The most enjoyable part of sex for me is getting my pussy ate. It’s a widely known fact that eating pussy is the most reliable way to make a person with a vulva orgasm. According to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, only 18% of vulva owners can orgasm solely through penetration. To climax, the rest need clitoral stimulation, and eating pussy puts the clitoris in the spotlight.
But what if the person you're with doesn't know what they're doing down there? Like with any sexual act, eating pussy can be taught. From incorporating toys to trying different positions, to using your tongue in unique ways, there are many examples of how to improve your oral sex technique. However, I believe the best tips for eating pussies come from people who have them.
So I asked around for tips from real women on how to have amazing cunnilingus. This is what the women I talked to had to say.
1. "Start slowly unless I indicate otherwise."
Kateryna Hushylo/ Getty Images2. "Oral health matters. I have patients who frequently have yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis because their partners have terrible oral care."
3. "Eat it like a very ripe mango (like when it’s a 'lil mushy) but more softly and only with your lips and tongue."
4. "Lift the [clitoral] hood! Start slow, don’t be too aggressive. The clitoris [says] please and thank you."
5. "Don't go straight for the clitoris. Warm her up. Kiss the lips like they are on her face; lots of tongue and saliva. Suck everything; lips, clit...all the things."
6. "Circle your tongue at the opening of the vagina. Slowly, like [you're] looking for something— get lost, King."
7. "Trigger points are apparently on the mons [pubis]... I was shook and I don't know what she did, but babayyyy."
8. "If you not suffocating a little bit and gotta come up for air, you not doing it right."
9. "Never underestimate the power of slipping a finger or two inside her (thoroughly cleaned) to help with the fun."
10. "Be tf soft! Soften that tongue, them lips, that finger, all that shit. Make it soft!"
Volodymyr Bushmelov /Getty Images
11. "Every vulva you meet enjoys a different way to be a tasty treat. So ask your partner if you truly don’t know which way to go. Beginner tips: suck the clit, the vagina, and lick the lips. Oh, and make it juicy. Nobody likes dry lips."
12. "Please be patient! The climax will not be instantaneous and typically will not happen expeditiously. In addition, if she says she’s almost there… DO NOT change that motion/sensation/stroke/whatever…'cause then you gotta start again to build [it] up.:
13. "Build up before going down on her. Don’t go all in. Slow down. Use your hands. Tell me I taste good, encourage me, grab my belly, my thighs, move what you gotta move out the way, and do it with honor. Don’t stuff her like a chicken. Tell her to come hither."
14. "Listen to your partner, and pay attention to not just words but what the body responds to. Ask questions like 'What do you like?' 'What feels good?' Also, eat it like it’s your last meal."
15. "For the love of everything that is good, please flatten your tongue!"
16. "When I say, 'Ooh, right there. Don’t stop.' That means wherever your mouth is, don’t stop licking right there."
17. "Ask. What. She. Likes. Can’t fail if you ask the teacher for the answers."
18. "Wipe her off with a warm towel when she’s done."
19. "The best combo is to lick and suck slightly like you would spaghetti noodles. Put the clit in your mouth, roll it around your tongue clockwise, rinse and repeat…"
20. "Enthusiasm is key! Be aware of your partner’s pleasure responses and wetness. When you hear moans—do more of that. Lick, slurp, suck, kiss. Enjoy yourself while enjoying your partner enjoy you."
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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By visiting and supporting Black-owned establishments, you’re not only indulging in world-class drinks but also contributing to a movement of equity and inclusion. Whether you're a wine enthusiast or craft beer lover, these businesses celebrate culture, tell stories, and foster spaces where everyone feels welcome.
The more we pour into these Black-owned breweries, bars, and wineries, the more doors we will see open for others to enter the beer, wine, and spirits industries.
There’s nothing I enjoy more than having a sip of wine surrounded by people who look like me in an establishment owned by someone who also looks like me. From lively bars to innovative breweries and boutique wineries, here are 10 Black-owned spots across the country where you can raise a glass to diversity and excellence. Cheers!
1.Harlem Hops - New York, N.Y.
Harlem Hops is more than just a craft beer bar—it’s a celebration of community and culture. Co-founded by three HBCU graduates, this gem focuses on showcasing beers from local and independent breweries, including offerings from Black brewers. When it opened in the summer of 2018, Harlem Hops became the first 100% African American-owned NYC local craft beer bar in Manhattan.
With its cozy vibe, rotating tap list, and tasty bites, Harlem Hops is the perfect spot to discover your new favorite brew while supporting a mission of inclusivity in the craft beer scene. Don’t miss their delicious beer pairings and community-driven events.
2.Brown Estate - Napa Valley, Calif.
Brown Estate is Napa Valley’s first and only Black-owned estate winery. Established in 1996, the family-owned winery is known for its exceptional Zinfandels and refined vineyard experiences. Beyond the Zinfandels, Brown Estate also crafts a variety of other wines to fit everyone’s preferences, including Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay, and Petite Sirah. If you can’t make it to the winery, you can also enjoy an intimate tasting experience at their downtown Napa tasting room, which opened in 2017. With stunning views and award-winning wines, Brown Estate is a must for wine lovers visiting Napa.
3.Abbey Creek Vineyard - North Plains, OR
Facebook/AbbeyCreekVineyard
What do you get when you merge a love for wine with an appreciation for Hip Hop and Culture? You get Abbey Creek Vineyard in North Plains, Oregon. Loved by both locals and visitors, this community spot offers a unique wine experience while embodying the saying “Hip-Hop, wine, and chill." Owner Bertony Faustin became Oregon’s first Black winemaker when he founded Abbey Creek Vineyard. Faustin’s wines, dubbed “The Creole Collection,” bring a unique cultural perspective to Oregon’s wine industry. Visitors can enjoy tastings at the vineyard’s wine bar, known as “The Crick,” for an intimate experience that’s all about community.
4.Two Locals Brewing Co. - Philadelphia
Business is always better when it’s a family affair. Two Locals Brewing is Philadelphia's first Black-owned brewery, founded by brothers Richard and Mengistu Koilor. The brewery officially opened its doors in early 2024 in the University City neighborhood after years of planning.
The brothers, West Philadelphia natives, started brewing beer as a hobby in 2016 and began planning their expansion while noticing the lack of Black representation in the brewing industry.
Aside from serving up tasty brews, the brothers offer Liberian food, a homage to where Mengistu was born. Throughout the month, guests can pop in for some improv or a comedy night event while enjoying a cold one.
5.House of Pure Vin - Detroit
Located in the heart of downtown Detroit, House of Pure Vin is a Black-owned wine bar and retail shop. It features an impressive selection of global wines, including many from Black winemakers. One highlight is their focus on boutique and hard-to-find labels, offering guests the opportunity to discover unique flavors they won’t see on typical store shelves.
The space frequently hosts events such as wine education classes, collaborations with local chefs, and themed wine nights, giving customers plenty of reasons to pop by throughout the week. Whether you’re shopping for a bottle, enjoying a tasting flight, or attending one of their vibrant events, House of Pure Vin is a must-visit destination for anyone looking to elevate their wine experience while supporting a Black-owned business.
6.LaShellé Wines - Woodinville, WA
LaShellé Wines, located in Woodinville, Washington, stands out as one of the region’s few Black- and female-owned wineries. Founded by Nicole Camp, the winery reflects her passion for winemaking, which she developed through her formal training at the Northwest Wine Academy. Opened in 2021, LaShellé Wines is known for its range of refreshing white and red wines and offering a welcoming and family-friendly environment. On any given day, you can expect to pop in and see owner Nicole involved in the day-to-day functioning—from destemming grapes to hosting guests in the tasting room.
7.Diamond Farm Winery and Brewery - Nokesville, Va.
Instagram/DiamondFarmWinery
This lovely venue was the result of hard work and a change of plans. Diamond Farm Winery & Brewery is an exciting new Black-owned establishment that blends rustic charm with modern sophistication. Owners Alice and Glenn Bertrand, Sr. originally purchased the property to serve as their retirement home but decided to go in a different direction after seeing the historic barn on the land.
Situated on a picturesque farm, the venue offers a serene setting with features like a remodeled historic farmhouse and a romantic heart-shaped pond. While their tasting room is slated to open this spring, the winery is already a sought-after event space, hosting weddings, corporate gatherings, and private celebrations. The venue is rolling out over three phases, so expect all aspects to be fully functioning later this year.
8.Thurst Lounge - Washington D.C.
Thurst Lounge is the first Black-owned LGBTQIA+ bar and lounge in Washington, D.C. Located in the historic U Street corridor, this bar serves as a much-needed inclusive space for the Black LGBTQIA+ community residing in the city. The lounge offers an intimate setting for socializing, complete with carefully curated cocktails and a stylish ambiance that’s perfect for linking with the crew.
Beyond its role as a nightlife destination, Thurst Lounge aims to foster a supportive environment for community connections and cultural celebration.
9.Seven Springs Farm and Vineyard - Norlina, N.C.
Seven Springs Farms and Vineyards is a Black-owned vineyard established by Preston Williams and his family, and it sits on a 140-acre property featuring seven natural springs, providing a picturesque setting for wine tasting and events. The vineyard specializes in muscadine grapes but also grows Merlot, Cabernet, and Chardonnay varieties. Visitors can enjoy tastings in the cozy tasting room, participate in seasonal grape-picking events, or even book a stay at their on-site Airbnb for a more immersive experience. This family-owned space is the perfect location for an outing with the girls or a group event.
10.For The Culture Brewing - Houston
The name says it all with this one. For The Culture Brewing is a craft beer brand focused on creating an inclusive and vibrant space for beer lovers. Holding the title of being H-Town’s first Black-owned brewery, owners Jonathan Brown and Carl Roaches Jr. began working on this brand after realizing that there weren’t many brands marketing to Black Men who like to drink beer.
The brewery aims to cater to a wide range of tastes, offering a variety of beer styles such as tropical IPAs, rice lagers, pale ales, and dry stouts.
While still in the process of opening its own dedicated taproom, the brewery often collaborates with other local businesses, including Ovinnik Brewing, through a unique cooperative model called Craft Culture X. This collaboration has allowed them to share resources and brewing equipment while planning events and developing new beer recipes.
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