12 Bomb Hacks To Get Into The Mood (Almost) Immediately
At this point, I’ve been talking to couples for so long that I’m pretty much able to conduct my own surveys. And when it comes to one of the main reasons why a lot of them see a dip when it comes to intimacy in their relationship, it’s because of life’s demands, sleep deprivation, (sometimes) being stressed out, oftentimes not having the best diet, and, quite frankly, not prioritizing sex as much as they used to all play a direct role. Yet, if you review those reasons one more time, you’ll notice that it’s not so much that people don’t want to have sex — they just need some help getting into the mood.
If you share those sentiments, look no further. Here are 12 things that you can do to get into the mood for getting super up close and personal with your bae, as soon as tonight. (Thank me later!)
1. Stop Overthinking
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how many people overthink when you (pardon the pun) think about all of the unnecessary drama that it causes. Hmph, let me tell it, at the end of the day, overthinking is just a less stress-filled word for worrying because it definitely has a way of inviting stress, creating problems that don’t exist, and taking you out of staying mindful and in the moment — and none of this is good for your sex life.
That’s why I decided to start here. If not being in the mood is something that is a regular event (or has been increasing lately), consider doing some sex journaling and/or setting an appointment with your doctor to see if there are some underlying health-related reasons. However, if it’s not a consistent thing yet, it just seems like you and your partner have not exactly been on the same page the past few times that he has initiated, share with him how you’re feeling and what you think you need to get into the mood more easily rather than internalizing thoughts to the point where you create movies in your mind that is full of fiction, not facts.
Oftentimes, just communicating your thoughts will make you feel closer to your partner — and that can automatically cultivate a level of closeness that can lead to physical intimacy.
2. Do Some Sexting
GiphyWhile checking out some statistics on texting not too long ago, although it didn’t surprise me that 80 percent of people do it, I was caught a little off guard at the fact that people between the ages of 35-44 seem to text the most and that folks receive a whopping five times more texts than calls (on average).
Chalk it up to the counselor in me, yet I prefer calls because you can’t read tone in texts, no matter how much you may have mastered emoji speech. However, if texting is your thing, something that can get you in the mood is sexting back and forth with your partner. Sometimes, just putting your mind in an erotic/sensual space can do wonders; plus, you never know what kind of response you will get back. #wink
If a part of you is totally down, yet you’re cautious about sensitive content somehow getting hacked and/or exposed, you might want to consider a platform like Telegram. Not only is it heavily encrypted and has a “self-destruct” feature, but it also keeps third parties from using your intel for marketing and advertising purposes too. A win all the way around if you ask me.
3. Go “Sex Shopping”
GiphyWhile doing some online perusing, a pretty Black woman modeling what Victoria’s Secret calls its Bombshell Apron Teddy. I liked it because it was sexy and, because there is an “apron feature,” it can look really good on all body types (you can take a look for yourself here; also, check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type” while you’re at it). Yeah, I don’t get how anyone can see lingerie (or anything that is sex-themed/sex-related) and not get at least a little hot ‘n bothered.
So, why not treat yourself to a bit of sex shopping? As far as lingerie goes, it has trends like pretty much everything else. This year, be on the lookout for bright colors, satin blows, super sheer pieces, and lots of lace. As far as sex stuff, in general, massage candles, sex games, or even a sex swing (that isn’t as expensive as you would think and is pretty easy to assemble) is a great starting point when it comes to getting your creative juices flowing.
4. Or on a Sex Date
GiphyWhen you take a vacation, it helps you to get off of the grid, relax and get some much-needed quality time in with whoever you’re on vacation with. A romantic vacation is about doing this with your significant other while a sexcation is about doing this, with the sole purpose of manifesting sexual fulfillment being on top of the to-do list.
Okay, so when you think about a date being about spending quality time with someone you truly care about, what do you think a sex date would be for? EXACTLY. And here’s the thing — one fairly large and popular study revealed that the key to a couple having a successful relationship (as far as their dating life goes) is to go on a date once a month. At the same time, couples who have sex no less than once a week reportedly are in a healthy relational space.
So, how do you merge the two of these? My two cents would be, if you’re like some of my clients who need to be romanced in order to get into the mood (meaning things like quickies rarely work for them), plan a sex date and then another kind of date once a month; that way, you’ll be able to get both kinds of quality time in. For tips on how to do that, check out “When's The Last Time You And Your Man Had A 'Sex Date'?”
5. Put on Some Vanilla, Patchouli, Peppermint or Jasmine
GiphyUSA Today once published an article that said people with a heightened sensitivity to smell tend to have a better sex life (no joke). According to a particular study, “The perception of certain body odors may contribute to the concept of sexual pleasure by enhanced recruitment of reward areas.”
If that truly is the case, it’s important that you also surround yourself with scents that have a reputation for stimulating the senses in every way. Some of those include vanilla, patchouli, peppermint, and jasmine. Whether you put them on your body, spray them on your bedding, or get some scented soy candles (soy burns longer and cleaner) — or you do all three, it appears that your olfactory input will be oh so very glad that you did (also check out “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last”).
6. Listen to Some of Your Favorite “Sex Nostalgia” Music
GiphyNot too long ago, I was having a conversation with some people about throwback R&B songs that talked about sex yet weren’t as graphic as a lot of the current tunes are. Two that immediately came to my mind were Usher’s “Nice & Slow” and Intro’s “Come Inside” (especially the extended version, lawd.)
Anyway, there is scientific evidence to support that not only does music increase creativity and trigger past memories, but it can also reduce anxiety, increase endurance and put you into a better mood. And don’t all of these things help to set the stage for an impressive round or two? Shoot, I even read an article on Well+Good’s site (here) that said if you really want your sex playlist to be effective, lust-heavy music should come first, absolute faves should be in the middle, and cuddle music should come last (you know, during afterplay).
So…where’s your sex music mix at?
7. Cultivate a Sex Prep Self-Care Routine
GiphyWhen you do things that make you feel calm, relaxed, and sexy, it’s so much easier to get into the mood for sex. Not to mention the fact that the cleaner you are, the more comfortable you will feel. That’s why, you should start off with a sensual bath (check out “Did You Know There's A Right & A Wrong Way To Take A Bath?”) or shower (check out “How To Turn Your Showers Into A Tranquil DIY Spa”) with the help of a DIY vaginal wash (check out “Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes”).
Then “seal your skin” by applying an aphrodisiac essential oil with a sex-stimulating carrier oil (check out “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level”), so that it feels soft and extra moisturized for longer. Personally, I’m a huge fan of fresh rose petals, whether it’s for making homemade rose water or for rolling around on the bed in them (they are soft, fragrant, and a proven aphrodisiac as well).
Also, don’t forget to bring a flavored lubricant, lip gloss, and even body oil (if you’d like) into the mix. An Etsy merchant by the name of Diamond Kutt Kisses has a great all-natural oil blend called Edible Yoni Oil that comes in flavors like Panty Snatcher, Pina Cum Latte, and 1 Night Stand. Choose one bottle or several by going here. Oh, and don’t forget to put your (or his) favorite scent in your hair — it’s a tip that many forget goes a REALLY long way.
8. Touch Each Other’s Sexual Pressure Points
GiphyWhen you get a chance, click on “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life,” read it all the way through, and then send it over to your partner. The reality is there are parts of our body, ones that are outside of the obvious, that can help to get (and keep) us in the mood once they are stimulated too.
Take your calves and feet, for example. Rubbing on your calves well before sex transpires can reduce the chances of experiencing a Charley horse, and since your feet are loaded with nerve endings, massaging them can help to soothe body organs and reduce stress levels. And the best thing is you can touch on these yourself during your lunch break and/or with your partner’s help after dinner. You will get amazing results either way.
9. Get into Some Orgasmic Breathing
GiphyIt was close to this time last year that Teen Vogue published an article entitled, “Hands Free Orgasm? It's Totally Possible Through Orgasmic Breathing.” I’m sharing it because some of you who lean more into the more skeptical (or is it cynical?) side of things might want some proof regarding what I’m about to say — and here it is: the reality is that a lot of people struggle with climaxing and it’s not really due to having a lower level of arousal or being in the “wrong” sex position; it’s all about not breathing correctly. And the truth of the matter is that orgasmic breathing can effectively help to resolve that.
At the end of the day, orgasmic breathing is about slowing down, de-stressing, and focusing on you and your partner’s body. For example, if you intentionally inhale for a count of four and then exhale for the same count, it can bring more oxygen into your body, increase blood circulation (including to your genital region) and remove energy blockages that could be making getting into sexual sync with your partner difficult.
While we’re on this topic, something else that could help you out is orgasmic meditation. No need to look on another site for deets on that. I penned a piece a while back on it here.
10. Have a Kissing Contest
GiphyDamn, I wish I could remember where I heard what I’m about to say, but some movie or television show said that the reason why sex can oftentimes seem more intimate for women (even when it’s casual) than for men is because it’s more vulnerable for someone to put their finger into your mouth than for you to put your finger into theirs (I’m sure you catch the sex comparison here). Interesting, right? Well, maybe that’s why kissing (especially tongue kissing) is such a turn-on for both people (well, most people; also check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”) because tongues are going into each other’s mouths simultaneously.
Not only that, but because lips are reportedly 200 times more sensitive than even our fingertips are, it’s really difficult to kiss for a long time and not want things to go further. So, if you’re still struggling to get into the mood, have an unofficial contest to see how long you and your partner can kiss — tongue ‘n all — each other. Bet some moods will shift after that, chile.
11. Drink a Sex-Themed Cocktail (or a Couple of Mocktails)
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “8 Summer-Themed Alcoholic Drinks That Can Boost Your Libido.” Believe it or not, there are ingredients in certain kinds of alcohol that can “get you there”…if you let ‘em.
Although red wine is gonna probably be your best bet due to how the antioxidants are able to affect your system as far as increasing blood flow and heightening sensitivity in your genitalia region, beer increases phytoestrogen levels (which can balance hormones for women and make me want to get extra close), champagne increases blood flow and increases arousal and tequila can bring health to your gut, strengthen your immunity and reduce pain levels. So, why not turn up a bit with a cocktail, glass, or shot?
And what if alcohol isn’t really your thing? Mocktails have their own perks considering the fact that certain fruits are aphrodisiacs. Some include watermelon (whose nickname is “natural Viagra”), strawberries (thanks to their high amount of antioxidants), and peaches (due to the vitamin C that helps to keep your blood vessels dilated and your hormone levels balanced). So, do your body good with a Watermelon Mocktail (recipe here), a virgin Strawberry Mojito, or a Sparkling Peace Sunrise (recipe here). See how those are able to stimulate you too.
12. Take a Nap Together. Spooning. Naked.
GiphyThere are plenty of health experts who will vouch for the fact that some people struggle with achieving an orgasm because they are too fatigued to do so. And since, reportedly, 1 in 3 people say that they don’t feel like they get enough rest, well, you do the math.
Something that can help is a nap. Even taking a power nap of 30 minutes (those particular kinds aren’t supposed to last any longer than that) can make you more alert, put you into a better mood, and improve your concentration levels. And shoot, if you’re able to convince your partner to take a nap with you and get into the spoon position while doing it, that can trigger feel-good hormones as well as make you feel safer and closer to your partner.
And if the two of you do it naked, not only does that make it easier to transition into sex after waking up, but you significantly increase your chances of getting an orgasm out of the deal since spooning is a great position to be penetrated by his penis and he also stimulates your clitoris with his finger. Wheee-wheee.
If you’re not starting to get into the mood after reading all of this, I don’t know what to tell you, sis. Other than: Rinse. Repeat. Report back. (If you build it...eventually you will cum!)
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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