

Here's Why You Can Climax Sometimes And...Sometimes You Can't
Off the rip, some of you may wonder what prompted me to write on a topic like this. There are two main causes for the inspiration. One, I find myself having a lot of conversations with women who can't seem to figure out, for the life of them, why sometimes their sexual experiences are the peak of pleasure while others are more on the ho-hum side. Secondly, I've read before that reportedly 46 percent of women have stated that they've always or almost always (whatever that means) have had an orgasm before while only six percent professed to it happening for them all of the time.
Because this phenomenon seems to baffle more than a few, I thought it would be a good idea to share some of the underlying causes for why climaxing may not be as consistent as you would like for it to be. First, so that you can take some of the pressure off of yourself (and sometimes even your partner) and two, through the process of elimination, you can potentially get down to the root of things, so that you can hang off of chandeliers more often than you currently are.
1. Stress
If there is one thing that you need to be during sex, it's completely and totally present — and that is exactly what stress prevents you from being. I'm pretty sure you know that it is extremely possible to be with someone physically and yet be somewhere totally different on the mental and emotional (more on that in a bit) tip. Thoughts being all over the place, cortisol (your natural stress hormone) levels being at their peak and you feeling worried or anxious can sho 'nuf keep you from having an orgasm. That's why it can be a really good idea to take a long bath, do some meditating, or even just light a soy candle in the scent of lavender, rose, sandalwood, orange, or jasmine (all of which are considered to be solid de-stressors) to calm down your senses.
2. An Emotional Disconnect
Contrary to what the media and pop culture want you to think, we aren't dogs or cats in heat. Sex, for humans, is supposed to be more than "getting off" — on some level, there should be an emotional connection too. That said, even if you're not planning to walk down the aisle (or you haven't already jumped the broom), ask anyone who has a sexual history and I'm pretty sure they will vouch for the fact that sex with someone you have some type of feelings for is so much more pleasurable and meaningful than someone who is nothing more than a super casual partner.
So, if there are moments when you feel disconnected from your partner when it comes to your feelings towards them, that can definitely hinder you from having orgasms because, whether you realize it or not, a wall is up, and in order to climax, you've got to feel as free and open as possible. So, if you and your partner have some issues going on right through here, that could be a huge part of the reason why orgasms aren't exactly flowing very freely.
3. It’s a Different Time of the Month
It probably comes as no shocker that a lot of women are off-the-charts horny when they're ovulating (when they're able to get pregnant) while, at the same time, they can kind of take or leave sex the week before their period (when they are PMS'ing which oftentimes includes bloating, breakouts and fatigue). Did you also know, though, that there are studies that state that many women are more interested in sex on the weekends than on the weekdays?
Sometimes, just paying close attention to your body and your calendar can help you to understand why climaxing may be easier for you on some days rather than others. That's why it's also a good idea to keep a period app on deck.
Women's Health Mag has a list of some really great ones here.
4. There’s Not Enough Foreplay
I believe I've shared before how, a wife (who is now divorced from her husband) once said to me in a session with her husband that, in order to get wet enough for intercourse, sometimes she has to use her own spit. Between her husband being somewhat sexually selfish, him not being the biggest fan of cunnilingus (although he's all about fellatio…chile. CHILE) and him believing that having a big member should be enough to keep her satisfied (check out "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go," "Sex Hacks For Different Kinds Of Penises (You Heard Me Right)," and "Apparently, A Certain Penis Size Can Make Us Orgasm The Most (Chile)"), his foreplay game had much to be desired.
So is the case for a lot of men because without us feeling super desired, without there being at least 10-15 minutes to literally warm us up, and without us getting/being wet enough (check out "Why You May Be Struggling With Getting "Wet Enough"), not only can it be difficult to climax, it can be really uncomfortable to have sex altogether. So, if your man is all about the "cake" without the "icing," if there is one time when that is totally his bad, this one would be it. And if, for the sake of your sex life, there is ever a time when you should let him know, now (relatively speaking) would be the time (not when you're having sex and preferably outside of the bedroom too; it needs to be a calm and loving conversation, not something that makes him feel super self-conscious).
5. Your Diet
When you get a chance, check out "So, Here's What Your Diet Says About Your Sex Life." The reality is — and this is so not a pun — when it comes to having a happy and fulfilling sex life, we really are what we eat. Too much sugar can drain your energy. Not enough fluids can affect how naturally lubricated you are. Fast food can jack up your hormones. The list goes on and on. So, if you know that you either rarely or straight up don't eat as healthy as you should, do not underestimate what that could be doing for you in the bedroom department.
And just what should you be consuming more of? Dark leafy greens are high in Vitamin E; it's a nutrient that can keep your sex hormones balanced out. Fresh fruit is loaded with Vitamin C which is great when it comes to keeping your sex hormones healthy and strong. Eggs are a good source of Vitamin B which can help to give you a lot of energy. Then there are aphrodisiacs that can make having an orgasm easier too.
Check out "Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs" and "10 In-Season Fall Foods That Are Incredible Aphrodisiacs" for a list of some of those.
6. Sleep Deprivation
You wanna know how important sex is when it comes to having a great sex life? It's so important that I wrote an entire article about it for this platform — "6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand." There are solid studies that indicate that when we (meaning women) are lacking sleep, it can significantly reduce, not just our ability to get sexually aroused but our desire to have sex at all. This is why, something that I will oftentimes mention to some of my clients is, if you seem to be screaming your partner's name in pure ecstasy while on vacation yet not very much when you're at home, it could be because you are well-rested when you're off of work. There are a billion-and-one reasons why getting no less than six hours of sleep, on a daily basis, is such a good idea. So that you're able to orgasm more is just one of them.
7. Being in the “Wrong” Positions
Back in my gettin'-it-in days, sometimes I would humor my partner and get into certain sexual positions, just because they liked it. Meanwhile, it did very little for me. And y'all, this is something that you've got to keep in mind too — which positions work for you and which ones don't, because it still rings true that around 70 percent of women still aren't able to achieve an orgasm, just with vaginal penetration alone. And what kind of positions have a pretty good reputation for making "seeing the mountaintop" a lot easier for you? Honestly, anything that makes it easy for your clitoris to be stimulating in the process of you being penetrated.
This would include spooning, your hips being on the edge of the bed so that he can easily access your clitoris, reverse cowgirl, doggy-style and, what I would call the "cat position". If you've never seen cats have sex before, it's like doggy-style only, they are on their stomach. Listen, it really can't be emphasized enough that the more your clitoris is "in the game" during intercourse, the far greater your chances will be of having, not just orgasms but blended and multiple ones too.
8. You’re Having Sex FOR Rather than WITH Your Partner
Some people are simply too selfish for a relationship; they really are. Sex isn't exempt from this particular point either (check out "Got A Selfish Lover? This Is What You Should Do About It."). While there is something to be said for the responsibility of sex in a long-term relationship, if you find that you're having sex, mostly to appease your partner, that is the difference (to me) between having sex FOR someone vs. WITH them. And while a good lover definitely doesn't want their partner to participate in anything that is purely obligatory, the flip side to this is, how is your partner supposed to know this is how you are feeling, if you're not saying anything?
Articles like "The 'Pre-Sex Interview'. To See If You're Both In Sync." (for new relationships), "Ask These Sex-Related Questions BEFORE You Marry Him" and "9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight." are specifically designed to encourage couples to verbally communicate their thoughts and needs, so that everyone is on the same page before getting in between the sheets. Because when you feel heard and understood that definitely makes it easier to feel…felt if you know what I mean. #wink
9. You’re Not Paying Enough Attention to Your Body
Some women feel sexier after a shave or wax. Sometimes, in order to keep your pH balance right and your vagina smelling fresh, you need to up your probiotic take. If you're not washing your underwear by hand, the harsh detergent you're using could be triggering a yeast infection and/or if you're not getting a regular dose of omega-3s in your system, that could be why you're not as naturally lubricated as you should actually be (check out "What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often").
Sometimes, a situation can trigger us which can cause a mental or emotional block of some sort and so we need to do what is known as vaginal mapping (check out "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey"). Sometimes, there are little pieces of lint and hair that need to be cleaned out of our clitoral hood, so that it's less irritating (check out "7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood"). Then there are moments when your vagina might just be stressed the hell out and therefore, requires a bit of TLC (check out "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?").
Unfortunately, some of us make the grave mistake of assuming that our vagina doesn't require as much time and attention as say, our face or skin does when that couldn't be further from the truth. The reality is, the more in touch you are with "her," the more you will know how to supply her with what she needs. That's not just good food for thought outside of the bedroom but once you're inside of it as well.
10. Boredom
That saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"? There are layers to that when it applies to sex because if you and yours figure out things that work and you just keep doing the same thing(s) over and over again, that can lead to tedious repetition which is the exact definition of boredom. Sex is too dope to only think that one position, one technique, one approach that has worked for you in the past is the only one that will in the present. So, if being on top has been your "old faithful" for months (or even years) now but it doesn't seem to cultivate as much intensity as it once did, get creative (check out "15 Sex Hacks To Take Your Bedroom Action To The Next Level," "I've Got 7 Hacks To Get You More Of What You Need In The Bedroom," "The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant," "10 'Weird' Things Could Actually Elevate Your Sexual Experience" and "15 Simple-Yet-Kinda-Buck Items To Take Sex To Another Level").
Your body is made to respond to more than just one approach to sex, I can promise you that. So, yourself a favor and test this fact out…tonight, so that you can find other ways to receive the orgasms that you want — and are certainly very worthy of. More than just every once in a while. (I'm sayin'...)
For more love and relationships, sex tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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The 7 Best Tina Turner Quotes About Love, Life, And Legacy
The world has become a little less brighter following the loss of the indomitable force known as Tina Turner.
The legendary singer --who was crowned the Queen of Rock 'N' Roll after captivating many hearts for six decades with her electrifying raspy voice, explosive dance moves, empowering life story, and much more-- died on May 24 at the age of 83 after battling a long illness. Turner's passing was confirmed in a statement released by the star's publicist Bernard Doherty.
In a statement to People magazine, Doherty revealed that Turner had "died peacefully" in her home in Switzerland, which she shared with her husband, music producer Erwin Bach. Doherty also announced that a private funeral service would be held at an undisclosed date for Turner's close family and friends.
"Tina Turner, the 'Queen of Rock'n' Roll,' has died peacefully today at the age of 83 after a long illness in her home in Küsnacht near Zurich, Switzerland. With her, the world loses a music legend and a role model. There will be a private funeral ceremony attended by close friends and family. Please respect the privacy of her family at this difficult time," the statement read.
Tina Turner
Photo by Harry Langdon/Getty Images
In addition to the public statement, Turner's passing was also confirmed on her social media accounts. Although, at the time, details surrounding Turner's cause of death were limited, it was ultimately revealed that the "River Deep Mountain High" songstress passed away from natural causes. This comes years after Turner underwent a kidney transplant, which her husband donated, and suffering from various health issues. The list included high blood pressure, stroke, and intestinal cancer.
As the news circulated online, many of Turner's close friends and fans paid homage to the icon by expressing how much she meant to them. The list included Angela Bassett --who played Turner in the 1993 film What's Love Got To Do With It-- Beyoncé, Dionne Warwick, Mariah Carey, Ciara, and longtime friend Oprah Winfrey.
In an Instagram post, Winfrey recounted how her friendship with Turner started. The 69-year-old explained that she was a massive fan of the "Proud Mary" vocalist, and upon meeting, the pair's bond would blossom into a decades-long sisterhood.
During that time, Winfrey shared that she was in awe of Turner's resilience from her past childhood traumas and being abandoned by both her parents to how she overcame her violent relationship with ex-husband Ike Turner. The former television host added that Turner's ability to preserve through life's hardships inspired an entire nation.
"I started out as a fan of Tina Turner, then a full-on groupie, following her from show to show around the country, and then, eventually, we became real friends. She is our forever goddess of rock 'n' roll who contained a magnitude of inner strength that grew throughout her life. She was a role model not only for me but for the world. She encouraged a part of me I didn't know existed," Winfrey wrote while honoring her longtime friend.
Tina Turner
Photo by Rob Verhorst/Redferns
"Once she claimed her freedom from years of domestic abuse, her life became a clarion call for triumph. I'm grateful for her courage, for showing us what victory looks like wearing Manolo's and a leather miniskirt."
Winfrey wrapped up her words by recalling her conversation with Turner regarding death. The Oprah Winfrey Show host revealed that Turner embraced it because "she had learned how to live surrounded by her beloved husband, Erwin, and friends."
"She once shared with me that when her time came to leave this earth, she would not be afraid, but excited and curious. Because she had learned how to LIVE surrounded by her beloved husband, Erwin, and friends. I am a better woman, a better human, because her life touched mine. She was indeed simply the best," Winfrey stated.
With Turner's untimely death, the "What's Love Got To Do With It" singer leaves behind an immaculate career spanning over 60 years. Alongside her countless hit songs, Turner's past accolades consist of eight Grammy Awards, a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, and a Grammy Hall of Fame for three of her songs.
"The Best" songstress' other achievements included Turner earning her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, becoming a double inductee in the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame once in 1991 with Ike Turner, and again in 2021 as a solo artist, etc.
Turner is survived by her husband, Erwin Bach, many friends, and fans. Turner had four sons, two of whom she adopted while married to Ike. Her biological sons, Craig and Ronnie, both sadly passed away in recent years. To date, it is unclear if Turner has mended her relationship with her two adopted sons, who belonged to her ex-husband Ike Turner.
Turner’s music has impacted many people thanks to the beautiful storytelling and powerful words. In honor of Turner's legacy, xoNecole is looking back at her most memorable quotes on life, love, aging, and beauty over the years.
Tina Turner
Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
Tina On Life
"If you are unhappy with anything…Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self, comes out."
-via 1986 interview with Ebony magazine.
Tina On Love
"He [Erwin] shows me that true love doesn't require the dimming of my light so that he can shine. On the contrary, we are the light of each other's lives, and we want to shine as bright as we can, together."
via Turner's book, Happiness Becomes You: A Guide to Changing Your Life for Good.
Tina On Her Greatest Beauty Secret
"My greatest beauty secret is being happy with myself. It's a mistake to think you are what you put on yourself. I believe that a lot of how you look has to do with how you feel about yourself and your life."
-via 2016 interview with Woman & Homemagazine.
Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It (Official Music Video)
Tina On Aging
"Fifty is the new 30. Seventy is the new 50. There are no rules that say you have to dress a certain way, or be a certain way. We are living in exciting times for women. Keep up with fashion, keep up with your figure and the clothes you wear. If you look good and you can still do it, then go and do it. I have never worried about age."
-via 2009 interview with the Daily Express.
Tina On Death
"Even when it's time to go and leave to another planet, I'm excited about that because I'm curious to know what it is about. Nobody can tell you because nobody has come back. I'm not excited to die, but I don't regret it when it's time for me. I've done what I came here to do. Now is [time for] pleasure. I've got great friends. I have a great man in my life now. I have a great husband, and I'm happy."
-via 2013 interview with Oprah Winfrey.
Tina On The Legacy She's Leaving Behind
"My legacy is that I stayed on course from the beginning to the end because I believed in something inside of me that told me that it can get better…So my legacy is a person that strived for wanting it better and got it."
-via 2013 Oprah interview.
Tina On How She Would Want To Be Remembered
"As the Queen of Rock 'N' Roll. As a woman who showed other women that it is OK to strive for success on their own terms."
via April 2023 interview with The Guardian.
Although xoNecole and the world are mourning the loss of the incredible Tina Turner, it is humbling to know that she accomplished so many things, personally and professionally, during her time here and continues to show why she was, in fact, "simply the best," even after death.
We will miss you, Queen. Rest in Power!
Tina Turner - The Best (Official Music Video)
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Feature image by Paul Natkin/Getty Images