

Whenever I get ready to take on a new couple as clients, I make sure that the introductory “test the waters first” session consists of speaking to each of them individually; that way, I can get the unedited version of what’s really going on without them worrying about what their partner thinks about, well, their thoughts. And I kid you not, 7.5 times out of 10, sex always comes up as a more-than-minor issue. Someone isn’t getting enough. Someone’s desires have shifted. Someone hasn’t been honest about their needs and feelings for years. Someone is unfulfilled. Someone doesn’t want to, umm, engage as much anymore…if at all.
And while, to a certain extent, certain sexual issues are normal, after close to 20 years of being in this marriage life coaching thing, if there’s one thing that I wholeheartedly believe, it’s that a lot of husbands and wives struggle when it comes to sex in their marriage due to the fact that they were ill-prepared for the responsibility that comes with being sexually active in such a long-term dynamic. It ain’t casual. It ain’t shallow. And it ain’t for the selfish, entitled, or relationally inconsistent. Sex in marriage is some really serious stuff — straight up.
So much in fact that let me tell it, whoever came up with the original traditional wedding vows did everyone a grave disservice by not mentioning sex once beyond the “be faithful only unto him/her” part — which really deals more with infidelity than coitus. And as a direct result, couples didn’t really vow anything about sex — an act that is literally designed to set marriage apart from all other relationships. And you know what? They should’ve.
I can’t do anything about the past and what other folks are on. All I can do is contribute where I can now in order to help people where they currently are. And that’s why I’m all for encouraging couples to exchange what I call sex vows. Like any other type of marital pledge, these aren’t set in stone and can certainly be “adjusted” to your own liking. However, my main objective is to show you why creating vows when it comes to addressing sexual intimacy can be highly beneficial, not just when it comes to your sex life but your relationship with your spouse overall.
“I will prioritize your needs.”
Back when I was writing my first book, my editors tried to “sell me” on naming it Single Sex. There are a few reasons why, yet the one that specifically applies to this article is my editors and I all agreed that, when you’re a single person, sex can be extremely selfish and self-centered. It’s all about having it when you feel like it and seeking out someone who meets your needs more than anything else.
When you’re married, that drastically changes — or at least, it should. Even the Bible says that you then are to share your body with your spouse, that neither should not deprive the other of sexual intimacy and that you each should give each other the affection that is needed (I Corinthians 7:1-5). And yes, sex is a need — it’s an essential necessity in a marriage. Otherwise, why not just stay friends? Or why pledge fidelity on your wedding day?
And if we’re going to get out of the “kiddie pool” about sex, even when you stop to think about the fact that oftentimes (not all of the time, mind you), men have the higher libido, if you’re someone who believes that husbands are to be the main provider and protector in a marital dynamic — check out the many ways that sperm benefits you, as a woman, when you get a chance via “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm.” One could say that a part of a man’s need for sex (the late and great Dr. Myles Munroe used to speak on it often) is the desire to give you so much of the scientifically-proven goodness that comes from having it (hmm…).
Again, single sex can have you out here seeing sex as only a want when that simply isn’t the case. Not only that, but sexless marriages, overall, are not healthy ones. A big part of the reason why is that when you pull that type of intimacy out of a marital dynamic, it reveals all kinds of other issues and problems within the relationship. And so, one way to not be a statistic in this way is to prioritize your partner’s sexual needs as they do the same thing for you — the amount, the kind, and the reasons why both are so important to them. Because yes, in marriage, sex is a legitimate and relevant need.
“I will not treat sex as only a physical release.”
Whenever I listen to our culture talk about sex, pardon the pun but, for the most part, it’s a turn-off instead of a turn-on. Sorry, but the way a lot of people broach the subject sounds like just a step up from dogs being in heat — and sex is designed to be so much more than that. Bringing Scripture back into the mix, another thing that the Good Book says is that “Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.” (I Corinthians 6:16—Message).
The spirit speaks to a part of you that is connected to something that is far greater than yourself. Synonyms for spiritual include words like divine, sacred, and pure. Ah, so that brings in yet one more Bible verse on marriage — Hebrews 13:4 tells us that the marriage bed is undefiled, which basically means that it is pure.
And since the Word says that sex between a husband and his wife brings forth unexplained or unknown revelations (which is basically what a mystery is) — can you see how marital coitus is about so much more than just “getting off” or “getting some?" When you come together with the person who you vowed to love for the rest of your life, there are some divine, sacred, and pure insights that can come through that act that you might not receive any other way.
Hmph. No wonder the Bible also says that sex should only pause if mutual prayer and fasting are going on — God wants you to enjoy discovering certain insights, together in one of the most pleasurable ways possible. I can totally dig it.
“I will periodically ‘check in’ to see if your desires have changed.”
I am indeed a quotes girl, so they are something that I use, on repeat, especially in sessions with couples. One of my favorites is, “People change and forget to tell each other.” Sho ‘nuf, one of the hardest things about being married is trying to share your life with someone while you may be evolving in one way and they are in another. It requires a type of patience, maturity, and finesse that many prefer to avoid, so, unfortunately, they choose to leave their union instead of sticking it out…to figure it out.
And you know what? Just like you and your partner can (and will) change when it comes to certain perspectives, interests, and needs, that doesn’t happen in every area of your life but the bedroom. Indeed, the kind of sexual needs that the both of you had 20 years ago may have shifted drastically over time. And if that is indeed the case, the two of you need to discuss what has changed and what is desired in this season and stage of your sexual being. Never assume that things are all good. Never take on the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. Assuming is rarely a beneficial act.
So, how often should you and your husband “take each other’s temperature” in this way? My two cents would be no less than twice a year. Sometimes what I recommend is scheduling an annual sexcation where two people can openly talk about all of their thoughts surrounding their sex life — since the vacation is sex-themed and sex-focused anyway.
Listen, I’ve had more than a few people tell me that they have ended up resenting their spouse, and it was all because they started to see sex differently than they once did. It’s not your spouse’s job to read your mind, nor is it your job to try and figure out what is transpiring in theirs. If you want the doors of sexual communication to remain open, vow to be proactive with each other about if the two of you are on the same page when it comes to the bedroom — or…not.
“I will encourage us both to remain mutually physically appealing.”
Anyone who tries to tell someone else that physical attraction isn’t — or even shouldn’t be — a big deal in a long-term relationship they are gaslighting. It is extremely essential. And that’s why I wholeheartedly believe that many spouses gaslight each other when they went into their relationship looking one way, over the years, they started to care less and less, and then they try to make their partner feel bad for not being as physically attracted to them as they once were.
Please hear me very clearly, when I say that someone can still love you and not find you as physically appealing as they once did. I’m working with a couple right now where the wife is dissatisfied with her husband’s weight gain, and the husband is fit-to-be-tied by how his wife looks when she gets ready for bed. And both issues have caused their sex life to tank.
This point makes me think of one of my favorite quotes from the movie The Fault in Our Stars. It’s when one of the characters said, “Oftentimes, people don’t understand the promises they make when they make them.” Say a word, SAY — A — WORD. And when someone promises to not have sex with anyone but you for the rest of their life, it’s not ridiculous to be intentional about remaining appealing so that they’ll want to. In fact, it’s wise that you do.
Not too long ago, during an interview, I was asked what I think is a rising cause of divorce these days. For years, I would say “boredom” and I continue to believe that to be the case. Oh, but one that truly is on the rise is LAZINESS. To be lazy is to be averse to activity and idle. Some synonyms for lazy include apathetic, careless, inattentive, indifferent, and passive — and many couples get this way, yes, sexually — and it’s not good for their marriage.
Just think about it: when you were dating or even when you first started having sex with your man, how much thought did you put into your appearance? Just because you’ve been together for a while, that is no excuse to stop being just as intentional as you used to be. In fact, since he signed up to not be with anyone else but you…that is all the more reason to care more than you ever have before — as he does the exact same thing for you, chile. No wiggle room on this logic either.
“I will be intentional about not getting stuck in sexual ruts.”
I truly can’t believe that it’s been three years since I wrote the piece, “7 Signs You're In A ‘Sex Rut’ & How To Get Out Of It” for the platform. And while there will be times when schedules aren’t in sync, life’s demands will cause your sex routine to shift, and you may go through some health issues or physical challenges that could affect frequency or intensity, none of those factors actually qualify as being a “sexual rut.” By definition, a rut is about settling into a situation or state of mind where things are so blah and boring that you end up losing interest — and when it comes to sex, it can happen a lot easier than you might think.
I can’t tell you how many couples — both husbands and wives — have told me that they cheated on their spouse, and a “rut” had a lot to do with it. Because what are you supposed to do when your partner shows zero interest in sex while your needs are totally off the charts? Indeed, some things aren’t justifiable, yet they are indeed explainable — and it’s pretty ridiculous to think that your partner should be fine with a sexless marriage just because, for whatever the reason, you seem to be.
Nothing worth having comes without some level of intentionality and effort. Sex bucket lists. Sexcations. Making sex more romantic. Doing things that will prevent you from falling into a sexual rut is another vow that can help to protect your marriage in ways that are truly underestimated by most.
“I will remember that intimacy is a part of our sexual experience.”
One more Bible point because it’s relevant to this one. I always liked the fact that when it comes to the King James Version, when it speaks of husbands having sex with their wives, the word “know” is oftentimes used to define sex. For instance, Genesis 4:1(KJV) says, “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.”
Knowing speaks to a level of intimacy that goes beyond an exchange of body parts. By definition of know, when you know someone, you clearly understand them, you have a vast amount of knowledge about them, you are aware of some very unique and private things about them — and to get to that kind of place and position, you have to be proactive about learning about your spouse on a daily basis.
This requires quality time. This requires speaking their love language(s) fluently. This requires dating them more than once every couple of months. This requires asking questions and not thinking that you have the answers all of the time. This requires prioritizing them. This requires ever remaining in a state of humility by admitting, both to yourself and to them, that there will always be more about them that you need to get to…know.
Couples who remain curious about their partner oftentimes have a healthier level of intimacy with them because they are constantly looking for ways to go deeper in their connection. And when that happens, that can make their partner feel cherished, loved, and desired — and that definitely can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life. Indeed, great sex has a lot of intimacy in it — and intimacy is all about what you really and truly know.
“I will want you to feel wanted — always.”
This last one might be phrased a bit odd, yet it’s by design. Live on this earth long enough, and you’ll realize that it’s no one’s job to MAKE someone feel or be ANYTHING. This includes making them happy because, listen, if you haven’t mastered how to make your own self happy 24 hours a day, why should you put that kind of pressure (which is really more like a burden) onto anyone else?
Along these same lines, you can’t MAKE someone feel WANTED, either. In fact, oftentimes, the people who think this way have such a low sense of self-worth that they think it’s another person’s responsibility to overcompensate for that fact. Not only is that unrealistic and totally draining, but it’s also extremely unfair. So no, it’s not your job to make your partner feel wanted. If they know that they are something special within themselves, they won’t need you to do so anyway. At the same time, however, if your mission is to make sure that you cosign on how good they feel about themselves, that is a healthy frame of mind to be in.
Compliment them. Flirt with them. INITIATE SEX WITH THEM. No one on the planet believes that their partner wants them if they are the one who has to initiate intimacy all of the time (you have no idea how many men tell me that this is one of the greatest issues in their relationship). Wanting your partner to feel wanted means that you are in the head and heart space of affirming them and celebrating them — that you enjoy expressing that you enjoy them on a myriad of different levels.
And someone who feels like their partner enjoys being with them typically will reciprocate that kind of energy…and what better place for two married people to do that than in their bedroom?
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Remember, a vow is more than just “saying something”. A vow is a promise, pledge, and personal commitment. A vow is rooted in maturity and integrity. A vow is sacred and special. And when you chose the partner that you did, vows were put into place to help the two of you go the distance. That’s why it makes all of the sense in the world to express some SEX VOWS to one another.
For the sake of the longevity of your relationship, sis, please make sure that you do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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There Really Is Such A Thing As 'Spring Cleaning Your Spirituality,' Sis
When you think about the fact that the spring season symbolizes things like newness, rebirth, and starting over, from a spiritual standpoint, it makes all of the sense in the world that religious-based fasts, including Lent and Ramadan, would transpire during this season as well. As I recently reflected on this fact, it’s what actually got me to really thinking about the term “spring cleaning” and what it represents — the thorough cleaning or cleansing of a particular area.
You know, sometimes, when I go back and look at some of the articles that I’ve penned for the platform before, I truly can’t believe how fast time flies. Take the piece, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” — now, how in the world did it turn five this year? I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. And although the piece does address some key points — like the fact that there is somewhat of a difference between being spiritual and being religious (although more people should read James 1:27 in order to understand how the Bible defines religion to be…it just might surprise them) — I want to explore a deeper angle of our spirituality, along with what we should require of it.
Today, let’s look at spirituality from the perspective of “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,” “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…” (Murray and Zentner) and, perhaps, more than anything else, “the relationship between ourselves and something larger."
You know, it’s a woman by the name of Dr. Maya Spencer who once said, “Spirituality means knowing that our lives have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. It means knowing that we are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in our universe.” Indeed.
And while keeping that in mind, if this is a time of your life when you would like to “clean or cleanse your spirituality” by doing things like removing negative energy, getting rid of old or counterproductive patterns and/or by stepping into an elevated space as far as your human spirit and soul are concerned, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and even fun that can be for you to do.
To effectively clean/cleanse your spirit, start by asking — and answering — the following five spirituality-focused questions:
What Inspires You?
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Remember how, in the intro, I shared that one definition of spirituality is “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…”? That is actually where I am pulling a lot of these questions from because, the reality is that focusing on things that inspire you, intentionally pondering your purpose, and also by encouraging yourself to become an overall better human being — these things definitely tie into your spiritual side whether you are “traditionally religious” or not.
And so, when it comes to cleansing your spirituality in this season, a great question to start off with is what actually inspires you? And listen, believe it or not, inspire is a pretty layered word. I say that because, while one definition is “to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.),” another is “to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence,” while synonyms of the word include excite, affect, cause, motivate, provoke, and instill. This means that if you truly want to say or do things from a place of inspiration, you need to produce things from a divine or supernatural space (interesting, right?).
The reason why it’s so important to “spring clean” in this department is, oftentimes you can be motivated or provoked by things that aren’t really all that good, healthy and/or beneficial for you (social media fast, anyone?) — things that take your mind off of what’s divine — sacred, godly and extremely good. As a result, you find yourself producing out of a mind and heart space that is compromised when it comes to your core standards, values, and even goals.
So yes, in the effort to cleanse your spirituality, begin by really reflecting on what you claim inspires you — then revisit what the word actually means…just to be sure that you are being honest with yourself about whether something or one is truly inspiring you…or not.
What Amplifies Your Purpose?
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Purpose is always something that is going to be a pretty big deal to me. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose,” “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins,” “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'” and “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose.” It’s because really, if you’re not focused, most of all, on the reason why you exist in the first place, nothing else is going to be fully, truly, and authentically fulfilling for you.
So, when it comes to this part of your spirituality, first take some time to make sure that you know what your purpose is. If you have no clue and you’re ready to find out, as a wise person once said, wisdom comes in the questions, even more than the answers, and Rockwood Leadership Institute has a whopping 132 questions that you can ask yourself in order to get to the root of what your purpose is here. On the flip side, if you do know and you’re just not feeling completely satisfied in what you are currently doing as it relates to executing your purpose, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of a “purpose growth spurt,” and yes, there is such a thing.
For instance, I am very clear on what my purpose in life is — I am here to teach what I study and research about when it comes to the topics of covenant marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath. All are covenant principles that have been unbelievably compromised in a thousand different ways. However, as I evolve, transform, and mature, my understanding of what I know does as well, and that “upgrades” how I approach and share my purpose with others. You see, purpose is never supposed to be stagnant…it is ever-shifting as far as how you accomplish things within it.
And that’s why, spiritually, it’s so important that you make sure that you are AMPLIFYING YOUR PURPOSE. To amplify is “to make larger, greater, or stronger; enlarge; extend.” If you are not putting forth the effort to do just this, there is some spiritual cleansing that must be done because, if there is one thing about a person’s purpose, it’s the fact that it’s HUGE which means that there will always be plenty to do within it until their time on this earth ends.
What Makes You Love Better…and More?
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I believe I’ve mentioned before that a show that I loathe with every fiber of my being (and there really is so much to choose from these days — SMDH) is TV One’s For My Man. Not only is it a program that discourages full-level accountability, but it irks me to no end every time that it says that a woman did some heinous crime in the name of love. According to Scripture, GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:8&16). Not only that, but the Love Chapter in Scripture has a very healthy, sane, and mature take on how we should love and require love in return (I’m going to share two translations of I Corinthians 13:4-8 for expanded context):
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (I Corinthians 13 — Message)
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (I Corinthians 13 — AMPC)
Now, think about what you see displayed on television when it comes to relationships. Based on these verses, is it love? Is it really? Ponder all of the relationship content that’s on social media. Does it sound like this kind of love? Does it really? The times when you’ve done things that you know were purely rooted in selfishness, impatience, and/or refusing to do for others what you would want them to do for you — how can any of that be loving? If you do believe in God and you also believe that you were made in his image (Genesis 1:26-28), this means that a part of your own spiritual DNA is love. This also means that if you know that your love has been tainted by material or physical things (which, by definition, is the opposite of spirituality), it’s time to make some real adjustments.
That said, take some time, think about the people and things that you profess to love, and ask yourself if it’s really love or is it lust or entitlement or immaturity. Then ask yourself what you can do to love those individuals and items better.
Remember, since you are made from Love, it’s important that you love like you are.
How Effective Are You When It Comes to Compassion?
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Personally, I think that whenever someone does something reckless and then follows up with the Bible says not to judge, I find it to be a supreme level of gaslighting. The context of that verse is saying that in the way that you judge, you will be judged and that you should make sure that you are right in the area that you are judging before you judge someone else (Matthew 7:1-5); however, be clear that judgment is a form of accountability which is why there are also verses like “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24 — NKJV) that exist — not to mention the fact that discernment literally means “keen judgment” and the Good Book supremely promotes that: “Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and hewill discern knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:25 — NKJV)
And that’s why, any time the topic of “don’t judge” comes up, I am known for saying something along the lines of, “PUH-LEEZE. If I say ‘You’re cute,’ I just judged you. Humans don’t have a problem with judgment; they don’t like criticism or accountability.” And gee, is that unfortunate because it’s hard to grow without both of those things. However, the key that comes with being on the giving end of criticism or holding someone accountable is applying a quote by author Anne McCaffrey: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
This world has a lot of…stuff going on, stuff that needs to be addressed and stuff that needs compassion applied while it is. By definition, compassion is about having concern for others, especially if what you see them going through, they have either told you or you can discern is tied to some level of internal suffering. And that’s why, in the spirit of spiritual cleansing, something else to ask is if you are holding others and even yourself accountable while operating from a place of genuine care and concern or is your ego just wanting to elevate itself or prove that it’s right?
You know, we’re living in a time when, more and more, people are frowning on humility which is unfortunate because a definite quality that comes with being a compassionate person is absolutely that — “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4 — NKJV)
It really is almost impossible to be profoundly spiritual without being a compassionate person. Is this an area that needs some “cleaning up”? If so, there is no time like the present.
What Encourages You to Be Wiser and Full of More Truth?
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Musician Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Confucius once said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." Thomas Jefferson once said, “The wisest men know their weakness.” Author Gift Gugu Mona once said, “A woman of peace is a wise woman who understands that peace is more powerful than trying to prove a point.”
And what does it mean to be wise?
People who can regulate their emotions are wise. People who actually learn from their experiences (and the experiences of others, so that they don’t have to experience everything) are wise. People who know how to tame their ego are wise. People who are flexible/adaptable, non-materialistic, are self-aware, can be relied upon for great perspectives and insights, and are teachable are wise. The self-disciplined are wise. The patient are wise. The non-entitled are wise. Those who prioritize well are wise.
Those who do not live above their means (across the board), they are also wise. And there is no way that you can be wise without being willing to be completely honest, yes truthful with yourself about where you could stand to gain more wisdom and what must be done — and sometimes sacrificed — in order to get it.
And so, as I close this piece out, when it comes to spring cleaning your spirituality, ask yourself who and what encourages and enables you to become a wiser individual — AND who and what hinders that from transpiring. Then be honest with yourself about what is challenging you for the better and what, frankly, is only dumbing you down. Indeed, in order to live out the full potential of your spirituality, wisdom must come into play. However, it’s important to keep in mind that, for wisdom to truly flourish, it is a conscious choice — a daily decision.
And it will never come so long as you are making up excuses, justifying poor behavior (check out “Accountability Time: Let's Stop Calling It A 'Mistake' When It Was A 'Choice'”) or lying to yourself about what needs to be done. Taking those approaches to life is literally the opposite of being wise.
A French priest by the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I can only imagine how much the quality of our lives would improve if we took that in on a very serious level.
The good news is you can choose to do it — right here and right now.
See yourself as a spiritual being.
Clean/cleanse whatever hinders that reality.
And watch how you begin to soar, supernaturally, by design, because of it, sis.
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Featured image by Guido Mieth/Getty Images