Semi-recently someone who I also semi-recently met said that they went to kinda-sorta stalking me online. After doing so, one of the things that they asked me was, “How do you continually find so many sex-related topics to write about after all this time?” I don’t really have a straight answer for that other than I think sex is amazing and, when approached in a responsible light, highly beneficial…in a way that goes way beyond the physical. Plus, when I’m brainstorming content, I like to think of what I would like to read — especially if I don’t really see certain topics addressed a certain way anywhere else.
And while it would be ridiculous of me to say that there are no good skin-prep pieces out in cyberspace (of course, there are!), if there’s one thing that I think should get tackled, a bit more specifically, are things that you can do, strictly for your skin, that will make your sex experience even better than (hopefully) it already is.
So here it is, y’all. Before the next time you plan on blessing your man with all of the goodness you have to offer, here are 12 things that you can do to make him feel like he’s literally melting into you — in more ways than one, chile.
1. DIY a Body Scrub
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You would think that at the big age that I am, breakouts would be a thing of the past (le sigh). Unfortunately, a sistah still ends up with a right-on-schedule period pimple on my face once a month (UGH!) and a couple of zits on my back from time to time. It’s all annoying because, no matter what, once they go down, they leave some type of discoloration…and that’s why I try to be proactive with my skincare routine; it’s so I (hopefully) won’t have to deal with that kind of bullshishery at all.
Off top, I exfoliate. The main reason is that we actually shed thousands of dead skin cells every minute, and if they aren’t removed, they can start to clog up our pores, and that leads to inflammation and, yep — oftentimes, breakouts. Since two other benefits that come with skin exfoliation are an even complexion and softer skin, definitely make this a part of our skincare regimen, especially on sex night (or day).
There are body scrubs that you can easily find in stores or online. Yet if you’re like me and you want to minimize the number of chemicals that you can’t even pronounce from getting into your skin, you can always DIY a body scrub. Three tablespoons of brown sugar (it’s a humectant which means it pulls moisture from the air into your skin) along with three tablespoons of olive oil (it’s loaded with antioxidants to keep your skin young and healthy) is a really simple scrub. Marie Claire also has several recipes that you can check out here.
2. DIY a Bronzer Too
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I haven’t worn foundation in years. However, when I do want my skin to look like it’s absolutely glowing and/or I want to camouflage one of those period pimple marks that I just mentioned, I’ll reach for some bronzer and it does the trick, brilliantly so.
That said, here’s a bronzer hack: apply some of it to your face, neck, and chest, and then light some scented soy candles (soy burns cleaner) in your bedroom. It will cause your skin to appear absolutely radiant which will make you look all that more beautiful. My two cents would be to go the DIY route. iHerb has a recipe that I can personally vouch for and it’s right here.
3. Soak Your Hands in Egg Yolks
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When you know that you’re about to be in for a really good night, if there are two things that you’ll be using in excess, it’s your hands…right? So, if you want to make sure that they are uber soft, soak them in a homemade egg yolk solution (especially after exfoliating them with the body scrub that I already mentioned).
Egg yolks are bomb because they’re chocked full of literal moisture, protein, fats, and emulsifiers (which basically means a milky moisturizer as far as your skin goes). Egg yolks also contain ceramides and peptides to keep your skin healthy and wrinkle-free, and they are a multivitamin considering the fact that they are full of vitamins B1, B12, A, E, D and K, zinc, and choline (for starters). The organic pigment lutein that’s in them works overtime to make your skin feel more supple, too, so of course, this would be a great all-natural approach to cultivating super soft hands.
Honestly, one of the best egg yolk soaks/masks (in my opinion) consists of mixing two yolks with a tablespoon of honey, a tablespoon of virgin olive oil, and a teaspoon of baking soda. After washing your hands, cover them in the mixture and let the mixture sit for 20 minutes. Then rinse thoroughly with warm followed by cool water (to close up your pores) and apply your favorite carrier oil. Your hands will have never felt so good.
4. Then Soak the Heels of Your Feet in Mouthwash
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While I was in a counseling session once, a husband said something that I thought was hilarious: “Don’t get me wrong, sex with my wife is amazing. I just hate to lift her legs up because…her feet.” When I asked him if they smelled or something, he said that he had been trying to find a way to tell her that her heels kept scratching his arms and chest. Whew, chile.
I told them what I’m about to tell you — soak those bad boys in some mouthwash. Not just any kind, though, Listerine. The reason why is that it contains pretty potent antibacterial, antioxidant, and antifungal properties that can help to not only get rid of any fungus your feet may have, it can also remove the hardened dead skin that’s on your heels as well so that your feet feel good on, whatever you rub them up against. You can read more about why this is a smart route to take by checking out Verywell Health’s article on the issue here.
5. Exfoliate Your Lips
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Even though things like extreme weather temperatures, dry air, and dehydration can all play a role in having chapped lips, another underestimated culprit is saliva. Yep, the enzymes that are in it can also cause your lips to feel hard and/or the skin on them to feather, which can make kissing…not as sensual.
The way to work around this is to exfoliate your lips. You can do that by making your own lip scrub. Those are great at removing dead skin cells and making your lips feel extra soft and smooth. One of my favorite things about lip scrubs is they are easy to make from the comfort and convenience of my own home. Stylecraze did us all a solid by providing almost 20 recipes right here.
6. “Seal Your Skin” After Bathing
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I can’t tell you the last time I applied lotion to my skin. Instead, what I do is make sure to “seal” my skin by applying some type of oil like sweet almond, avocado, or grapeseed (for example) onto my body before drying off. The key is to let the oil penetrate your skin for a couple of minutes and then gently dab the water off with a microfiber towel. Not only is the oil better for your skin, but the sealing process also keeps your skin moisturized for much longer too.
7. Combine an Aphrodisiac Essential Oil with a Carrier Oil
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When it comes to sealing your skin, if you want to be “doubly protected,” something that you can try is combining an essential oil with a carrier oil. My two cents are to do this right after sealing your skin and drying off; that way, your skin is not only extra smooth, it has a really seductive scent to it as well.
If you’re wondering which oils will get your partner’s libido going, I’ve got you covered on that. First check out, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” and then click on “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level.'” Thank me later.
8. Use Shea Butter on Your Nipples
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As a doula, something that I recommend new moms do (especially if they are breastfeeding) is to apply some shea butter to their nipples. The combination of vitamins A, E, and F, along with its high amount of fatty acids, makes shea butter a top-notch skin soother.
And since some of us see our breasts as a peak erogenous zone, I’m sure you can see why “coating your breasts” with a layer of shea butter could prove to be beneficial when it comes to bedroom action too, especially if your nipples are prone to cracking or feeling a little irritated once saliva gets onto them. Thanks to the anti-inflammatory properties that are also in shea butter, it’s a moisturizer that has you covered all the way around.
9. Apply Sweet Almond Oil to Your Vulva
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I have been a personal fan of sweet almond oil for years now. When it comes to my skin specifically, the vitamin E that’s in it makes it an awesome moisturizer. I also like the fact that it softens my skin without being greasy and that it gives it a natural glow. That said, when it comes to making all of your skin feel amazing, don’t forget to moisturize your vulva (the outer part of your vagina). By applying some of this oil to your pubic mound and vaginal lips, not only will your skin feel great, it will help to soften your pubic hair so that it feels more comfortable to the touch too — all without containing any ingredients that could possibly irritate your skin in the process (or later on).
10. Put a Humidifier in Your Bedroom
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Why should everyone have a humidifier in their bedroom? Chile, let me count the ways. It reduces the chances of you catching a cold or the flu. It soothes asthma-related symptoms. It decreases the allergens in the air. It also helps to get rid of (and possibly prevent) headaches. And as far as this topic is concerned, it’s fabulous at helping your skin to retain moisture.
Know what else? After all, is — eh hem — said and done, a humidifier is also a must-have because it can make snoring less of an issue as well. The method to the madness is, the less dry air that’s in your bedroom, the less congested your nasal passages will be and the less irritated your throat will be too. This means that you can have hours of great sex followed by hours of sound sleep to boot. Perfection.
11. Buy Some Bamboo Bedding
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If you don’t own at least one set of bamboo sheets, I definitely think you should get some just as soon as you possibly can. I have some myself, and one of my favorite things about them is how soft they feel. Some other perks include the fact that they’re eco-friendly, odor-repelling, and they last for a long time (replacing them every 18 months is a good idea). As far as your skin (and your sex life) goes, since they are also hypoallergenic and temper-regulating, you don’t have to worry about bamboo sheets irritating your skin or trapping in moisture as you’re rolling around in them — whether it’s with someone or when you’re sleeping alone.
12. Invest in Some Honey Dust
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And now for the grand finale. Whenever it comes to tips that I learn along the way, I try to give credit where credit is due. Who actually put me on to this recommendation is Valerie Malone (played by Tiffani Amber Thiessen). If you don’t know who that is, she was a sexy and conniving white girl in the original Beverly Hills, 90210. Anyway, while one of her guys was kissing her, he asked what he was tasting, and she said honey dust. I checked it out and have been a fan ever since! Not only will your skin taste absolutely delightful, but it can also make oral sex more pleasant (both on the giving as well as the receiving end).
Plus, it’s got some practical benefits too. Honey dust can remove wet spots out of your sheets, reduce the chances of you experiencing yeast infections underneath your breasts (because it can keep your skin dry up under there and, if you both apply it before things go down, it can keep your skin from sticking together (if that’s something that low-key irks you).
A fan-favorite brand is Kama Sutra Honey Dust Kissable Moisture-Wicking Body Powder. It even comes with a feather duster to apply it with. Yeah, don’t say a sistah didn’t look out for your skin and your sex life because, thanks to these hacks, I most certainly did! Enjoy. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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You'd Be Amazed How Much These 10 Essential Oils Can Give You Some Blissful Sleep
If you’re someone who has a sleep routine (or you’re seriously thinking about creating one), please make sure that you incorporate scent into it. Although things like a cooler temperature in your bedroom, incorporating nature sounds (like rain or ocean waves via a sound machine or even a YouTube channel) and even sipping on some tart cherry juice are proven ways to get you the quality of rest that you’re after, science says that your sense of smell shouldn’t be overlooked.
In fact, aromatherapy is quite powerful when it comes to promoting calm and relaxation, helping to put you into an optimistic mood, reducing stress, preventing insomnia, and improving how soundly you are able to sleep throughout the night. And so, since I’m such an essential oils fan (and I truly am!), let’s get into 10 that will help you to rest well — thanks to the way that they smell along with a few other benefits that they are able to offer you too.
Essential Oils for Better Sleep
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1. Lavender
When it comes to essential oils that are best for you in the “rest and relaxation department,” lavender may be the most popular one. That’s because it is well known for doing everything from reducing pain and inflammation and making menstrual cramps less intense to lowering anxiety and increasing your melatonin levels. On a super scientific note, something else that’s cool about lavender oil is it works with your body’s neurotransmitters in order to reduce restlessness if you happen to be someone who doesn’t sleep soundly due to tossing and turning all throughout the night.
2. Cedarwood
Although I’ve always liked the earthy scent of cedarwood, something that caused it to earn my respect was reading about how it’s an all-natural way to improve the attention span of children who’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Beyond that, as far as calming oneself goes, cedarwood oil is able to soothe arthritic discomfort, reduce coughing (if a cold is what’s keeping you up), decrease the itchiness and irritation that comes with eczema, lower your stress levels, and, yes, improve your quality of sleep if you’re someone who happens to rest yet not really…rest well.
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3. Patchouli
Another oil that has a solid reputation for decreasing bodily inflammation is patchouli. Some other things that make it stellar are the facts that it helps to ward off depression-related symptoms (if that is what keeps you up at night), puts you in a better mood, boosts your immunity (so that being under the weather doesn’t prevent you from catching some zzz’s) and it even intensifies your libido — ‘cause chile, ain’t nothin’ like the sleep that you get after having an orgasm…or two. Oh, and it absolutely must go on record that patchouli oil also acts as a sedative if you’ve been dealing with insomnia as of late as well.
4. Marjoram
Women who are looking for an all-natural way to regulate their hormones (check out “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) might want to speak with their doctor (or homeopath) about trying marjoram oil. Some research says that it can help to balance hormones which can make PMS and the latter stages of perimenopause more tolerable (which can make falling and staying asleep easier to do too). Marjoram is also helpful when it comes to reducing pain, easing digestion, and alleviating anxiety.
Plus, since marjoram is an oil that is high in magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that can help you to get to sleep, stay asleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed — so long as you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding (you should consult your doctor first if you are because it can sometimes produce side effects in your case), you definitely should give marjoram a shot.
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5. Ylang Ylang
Typically, when I think of the essential oil ylang ylang, what comes to my mind is how it can make for a very eventful evening…if you catch my drift (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”); however, it can actually help you out in more areas of your life than just your bedroom. Ylang ylang is another oil that helps to reduce pain and anxiety. Something else to keep in mind about ylang ylang is if you’re having a hard time falling asleep due to something like a headache or even respiratory issues, putting a couple of drops into a diffuser could bring some relief. That’s because ylang ylang is also classified as being a sedative — one that can even help to lower the blood pressure in your bae (healthy men) if need be.
6. Fennel
As a doula, something that I’m well aware of is the fact that fennel seeds can help (some) mothers to produce more breast milk. It doesn’t stop there, though. If sleep is evading you due to gas or constipation, fennel oil can help you out there. Some scientific research also says that it’s the kind of oil that can help you feel less anxious if you’re trying to rest after a long hard day. And, since fennel is known for making sleeping better when it’s in tea form, I don’t see why it wouldn’t do the same thing as an essential oil too.
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7. Valerian Root
If you’re looking for the kind of essential oil that will help you to relax, on pretty much every level, look no further than valerian root. The properties in it are going to help to calm your nervous system, soothe headache tension, lower your stress levels, decrease menstrual cramp discomfort, bring relief to hot flashes (that come with perimenopause) and yes, it’s an all-natural approach to insomnia as well. Although many choose to use it in supplement form, applying valerian root oil to pressure points like your feet can also provide a very relaxing and impactful effect.
8. Jasmine
If you check out my article, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” from back in the day, you’ll see that jasmine is another essential oil that is considered to be a pretty potential one if you’re looking to boost you (or your partner’s libido). I get why too because its floral-meets-fruity scent can be quite sensual. Beyond the bedroom, jasmine can help you to feel less stressed and anxious, experience less menstrual-related discomfort, and make you feel less depressed — and yes, it contains properties that qualify the oil to be a sedative. This is especially the case if you blend it with another soothing essential oil like lavender.
9. Clary Sage
If pretty much nothing but perimenopause symptoms are what’s keeping you awake at night, you might want to keep a bottle of clary sage oil on your nightstand because it can help to decrease night sweats by naturally “leveling out” the estrogen that may be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your system right through here. Other things that this oil can do is reduce stress and help to relax your system. Not to mention the fact that if menstrual cramps are what’s keeping you up, some women say that rubbing some of the oil (add a carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to the oil to dilute it a bit, please) to your abdominal region can provide quite a bit of relief.
10. Vetiver
Final one. In my opinion, it’s kind of surprising that vetiver essential oil isn’t mentioned more in the holistic care space. For starters, it has been celebrated for providing support for children with ADHD as well as decreasing nervousness and anxiety in adults. Some other ways that this oil can benefit you is it’s the kind of aphrodisiac that raises testosterone levels while lowering cortisol ones (cortisol is a stress hormone that’s in your body) which can intensify orgasms and promote great rest — and yes, it’s also mentioned quite often in the sleep-inducing space.
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You know, I once read that since 2010, the amount of people who rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep has pretty much doubled. Since the side effects of the long-term use of over-the-counter sedatives include things like headaches, muscle weakness, digestion issues, and even louder snoring and sleeplessness, consider trying one of these essential oils before popping a pill. As you can see, not only can certain oils help to lull you to sleep — but they can help in so many other areas too. Happy resting, chile.
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