Many of us have or will experience him, the serial seducer. One minute you have lukewarm take it or leave it feelings for the guy, the next you're restraining yourself from handing over the panties to him on a pedestal. While Hollywood romances this inconsistent protoganist as a tall, dark, and handsome mysterious oozing of sex appeal, his seduction tactics rarely has the effect of a happy ending in our real lives. Think about it, should we give Christian Grey types of the world the time of day with their stalker hot and cold need for control over us?
Trust me, the serial seduction bait is not nearly as sexy as a guy who - plot twist: actually likes you and consciously and consistently takes action that supports that notion. But, it still doesn't stop most of us from doing the spread eagle across ole dude's bed before promptly giving it up to him. And when we give our bodies, we know our hearts will soon follow. So, how did we so carelessly let our guard down for the guy we were wary about from day one and become so crazy in lust?
Here are five signs you're the victim of seduction:
He Plays the Game of Push and Pull
He pushes you to the brink of wanting him and then pulls away. An example of this would be flirting with you relentlessly, but all of a sudden making it seem as if you said something to turn him off or did something to lose his interest and then pulling away from you. Another example would be acting completely interested in you then out of nowhere disappearing. They do this subtlely to make you feel as if you did something wrong, to have you further under their spell, spending hours with your girlfriends recounting your last encounter, and wondering what you did to push them away. In reality, it was nothing you did at all.
Instead, it was a calculated move to keep him on your mind. To make you want to pull him back at all costs, to make you become the pursuer. Perhaps he is constantly in pursuit of you, which you find flattering of course, then out of nowhere, he becomes cold. Not cold enough that you no longer want to deal with him, but enough to have you wondering what has gotten into him? Why isn't he being as flirtatious, paying as much attention to you as before?
After spending hours, days, possibly weeks trying to figure out what you did wrong, you decide it's time to get him back on your heels. You are deadset on reversing the roles and getting him to pursue you again, which usually means you become more aggressive, more sexual perhaps than you were previously, all in the name of getting the pursuer back on track. You've fallen right where he wants you girl, and the ball is back in his court.
He Poeticizes His Presence
“The words where have you been sound much sweeter than why have you come."
He uses his absence to control you, to keep you guessing, keep you wondering. His elusiveness is a weapon you are defenseless towards. The more you see someone, the greater chance of you seeing flaws in them, or even red flags of their true character. So, he keeps a distance to disarm you at bay. He knows just when to disappear and he knows the exact moment when to come back. Have you ever noticed just when you start talking to a new guy, an ex that you were madly in love with randomly starts showing you attention, and before you know it you are questioning whether or not they are truly the man for you?
Seducers have a way of using their absence to confuse and heighten your feelings for them. After being oversaturated with attention and affection, their absence again makes you wonder where have they been and if possibly you did something wrong or someone else has caught their attention. Ego is a powerful thing. No one wants to feel like we're being left for someone prettier, smarter, more interesting than us, so when they return, and they always return, we go out of our way, even acting out of character at times to try to get them to never leave again, often at the risk of our own morals and conscious.
He Uses Games to Disarm You
It can be pretty obvious when a non-seducer is trying to bed you. They are uncreative, sex is always the topic, and you are constantly feeling pressured to sleep with them. But a real seducer is patient. They can disarm you in the subtlest of ways. I once had a guy I dated admit to me he would use lighthearted activities to make me more comfortable with him to eventually try to have sex with me. We would play video games and do adventurous activities together without there ever being any mention of sex. In my head I thought, Wow he's not even trying to initiate sex, while secretly he was using games and childlike activities to disarm me and get my mind as far away from sex as possible so when he did finally make his move, I would't feel like that was all he wanted from me.
This form of seduction is extremely deceptive and sometimes tough to decipher because, of course, not all guys are like this and some really do want to get to know you and enjoy doing these activities with you. I would say, use your best judgement. If despite your fun and games there is always some underlining sexual tension or joking with him, it's a big possibility he is using fun and games to disarm you, especially if it's paired with something else on this list.
He Keeps You in Suspense
"Predictable" is the last word anyone would ever use to describe him. You can't guess his moods from one minute to the next, you can't finish his sentences, and his words and actions are just as unpredictable. He is literally all over the place. You hate his crazy outbursts, despise that you don't know his true feelings for you, and for some reason you can't get him out of your head. He uses his unpredictability as a means to never become boring to you. He wants to be the guy you are constantly trying to figure out. After all, what is the fun of someone whose every move you can guess?
He'll allow you to feel like you are on the brink of figuring him out, right on the cusp of truly knowing him, then he'll pull some stunt that you never saw coming. He enjoys stealing your energy in this way and making you constantly try to piece the puzzle together to figure him out. One minute he is telling you he loves you, the next he's ignoring you, or worse, telling you stories about another woman. He's not oblivious to how this makes you feel. In fact, as nonchalant as you may pretend to act, he knows how much he gets to you and takes pleasure in getting under your skin. He's a basketcase of seductive brilliance and you are wrapped around his crazy little finger.
He Appeals to Your Subconscious
He uses seductive trickery to get into your head all. the. time. Perhaps, you'll be walking past an Italian restaurant and he'll tell you how his father proposed to his mom in a restaurant like that and then go into detail of how he would propose one day, when the time is right. Or maybe he sends you screenshots of faraway romantic getaways he would want to someday visit, maybe reposts sentimental love quotes online with statuses like, “someday" or “I can't wait to have this." When you know, along with the other women he is slowly seducing, he could have that with any woman of his choosing.
The truth is, he doesn't want that, not now anyway. He wants to continue being a player while appealing to your subconscious making you picture tropical vacations and white picket fences. You know it's all talk when the actions are not behind it. It's simply talk. One day he is butterflies and roses, the next he's a douche bag talking trash.
Do yourself a favor sis, don't fall into the clever trap of the seducer, he is constantly evolving and learning new tricks to get in any way he can fit in. Keep your eyes open and your heart and legs closed to the clever seducer dressed in a good man's clothing.
Originally published on Why I Waited
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?Giphy
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?Giphy
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an OrgasmGiphy
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for YouGiphy
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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Featured image by Giphy