I’d say that somewhere around 70 percent of my article pitches/ideas come out of random conversations that I have with clients or just people I encounter along the way. It happens so regularly that my friends tend to trip out on the fact that even complete strangers will tell me some of their deepest and darkest secrets.
Exhibit A: two servers I encountered recently who first started talking to me about what they loved about their partners; then the convo transitioned into one of them sharing some details about their amazing sex life and what caused their partner to earn that title. It was a truly fascinating discussion.
As I started to ask some other people about what made them want to give someone a four-star rating when it comes to coitus, I just knew that I had to share some of my findings with y’all. Because, just like the server who told me that the combination of strong sexual chemistry, great oral sex technique, and never not being in the mood to have sex is what made their best be THE BEST, the 15 people (per usual, middle names are used) you’re about to hear from had some somewhat layered reasons for how that special someone made it to the top of their “best sex list” too. Can you relate?
GiphyAnais. 31.
“Remember how you once told me that men should look for women who enjoy sex more than women who are skilled at it? That is some solid insight right there because there is nothing like someone with a high sex drive and an insatiable curiosity. This girl in college was a lot like that. It didn’t matter when or where she was down — and the more creative stuff that I could come up with, the better. I never told her this, but I was turned out alright. Even while we’re talking about this, my toes are curling. Sh-t.”
Ravyn. 29.
“My best experience was with a best male friend of mine. There’s something about sex with someone who really knows you — all of you. It actually was so good, physically and emotionally, that we still double back a couple of times a year…and we started having sex in college. And it only gets better every time. I don’t know if I’ll ever go cold turkey with it. It’s just that mind-blowing, and it really hasn’t changed our friendship. Maybe we’re unicorns.”
GiphyXoan. 26.
“The best experience I had was with someone no one would expect. She’s one of the most uppity women in my church and around my mom’s age. We had sex during the holiday season a couple of years ago after I spent a few weeks doing some random stuff for her around the house. That woman was nasty, and the fact that she acted so holy on Sundays made the sex even better. I would still be sleeping with her now if she hadn’t gotten remarried. I side-eye that n-gga every Sunday, I swear.”
Marleigh. 40.
“The best sex I’ve ever had is with my now ex-husband. I think we would’ve divorced a lot sooner if the sex hadn’t been so good. Hmph. I also don’t think we would’ve gotten married had I not been so into him sexually. Even though I basically can’t stand him now, it’s still hard to turn down that good ‘d’ that he’s got. Let me be a cautionary tale that just because a man knows how to handle your body, that doesn’t mean he knows what to do with your heart.”
GiphyMurray. 49.
“My wife made me wait until we got married — and I was pissed about that. Turns out, she’s my best, and my favorite and I’m not just saying that because we’re together. It’s like the moment we said our vows and shared our first night together as a married couple, an entirely different side of her personality came out. She’s a beast. She kind of scared me at first because I didn’t know if I would have what it took to please her, especially long-term. She told me that she had a pattern of having ‘married sex’ with men in the past. When I asked her what married sex was, she said, ‘Only husbands deserve a certain level of freak. You’ve earned it. And you’re gonna get it for the rest of your life’…and I have been. Sixteen years in now.”
Yvonne. 37.
“There’s this guy at my job who I can’t stand. He’s arrogant. He’s condescending. He’s fine, though, so when he asked me out last year, I agreed, thinking that it was a free meal and that maybe he was only putting on a front at work. He wasn’t, but something about his nasty-ass attitude off of the clock intrigued me. So, we went on a couple of more dates, and one night, we had sex. It was like the more he got on my nerves, the more orgasms I had. And that mouth that won’t shut TF up in the office is a walking library of dirty words in the bedroom. I still can’t stand him, and I’ll never tell him that he’s the best that I’ve ever had — but he really is. Hmph. A—hole.”
GiphyMaceo. 33.
“My best was a virgin. I don’t know what to tell you other than she didn’t tell me until it was over that she even was one. I was shocked because she brought it. She said that people assume that just because virgins may not have had intercourse that it doesn’t mean they haven’t done other things or haven’t studied things about sex — that they’re not stupid. I’ve never thought that, but after her, I’m sold. Don’t underestimate ‘em. Some will teach you a thing or two. I don’t know what books she was reading but sh-t, girl.”
Cassian. 29.
“I’ve got an ex who we had better sex once we broke up than when we were together. What’s wild about that is, a part of the reason why I decided to call it quits is because I felt like I was gonna cheat because the sex was only okay. He and I talked about how it ended up playing out, and he said that he thinks that the pressure of being in a relationship is what broke us. Maybe. And before you ask why I would give an ex some, we didn’t break up on bad terms. He’s still a good friend, and so I trust him to do some stuff that I wouldn’t with someone new. I can come up with all kinds of wild ideas, and I’m not embarrassed or scared. ‘Ex sex’ can be underrated, and I will forever die on that hill.”
GiphyEnoch. 26.
“I once had a girlfriend who had sex themes in her apartment. Every time I would get ready to come over, she would text me to pick a room. Then she would meet me at the door with a blindfold, take me into the room, and we’d have sex. It was creative, and that was sexy as hell. But it was also like she was trying to outdo her own self every time we were together. That woman never got boring, and sex with her never got old.”
Seren. 35.
“My first still holds that position, and I had sex with him in college. He was so interested in learning about every part of my body, and the way he kissed my mouth is exactly the way he kissed me everywhere. It was like he made it his personal mission to give me more orgasms every time we were together, and he really got me to like my body. No man has topped him since. Not sure if any guy ever will.”
GiphySamson. 40.
"I’ve only technically had one one-night stand. Why I use ‘technical’ is another conversation, but what I will say is, I don’t know her last name, and because we decided to end hours of talking with a hotel reservation, I don’t know where she lives either. It was a couple of years ago. I had a messy breakup a couple of months before meeting her, and she was newly divorced. She was basically all of the things that I wished my ex was, and she said the same thing about me. The sex was touching on all kinds of points. I don’t know if it was more about feeling truly understood about her or how it felt to have no-attachments sex, but there [were] no reservations, and we both went out of our way to please each other. We spent the night and then kind of agreed that it would be no more than that. I’ve never seen her since. Sometimes, I even wonder if it ever happened…even though I know that it did.”
Unique. 31.
“Nerdy tech guys who only seem like nice guys, get you one. Those men are nasty as hell! My first tech guy said they’re that way because they work with their fingers so much during the day that being a finger master in sex is like an occupational hazard. Girl, I don’t know what it is, but the men you would assume know what is going on are usually the disappointment, while the shorter quiet dude is who will pick you up and f-ck you against the wall as you yell out his middle name. My first tech guy is probably the best, but I’m kind of hooked on that demographic now. I’m not convinced that anyone will beat ‘em.”
GiphyOlivia. 25.
“I’m with the person I’ve had the best sex with — my boyfriend. I’ve only been with two other people, but both of them seemed to be more about what they could get from me, not how I can be pleased. My boyfriend is different. Sometimes, he doesn’t even ‘finish,’ and he’s okay with that. I’m not really, but he says that sometimes he just wants me to be pleased. He’s like that outside of sex, too — just a selfless guy. I won’t lie. The fact that he likes to go down but isn’t much of a fan of receiving head is a bonus. I don’t know guys my age could be like him. I’m completely happy.”
Gabriella. 42.
“How a man handles me after sex is what I rate them on. I’m not talking about after he leaves the house — I’m talking about what is his round two game like, how is he when it comes to pillow talk, and does he know how to wake me up for more. Remember when Salt said in ‘Whatta Man’ that her man would knock her out with one shot? I’m not that woman. I might have been that way in my 20s, but my best sex partner came around 32, and he was a great seducer. His stamina was incredible, and he seemed to enjoy everything that led up to sex even more than sex itself. He raised the bar for me, and I haven’t settled since. If you can’t bring your ‘A’ game, leave me be to my wine and Tubi.” (Shellie here: She laughed when she said Tubi. So did I.)
Heleena. 38.
“My study partner while I was in law school holds the title. I haven’t thought about all of the reasons why until now. Of course, the stress release tops them because law school will damn near kill you. But it was also how smart he was, witty he was, and supportive he was. We had a lot in common, down to enjoying the same kind [of] strains of weed, liking the same kind of rap music, and, when the topic of sex would come up, enjoying the same kind of sex positions. At first, we’d just discuss sex, but one night, when I invited him to stay at my place after a long study session, we started kissing on the couch, and things kept going from there.
"Every time, it was intense, long, and it started to become an immediate go-to after sessions. We seemed to be on the same page in a lot of ways — and that translated into our sex life. We’re still in touch now, and sometimes we’ll reminisce. A part of what made the sex so good, I’m sure, is the timing. Not sure it would be exactly the same now…but for what and when it was, I don’t have one regret.”
____
As I’ve taken my own stroll down this particular memory lane, it has reminded me that my “personal best” has some layers to it all too. And you know what? If you think about yours, it probably does as well.
Just one more reminder that sex isn’t as black and white, cut and dried, or one-dimensional as some folks try and make it out to be. What makes sex great and a person “the best” comes with a lot of insights and levels.
Sex — especially really good sex — always does, chile.
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From the day they met, food has always played a role in their relationship, and working together in the food industry is what we call a full circle moment. Learn more about Bryant and Daniella’s story of finding love with one another.
How they met.
Bryant: We met at a mutual clients’ house. She was doing the lady hair, and I was cooking for the lady. The client sent her downstairs to record me while I was cooking to, I guess, see what I was cooking, and I caught her recording, but we didn't talk. I caught her recording, we laughed it off, and she went about her day.
So I guess that was the first thing that made us interact with each other. A few months down the line, I think she posted something [on social media]. I hopped in her DM and responded to it, and then we decided to just meet up and hang out. I looked at her as an entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneur. She don’t need nothing. I don’t need nothing. It's good to hang with people who don't need nothing from you.
When we linked up, our chemistry was just so soft and just so nice. She is a great person, but after meeting up with her [for the] first time, she went back to Miami. She came back [to Atlanta], and we just kicked it off that next weekend, and ever since then, we've been locked in.
Daniella: That same client had flew me back in so I knew I had to come up here for work. But I told him that we'll meet up and [go] on a date and see each other again. When that happened, everything else was history. It just happened organically. It wasn’t forced or anything.
Bryant and Daniella Williams
Courtesy
First impressions.
Bryant: I knew for a fact for her to come downstairs and try to record me, I knew that she was brave, and that said a lot about her, because I barely even talk when I'm cooking for my clients. So you have to talk to somebody for them to feel comfortable to play with you, or do certain things. I feel like the client sent her downstairs because she knew that she's an outspoken, bubbly type of person who don't mind laughing it off if she gets caught doing it.
When she came back to Atlanta, she booked me to cook for her family. So while I was cooking for her in the kitchen, the whole time she was in there talking to me. It was like a date in the kitchen, and I cooked her food. Once the food was laid out, I just left. We had a great conversation when I was cooking for her, and also when she came downstairs and tried to record me.
Daniella: I was impressed how he was multitasking because I was asking him deep, interesting questions, and he was cooking the food, and he was still answering my questions. But I was in a relationship at that time, so I wasn't really in tune. It was no emotions. But when I came back and flew in to work, we met with each other.
He came and picked me up from the hotel and we drove around Atlanta, sightseeing. We went to the African club. So when he came downstairs, I was like okay, you not gonna hug me, you not gonna say nothing? He was shocked and we stayed together for like eight or nine hours, and he took me back to the hotel. I think he picked me up around nine at night. He took me back to the hotel around seven in the morning. Then he walked me to my hotel door. He gave me a hug and he gave me a kiss and said, 'I love you.' And I was like, what?
We stayed together for like eight or nine hours, and he took me back to the hotel. I think he picked me up around nine at night. He took me back to the hotel around seven in the morning. Then he walked me to my hotel door. He gave me a hug and he gave me a kiss and said, 'I love you.' And I was like, what?
The one.
Daniella: When we first linked up, he took me around Atlanta. He was soft and gentle. He was a gentleman. He opened the door for me and I never had nobody open the door. He opened the door every single time I was going in and getting out the car, and when we went to that restaurant. I was like, [there’s] something about him, and he was just nice, calm and patient. So I knew he was a little different from what I'm used to.
Bryant: [I knew she was the one by] how she cared so much. She didn't really know me like that. She knew of me, but she cared so much about me. When we first met, she would lay on me and just relax. For someone who just wants to relax on you, that says a lot about them towards you. It wasn't like I had to prove myself and she didn’t have to prove herself with me either. It wasn't nothing like that. We were willing to take whatever came with it. But it just was really a break. It was like the best me meeting a woman because I didn't try.
Any other woman, I might be trying to dress up, take her to this place, I did not try at all. I picked her up and I actually thought that she wasn't gonna go on the date with me because of her status and my status. I'm such a laid back homey dude and she's from Miami. I thought she would be on the City Girls, you gotta do this, do that. But she wasn't. She was the total opposite. She was a homebody, chill, like me.
Bryant and Daniella Williams
Courtesy
Marriage advice for couples.
Bryant: Work together. Communication, put your mind together.
Daniella: And keep your family out your business.
Bryant: Keep it private please. Y'all work it out first. When y'all make sure it's solidified, then you tell them, or let them find out on their own. Privacy is the most valuable thing.
Daniella: And date each other because people get married and they stop doing the things that they did to get you, or stop doing the things that they did while they were in a relationship with you, before y'all got married. No, do the same thing. For me, I get bored easy, and I think he knows that. So just keep it spicy. Keep it interesting.
Bryant: We like spontaneous stuff like last-minute trips, trying different foods, going out the country just off a spur of a moment. You gotta make it fun. Don't just make it all business. And I think one person out of the relationship needs to take the initiative to make sure their partner is relaxing and at peace. A lot of people carry functional depression to where they’re functional, like we're doing this right now, but they can be going through something.
I don't think it's male or female. I think whichever one, the other partner should notice it and work with their partner to get through whatever they get through, like, for postpartum depression and stuff. That's something that most men don't even really know exist, but that's something when she had our daughter, I had an anti-postpartum depression plan put in place for her. She didn't know about it, but I knew I was gonna be extra sweet to her.
She won't have to think about doing nothing with the little baby. My little girl was watching the football game with me, when she was a few weeks old, because I was giving her that peace, so she can just relax, because her body has been through so much. So you got to be considerate of your mate's mental state and their mental well-being, because when it's gone, it's gone and it takes a lot to get it back, so I think that's important.
When she had our daughter, I had an anti-postpartum depression plan put in place for her. She didn't know about it, but I knew I was gonna be extra sweet to her. She won't have to think about doing nothing with the little baby. My little girl was watching the football game with me, when she was a few weeks old, because I was giving her that peace, so she can just relax, because her body has been through so much.
If you see something not right with your spouse, help them get help. It's okay for them to talk to a therapist by themselves, or it's okay for them to talk to somebody, but don't just sit there and let them go into this decline and self-destruction. I think that's the most important, because sometimes she be overwhelmed, and I have to be that person to hold her up. And then sometimes I'm overwhelmed. To her, baby, I don't want to do this no more. She's like, you gonna do this. We gonna do this. And she reminds me who I am. I remind her who she is, and we come back feeling more motivated.
Daniella: I think business owners should date business owners because they understand your hustle, your hunger. They understand when you can have a day where you make $0 and you have a day when you make $1,000. But I feel like if you dating someone who is in corporate America, and you a business owner, there's going to be a lot of friction, a lot of tension, and I just feel like I want to date someone that has the same drive as me.
Because I don't want to feel like I'm trying to build a bear, build a man, and I have to pull you and drag you, or just being with somebody who got they self together. For instance, my last relationship. I won't say I was the breadwinner, but I was kind of established, and I felt like I was sleeping with the enemy. I was growing fast and I wasn't stagnant. I was trying to get to the next level. He started to be jealous of me and I feel like a lot of women deal with men trying to be jealous of them. Men also have ego issues where they don't really want their woman making a certain amount of money or making more money than them.
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