellatio is all about orally stimulating a man’s penis, did you know that the word’s origin is in the Latin language and that it literally means “to suck”?
As far as cunnilingus goes, from what I’ve read and researched, it too is Latin; however, it’s the combination of two words: cunnus (which speaks to a woman’s vulva) and lingere (which means “to lick”). Hmm…sounds very close to lingerie, doesn’t it? That’s another deep dive for another time, I guess.
5. It Doesn’t Happen As Much As You (Probably) Think It Does
GiphyI’m not sure if this will surprise you, but it certainly did me. Did you know that, on average, people only engage in oral sex around five times a month — whether they are on the giving or receiving end? As far as analingus is concerned (because oral stimulation of the anus certainly qualifies as oral sex), twice a month is what most folks are doing out here (whether they choose to admit it or not).
6. No Head Is a Deal-Breaker for Quite a Few People
As I was checking out some popular surveys on the topic, I was kind of thrown to see that only a little over half of the US population thinks that oral sex not being on the table is a sexual deal-breaker. Hell, I wish a man would expect me to commit for the long haul without that being on the menu (negro, please!).
To me, that speaks of pure selfishness with a dash of immaturity, although some of my male friends said that if they had to choose between intercourse and blowjobs, it would be intercourse for the win every single time (the same survey said that close to 93 percent of women enjoy giving head, by the way). Thoughts?
7. Fellatio Can Benefit Fertility and Pregnancy
GiphyI’ve already shared some of the ways that giving head can benefit the lives of both men and women; however, did you know that it can also make it easier to conceive too?
There’s a study in the Netherlands that revealed there are paternal antigens in a woman’s partner that, when she swallows his sperm/semen, can actually increase her chances of conceiving and decrease her chances of miscarrying. Hmph. Y’all keep on thinking that sex is nothing but a casual act if you want to. Science constantly proves that it’s way more intricate and purpose-filled than that, chile.
8. The Average Age of One's First Sexual Experience Is...
It’s not TMI for me because I wrote it in my first book. The first time I was on the receiving end of oral sex was around 19. Apparently, I’m an old head because, guess what the average age is for both guys and girls? Freakin’ 16. Hmph. What immediately comes to my mind is what someone I know used to say to their daughters when they were in high school: “The same penis that you’re trying to suck is the same one their parents are trying to get them to wash.” Talk about a reality check.
Anyway, at the same time, around 33 percent of girls and 36 percent of guys say that they never had oral sex during their teen years, so that can give some of your parents hope if you’d prefer none of this to go down before their high school graduation.
9. Throat Cancer Is Not What You Have to Worry About When It Comes to Oral Sex
GiphySome of us are old enough to remember (it was just a decade ago, by the way) when actor Michael Douglas caused folks to freak out in a semi-major way by saying that he got throat cancer by giving oral sex. Eh. Not quite. The complete truth is no, you cannot get throat cancer from oral sex. At the same time, what you can get is the human papillomavirus (HPV).
It’s an STI/STD that’s currently the most commonly transmitted in our country, and if it’s left untreated, it can turn into precancerous cells that could very well lead to throat cancer in some instances. Just one more reason to get tested regularly and to only, umm, engage with those who do the same.
10. What You (Might've) Heard About White Folks and Oral Sex Is Apparently…True
Back when I was younger, and I would hear folks who were like 10-15 years older than me talk about oral sex, oftentimes they would say, “That’s what white folks do.” Now, while I think we’ve been just as oral as everyone else (just probably more private or perhaps even sneaky about it), there are official formal studies that say that white men start going down on folks before any other demographic and that white people, in general, partake in oral sex more than any other ethnicity. Gee, I guess those people I was ear hustlin’ on were kinda-sorta right.
11. Mouthwash Can (Possibly) Be Beneficial on a Couple of Levels
GiphyHere’s a hack: If you’re looking for a way to give your partner an extra tingly sensation when you’re performing oral sex or you’d like a flavor that is a bit of a “distraction,” put a mint in your mouth beforehand or gargle with some minty antibacterial mouthwash.
If you do decide to go the mouthwash route, it’s actually got another benefit — word on the street is it can help to kill off some of the bacteria colonies in your mouth and throat that are directly associated with the STI/STD gonorrhea. Pretty wild, right?
Now, this doesn’t mean that you can just gargle some Listerine after unprotected oral sex and be all good. However, there is more data coming out that it can be beneficial on the killing bacteria front as far as certain STIs/STDs go. The more you know.
12. Certain Animals Get Down with the Get Down
Oral sex isn’t limited to humans. There are actually certain animals that take great pleasure in it, too. Some that top the list include hyenas, goats, sheep, cheetahs, lions, bears, fruit bats, and gorillas. Something that I personally like about knowing this is it proves what I am a firm believer in — that sex isn’t just for procreation. All sorts of mammals engage in it for sheer pleasure, too. #salute
13. Guys Wanna Go Down More; Women Find It Less Pleasurable to Return the Favor
GiphyIf you’ve got a guy who tries to deflect from being more “orally active,” share with him that some popular studies actually reveal that more straight men would like to perform cunnilingus than they actually do. Meanwhile, although a lot of women are open to performing fellatio, some surveys say that only 28 percent of women take great pleasure in doing it. Some of the top reasons include because they feel like they are doing it out of obligation, while others don’t like doing it during casual sex.
14. More Church Folks Could Stand to Learn What Cistern Means
Church folks, chile. I won’t say any names, yet I will share the story. I once heard a Black megachurch pastor go on and on about how back in his “unsaved days,” he used to receive oral sex often (come to think of it, I don’t recall him saying that he was on the giving end as well…ANYWAY). Oh, but now that he’s come to the Lord, he doesn’t “disrespect his wife” by having her do that.
I promise you that I think a lot of folks need a Schoolhouse Rock Gospel Edition when it comes to the Bible and how fond it is of sexual activity because when King Solomon (2 Timothy 3:16-17) said, “Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well” in a chapter of the Bible that is devoted to marital fidelity (Proverbs 5:15) — I wonder how many people get that a cistern is defined as being “a reservoir or receptacle of some natural fluid of the body.”
Do I need to go deeper, or should I just pass the collection plate around one good time now?
15. One of the Oldest References to Oral Sex Is Pretty Mind-Blowing
GiphyWhat I just said brings me to one final point. Those of us who pay attention to the geography of the Bible know that it consists of Africa (Egypt specifically) and the Middle East. That’s why, whenever folks say that it’s “the white man’s religion,” I roll my eyes. Anyway, guess what I read once upon a time? Salon published an article entitled, “Ancient Egyptians were so into oral sex, they put it in their religion — and religious art,” which complements what I just said about the cistern pretty well, if I do say so myself. That’s not what tripped me out, though. It’s the tale of Isis and Osiris.
As legend has it, when Osiris was killed by his brother and cut into pieces, his penis was missing. Isis made one out of clay, sucked it, and brought Osiris back to life. It is one of the oldest documentation of oral sex in history. Like I said…mind blown.
_________________
So, tell me, which of these 15 points caught you totally off guard and why? For me, what I like about these kinds of pieces is it’s a reminder that everything has layers and things that we can always learn more about. Clearly, fellatio, cunnilingus, and analingus are no exception. Not by a long shot.
Clearly. *Whew*. CLEARLY.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
